richdeniro Posted March 23, 2019 Posted March 23, 2019 Hi There, I went on a first date with someone I met from Hinge last night, we had been messaging for around a month due to various plans not meaning we could get anything arranged until then. I was pretty nervous as I liked it and the month build up to the first date probably didn't help that, we didn't have too much to drink which is probably a good thing but also didn't allow me to come out out my shell enough. It probably led to me coming across as quite shy and overly respectful if you know what I mean - the people pleasing side of me came out and I know I didn't do enough to create a spark, i.e. I didn't go in for a kiss at the end of the date or flirt particularly well. We arranged a second date for next weekend, she expressed interest in wanting to go to a football game when we were on the date - literally by chance I have a spare ticket for a game next Saturday so invited her along. When I got home she messaged me with the following: I really enjoyed tonight too... I don’t know if I felt any sexual chemistry/a spark between us, but felt we got on well... I don’t want to lead you on in anyway, as much as I would love to see them play, I don’t want to give the impression my feelings may change, so completely understand in your rather take someone else x I messaged back saying I completely understand but would like to see her again and perhaps we could go for dinner after work one night next week beforehand, she wrote back saying she would let me know only because she has a couple of other things on in the week and she didn't want me hanging around after work as she knows I finish work a couple of hours earlier than she does (this really isn't an issue). I haven't replied yet and don't want to come across as needy in anyway whatsoever. Any advice as to how I should play it now in terms of messaging back?
singletotaken Posted March 23, 2019 Posted March 23, 2019 Hi There, I went on a first date with someone I met from Hinge last night, we had been messaging for around a month due to various plans not meaning we could get anything arranged until then. I was pretty nervous as I liked it and the month build up to the first date probably didn't help that, we didn't have too much to drink which is probably a good thing but also didn't allow me to come out out my shell enough. It probably led to me coming across as quite shy and overly respectful if you know what I mean - the people pleasing side of me came out and I know I didn't do enough to create a spark, i.e. I didn't go in for a kiss at the end of the date or flirt particularly well. We arranged a second date for next weekend, she expressed interest in wanting to go to a football game when we were on the date - literally by chance I have a spare ticket for a game next Saturday so invited her along. When I got home she messaged me with the following: I really enjoyed tonight too... I don’t know if I felt any sexual chemistry/a spark between us, but felt we got on well... I don’t want to lead you on in anyway, as much as I would love to see them play, I don’t want to give the impression my feelings may change, so completely understand in your rather take someone else x I messaged back saying I completely understand but would like to see her again and perhaps we could go for dinner after work one night next week beforehand, she wrote back saying she would let me know only because she has a couple of other things on in the week and she didn't want me hanging around after work as she knows I finish work a couple of hours earlier than she does (this really isn't an issue). I haven't replied yet and don't want to come across as needy in anyway whatsoever. Any advice as to how I should play it now in terms of messaging back? Ok thank you for sending in that question. I felt during the date you should have relaxed more rather than allowing the people pleasing side to come out as this is unattractive to women as it will come across as try hard and show the other person you are unsure of yourself. When the woman said about going to watch the football game when she mentioned about the fact her being unsure of the sexual chemistry and spark between you too, thats pretty much the turning point in the interaction and that she doesn’t want to lead you on. In essence, she indirectly has said she isn’t interested in seeing you more than just a friend, so she has friend-zoned you. You’ve made the mistake again by asking her out to dinner and she has said she will let you know which means again a polite way of her not being interested. So you’ve done yourself a disfavour by trying to arrange dinner despite her saying she is unsure of the spark. What I can also say is by her saying that don’t take it personally, maybe there is something going on in her life at this stage that is preventing her from wanting to get into a relationship, so what I suggest is to not bother contacting her again, and to move on and if she changes her mind, she will reach out to you. But carry on doing things to keep you occupied and a better person will come along brother and speak to other women. I will do a video and get women's opinions on this as I want to help you out. 1
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2019 Posted March 23, 2019 She told you she felt no spark, so she is not interested, so forget dinner or the football game or even another message... Its over. NEXT! 4
Author richdeniro Posted March 23, 2019 Author Posted March 23, 2019 Ugh she's messaged me a few times this evening asking how my days been and that type of thing. I haven't replied as she's clearly not interested but it's so confusing given her texts after the date last night.
basil67 Posted March 23, 2019 Posted March 23, 2019 Either ask her on another date and try again...or block her. Also, given there was no chemistry, it would have been wrong of you to try and kiss her on the first date. A kiss without chemistry is on both sides is something to be avoided. The kissing is to be done when the chemistry draws you together.
chillii Posted March 23, 2019 Posted March 23, 2019 Jesus man, your title's enough to turn me off dating crapola for life, thank God l don't have to anyway. She's not interested man , she's tried to be nice about it but she couldn't of been more clearer, wth are you still pushing it let alone starting a thread about it.
preraph Posted March 23, 2019 Posted March 23, 2019 Tell her, Hey, after thinking about it, you sound pretty certain that there is never going to be any chemistry, and honestly, I'm just not looking for a platonic friend. I hope you find someone else to go to the game with. I think we should just cut our losses. Too bad it didn't work out. At this point, she is just trying to use your game ticket. She has been very decisive that she is not and will never be attracted to you romantically, and I don't think it's just because you didn't kiss her on the first date. It's nothing wrong with you. You're just not what she's looking for that's all. 3
emeraldgreen Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 The only way that could be a bigger NO is if she used the billboard at the game to broadcast it. Give your energy to someone interested.
smackie9 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 You should have just thanked her for her honesty, and called it a day. 1
LauraXX Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 then why does she keep texting him? Because she enjoyed spending time with him, wants to be friends and probably REALLY wants to see that game next weekend OP, if you're ok with being "just friends" text her back and take her to the game. If that's definitely not what you want, you should tell her that and call it a day. 1
LostOnes05 Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 Ok bro, she isn't interested and that's not hard to see at all. I wouldn't have invited her out after her message. A simple "thanks for being honest with me" would suffice and move on. If she decided to contact you later to hang out it would be on her. Don't try to force things. Her texting afterward is just to ensure that you aren't upset with her and probably some attention seeking behavior as well. She knows you like her, but she has expressed that she doesn't see you in the same way. If you're legitimately cool with a platonic relationship...then by all means meet up with her again but just as friends.
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 She's open to being your friend & she might be a fun person to watch the game with but she's not interested in romance with you. She does not find you attractive enough to want to kiss or have sex with. Take her to the game if you think you'd have a good time watching it with her but she's going as a fan, not your date.
Author richdeniro Posted March 25, 2019 Author Posted March 25, 2019 Think I'll go and just see how it goes, nothing to lose, I'm not invested or anything. Only reason I asked if it were possible she might have felt a spark after a second date is because I've heard so many stories whereby the woman doesn't feel anything on a first date only to reconsider after a second date in a different setting. Am guessing these stories are the exception rather than the rule though.
Lotsgoingon Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 Actually there's a lot to lose in going out. You spend all kinds of mind-bending, twisting energy pretending you're totally cool with being a friends ... and hiding your disappointment that she isn't interested in more. But if you can genuinely go out with her and have a good time, then do it. Perhaps going to the game will bring you clarity. As to why she texts you, she's just trying to be kind. She realizes she said no to you and she's trying not to be a jerk. BTW: you not going in for a kiss ... has NOTHING to do with her feelings. The reverse is more likely true: you didn't go in for a kiss because you didn't feel any sexual chemistry. You can have dates with people full of electric charge and chemistry in which you don't kiss the person at end. But you leave smiling and laughing and feeling the intoxication over the connection. Now, if you've got some real confidence, this woman seems really cool ... and really cool people have lots of similar friends ... might not be a bad move to get into some of her social network. That's just one way of thinking. Again, you have to be clear that you are Ok with not dating her. 1
kendahke Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 then why does she keep texting him? because she's after the game tickets, not him. This is her way of waxing him to a high gloss. But she's already shut down access, so now's the time to vanish and block. Keep in touch with her only if you're that desperate for a female bud you just text with and get ignored by til she wants something.
kendahke Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 Only reason I asked if it were possible she might have felt a spark after a second date is because I've heard so many stories whereby the woman doesn't feel anything on a first date only to reconsider after a second date in a different setting. Yeah, but I'll bet dollars to donuts that she ain't one of those kinds of chicks. They might not feel a spark, but chances are, they didn't make the explicitly clear either on the first date. This one told you after 2 dates--so she's had experience of you twice and this is what she concluded about your chances.
Author richdeniro Posted April 1, 2019 Author Posted April 1, 2019 Well I went to the game with her anyway on Saturday, had no expectation. She seemed really excited by it in the week and she went to the club shop on the Friday to buy herself the teams shirt and called me a few times on Saturday morning before we were due to meet to tell me how excited she was. The day itself was such good fun, she didn't stop smiling the entire time and seemed to really enjoy herself. We parted at 7pm as she had to go to dinner with her friends and I had to go to a friends engagement drinks. She then messaged me at 10pm asking if I was still out and wanted to join her and her friends as they were still out in a bar so I got a cab back to her and we stayed out drinking until 2am. Since then she's been pretty quiet and I sent her a quick text yesterday evening asking if she'd had a good day as I know she went to the cinema and for a meal with her mum and sister. She replied saying she the film was good and then I wrote one back asking what the restaurant was like. She didn't reply to that and I haven't sent anything since.
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 Glad you had a good time. You did the best you could. If she's into you, she will reach out but if she's not, she's going to go MIA on you so as not to give you the wrong idea.
Morello Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) Your whole rationale in this is wrong. This woman friendzoned you, you then proceeded to take her to a game and probably paid for everything. She invited you out, where I assume you showered her with attention acting like a male orbiter. The next day comes and you are the one still showering her with attention, contacting her first, while she shows how little interested she is by, at the very least, taking very long to reply your message. Don't you see how messed up this is? It might have been a good idea to hang out with her, maybe to get to know her friends, etc. But you are truly acting like a male orbiter now and it's a very quick way to make you sure you stay in the friendzone and lose all self-respect that is left in you. Edited April 1, 2019 by Morello
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