disneyfan90 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 I had been working with a coworker for nearly 2 years, and for one year, I had feelings for him. However, I couldn't be with him because he was married - and so I kept these feelings entirely to myself. Some time during that year, I met a guy outside of work who was very interested in me. He really caught my attention at first - he had everything I had ever been looking for in a guy. We dated casually for a few months, and then were exclusive for about 4 months. However, after only about 2 months of being exclusive with this guy, I realized that I wasn't as emotionally invested in this relationship as I wanted to be. I wasn't excited about it, and even worse, my thoughts kept wandering back to my coworker. As soon as I started thinking about my coworker, I realized that I should break-up with my bf, but it took me 2 whole months to actually do it. It was so difficult for me, because my bf was incredibly kind and caring and I just didn't know how to tell him. Nothing ever happened with my coworker. We would always get lunch or coffee at work, but we hardly ever spoke outside of work or work events. Our interactions have always been professional and platonic. Furthermore, my bf and I always seemed fine on the surface. Whenever I had news to share, my bf would be the first person I'd tell, and I'd talk to him everyday. He always had my attention more than anyone...but for at least a couple of months, I secretly wished I could be spending time with my coworker instead. I'm glad I didn't keep this relationship dragging on for too long, but I still feel guilty when I think about it - is this what emotional cheating is?
preraph Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 It would be if you were in a committed relationship and you were acting on it and trying to get the coworker's attention. As is, you just like him better than the bf, so you need to keep looking and find someone who will make you forget about the coworker.
yololin Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 Sounds like your bf is just there for your convenience. Your feelings aren't totally there. Pit stop boyfriend. I hope your bf doesnt get too hurt by you.
kendahke Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 (edited) is this what emotional cheating is? Emotional cheating is letting someone other than your committed partner into a place of emotional intimacy in which they do not belong and you would also not do it in front of your partner without hiding anything. So yes, both you and this coworker are emotionally cheating if you and he are confiding in each other about your respective partners or problems in your relationship while not talking to your partner about it. That web is woven to strengthen the emotional attachment to each other. If you would be apoplectic if your boyfriend was doing what you were doing, yes it's emotional cheating. Edited March 24, 2019 by kendahke
smackie9 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 No it's not emotional cheating. You were emotionally unavailable to your BF is all. If you want to move on, you need to stop one on one time with this coworker to get over your crush.
MetallicHue Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 From what you said it doesn’t sound like emotional cheating. But regardless if you liked him probably not the best to go out to eat with him while in a committed relationship with someone else. I wouldn’t worry about it though it’s in the past. You should put more distance between yourself and the person you like. Also maybe try and find someone else to put this person behind you.
Author disneyfan90 Posted March 24, 2019 Author Posted March 24, 2019 Emotional cheating is letting someone other than your committed partner into a place of emotional intimacy in which they do not belong and you would also not do it in front of your partner without hiding anything. So yes, both you and this coworker are emotionally cheating if you and he are confiding in each other about your respective partners or problems in your relationship while not talking to your partner about it. That web is woven to strengthen the emotional attachment to each other. If you would be apoplectic if your boyfriend was doing what you were doing, yes it's emotional cheating. We never spoke about our relationships. Our conversations mostly revolved around work, and other mundane things like TV shows, movies, etc.
Author disneyfan90 Posted March 24, 2019 Author Posted March 24, 2019 From what you said it doesn’t sound like emotional cheating. But regardless if you liked him probably not the best to go out to eat with him while in a committed relationship with someone else. I wouldn’t worry about it though it’s in the past. You should put more distance between yourself and the person you like. Also maybe try and find someone else to put this person behind you. You're right, it is all in the past. I finally gathered the strength to break up with my bf and I was very relieved when I did. It took me a couple of months to do it, just because I didn't know how to tell him. I also very recently started a new job, and the distance has helped a lot in getting over my coworker.
Author disneyfan90 Posted March 24, 2019 Author Posted March 24, 2019 It would be if you were in a committed relationship and you were acting on it and trying to get the coworker's attention. As is, you just like him better than the bf, so you need to keep looking and find someone who will make you forget about the coworker. Thank you, I feel a little less guilty about it. My ex was the most caring, committed, loyal guy and I genuinely wanted to have very strong feelings for him, and I wanted to be blissfully happy with him. Yet, I couldn't bring myself to give my all to the relationship, even though I cared about him. I tried everything I could to create feelings, in a way. Alas, I realized that strong feelings are either there or they're not.
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