tommyleejones Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 Hi guys, Wondered if any of you had any insight as to how long one should wait before texting/messaging. I know what some of you will say, message when you want to message, don't play games etc etc. However, I know the other person receives a lot of attention/messages and after a successful date on Saturday, and on Sunday the other person they would be up for a second date, there has been no communication from either party since the usual have a good day on Monday morning. That's now technically 2/3 days of no communication. My question is, is there a standard time to wait without looking desperate/needy? Is 2/3 days to wait to re-engage in conversation too long of a wait? Should I send a text or pick up the phone? At this point? and as they didn't engage in conversation either, would their interest not be high? or simply busy? Advice would be much appreciated.
hercules22 Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 so have you set up another date with this other person? they might think you are not interested if you havnt said anything for last 2 to 3 days they are probably waiting for you to say something . i would call if no answer just leave a message
Author tommyleejones Posted March 27, 2019 Author Posted March 27, 2019 Hercules, I suggested the idea that we should go on another date but no time/day was ever put forward or confirmed. The other person agreed to the idea of another date. Fair enough they might be waiting on me but if they were equally as interested, wouldnt they send a message also and not wait x amount of time?
hercules22 Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 Hercules, I suggested the idea that we should go on another date but no time/day was ever put forward or confirmed. The other person agreed to the idea of another date. Fair enough they might be waiting on me but if they were equally as interested, wouldnt they send a message also and not wait x amount of time? alot females wait for the guy to initiate early stages of dating did she say she had a great time with you after the date ? its always best to set a day when asking out for another date if she agreed to the idea why not just ask her see if you get any response if you don't hear from her then you have your answer 1
kendahke Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 Are you interested in her or interested in playing games? If you want to go out with her, then contact her and set up the date. Stop being nebulous because that can convey disinterest. Be direct so you know where you stand.
Lotsgoingon Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 In my experience, this entire question you're posing is just evidence that you guys didn't have a strong connection. With a strong connection, I don't care how terrified you are or shy you are you would find a way to ask her out on specific days ... and I don't care how shy she is, she'd let you know she really wanted to go out again. Did this woman express enthusiasm at the end of date? ... Not a smile? Not a polite yes? ... But did she express strong clear desire to get together again? 2
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 In this age of instant contact the fact that you have already waited 2-3 days is causing the other person to conclude you are not interested. So now you have to be reassuring too (without actually saying anything). Also, women expect the man to call first even in this modern era of equality; some stereotypes & gender roles die hard. If over 30, call. If under, text. Although the standard these days seems to be text first to set up a time to call. in the 90's there was a popular pop psychology book called The Rules. It preached that you should ask for the next date on Wednesdays so reach out already. 1
Author tommyleejones Posted March 27, 2019 Author Posted March 27, 2019 I am interested in her and not playing games of course. I've genuinely been busy the past couple of days and didn't send any message because I didn't want to constantly be bombarding her with messages. I guess I'm the type of guy to give people their space in the beginning. However on the third day I was curious as to why I didn't receive any message and hence why I'm here. Just wanted some advice. We went out for a meal and there was not a moment of silence, we realised that we had a lot in common although different in some ways also which isn't a bad thing. She did say that there is a selfish side to me (although she did say that everyone is selfish to a degree but in her opinion its an ugly trait) towards the end of the night but she believes theres a softer side to me behind closed doors and seemed to enjoy my company and the date. I sent her a message if she got home safe but I fell asleep before I read the message and responded in the morning how I had a good time and thought we should meet up again sometime to which she said yes sounds good. Maybe I am reading too much into it and maybe the conclusion to all of this is just to message and see where it goes, although personally leaning towards giving her a phone call.
Gretchen12 Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 If she said there's a selfish side to you, she's not that keen on you. And I guess she must have been right, because first you were too busy to text back and now you want to make her wait. I once "dated" a guy who would always wait precisely 3 days. He was extremely predictable that way. With that schedule, I had a lot of time to date other guys and when I found someone I liked, I gave the 3-days-wait dude the boot.
preraph Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 Text her "What are you doing Friday?" Make the date. If she doesn't respond to a direct date request within 1 day, she is not interested. 2
BC1980 Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 Just ask her out again. It shouldn't be this complicated for a person you went on 2 dates with.
kendahke Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 I've genuinely been busy the past couple of days and didn't send any message because I didn't want to constantly be bombarding her with messages. I guess I'm the type of guy to give people their space in the beginning. Well are you the type of person that bombards everyone with texts? I'm not seeing how sending a text or two is bombarding--especially when you claim you are interested. To me, this is just an excuse. However on the third day I was curious as to why I didn't receive any message and hence why I'm here. Just wanted some advice. And your advice is to stop playing it cool before you run her off completely because it's putting you further from what you say you want. We went out for a meal and there was not a moment of silence, we realised that we had a lot in common although different in some ways also which isn't a bad thing. Which is why you backing off like you have can be interpreted as disinterest and game playing. Maybe I am reading too much into it and maybe the conclusion to all of this is just to message and see where it goes, although personally leaning towards giving her a phone call. Yes, call her. You are reading way too much into things.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 She texted that another date sounds good. Now you call her with a specific invite for the next date. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 (edited) Forget about whether she gets tons of texts from other people. If you want to talk to her, talk to her. It's that simple. If she's interested, your text will be a priority. If you think she doesn't have time to date, then that's one thing. I can't tell whether her saying you had a selfish sign was her way of saying she's not interested. Don't let that moment go the next time. Ask her what she means ... and see if she's onto something ... she might not like some part of you that is a fundamental part of you ... or she may be interpreting something you said in an odd way ... and you have a chance to explain yourself. Get clarity! BTW: dude, lose the "I'm busy" answer to any delay in contacting someone you're interested in. If you're interested, show an interest--I don't care if you're working 20 hours days. You can take 30 seconds to show interest. If she's not on your mind enough to prompt some communication, then perhaps you don't really like her. Ask her out on a specific day and see what happens. If she continues to be vague and noncommittal ... she's not interested. Edited March 27, 2019 by Lotsgoingon 1
chillii Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 l dunno , how old are you. You say you don't wanna play games but your waiting 3 days, your busy , this that, and then your curious but you still haven't text or called her. Then your wondering why you haven't heard from her and now there's a thread on the internet and bla bla, but you still haven't called her. Ahhhhh, if she was interested she'd be wondering the same things and waiting to hear from you. Just bloody call her , or text her, or whatever the no game playing game is these days.
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