anxiety_aerial Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 Hello dear people from loveshack. I honestly need some advice on how I should approach this problem. I met this girl not too long ago in my gaming group. She randomly approached to me and we start talking. We hit it of really well, exchanged social media and phone numbers, even. I've honestly been having a blast with this girl, she's from Poland so she's abroad from where I live. (The Netherlands). The story is.. She went to me for advice, regarding her boyfriend. Her boyfriend isn't supporting her (They are in a LDR), she's basically a depressed girl seeking for help. She doesn't want to leave him, for God knows what reason. It could be manipulation, I have no idea. That aside.. She was so incredibly happy for me to help her. But.. She's also been sending some pictures where I'm questioning myself, is this alright for someone who's in a relationship? Or is she just that comfortable. But the fact of the matter is, I literally met her yesterday. This has got to be the craziest way I've actually started to like someone. The fact that I also understand her situation (not only the relationship, but among other private things she discussed with me about) it's insane. But why me? I was so surprised, because this was a full server so to say. And she specifically just hit it off with me. What should I do.. Because I really like her, and I have the feeling that I'm being used for attention... Something that her boyfriend isn't giving her, I believe. Should I even mention this to her? That I really started to like her..
preraph Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 Very confusing. Have you met this girl face to face? Has she met her LDR face to face? If not, there is no relationship of any kind happening here except people playing on the internet. Do NOT send her money. She's already given you her sob story, so that makes me suspicious she's working up to getting money off you and that and the fact of photos, could just be one more internet prostitute getting the easy money off chumps she'll never meet. 1
kendahke Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 What should I do.. Remember this: The story is.. She went to me for advice, regarding her boyfriend. She's telling you one side of a story to get your attention for whatever reason. If things were that bad with her boyfriend, she'd dump him. Things are not that far gone for her--she's probably just mad he went and did something with this boys without her and this is how she's getting back at him--by pulling you into an emotional affair with her as she runs her boyfriend down behind his back. Understand that what she'll do to get with you is what she'll do once she's with you---do you want this done to you? She seems really comfortable and at ease doing this with a boyfriend... 1
Author anxiety_aerial Posted March 25, 2019 Author Posted March 25, 2019 Very confusing. Have you met this girl face to face? Has she met her LDR face to face? If not, there is no relationship of any kind happening here except people playing on the internet. Do NOT send her money. She's already given you her sob story, so that makes me suspicious she's working up to getting money off you and that and the fact of photos, could just be one more internet prostitute getting the easy money off chumps she'll never meet. I haven't, and no she hasn't. I just feel outplayed.. That's all, to be honest. It's hard to explain. As for pictures, ah to specify. They are "naked" pictures or anything, just normal pictures. So forget I said that haha 1
Author anxiety_aerial Posted March 25, 2019 Author Posted March 25, 2019 Remember this: She's telling you one side of a story to get your attention for whatever reason. If things were that bad with her boyfriend, she'd dump him. Things are not that far gone for her--she's probably just mad he went and did something with this boys without her and this is how she's getting back at him--by pulling you into an emotional affair with her as she runs her boyfriend down behind his back. Understand that what she'll do to get with you is what she'll do once she's with you---do you want this done to you? She seems really comfortable and at ease doing this with a boyfriend... You have a point.
smackie9 Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 What I see is a girl seeking attention from another guy because her BF doesn't. You are being played for a fool. Back off because you are not going to get anything out of this but disappointment.
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 I do suspect you are correct that she is using you for attention & especially since she said she won't leave her LDR BF take her at her word. Then again she could be a monkey branch person who won't leave one relationship until she knows another one is an option. 1
preraph Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 You still didn't clarify if you two have actually met and dated face to face.
Wallysbears Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 You are being catfished. She may not be real. 2
Author anxiety_aerial Posted March 27, 2019 Author Posted March 27, 2019 You still didn't clarify if you two have actually met and dated face to face. We haven't..
Author anxiety_aerial Posted March 27, 2019 Author Posted March 27, 2019 I do suspect you are correct that she is using you for attention & especially since she said she won't leave her LDR BF take her at her word. Then again she could be a monkey branch person who won't leave one relationship until she knows another one is an option. Ah to be honest.. She is just really into him despite being in this kind of abusive relationship. The way we talk, the way we understand our problems is so freaking similar. It isn't normal, per say. We talk every day for so freaking long. Even at night before bed. She just seems so happy with me. But yeah.. I guess I can't really convince to start dating someday, or express my feelings to her, can I?
Author anxiety_aerial Posted March 27, 2019 Author Posted March 27, 2019 (edited) What I see is a girl seeking attention from another guy because her BF doesn't. You are being played for a fool. Back off because you are not going to get anything out of this but disappointment. I was feeling disappointed, really.. At some point she said "I think we'll be great friends ^^" Then I said. "This wasn't really the message I was giving but never mind". Today.. She quoted this. And asked me what I meant with it. Now I'm confused whether I should approach her with getting this off my chest or not. And with message, I meant "Damn, it's really glad I met someone like you. Someone who'm I can understand and understands me. Because our stories are similar. I just want an honest answer and see what you guys think :/ Edited March 27, 2019 by anxiety_aerial
Gretchen12 Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 Even if you like each other and she leaves her "boyfriend", you are still long distance. Why get into something difficult when you've never even met. There are boys/men in Poland too, you know! This girl prefers LDR because she doesn't want the real thing. 1
Author anxiety_aerial Posted March 27, 2019 Author Posted March 27, 2019 You are totally friends zoned. Seems like it..
smackie9 Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 (edited) I should know because I was an expert at it. She already knows you are crushin on her....that's why she tossed in the friends card at you. Edited March 27, 2019 by smackie9
Author anxiety_aerial Posted March 27, 2019 Author Posted March 27, 2019 I should know because I was an expert at it. She already knows you are crushin on her....that's why she tossed in the friends card at you. Yeah, got it .. Cheers for the help!
d0nnivain Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 Ah to be honest.. She is just really into him despite being in this kind of abusive relationship. The way we talk, the way we understand our problems is so freaking similar. It isn't normal, per say. We talk every day for so freaking long. Even at night before bed. She just seems so happy with me. But yeah.. I guess I can't really convince to start dating someday, or express my feelings to her, can I? It's totally normal. You are some guy on the computer she can dump on. She thinks you are a sympathetic ear & kindred spirit, willing to listen no strings attached. You like her. She hasn't given you a 2nd thought other then as a receptacle where she can unload. She has zero interest in leaving her BF to become romantically involved with you. Hopefully you are getting as much of a listening ear from her as you are being for her. Otherwise, this is a one way street & you are being used. It's not a mean thing; I don't think she's doing it intentionally. It's just that you are getting the wrong impression. You think she is telling you all this stuff & you two are bonding. In reality, she's just unloading.
FMW Posted March 27, 2019 Posted March 27, 2019 Why did she send you a picture? Without the picture part I would say she's just bored and yes, using you for attention. With the picture - maybe the same, but with definite calculation (for what purpose who knows). I don't think she's some poor innocent thing. I would be very leery.
Author anxiety_aerial Posted March 27, 2019 Author Posted March 27, 2019 Why did she send you a picture? Without the picture part I would say she's just bored and yes, using you for attention. With the picture - maybe the same, but with definite calculation (for what purpose who knows). I don't think she's some poor innocent thing. I would be very leery. The pictures are nothing special. I should've rephrased that, honestly. They are just pictures and certain gif images she made of herself, in a super cute way. And of course she keeps underestimating herself. And asking certain opinions that I believe would be common for her bf to answer, not me. If that makes any sense
Author anxiety_aerial Posted March 27, 2019 Author Posted March 27, 2019 It's totally normal. You are some guy on the computer she can dump on. She thinks you are a sympathetic ear & kindred spirit, willing to listen no strings attached. You like her. She hasn't given you a 2nd thought other then as a receptacle where she can unload. She has zero interest in leaving her BF to become romantically involved with you. Hopefully you are getting as much of a listening ear from her as you are being for her. Otherwise, this is a one way street & you are being used. It's not a mean thing; I don't think she's doing it intentionally. It's just that you are getting the wrong impression. You think she is telling you all this stuff & you two are bonding. In reality, she's just unloading. Yeah I thought so.. Even today she was quiet disappointed when I was busy with my friends and didn't answer her call. But will see how this goes. I honestly don't want to spend so many night basically for no outcome.. I mean, I've been getting sad myself if I help her lol. It's insane actually.
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2019 Posted March 28, 2019 Be kind to her. She obviously needs a friend & a shoulder to cry on. Just don't put all your eggs in her basket. You want the outcome of this to be that she eventually becomes your GF. The reality is what you have now is about all there will ever be. The friendship may deepen & even span years. Who knows she may invite you to the wedding when she makes the worst mistake of her life & marries her no good BF but she's not going to date you. You can still be there for her but without any expectations. Go find a local girl to date. You will be much happier in the long run.
Author anxiety_aerial Posted March 28, 2019 Author Posted March 28, 2019 Be kind to her. She obviously needs a friend & a shoulder to cry on. Just don't put all your eggs in her basket. You want the outcome of this to be that she eventually becomes your GF. The reality is what you have now is about all there will ever be. The friendship may deepen & even span years. Who knows she may invite you to the wedding when she makes the worst mistake of her life & marries her no good BF but she's not going to date you. You can still be there for her but without any expectations. Go find a local girl to date. You will be much happier in the long run. I'm definitely not the kind of person who'll shove someone away because of my feelings. Who knows what may happen in the future, thanks for the advice for not putting all the eggs in the basket. That's what I'm trying to prevent from doing so, before falling in a state of sadness.
OnlyHonesty Posted March 29, 2019 Posted March 29, 2019 (edited) I'm definitely not the kind of person who'll shove someone away because of my feelings. Who knows what may happen in the future, thanks for the advice for not putting all the eggs in the basket. That's what I'm trying to prevent from doing so, before falling in a state of sadness. Nothing will happen in the future other than you being used. This is how it is. Her bf isn't providing her the emotional connection that she needs, so she gets that from you, then she gets the physical intimacy to satisfy her other needs. You are an emotional pillow, and girls that use men in that way will never make them a bf because, that's not what they see them for. If she needs some emotional connection, she should go talk to one of her gf...and that's exactly what I tell any girl trying the same. Edited March 29, 2019 by OnlyHonesty 1
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