gymguy29 Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 (edited) Started dating a woman about 2 months ago so I know it hasn't been long. We were set up by a girlfriend of hers. When we are intimate, she will kiss but hasn't the last couple weeks we've been intimate and never kisses when I greet her or leave her? I had to say, "kiss me" once and when I asked her if she is affectionate and she says yes. I then ask her why she never kisses when I see her and she says she's not used to being a girlfriend? That she is used to hugging hello and goodbye? That she has to get used to it and used to being a girlfriend again since she hasn't had any "boyfriend" for a decade? They've been casual relationships? I mean, seriously, it's not rocket science or you need a degree in being a girlfriend? Just be affectionate, trustworthy, and communicative? She never holds my hand when we're walking so I always reach out to hold them but don't want to feel like I'm forcing it on her? I usually kiss her head, her cheek, her shoulder when we're cuddling so I asked if that bothers her since she's not used to kissing and she says no? Sometimes her texts back are plain "yes" or "no" or "than's good" when I'm trying to joke and make it fun which, in turn, makes me feel awkward for writing it and then my mind starts to blank on what to say next because I'm no longer comfortable and feel like I'm boring her? So, I was at her place yesterday and she has a couch with a separate seater and then the full seater. She was in the separate one for a while and I asked if she's coming over to sit with me. She says she will, that she's just comfy in that seat and it's right next to the cup holder. I'm thinking, this is something I'd NEVER do if the situation was reversed? After 20 minutes I ask her to come over and she does but it shouldn't be that way? Later when we go to bed and she's too tired and just wants to cuddle which is fine. I tell her, "I missed holding you" (since it's been 3 days since we saw each other. She says, "Thank you". I say, "What??? That sounds very clinical?" I really meant to say it sounds cold. She says that she doesn't think that way. That she just enjoys the moment? You can enjoy the moment and can still miss someone right? Am I wrong? No kiss goodnight (there's never been anyway) and I hold her to sleep. In the middle of the night she starts kissing my chest several times. I start kissing her shoulders and chest and thinking she wanted to get intimate but she didn't, again it's okay. The next morning I go to leave and we hug goodbye and she's hugging me longer which feels good. I kiss her on the cheek and side of her head several times since her face is turned and I'd have to grab her face or laser force my lips to get hers. She starts kissing me on the cheek and neck and hugs me tighter again. It feels good but I'm just confused if she's really interested or not? I'm a very affectionate person but not overpowering. I'm the type of person that would come home, hug and kiss my partner. If we're cuddling I'd kiss their head and hold them etc. Just not used to anyone that isn't affectionate or just "general affection" such as kissing hello or goodbye or holding hands when walking etc. Edited March 22, 2019 by gymguy29 1
smackie9 Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 You are totally her cuddle friend, not a GF. Dude she's just using you for the warmth, that's it. She's either only wants you for a friend, or she's not ready for a relationship. It's a no brainer, move on. 1
preraph Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 You're extra affectionate so you're going to have to find someone else who needs a lot of affection like that. It's nice unless it gets to be too much. I have never been with someone who expected or gave hello kisses each time we saw each other. Make out sometime during the evening wherever we landed, probably, but not upon greeting. So it's just what she's used to and she's just not one of those high schooly affectionate girls. Honestly, I've not seen grown women BE that constantly affectionate (or men) and have to go back to high school to think of one. But nothing wrong with it. You'll have to find someone more like you. She's just not that type. Doesn't mean she won't be fun in bed, necessarily or enjoy a cuddle, but she's probably not into public displays of affection and probably feels snogging at every occasion is a little bit much. I honestly think you're more out of the norm on the affection scale than she is. In other words, I think you're unusually high and she's slightly below average on the scale.
Author gymguy29 Posted March 22, 2019 Author Posted March 22, 2019 You are totally her cuddle friend, not a GF. Dude she's just using you for the warmth, that's it. She's either only wants you for a friend, or she's not ready for a relationship. It's a no brainer, move on. We don't just cuddle, we do have sex (when I said intimate) but haven't kissed since the middle of last week when we had sex. We had sex since then but haven't kissed?
Author gymguy29 Posted March 22, 2019 Author Posted March 22, 2019 You're extra affectionate so you're going to have to find someone else who needs a lot of affection like that. It's nice unless it gets to be too much. I have never been with someone who expected or gave hello kisses each time we saw each other. Make out sometime during the evening wherever we landed, probably, but not upon greeting. So it's just what she's used to and she's just not one of those high schooly affectionate girls. Honestly, I've not seen grown women BE that constantly affectionate (or men) and have to go back to high school to think of one. But nothing wrong with it. You'll have to find someone more like you. She's just not that type. Doesn't mean she won't be fun in bed, necessarily or enjoy a cuddle, but she's probably not into public displays of affection and probably feels snogging at every occasion is a little bit much. I honestly think you're more out of the norm on the affection scale than she is. In other words, I think you're unusually high and she's slightly below average on the scale. I really don't think I'm on the overly affectionate scale? I'm not talking about seeing each other in the morning and night and kissing. I'm talking about not seeing each other for several days and not kissing when greeting. Not that we have to kiss each time but kissing would happen sometime either greeting or kissing goodbye or even kissing in between. I don't think she's into PDA but holding hands is normal to me. Every single girl I've dated reached for my hand. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blinded and trying to squeeze blood from a stone because that's not her personality. When I say if we're cuddling I'm not kissing her every couple minutes. It's mainly just cuddling and a kiss when she rests her head on me. The main reason I'm here is to ask about the affection because it feels way below average and wondering if I'm reading it wrong or is this the norm with a lot of people?
El Duendecillo Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 It sounds as though the two of you, are simply not compatible. If her lack of affection bothers you, just end it. But if this woman is willing, and the sex is good.. just enjoy the relationship (FWB) as it is. She may warm up and become more affectionate, or she may not. But if the sex is good, just go with it. ..or you can always end it if your needs are not being met.
Lotsgoingon Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 You're clarifying as if we don't get the scenario. We get it. She's not attracted to you ... Sorry ... but she's not ... or she's a spectacularly cold fish ... meaning she's really distant ... Take your choice ... probably both. Sex without kissing is almost always a sign that one person isn't attracted to the other. Kissing is what you do when you REALLY like a person and their smell and being close to them ... Skip the kissing and you just have raw, cold sex. She doesn't find you attractive ... She sees you as more of a friend. You should run ... don't ignore this sign ... your heart will only get broken more badly the longer you stay. It's basic: you kiss a love partner ... when you see them after a separation. Not complicated ... you do it. She knows that. Quit doubting yourself and start heading for the exits ... BTW: you cannot talk your way into someone else being more affectionate. Doesn't work. The more you talk about it, the worse it gets ... Unfortunately, not talking about the problem does not work as well. 1
preraph Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 Can only speak for myself, but kissing goodnight was always a thing, but kissing right away after not seeing each other was never on the agenda with guys I dated or with me. Holding hands in public is very mild PDA, but if someone doesn't like PDA, it possibly might be odd for them, but hopefully she'll get to liking it! Everyone is different. I've seen on here in the distant past that a lot of women don't like when a man puts his arm around their shoulder or neck going down the street, and yet it's my favorite thing to have a guy walk like that. Very few do. Only met two who did.
thepeopleschampion Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 maaaaaaaaaan thats so funny the same stuff happens to me haha! I am about to go nuts man i hate that! I would say dump her ...lets do it together 1......2......3!
mightybop Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 I was just in a situation like this that ended a couple weeks ago. We were "dating" maybe a month and a half. She was rarely affectionate and communication wasn't that great. I was initiating everything, basically. I invested too much too early before realizing I was basically dating a zombie. She always seemed depressed and slept a lot. I kept hoping things would change but they didn't. My advice is to keep dating her if you want but also date other people. That's what I should have done.
Oak Posted March 23, 2019 Posted March 23, 2019 I believe you're expectations are normal, however everyone is different...and in my experience, people don't change. You will always wish she were more affectionate. As a side note, I think affectionate women make better mothers. If I were you, I would not consider having a long-term relationship with this girl.
DaddyDom Posted March 23, 2019 Posted March 23, 2019 Dude I gotta be honest. You sound like a woman complaining about "lack of affection". Biologically women are drawn to and feel safe with masculine energy. So if you're exhibiting signs of neediness and acting like a woman, it will turn her off. Just trying to give you some harsh truth. I mean who do you usually see making posts about "emotional intimacy" "lack of affection" etc? Women. Also what truly soaks a woman's panties is foreplay and mental stimulation. If she is pulling away physically, you need to step up your seduction game and take charge. Start working on getting her turned on away from the bedroom. Also plan dates and court her. Make her feel desired. During a date plan a spontaneous trip to buying her lingerie and tell her you want her to model it for you. Then have your way with her in the dressing room.
emeraldgreen Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 She has turned you into the girl of the relationship and she holds all the power and you've done all the investing. See other girls.
preraph Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 ^ That's good advice. See other women. Keep dating her and see if it develops or not. But nah, she's probably just not that type.
disneyfan90 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 I'm reminded of myself when you describe your gf. I'm not a very affectionate person either. It doesn't in any way indicate a lack of interest on my part, it's just that I've always been that way. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she's not interested in you. It could very well be the case that she's completely into you - but it doesn't seem like you two are the most compatible when it comes to affection. That's okay, you both are just different. Perhaps this can be improved with a bit of communication, but if not, it may be time to move on.
smackie9 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 If she won't fulfill your expectation of kissing, then you two are not compatible...see other women.
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