Atom Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 okay heres the situation as weird it may sound, i have a friend who is a lesbian. the other night she came by at like 3 am just to hang out or whatever, we drank a lil and then watched a movie, while watching the movie things happened and we ended up kissing and more, so we end up in my bed but we didn't have sex we just kissed and touched eachother alot, i am so cofused because she told me alot of times that she is tired of being gay(previous to that night). all this happened sunday night, monday night her ex g/f was at her house and i haven't heard from her since, she was over last nite too. i am just curious what are the chances if any of her going straight after what happened, i was the first man she has ever touched/kissed.i would love to be with her but i really don't know if she will go staright, i can't understand why she is a lesbian and how she thinks i am jjust curious maybe a little insight will help.
Jadey Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Personally..I doubt it meant anything. Just a heat of the monent thing? Maybe too much to drink? If she is truely gay she aint gonna turn straight just because she kissed and touched you (no offence!) If she somehow did decide shes now straight imagine having a relationship with her! All the worries! Doubt it would go well, do you? I think its time to realise it was just a one night thing and their probably isnt any chance of anything else. Sorry, Good luck
loveherfromadistance Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 being gay is not a choice. It is something you can not help. maybe she was just curious. You said she was sick of being gay, maybe she wanted to see how it was to be straight. Maybe she's a little bi. but there is no way you can change from straight to gay and back again. trust me on this. I know.
NewLee40 Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Well, it really just depends. My personal belief is that human sexuality is more of a continuum than an either or proposition. I was married and never thought a second about being with a woman. For years after my divorce, I dated only women and considered myself to be gay. However, my sexuality was largely influenced by a traumatic marriage, and after I worked through all those issues, I felt comfortable dating men again. I consider myself heterosexual and have no desire for women at all, even though it was a big part of my life for almost 8 years. So...having said that, it really depends on her background and experience. Is she one of those people who always knew she was gay? For people like that, their sexuality is NOT a choice. She may just be curious. I've known women who are totally gay and would never ever consider a relationship with a man, but have no problems having sex with them now and again. It really depends on the person. When you say "be with her" do you mean, you'd like a relationship with her? Or are you just curious yourself?
RecordProducer Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 I had a lesbian acquaintance, who claimed she only loved women and later married some guy. But I also heard that he's very wealthy so it's possible that she didn't really fall in love with him. Some people are bi-sexual, but given that she never expressed a desire to be with a man, I wouldn't count much on that. The statement that she is tired of being gay doesn't mean she is attracted to men. It rather sounds like a conscious desire to be straight. But our hearts don't listen to our minds. I don't think she may fall in love with a man. But you never know. Just be cautious about your feelings towards her. She is probably not the best catch given her sexual orientation.
Author Atom Posted November 16, 2005 Author Posted November 16, 2005 Okay since the time i posted things have changed alot, i have since found out that this girl i had sex with is pregnant she is now a month pregnant and says that she wants to be with me, we have been spending alot of time together and i have bee pretty happy with the situation seeing as how i wanted to be with her in the first place, she says she has no regrets and is happy to be having a child, she wants to move to georgia once the baby is born because she wants to " come out" and be straight yet she doesn't think that she could do it here cause all of her friends would ridicule her and she also has family in georgia to support her and her decision to be straight, any comments or advice is apreciated!
RecordProducer Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 You didn't say in any of your posts that she's in love with you. I am still convinced that she is primarily lesbian. How old is she?
Author Atom Posted November 17, 2005 Author Posted November 17, 2005 she is 22 and i don't expect her to be " in love" just yet we have only known eachother intimately for about 4 months now, this obviously wasn't a planned pregnancy, i dunno i guess we will see where things go from here i am still pretty skeptical myself but am hoping for the best, having a child and not being a dad to it would crush me, from what she has said and done i think she is ready to make the switch but we will see what happens
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 17, 2005 Posted November 17, 2005 1. If she is truely gay she aint gonna turn straight just because she kissed and touched you (no offence!) 2. If she somehow did decide shes now straight imagine having a relationship with her! 1. True. The people you have sex with doesn't alone determine gayness or straightness - it mainly just determines how curious or open-minded you are to experimentation with human sexuality and interaction. Now, when you include sex within the context of a loving relationship and emotional attachments it can get a little more confusing. 2. What determines gayness or straightness (for me, anyway) is your emotional capacity for a member of the same sex, outside of the context of sexuality. If you are a woman and you can fall deeply in love with another woman (and lack that same capacity for men) and love another woman just like straight people fall deeply in love with each other then chances are you are gay. If you have the emotional capacity for both men and women, you are bi. If you have sexual contact with a member of the same sex but have no emotional capacity outside of that - then you are straight/curious. I guess what you would want to know is this girl's emotional capacity for males. Can she form emotional attachements to men? Can she form emotional attachments to women? If she is bi or simply straight/curious, you have a shot I guess. If she is gay or gay/curious - meaning that she cannot form romantic emotional attachments to men - then at best you'll have a friendly lesbian FWB if it continues. [size=5]Man... I just saw that update! Perhaps it can work. I'm bi (leaning more toward the women interests), I have a kid and I'm married. As long as you can accept her and her sexuality it can work. Just be very clear about boundaries in terms of what you both consider to be 'cheating' should you decide to commit. If she is bi - her attractions to women will not 'go away' - she could probably supress it but it will always be there. Perhaps there could be some private outlet for her? I haven't slept with a woman in a long time, but I do watch a lot of lesbian porn... I wish she would post here! There are so many things going through her head, I'm sure. I know I went through a time where I wondered what was "right" for my child and found that what was "right" is simply to accept who I am, be with someone who accepts it, and over time it simply is just a matter of fact now.
SuperMonk Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 UGH. She's bisexual and she is pregnant? Man, stay away. Bisexual/Lesbian women tend to be more emotionally messed up than an emotionally messed than an emotionally messed up straight women. I KNOW this. Cause men provide the superior logical stability of strength and power, while women just provide emotion and if they don't know how to cook or even clean, throw them out! True dat.
Panhandler Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 Gay is a lifestyle, despite what anyone say, gay people are just like straight people, except their fork bends the other way. hahaha No but seriously, maybe she's gay from ecstacy and clubbing, maybe she don't even know it. I know when I took ecstacy for the first time, that I was delusional and skitzophrenic, and my mind totally was perverted. I didn't want to be gay, but my mind made me think in a very gay way. Like normal conversations with other guys just seemed so sexual cause I was just really horny with so much sex on my mind, I had perverted thoughts. hehehe...so gay is more of a sickness than anything. It's a mental disorder as far as I'm concerned, or an act of lust, partnered with fullfilling friendship at times. The gay family will never grow together like a straight family passing on physical generations like limbs from a tree tightly wound together. A lot of girls even say they are gay or bi just to attract more guys, or enjoy a more liberal and fun sex life. So probably she just is using you, and you probably are turned on by the fact she likes girls too. But ehhhh, I can get the same way as a lesbian butch in a way that I hate girls, but I won't be gay in the fact I enjoy men sexually, I just may enjoy male bonding and friendship more than the dull lustful companionship of ditzy girls. But to clarify I have never had any gay relationships or experiences, other than sucking my own thing. hehehe, if that qualifies, I think that's more A-sexual though than homosexual. But I again have been on drugs where they distorted and fought against my personal focus to make things very perverted and feel gay. Like I even remember that this guy named Ray, I thought that his real name was Gay hehehe. It was such a laugh being that high on drugs and looking at the world in a gay satire and being straight by actions and physical choice lifestyles. heheh
slubberdegullion Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 so gay is more of a sickness than anything. It's a mental disorder as far as I'm concerned What bathysphere have you been living in for the past 20 years? Being gay is no more a choice than your natural hair colour.
Enema Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 A lot of young girls do the lesbian/bi "thing" for attention. An 18 year old girl I work with has gone through it too since we no longer really care, she became starved for attention, decided to announce she was no longer lesbian and started dating a 30 year old married man with kids from the office. Long story short, Labels such as "lesbian" don't mean a lot these days. Just run with it.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 18, 2005 Posted November 18, 2005 Atom, my advice is to ignore the gay bashing and focus on your girl and her baby. Gay, straight, bi - no matter. You are parents now regardless of what labels you have as individuals and as long as you two are happy with that you'll do fine. Make your relationship work for you, don't slave yourself to a certain type of relationship. Your kid will also be much happier growing up with happy parents than obligated ones.
NYCmitch25 Posted November 19, 2005 Posted November 19, 2005 okay heres the situation as weird it may sound, i have a friend who is a lesbian. the other night she came by at like 3 am just to hang out or whatever, we drank a lil and then watched a movie, while watching the movie things happened and we ended up kissing and more, so we end up in my bed but we didn't have sex we just kissed and touched eachother alot, i am so cofused because she told me alot of times that she is tired of being gay(previous to that night). all this happened sunday night, monday night her ex g/f was at her house and i haven't heard from her since, she was over last nite too. i am just curious what are the chances if any of her going straight after what happened, i was the first man she has ever touched/kissed.i would love to be with her but i really don't know if she will go staright, i can't understand why she is a lesbian and how she thinks i am jjust curious maybe a little insight will help. She's probably bi, never understood why people wanted to have serious relationships with such free spirited people... she'll probably date you a little, you'll end up heart broken like my friend was..
Author Atom Posted November 19, 2005 Author Posted November 19, 2005 its about time for someone to talk some sense, i appreciate all the "advice" you know who u are and lucrezia i like ur quote about advice cause that is so true, don't speak just to be heard, talk when u can make sense and contribute to others, for the most part i have had "advice" but am lacking support seeing as how this isn't your everyday situation, so this was more of a " have u ever done this" kind of post, with it all said and done i am very disapointed in responses i had from this post, people just talk to talk, at least soemone in here can give advice and be sensible!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 its about time for someone to talk some sense, i appreciate all the "advice" you know who u are and lucrezia i like ur quote about advice cause that is so true, don't speak just to be heard, talk when u can make sense and contribute to others, for the most part i have had "advice" but am lacking support seeing as how this isn't your everyday situation, so this was more of a " have u ever done this" kind of post, with it all said and done i am very disapointed in responses i had from this post, people just talk to talk, at least soemone in here can give advice and be sensible! Advice? You want some advice? Well consider that this week's offering in a popular sex advice column includes the phrase: "(Many Butch lesbians don't want to be penetrated during sex... because it finds them not in control during that time)" With that in mind, my advice to you is that you not even hint of any romantic interest, or at any curiosity over her sexual orientation until such time as you have (gone all the way). Some of us can get quite comfortable in a hurry with people that we deem immediately to be sexually out-of-bounds. Then there is no reason for anybody's guard to be up, and the comfortable conversations result from that calm.
NYCmitch25 Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 You are asking for some kind of lesbian litnus test so you can magically figure out if shes going straight or not and It's absolutly incredible that you demand advice from this kind of thread (drivel)! She's saying that she's "tired of being gay" because she wants at the very least fool around with you so she is throwing you subtle hints. Seemingly I have to assume she is a life long lesbo and thus will see you as a temporary thing and the advice is to not take her too seriously. Before you know it, you'll be emotionally invested and she'll pull that emotional rug out from under your feet. No offense but you give little details and you have the nerve to cry for details that only one person can answer.. give me a break!!
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