Angel29 Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 This weekend someone who I liked romantically will be hiking in our hiking group. He did like me but backed off due to his 'mother issues' which is why his relationships always fail and he refuses to get help. I know he is not the right man for me but cannot help having feelings for him. When he is on the hike should I just be polite and talk to others instead? He thinks I don't like him romantically anymore but I know he is using dating sites to meet someone without success. I know I should not be bothered about him. I just wish I did not have to see him as it is a reminder.
kendahke Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 When you're on the hike, act like you would if he wasn't there. If you were going to be talking to others, talk to them. This doesn't have to be a performance--he's someone who is totally not who you need, so why even go through all these dramatics for him? 2
stillafool Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 Yes speak if he speaks to you, do not stare at him or give any eye contact and enjoy your hike as if he wasn't there. Do not engage him in any way.
Author Angel29 Posted March 22, 2019 Author Posted March 22, 2019 There is also another woman who is going to be there and she is quite desperate for him as she chases him a lot, something I would not do. I will have to ignore her too as I do not want to witness her throwing herself at him.
preraph Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 Doesn't sound like he's interested, so you should just stop interacting with him. You can be polite and not nasty to him, but just don't interact. There's nothing for you there. If you were to keep being friendly even though you know he's not interested, the most that would come of that is him using you for sex once. 1
Author Angel29 Posted March 23, 2019 Author Posted March 23, 2019 I went to the walk and he spoke to me and said hello. I left him to it as that woman was there throwing herself at him. Since I left I have had slight anxiety in my chest with a wheeze. I feel like bursting into tears. I don't want feelings for him. I had my name down for this walk before he did and don't see why I should put life on hold and avoid things but then seeing him is making me anxious. If I want to meet someone new I don't want him spectating.
Versacehottie Posted March 23, 2019 Posted March 23, 2019 I went to the walk and he spoke to me and said hello. I left him to it as that woman was there throwing herself at him. Since I left I have had slight anxiety in my chest with a wheeze. I feel like bursting into tears. I don't want feelings for him. I had my name down for this walk before he did and don't see why I should put life on hold and avoid things but then seeing him is making me anxious. If I want to meet someone new I don't want him spectating. Yes to bolded. So go forward with your plans as you did and in the future. And then next diversify a bit more. Join other hiking groups, make friends or take some from this group onto random, new hikes. And make other plans that have nothing to do with hiking. I think hiking itself is part of the reminder and the whole situation with him being there and other women hitting on him is amping it up. You deserve your own happiness--both with your love of hiking and a guy. That said, it is your job and responsibility to sort out what comes your way in life to get what you want. Life is fluid so that will change. It was good to "try" with him but now that it hasn't worked out, you owe it to yourself to continue your hobby AND find a guy you would like to date and vice versa. Take the steps to make that possible. Just the law of averages that make it more unlikely (and the heightened situation) that you will have to find the next guy outside of this particular hiking group. Good luck. 1
Author Angel29 Posted March 25, 2019 Author Posted March 25, 2019 I keep having anxiety attacks and hyperventilating as I don't like this situation. Otherwise I am fine. I feel like I need to just block him out of my life. The cat and mouse game is affecting my mental health. I need distractions. Has anyone had someone trigger anxiety and when they are out of your life everything is ok?
Versacehottie Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 If it's causing you stress and anxiety to the point of anxiety attacks, why not back off for a while? Hiking is a choice, if stuff is making you anxious that you don't have to do, don't do it. I don't see that sticking around this group will make it better in the near future. So take a break. Try another group, hike on your own or with other friends in a different place.
Inspire Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 The anxiety stems from the fact that you like him, but you know he isn't good for you. The heart and mind are at odds. If it really bothered me that much, I'd find another group to hike with or at the very least take some time off from that group to get over whatever feelings you're having. I assume the hiking is a hobby? Why turn an interest and passion of yours into a situation that causes you so much anxiety. Out of sight, out of mind ... 1
stillafool Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 I agree with Inspire find another hiking group to join. Why put yourself in anxious situations when it's not necessary.
Author Angel29 Posted April 7, 2019 Author Posted April 7, 2019 I saw a friend tonight and found out he has been messaging her and saying she has an erotic vibe. He also said he will wait for her to see how her new relationship will pan out - this made me realise he must have low self esteem to wait for her which is what I have been doing with him. She showed me the messages and he had sent them. I was shaking as I felt so upset and angry and know in my heart I deserve better. I even saw him earlier on a walk and he was acting all coy with me and kept looking at me. Should I just cut him out of my life? I hate the fact that I have painted him to be wonderful when he is not.
stillafool Posted April 7, 2019 Posted April 7, 2019 (edited) I'm sorry that you were hurt. This is what we've been telling you that a guy isn't shy when he wants a girl. He will text and make his intentions known not just stare at her. I think it's time to stop talking to others about him so you won't find out things that will hurt you. Definitely distance yourself from him by finding a new hiking group. I don't think he has low self esteem. He seems pretty confident he's going to get her. Edited April 7, 2019 by stillafool 1
Versacehottie Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 I think you should distance yourself. "Cutting him out of your life" is a measure where the person who initiated that usually wants an outcome, i.e. to see what happens if you ignore him or let him know that you are doing so. If you distance yourself and REPLACE the time you spend wondering about him, doing activities that relate to him or to people that will have information abut him, you actually will do a better job of separating yourself from thinking about him. That's the real goal, right? The real goal is to not waste any more energy on him but rather to find someone who IS wonderful. Instead of directing a bunch of hate, anger etc his way or taking a "cutting out" step while you wait for a reaction from him, take your own steps toward what you want IN LIFE, nothing to do with him. By default you will be moving away from him in life and putting your energy toward what you want rather than waste much more time on him because your mental energy is focused on the "cutting out". Try REPLACING. BTW, he just sounds like a guy who is so super excited to be around a group of mostly women that are funneled straight to him for dating opportunities. Probably hasn't happened this easily to him in his lifetime and now he's sitting there like a cheshire cat. The immaturity of it all is laughable since i'm guessing he is not a young guy. Speaks to his lack of game in real world and selfishness and inability to really connect with someone. I think you should find another group on the basis of the fact that it's getting to be humiliating on both ends: that he is hitting on everything that walks literally and that you are pining after him and sticking with the group in spite of his antics. You gotta act like you have better going on and then make it happen. Good luck 1
smackie9 Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 I would take a break from this group and find some other physical activity, like join a runner group, try wind surfing, or get on a bike and go for a ride. 1
Youngestdaughter Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 I'm interested to know what his "mother issues" are. Regardless, you are wise to stay away from him if the relationship isn't healthy. You're also a little ambiguous about how you feel. You used the past tense regarding your feelings for him. Yet you are apprehensive about being around him and another girl who chases him. Is this a case of discomfort around an ex or do you still want him? Either way, my advice is the same. Be polite to him and the girl who's chasing him, but spend your time with your friends. For more than one reason, finding an attractive guy with whom to subtly flirt is a good idea. It shows him you're not studying him and, even if he doesn't care, flirting is fun! (Remember, I said subtly). In any case, don't let anyone chase you from things and people you enjoy. You'll be running your whole life. Stand your ground. And make a fun place to be...reminding yourself of everything about him that turned you off is helpful too. Go and have fun, Girl! Let us know how it went! 1
SunShineAngels Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 This weekend someone who I liked romantically will be hiking in our hiking group. He did like me but backed off due to his 'mother issues' which is why his relationships always fail and he refuses to get help. I know he is not the right man for me but cannot help having feelings for him. When he is on the hike should I just be polite and talk to others instead? He thinks I don't like him romantically anymore but I know he is using dating sites to meet someone without success. I know I should not be bothered about him. I just wish I did not have to see him as it is a reminder. Hi I think just be nice and polite, talk to other people during the hiking:) And please concentrate on yourself when you find somebody else you will get attracted you will automatically out of feeling for him. Have fun on your hiking.
Author Angel29 Posted April 8, 2019 Author Posted April 8, 2019 The immaturity of it all is laughable since i'm guessing he is not a young guy. Speaks to his lack of game in real world and selfishness and inability to really connect with someone. I think you should find another group on the basis of the fact that it's getting to be humiliating on both ends: that he is hitting on everything that walks literally and that you are pining after him and sticking with the group in spite of his antics. The guy is in his late 40s, I feel a complete mess for getting involved in this nonsense.
Author Angel29 Posted April 8, 2019 Author Posted April 8, 2019 I'm interested to know what his "mother issues" are. As a child his mother didn't pay him much attention or used to tell him off. His brother was his mother's favourite. Not long ago he showed off an item with a child's cartoon on that his mother had bought him. I found that odd for a man in his late 40s to be bought this by his mother.
stillafool Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 Doesn't matter how old you get your parents always view you as a child. His mother issue doesn't sound much different than most peoples. There's always a favorite child (even if they don't admit it) and the others feel it and resent it. My brother is 61 and still salty because I'm the favorite. Why not join other hiking groups so you are not exposed to this man? Maybe then you can move on and heal from this.
Versacehottie Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 The guy is in his late 40s, I feel a complete mess for getting involved in this nonsense. as i suspected anyway, don't blame yourself and beat yourself up, that won't help anything. Think about it like this: you gave your beautiful heart and time to someone who didn't appreciate it and wasn't evolved enough to do so, his loss. When you realize something isn't going to work or has become a bit embarrassing (or your involvement in it is becoming so), don't beat yourself up, do something about it. Productive something. Change hobbies, move to another group, date better guys. Good luck
smackie9 Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 As they say don't poop where you eat. I have read so many threads lately about people who met, dated and broke up with someone that was a part of their hobby/interest group. As usual they were upset they had to see them there. One guy had to endure watching other men in the group hit on his ex GF. I guess people don't think about the consequences, or in the event of a breakup.
Mrs._December Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 (edited) I saw a friend tonight and found out he has been messaging her and saying she has an erotic vibe. He also said he will wait for her to see how her new relationship will pan out - this made me realise he must have low self esteem to wait for her which is what I have been doing with him. She showed me the messages and he had sent them. I was shaking as I felt so upset and angry and know in my heart I deserve better. I even saw him earlier on a walk and he was acting all coy with me and kept looking at me. Should I just cut him out of my life? I hate the fact that I have painted him to be wonderful when he is not. Why are you being so irrational when you don't even have any history with this guy? I can't find anything in any of your posts other than you claiming you liked him and he 'liked' you too. But you talk about NO history and/or no relationship, whatsoever. So where on earth are all these heart palpitations and hyperventilating episodes coming from when you two weren't even been an actual couple or ever had a relationship? What am I missing? I honestly don't get it. Why are you borrowing all this drama? What's the payoff for you in engaging in this over-the-top dramatic behavior? There has to be a payoff because you're trying SO awfully hard to make something out of nothing where this guy is concerned. ETA: Ok. I just read some of your past threads and pretty much every single thread you've started talks about chest pains and hyperventilating about pretty much every guy you've ever dated. You need to work on this problem, Angel. Edited April 8, 2019 by Mrs._December 2
Author Angel29 Posted April 8, 2019 Author Posted April 8, 2019 Why are you being so irrational when you don't even have any history with this guy? I can't find anything in any of your posts other than you claiming you liked him and he 'liked' you too. But you talk about NO history and/or no relationship, whatsoever. There has been him and another guy who drew me in and as I got to know them they are highly dysfunctional. As I am a sensitive person I have ended up getting anxiety the past year. Most other men don’t make me feel this way so maybe I should listen to my body and move on.
stillafool Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 What do you mean by "drew me in"? Did you date them or did they just talk to you?
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