What about this coworker??

[Juggernut23]

Helloooo.

 

I’m a cop, this female Is new to our shift, she’s in a 6 year committed relationship. When I first met her I was not a huge fan and thought of her as a valley girl, not someone I’d EVER hang out with. Last week we were tasked with an assignment, I as her mentor, where we spent four 12 hour shifts together in a row. After the end of shift 2..not sure what happened..but I realized I was really drawn to this girl. Her charm is undeniable (not in a flirty way), probably one of realest personalities I’ve come across in in a while. It’s one of those that hit you in a weird way you didn’t see coming.

 

After shift 4 she was tasked with somebody else. She says to me “Welp I’m gonna miss you”. Which threw me off because our convos had been strictly professional up until she said that. I realized Im genuinely going to miss hanging out with her too.

 

Next set..she gets tasked with another guy, goes into boss’ office and asks to do a ride along with me instead. So we hung out again for 2 more shifts, both laughing with tears rolling..not anything like the first set.

 

Here’s why I think she’s into me:

-Says my name a lot. When I leave the room, she follows me “Jordan Jordan Jordan”..I say yeah? She goes “nothing hahaha where ya going” then follows me around.

-when I’m explaining something to her she moves into my personal space, shoulder to shoulder and her thigh against mine..leans into me. Essentially cuddling. Think of it like this: we’ve only known each other for a week and that closeness would be extremely uncomfortable for the avg person (not me tho )

-Shes very social and talkative, but when I talk to or start horsing around with other female coworkers..she looks the other way and complete silence. Like a completely different person.

-I Was talking about how a few of us wanna see the new Ted bundy movie..she goes “can I come?? I really wanted to see that one”

-when I go for coffee runs she asks to come with to “help me carry”, even though it’s 4 drinks in a tray (maybe she thinks I’m weak )

-I go downstairs to get files..she comes. Basically she gives bogus reasons to “help” me do stuff

-my desk is on the other side of the division from hers. When we got back from a 12hr ride along, she says “Jordaaaan wait, just gonna grab my files” then follows me to my desk to do her work..and that’s weird because everyone does work at their own desk usually. There’s a lot of people around her desk too, whereas I’m the only one at mine, so not like she’d be lonely.

-I catch her staring at me a lot. Doesn’t look away when I look at her. I also find her fairly close to me In proximity a lot of the time

 

What’s confuses the heck out of me is that she does not flirt, just gives body language and subtle signs of interest like those above. Our convos are never suggestive or flirty in nature. Not just with me, with other dudes too..she’s not flirty or suggestive, just a really social fun person. We have things in common and just find ourselves laughing with each other a lot.

 

Just looking for some insight as women confuse tf outta me. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together, would be nice to know if she’s just a playful person or otherwise.

 

Thanks for any advice

Edited March 24, 2019 by Juggernut23

[kendahke]

Don't poop where you eat.

[Soulinfected]

If all of that is true, that's a pretty clear indication she wants to be around you. A lot. All of that is her taking risks in invading your personal space. You should ask her to meet outside of work if you are really keen. You just need to be prepared to leave all emotion at the door and be professional at work no matter the outcome.

I asked a girl out at work a few years back as we were quite close, she said no. Life went on and we remained professional colleagues.

[ExpatInItaly]

You said she's in a relationship, correct?

 

Unless and until she makes herself single, you'd be wasting your time trying to pursue anything.

[Soulinfected]

You said she's in a relationship, correct?

 

Unless and until she makes herself single, you'd be wasting your time trying to pursue anything.

 

I missed that important detail...

[kendahke]

I missed that important detail...

 

it's in the first sentence

his female Is new to our shift, she’s in a 6 year committed relationship.

 

This is how those messy triangles start which tends to end up leading the 6pm news.

Edited March 25, 2019 by kendahke

[smackie9]

I'm sure the tax payers who provide you with a regular paycheck wouldn't be very thrilled to know you are spending time focusing on how to get with a female coworker.....keep your nose to grindstone, and be safe out there.

[Juggernut23]

I'm sure the tax payers who provide you with a regular paycheck wouldn't be very thrilled to know you are spending time focusing on how to get with a female coworker.....keep your nose to grindstone, and be safe out there.

 

You must be having fun in life

[Wallysbears]

She has a relationship and NEVER date a coworker. You're close because of your job, no more, no less.

[emeraldgreen]

Cops banging cops is messy business. Not only does it ruin existing relationships, it's a threat to the public duty you undertook. You probably want some encouragement here to go for it, but I've seen friends' lives ruined because their cop partner started banging someone on the job. Spare the other guy involved a world of hurt.

[mortensorchid]

I have said this before, I will say it again (and it doesn't matter what your occupation is or is not) - Coworkers are NOT FRIENDS. It's easy to think that they are because you spend more time with them than you will with anyone else, but they are not. As a cop, I'm sure you see a lot of horror stories so you know first hand of what may or may not be going on in people's lives behind closed doors.

 

Humans are social creatures by nature, but thanks to changes and advances in technology, we are very lonely and are looking for companionship. Never try to have the need for companionship met by a coworker because they will rip you to shreds, be it platonic or otherwise. To all of them be friendly, but not too friendly. Don't share a lot of things about yourself with them. You are in your workplace to do a job, not to make friends. Have friends outside of the workplace. If you are ever asked to join in on things with a coworker (ex. happy hour at a bar after working hours), decline and plead prior engagements. You will be happier this way. As another said in an earlier post, don't s*** where you eat.

 

As to how to handle this situation, just don't do it. Be friendly but not too friendly towards her. You're there to do a job, not to make friends with others there.

[frus69]

So you wanna cheat with her?

[Inspire]

Putting aside the fact that she is a co-worker for a moment. When a women says they're in a committed relationship (and in her case "6-years") what does that mean to you exactly?

 

 

 

How would you feel if your partner was being approached by men she worked with that knew she was in a long term relationship. Think on that for awhile ...

[Interstellar]

6 year committed and not married or engaged? Hah, kiddingly ask her when she’ll get rid of her boyfriend.

 

Of course you don’t bring up the fact that she’s not married or engaged. Let her continue seeing you talking and making the other female coworkers laugh.

Edited March 26, 2019 by Interstellar

[Juggernut23]

6 year committed and not married or engaged? Hah, kiddingly ask her when she’ll get rid of her boyfriend.

 

Of course you don’t bring up the fact that she’s not married or engaged. Let her continue seeing you talking and making the other female coworkers laugh.

 

my man..

[Juggernut23]

How would you feel if your partner was being approached by men she worked with that knew she was in a long term relationship. Think on that for awhile ...

 

Well, like I mentioned, I kept it professional with her always. But if someone you find attractive and vibe with is throwing signals your way, they’re hard to ignore. It’s not my relationship, therefore not my job to keep it together. And she never mentioned to me she had a boyfriend after spending how many hours with her now? Someone else told me.

 

Let’s be real, if you’re truly happy with someone you wouldn’t be snooping around at your workplace.

 

I’ve never met this kid, realistically am I gonna have this overwhelming desire to consider his feelings? No, that’s not real life. That’s disney.

[smackie9]

You must be having fun in life

Yes, everyday!

[kendahke]

Well, like I mentioned, I kept it professional with her always. But if someone you find attractive and vibe with is throwing signals your way, they’re hard to ignore. It’s not my relationship, therefore not my job to keep it together. And she never mentioned to me she had a boyfriend after spending how many hours with her now? Someone else told me.

 

Let’s be real, if you’re truly happy with someone you wouldn’t be snooping around at your workplace.

 

I’ve never met this kid, realistically am I gonna have this overwhelming desire to consider his feelings? No, that’s not real life. That’s disney.

 

 

Pride goes before destruction...

[Rockdad]

Juggernut23 Officer let me Thank You for your service. Let me approach this concerning the Dept. I was a mere fly on the wall as a dispatcher and rode as a K-9 handler for a couple years. I have silently witnessed several inner Dept interactions and affairs. The result was sometimes it was kept under wraps with no waves made. Ive also seen Officers dismissed or demoted which was made public along with the reason why. Officers getting called into the Chiefs and Sheriffs Office. That will make one squirm!

 

 

 

If you read some threads in here in reference to Work place romances you will see they can turn very difficult for a variety of reasons and particularly when someone's SO catches on and brings the heat. It's one thing to be a civilian to engage in workplace romance but your in a different element working for a public Dept being scrutinized as such.

[Inspire]

Well, like I mentioned, I kept it professional with her always. But if someone you find attractive and vibe with is throwing signals your way, they’re hard to ignore. It’s not my relationship, therefore not my job to keep it together. And she never mentioned to me she had a boyfriend after spending how many hours with her now? Someone else told me.

 

Let’s be real, if you’re truly happy with someone you wouldn’t be snooping around at your workplace.

 

I’ve never met this kid, realistically am I gonna have this overwhelming desire to consider his feelings? No, that’s not real life. That’s disney.

 

Whether she told you or not is really inconsequential. Snooping around with someone? My question was a theoretical one ... Its not about considering how they'd feel but more or less treating others how you'd expect to be treated. It isn't Disney, its called taking the high road.

 

Like you said, she is very social and outgoing. Hard to ignore those feelings? Enjoy it for what it is. Someone cool at work to interact with.

[Rocker71]

6 year committed and not married or engaged? Hah, kiddingly ask her when she’ll get rid of her boyfriend.

 

Of course you don’t bring up the fact that she’s not married or engaged. Let her continue seeing you talking and making the other female coworkers laugh.

 

She has a relationship already. You'd be smart to keep your emotions in check.

 

If you do succeed in prying her away from her current boyfriend. Guess what? She'll be easy for someone else to pry away from you. Think about that.

Also, if you are successful in prying her away from her current boyfriend there's a good chance he'll find out who you are.

The bf might flood the DAs office with complaints about you. Or otherwise try to ruin your career.

Leave her alone. Be smart.

[preraph]

All I can tell you is it is a very real phenomenon that some women, because they are married or otherwise committed, see themselves as bullet-proof and may be more friendly or teasing or flirty because if anyone takes it serious, then they are like, I have a boyfriend, remember?

 

Sounds like at least part of it is just her natural personality. Also she's comfy around you and she may feel she's in an intimidating circumstance. She may have other cops hitting on her and thus feel it's safe to travel under your wing.

 

Of course, she also might have a thing for you, but first things first. She volunteered she'd in a committed relationship so it's up to her to disavow you of that notion before you would compromise your own ethics and make a move on her.

 

Sometime when you are going somewhere like that thing she invited you to, tell her, Your boyfriend is welcome if he wants to come. It might open a conversation.

 

Thanks for what you do, and always remember more people love you than don't.

[AshViper]

Helloooo.

 

I’m a cop, this female Is new to our shift, she’s in a 6 year committed relationship. When I first met her I was not a huge fan and thought of her as a valley girl, not someone I’d EVER hang out with. Last week we were tasked with an assignment, I as her mentor, where we spent four 12 hour shifts together in a row. After the end of shift 2..not sure what happened..but I realized I was really drawn to this girl. Her charm is undeniable (not in a flirty way), probably one of realest personalities I’ve come across in in a while. It’s one of those that hit you in a weird way you didn’t see coming.

 

After shift 4 she was tasked with somebody else. She says to me “Welp I’m gonna miss you”. Which threw me off because our convos had been strictly professional up until she said that. I realized Im genuinely going to miss hanging out with her too.

 

Next set..she gets tasked with another guy, goes into boss’ office and asks to do a ride along with me instead. So we hung out again for 2 more shifts, both laughing with tears rolling..not anything like the first set.

 

Here’s why I think she’s into me:

-Says my name a lot. When I leave the room, she follows me “Jordan Jordan Jordan”..I say yeah? She goes “nothing hahaha where ya going” then follows me around.

-when I’m explaining something to her she moves into my personal space, shoulder to shoulder and her thigh against mine..leans into me. Essentially cuddling. Think of it like this: we’ve only known each other for a week and that closeness would be extremely uncomfortable for the avg person (not me tho )

-Shes very social and talkative, but when I talk to or start horsing around with other female coworkers..she looks the other way and complete silence. Like a completely different person.

-I Was talking about how a few of us wanna see the new Ted bundy movie..she goes “can I come?? I really wanted to see that one”

-when I go for coffee runs she asks to come with to “help me carry”, even though it’s 4 drinks in a tray (maybe she thinks I’m weak )

-I go downstairs to get files..she comes. Basically she gives bogus reasons to “help” me do stuff

-my desk is on the other side of the division from hers. When we got back from a 12hr ride along, she says “Jordaaaan wait, just gonna grab my files” then follows me to my desk to do her work..and that’s weird because everyone does work at their own desk usually. There’s a lot of people around her desk too, whereas I’m the only one at mine, so not like she’d be lonely.

-I catch her staring at me a lot. Doesn’t look away when I look at her. I also find her fairly close to me In proximity a lot of the time

 

What’s confuses the heck out of me is that she does not flirt, just gives body language and subtle signs of interest like those above. Our convos are never suggestive or flirty in nature. Not just with me, with other dudes too..she’s not flirty or suggestive, just a really social fun person. We have things in common and just find ourselves laughing with each other a lot.

 

Just looking for some insight as women confuse tf outta me. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together, would be nice to know if she’s just a playful person or otherwise.

 

Thanks for any advice

 

As a woman in law enforcement gotta say it's, in a way, actually embarrassing that you call yourself a cop & can't figure out how to handle this. How the freaking heck do you deal with criminals when visual cues can say far more than words if you can't handle your own colleague?

 

So let me be blunt, boyo, you better tell this girl to knock her behaviour off. She is in a committed relationship. Such - her behaviour & you sitting back/encouraging it - does not speak highly of either of your morals & professionalism and it very likely will come back to bite you in the arse. Seriously don't be surprised if your colleagues are already laughing about either of you behind your backs.

[Interstellar]

She has a relationship already. You'd be smart to keep your emotions in check.

 

If you do succeed in prying her away from her current boyfriend. Guess what? She'll be easy for someone else to pry away from you. Think about that.

Also, if you are successful in prying her away from her current boyfriend there's a good chance he'll find out who you are.

The bf might flood the DAs office with complaints about you. Or otherwise try to ruin your career.

Leave her alone. Be smart.

 

I’m not a cop so I have no idea how dating works with LEO’s but yes sure, be careful and always keep your hands to yourself. Even if she’s touching you.

 

As far as prying her away from the bf, if her interest level in her bf is below the mason dixon line then it’s only a matter of time before she gets rid of him but that doesn’t make her easy or loose.

 

Now with regards to the bf going cray cray and flooding the DAs office with false accusations well that’s something to take into consideration, again I’m not a LEO and yes, be very careful since this is your livelihood and think things through.

Edited March 27, 2019 by Interstellar

[Marc878]

A lot of guys in particular read a woman being friendly as being interested in them.

 

Two very different things.