Gagis Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 So I've admitted to porn use in the past, and porn is by its very nature a fetishization of sex. I'm struggling to build a sexual relationship that doesn't reflect this fetishization but I keep seeing the world of sexual relations through this fetish. I don't know what to do about this, I don't want to open up to talking about it as I'm still ashamed of fetishizing sex at all, but even though I believe time will heal, I am often reminded of the fetishization by observing other people negotiating it around me. I have analysed it to death over the years, but never truly managed to transcend it. Do people think therapy would help, and if so what kind, given that I have already spent a long time analysing it on my own? Also how would you raise the topic with someone you're dating or your girlfriend? Thank you.
Els Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 I actually have a fetish and did not find it a barrier to a healthy sexual relationship with a compatible partner. Are you really talking about fetishization, or are you talking about a porn addiction (which is very different)?
Author Gagis Posted March 25, 2019 Author Posted March 25, 2019 The two (porn addiction and fetishization) are linked in my mind because they determine how I see myself and thus how I present myself, meaning that I don't present myself as I really am, or at least how other's see me.
Author Gagis Posted March 25, 2019 Author Posted March 25, 2019 I actually have a fetish and did not find it a barrier to a healthy sexual relationship with a compatible partner. Are you really talking about fetishization, or are you talking about a porn addiction (which is very different)? The two (porn addiction and fetishization) are linked in my mind because they determine how I see myself and thus how I present myself, meaning that I don't present myself as I really am, or at least how other's see me.
Author Gagis Posted March 25, 2019 Author Posted March 25, 2019 Also, although I used the word addiction, I don't really think that is the right word, I am not an addict, I am neurotic about it, I have porn neurosis
Lotsgoingon Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 Definitely therapy can help ... You probably want to look up someone with a specialty in sex therapy ... sexuality ... sex addiction and so on ... Find someone with a specialty in sexuality and you won't walk in feeling weird about what you're about to share. And the person is much more likely to get how a fetish can really lodge itself in a person's mind and have practice at helping people let go of a fetish. Your issue is one experienced by lots of folks in marriage who get their sex life upended by a fetish ... or ... people experiencing impotency because of anxiety and so forth. So you're not alone by any means in the issue you would be bringing to the therapist. Note, I'm not talking about a sex therapist who has intercourse with you. (I'm not sure what those folks are called.) I'm talking about a therapist with a specialty in sexuality, who has an office, appointment times, takes insurance and so on!
Wallysbears Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 Are you in a mutually agreed upon sexual relationship or are you evisioning sex with a caregiver of yours?
Author Gagis Posted March 25, 2019 Author Posted March 25, 2019 Definitely therapy can help ... You probably want to look up someone with a specialty in sex therapy ... sexuality ... sex addiction and so on ... Find someone with a specialty in sexuality and you won't walk in feeling weird about what you're about to share. And the person is much more likely to get how a fetish can really lodge itself in a person's mind and have practice at helping people let go of a fetish. Your issue is one experienced by lots of folks in marriage who get their sex life upended by a fetish ... or ... people experiencing impotency because of anxiety and so forth. So you're not alone by any means in the issue you would be bringing to the therapist. Note, I'm not talking about a sex therapist who has intercourse with you. (I'm not sure what those folks are called.) I'm talking about a therapist with a specialty in sexuality, who has an office, appointment times, takes insurance and so on! Thanks, that is good advice.
Author Gagis Posted March 25, 2019 Author Posted March 25, 2019 Are you in a mutually agreed upon sexual relationship or are you evisioning sex with a caregiver of yours? I am dating somebody but we have yet to have sex. Sex with a caregiver is not something I have ever envisioned. Thanks.
Harcel Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 Your link to porn and fetishism doesn’t really make sense. You’re connecting two overheads; there are many sub categories to porn and well as fetishes. If you are watching a particular type of porn related to a specific fetish then that’s what you are addicted to. Otherwise if you are just watching porn that is just two people having sex you are addicted to porn. Porn itself isn’t a fetish.
DaddyDom Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 What you need to do is stop being apologetic and acting ashamed over what it is that you want. Once you embrace it and seek a partner who shares your tastes, you'll be happy. That's why I fully own and embrace my Daddy Dom kink. Now of course it takes WAY more than sexual tastes/preferences to find a fulfilling relationship. But what turns you on at your core does matter. I made the mistake of trying to fight my true nature for nearly four years with my ex. She was my best friend and whole world. But we tried to ignore how incompatible we were on basic levels. I'm grateful though because being with her made me so confident and centered in who I am and what I want.
preraph Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 The first thing you should do is just stop watching porn entirely. Then if you still have problems, yes, a therapist. It's good you realize you have a problem. Just don't do porn at all. You may be too suggestible, and it's a huge problem these days because people who rely on it a lot get too used to certain scenarious. It is something psychologists are used to treating at this point. But just stopping might save you $175 a session, so try that.
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