Cersei Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Hi. I think you accidentally screwed this up yourself. You appeared too casual and it is a problem because you sound pretty interested in him. He likely thinks you just want him for sex since you hopped into bed so fast. I think you should text him and say "hey how are things? What have you been up to? Want to go out For drinks Wed night?" Or something like this. If you hear nothing back or if he makes excuses or declines then at least you won't regret not at least trying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 Hmm even if " whenever " is not the best answer, it shouldnt deter him from giving me a date if he really wanted to see me right Since when do guys stop chasing a girl who appears casual after one date? Everyone is casual after just one date? Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Yeah I am talking to other guys. It's not multidate cuz I'm not even dating him lol I havent found any guy I like though Also like I said I don't even know what i'm doing here. Is there any point testing his interest when he is not even relationship material It's good that your multidating. It's okay if you haven't found anybody else you like. that will happen. Just keep dating Now dating will remain confusing if you don't even know what you want though. Find out what you want from guys. You said you don't want to just hook up I think. But you also don't want a relationship? So you want someone who would be your fwb maybe? Like someone you can spend time with and have sex but don't have to be in a relationship? Or are you saying you want to continue seeing a guy you like and have the option for a relationship later maybe? Whether you want a fwb situation or you want the option of a relationship down the road but not concerned right now then I guess your focus is seeing if a guy likes you. If that's your only concern well that's easy. If he continues to contact you AND see you then that's all you need to know. If he is not doing that right now then he don't matter until he does. Don't wonder if he is going to in the future. Don't wonder why he hasn't yet. Keep dating until you find a guy you like that is being consistent with contact and spending time with you. That's the basic foundation. Good luck with whatever your searching for lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Hmm even if " whenever " is not the best answer, it shouldnt deter him from giving me a date if he really wanted to see me right Since when do guys stop chasing a girl who appears casual after one date? Everyone is casual after just one date? Dating is messy hun When your dealing with another fallible human being who have their own set of rules, agendas, insecurities, and the way they see things people can easily misinterpret the other He may felt like you didn't want anything serious. If he wants something serious this may have turned him off. However He may not even care and the only reason he hasn't asked you out yet is because he got other things going on in his life. We don't know. In dating you have to balance what most people find attractive and being yourself thinking that's good enough. Then you have to be okay with the results that come (some will stick and some will disappear). Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 Honestly don't think he cares if I'm casual or not. He says he is also open to whatever, see how things flow. But I also think I'm really wasting my energy here because i'm not gonna marry someone who doesn't have a career. Sure I like him and want him to like me but maybe i'm just vain. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Honestly, you don’t make a lot of sense... You want him to chase you, yet told him you were available at his convenience. You want to go on real dates with him but aren’t really interested anyway? You want him to like you... so you can..? Do what? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 Yeah I know I .sound ridiculous.. that's women for you lol Ok I want him to like me because I like him? But at the same time I know he isn't relationship material. I guess practically I shouldn't want him to like me... cuz nothing can be achieved here.... Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Whenever means I'm free anytime so he can hit me up anytime? "whenever", especially over text let's say, conveys that you are trying to act cool, it may not be very important to you or that you are just blasé about the whole thing. To me, if you really mean whenever and said it verbally OR over text, you run the risk if he doesn't think they things I said above that you are desperate and will drop everything for him. Combo with sex right away shows that you will do just about anything, even though you are trying to play it cool because he is OMFG hot. IMO, you've got to be more of a challenge, not a game playing one--it's too late for that anyway--but for real. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Honestly? He sounds as though he knows he doesn't have to make any effort at all - and he isn't - because he already had sex with you. Since when do guys stop chasing a girl who appears casual after one date?Since the dawn of time. I get called out for my 'archaic' views all the time, but this double standard STILL exists and likely always will. Apparently, it doesn't exist on message boards, though. Magically, all the guy posters on message boards always post about how they're SO above judging a girl who has sex on the first date and would never do this. But out in the real world, with real guys, it happens all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 I jumped to sex purely because he is OMFG hot As do probably MOST of the women he dates. He's probably used to getting lucky on his first dates. You're likely not unique to him in that respect, and he's probably got many options and that's why he's only lukewarm at best. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 My impression on this is, he was asking when you would be interested in smashing again. He's not implying he wants a date....that's my take on it. So that would be why he's not interested in "getting to know you" through text, or make any effort to date you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Not from a woman's POV. If we wait and catch a guy who would otherwise have dumped us if we'd had sex on the first date, then we unwittingly end up with a low quality hypocrite. Playing their game invites trouble our way. And I agree with frus69, a woman having early sex with a guy who she really clicks with never been a problem for me or other friends who have done it. The guys who are relationship minded and who really like us will return. I have tons of guy friends and a guy myself, and we have these conversations. Believe what you want, but I'm telling you, once a guy has gotten the V, especially when he has no investment, he loses a lot of interest. How can you know if you "click" with someone after one date. All you can know if if there's lust, and if they can put on a front for a few hours. But believe what you want. No skin off my back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 "whenever", especially over text let's say, conveys that you are trying to act cool, it may not be very important to you or that you are just blasé about the whole thing. To me, if you really mean whenever and said it verbally OR over text, you run the risk if he doesn't think they things I said above that you are desperate and will drop everything for him. Combo with sex right away shows that you will do just about anything, even though you are trying to play it cool because he is OMFG hot. IMO, you've got to be more of a challenge, not a game playing one--it's too late for that anyway--but for real. I'm not trying to act cool I was just being honest, I really am fine seeing him whenever. Doesn't have to be asap, doesn't have to be once every week, just whenever he and I feels like Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Hmm I wouldnt say it's disinterest? I wanted to leave the call in his court so I said "im good with whenever so it's up to you". and he said he will let me know and i said sure. So Im just keeping it casual as opposed to super serious with the intention of seeking my future husband. I dont think that's what he wants either. The whole sex on the first date is super casual too. But I don't want it to be a ONS or strictly hook ups either, I still want to date. Am I actually contradicting myself..lol You are just a sex toy for him with what went on the first date. He will be in touch when/if he is horny and needs to get some easy sex. He will not be dating you, ever. When a guy says he would like to see you again after having sex with you that is what he is talking about. No more. Here is how it will go: He will contact you Friday at 4 PM asking if you want to grab some drinks. You will say sure. He will give place/time. You will say sure. you will meet for drinks then go back and have sex. Wash, rinse, repeat... If you are looking to date this "hot" guy it will never happen... You really contradict yourself with what you have written. If you are looking to have a relationship sex on the first date is not going to work. You sound immature, actually.. I wish you luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Hmm even if " whenever " is not the best answer, it shouldnt deter him from giving me a date if he really wanted to see me right Since when do guys stop chasing a girl who appears casual after one date? Everyone is casual after just one date? Do you think he's been chasing you? How did you meet this guy? Maybe I missed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Share Posted March 25, 2019 Do you think he's been chasing you? How did you meet this guy? Maybe I missed it. I used chase here loosely I just meant showing interests . We met at a function and we locked eyes and I said hi first. And to my surprise he's really talkative and at the end of the night he gave me his number. We talked for maybe 4 days then arranged a date last week. So I feel like I am showing enough interest while keeping things lighthearted at the moment. But I also feel maybe he's losing interest since we haven't talked for 2 days and no sign of next date. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 I'm not trying to act cool I was just being honest, I really am fine seeing him whenever. Doesn't have to be asap, doesn't have to be once every week, just whenever he and I feels like Oh I believe what you meant. How he interpreted it and made a judgment on you or the situation I believe is likely different than you meant. Whenever almost conveys "i will drop anything for you", which goes for whoever you are saying it to--especially someone who is considering dating you. Put it this way: the "transaction" in a dating relationship is so much more fragile especially at the beginning. People/guys can be reluctant to let someone in their lives, when they rightly realize it will mean life as they know it will change a lot. And maybe they are ready, nor particularly want that. Do they want to date around? Sure. Lots of good girls, if they are honest with themselves, want a relationship. Lots of good guys, when asked would say, "if the right one comes along". However, they plan to date and enjoy life in the meantime, of course. Important if you are interesting in dating him to show that you are the "right one", which like i said it's super fragile at the beginning for both parties. IMO, default to your behavior so that you have a chance to be the one to make the CHOICE that you want not be misinterpreted for who you are. In his shoes, i would have taken the words "whenever" to mean whether you are playing it cool or not, that you were open, wayyyyyy open to make your schedule open to him. Even if you are easygoing, I think you can convey "whenever" at the same time as giving an attitude that you have stuff going on as well and are in demand too, like say that I'm sure we can work something out this week. And/or even better---since how he asks you most definitely needs clarification (i took it to mean, "when do you want to hook up again", i.e. now that you've had sex doesn't seem like he is offering up anything but---clarify what it is that he wants to take you to do. If he uh stutters or tries to be cheeky/faux sexy, well then you know his intention and that he really doesn't have plans to date you, only hook up. Lastly, very cliche but good looking people typically have more opportunity, so a good strategy is to "be different" than what they might be experiencing on the regular. Imagining this guy has lots of girls throwing themselves at him and you definitely don't want to be like everyone else. Not saying to not be yourself but by focusing on yourself rather than how you can get to spend time with him or "sell" yourself to him, check out if he is good enough for you, see what he has to offer you besides looks. A good looking guy who puts no effort into dating you is still a dud. Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 While it could have been just as easy for you to be more specific when you said "whenever" ... I read that as you putting the ball back in his court to set the date and so far he hasn't advanced the ball. If he is as good looking as you say he is, then he is probably used to having opportunity without a lot of effort. If you want to stand out, do the opposite and present the challenge. Unless of course the hookup was all it was meant to be. I don't think having sex on a first date negates something working out, but not having sex right away does help to seperate those that are looking for something more, to those just out for the hookup. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 26, 2019 Author Share Posted March 26, 2019 ok next time I will try "I'm sure we can work something out this week. " that sounds cool. He contacted me and asked if i wanted to see him tomorrow night, he used the words "if you want me":lmao: Does he mean I didnt show enough interest so he wasnt sure or what? But you guys say I should be more of a challenge? But like I said Im not seeking a relationship from him, well unless he suddenly had a career and became a GQ cover model or something LMAO..but yeah..I dont mind just being casual but I dont think casual=hook up/ONS. Casually seeing each other is cool for me now and whatever happens, happens I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 I interperet his message as "if you want to hookup" ... so super casual and def not a date. My advice to be more of a challenge was not specifically directed at you for advice in dealing with this guy, but in the future if you had met someone like him that you were interested in dating. and "I'm sure we can work something out this week" isn't specific enough. That places the ball into ambiguity. Just set the date then and there. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 (edited) Here's where this all comes down to. If the guy really liked you, he would spare no expense setting up another date...BUT he hasn't so that should answer your question where this is going. So what if he contacts you...means jack crap. He's just keeping you on the hook, maybe for later use. Edited March 26, 2019 by smackie9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 He contacted me and asked if i wanted to see him tomorrow night... Sounds good. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 He contacted me and asked if i wanted to see him tomorrow night, he used the words "if you want me" This is a booty call. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 This is a booty call. Agree..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author frus69 Posted March 26, 2019 Author Share Posted March 26, 2019 Im pretty suuuur this is a fwb now. He stayed over and everything was really nice. But he says girls tend to fall for him while he doesn't feel the same so lots of broken hearts there I dont want to get messy here so i'm thinking about ending it. Link to post Share on other sites
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