RETICENTONE Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Saw the MM tonight. Have known MM for almost ten years. Dated him during confirmed separation with the wife. Went on as platonic and not so platonic off and on for years until I was married. After I divorced, ironically because my mm had another mm(!), I relocated back here. Ran into him socially and gave him my number. Had the requisite wonderful conversations that begat the fantasies of his availability. Dashed them with reality, moved on. He's tenacious though, and the conversations finally led to coital reunion. Have told him several times that I have a problem playing by the rules, that I run the real risk of letting myself get so attached to him that I blurr the lines of what we really are to one another. I told him that it was difficult to be around him and not feel the fool because were he single we would be quite a match. We have talked about where he is with his wife and where I am with my relationship. Its so strange, I never imagined that being the OW could be so confusing given the friendship we built when I wouldn't do anything. I mean there are huge three year gaps between sleeping together that have been filled with dinners, long conversations, hand-holding. But who are we kidding? He is a devoted father who takes his parenting seriously and I know that there are several years left until the youngest is out and he would even consider anything, so I dont even go there, often. I just really feel bad because my partner has a hopefully temporary case of ED that has embarrassed him and worked against the intimacy, and like a weakling, I knew where I could ease my frustrations. I don't have delusions of what might be, I just have strange feelings of guilt at wanting to preserve the friendship. Also have to consider feelings for partner beginning to wane, not from the ED., Go figure, cant have the one I want, don't seem to want the one I have. I can't believe I might really feel that way.
newbby Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Could the feelings for your partner be waning in comparison with the exciting feelings from new, forbidden lover? What do you hope to gain from this? Be very honest with yourself.
DesertDweller Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 I think your feelings normal. I don't know how long you've been with your partner. But I know it's easy to get bored with our significant others. Sometimes the boredom passes. Or maybe you need to work on making the relationship exciting again. Then again, maybe you need to break up. What sort of problems is he having to cause ED? If he ever finds out about your infidelity during this time, he'll probably feel even worse due to his dysfunction. Maybe you should let him go, then start dealing with your feelings for the MM. One step at a time.
newbby Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 no, if you let him go, you will hang on to the relationship with mm and become another depressed ow. better to work on improving your marriage and seeing the affair for what it is. try and think a little bit further ahead and identify your long term goals.
kkat Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 Girl, here's the bottom line. You are involved with a MM who is always going to be married, and you want more from him than he is available for. You are going to be hurt, and hurting, for as long as you stay involved. If I had to guess, as far as the "typical" MM goes, he's probably a "good friend" to you, a good guy, treats you well - within the boundaries of the relationship. That makes it even harder to end it. I know that's been the case with me. And he may love you dearly. But he is not leaving his wife. Please end this relationship. What is ONE STEP you could take today towards freeing yourself from this painful relationship?
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