toomanyquestions123 Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 This guy who messaged me on Linkedin for having some similar interests professionally and whom he comes from another nearby country turned out to be very fun and interesting. He sent a message 2 months ago, i replied one month later, he immediately asked if he can take my whats app number because it seems like i don't check my Linkedin profile and he wants to know me more. That was one month ago, now we video call every 3 days or so for 1 hour+, he texts me regularly but we dont text the whole time ( because we both are busy at our jobs ). He is planning to come for 2 weeks to my country to see me after 2 months, but the problem is he got his divorce three months ago, his marriage lasted 2 months. He told me when he lived with his ex-wife under the same roof, he realized that he overlooked a lot of red flags during their engagement and dating phase. He is open for marriage again but he will never overlook red flags again. He said it was the happiest day when his divorce was finalized. He hates her guts ( his words ). Is it wise to date this guy? he is very reasonable, he knows we are just virtual and once we meet everything will be clearer when it comes to us. He is extremely smart and funny ( like he makes me pee funny ). he seems normal also. But he is newly divorced. Your insights please...
darkmoon Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 if you feel like the obvious choice to be his next wife (which is how you sound, imo) because you are flag free, well, you need to date him for a few months, get to know him
elaine567 Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 ... he got his divorce three months ago, his marriage lasted 2 months. Is that true? 1
Mrs._December Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 Just the fact that he's from another country is a detriment - unless you're just looking for a part-time kind of thing. Otherwise, it's just a pen-pal/video chat 'relationship' with occasional face to face visits. Secondly, it sounds like he's trying WAY too hard to jump right into something new with you which is a huge, glaring, flapping red flag you REALLY shouldn't ignore. Elaine above makes an excellent point about his story of being married for only 2 months and then getting a divorce - that sounds pretty shady... 2
BaileyB Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 It’s takes courage to date a man who cold calls you online, from another country, with obvious red flags, that you have never met. I wouldn’t do it. Be very careful OP.
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 22, 2019 Author Posted March 22, 2019 Is that true? That's what he said !!
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 22, 2019 Author Posted March 22, 2019 Usually men from all over the world have something for women from my country so i dont find it awkward that a man from another country is hitting on me, that's why my ex-fiancé hit on me at the first place, he was American.
bathtub-row Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 Too many red flags. Even if he has good reason to hate his ex, it was totally inappropriate for him to tell you that. I’m also suspicious of anyone who’s marriage only lasted a couple of months. To me, he fits the profile of someone who’s verbally abusive - they’re often very charming, funny, and put the blame of past relationships on others. I recall the lies my ex used to tell others about us. You’d think he was the victim when he was the one who was the actual monster. The other concern is that he’s too freshly out of his marriage. I personally wouldn’t date someone who lived in another country but it seems you’re ok with that. I’d say be, at best, cautiously optimistic. If he tries to move the relationship forward quickly, bail. 1
amaysngrace Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 He wasn’t married to her long enough to hate her. 1
greymatter Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 Usually men from all over the world have something for women from my country so i dont find it awkward that a man from another country is hitting on me, that's why my ex-fiancé hit on me at the first place, he was American. Sorry but you are being very naive and are making yourself an easy target. Why is your ex-fiancé an ex now? 1
smackie9 Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 He overlooked too many red flags? I think he's one big red flag. You are only getting his side of the story. He might be the one who has issues. Me personally wouldn't get involved. 1
elaine567 Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 Sorry but you have found another person most of us would run a mile from. Please do not waste your time. 1
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 26, 2019 Author Posted March 26, 2019 Just to make things clearer, he is not jumping into a relationship with me, he is not future faking anything. We don't talk everyday, and when i told him i was dating ( the guy in the previous thread ), he told me you do your thing, you date whomever you want. He said we are just virtual and nothing tangible is between us now. But he said there is absolute no doubt that he will make it to my country. When we talk on the phone, we just joke around. He is a very successful entrepreneur so most of the time he is in his bubble, he travels a lot. When i asked him if he would like to get into a long distance relationship, he said no and referred to me that either he will come to my country or I will move to his. I do feel he is genuine but I am not sure about his ex and failed marriage. I am always by the side of the woman when it comes to everything. So when a guy tells me an ex is such a b****, I immediately assume he is the one. But who knows... I am not wasting any time with him, we just talk once every two days, And if was still single in June, he can come. I will be very careful though. Today, he traveled to London for 10 days for work, if he doesn't contact me at all in those 10 days, that's when I know he is not serious at all and I will cut him off.
frus69 Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 Where do you find these men ..why would you even answer a linkedin msg that's from a foreign stranger and isn't strictly professional? Like most of us would spam mark those things but you treat it like gold.... 1
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 26, 2019 Author Posted March 26, 2019 Where do you find these men ..why would you even answer a linkedin msg that's from a foreign stranger and isn't strictly professional? Like most of us would spam mark those things but you treat it like gold.... He messaged me concerning something common regarding our professions. Then he asked me for my number after I took a while to respond. It is like a professional version of Tinder lol... He said my picture on Linkedin is so cute. How does it differ from OLD ? arent people on OLD strangers and could be creeps? 1
littleblackheart Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 Linkedin is not an OLD platform - that's the main difference. People don't have accounts there to banter with professionals they've never met and live in another country. He does that to appear kosher, imo. He'll probably have done that before. Since, against unanimous advice, you are intent on seeing this through, don't get too attached.
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 26, 2019 Author Posted March 26, 2019 Linkedin is not an OLD platform - that's the main difference. People don't have accounts there to banter with professionals they've never met and live in another country. He does that to appear kosher, imo. He'll probably have done that before. Since, against unanimous advice, you are intent on seeing this through, don't get too attached. It is not and so is Facebook, Instagram and yet a lot of people meet there. Of course he approached other girls before, but for me he doesn't look creepy from his social media accounts. My only concern here is that he is newly divorced. I don't find meeting someone we share some professional background as a redflag, what i find it suspicious is that he only got married for two months. I mean if he was not divorced, i wouldn't even posted here. 1
Wallysbears Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 LinkedIn is a PROFESSIONAL networking platform. Anyone that uses it to hit on people is a creeper and/or looking for an easy target. And they could easily be kicked OFF the platform because LI does not appreciate that kind of nonsense. People PAY to use LinkedIn for professional networking, job posting and recruiting. It is NOT 'social' networking. This guy is a scam artist. Be warned and stay away from him. I would even guess his entire "business" is a fraud.
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 26, 2019 Author Posted March 26, 2019 LinkedIn is a PROFESSIONAL networking platform. Anyone that uses it to hit on people is a creeper and/or looking for an easy target. And they could easily be kicked OFF the platform because LI does not appreciate that kind of nonsense. People PAY to use LinkedIn for professional networking, job posting and recruiting. It is NOT 'social' networking. This guy is a scam artist. Be warned and stay away from him. I would even guess his entire "business" is a fraud. Even if we were talking professionally then the conversation flowed and escalated and we started talking more ? 1
Wallysbears Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 Even if we were talking professionally then the conversation flowed and escalated and we started talking more ? You said that he immediately wanted to talk to you via WhatsApp - which indicates that he wanted to get off the LI platform. Probably because he knows that he was using the site for hooking up, not the intended purpose of business. I can't think of ONE contact via LinkedIn that has ever wanted to go to WhatsApp. Not one. Business email? Yes. To continue BUSINESS conversation. And I utilize LI basically all day, every day for my business/career. He is shady. You don't have to believe me...but I'm just warning you.
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted March 26, 2019 Author Posted March 26, 2019 You said that he immediately wanted to talk to you via WhatsApp - which indicates that he wanted to get off the LI platform. Probably because he knows that he was using the site for hooking up, not the intended purpose of business. I can't think of ONE contact via LinkedIn that has ever wanted to go to WhatsApp. Not one. Business email? Yes. To continue BUSINESS conversation. And I utilize LI basically all day, every day for my business/career. He is shady. You don't have to believe me...but I'm just warning you. Since it took me 1 month to reply the first time, that's why he asked for my number. He called me when he got the number, we talked about our "topic" and then we started talking about other stuff for one hour. That's how it started. You may be right. Because he admitted later that he wanted to take my number because I am "cute", he could have waited for another month for my reply but we didn't start a conversation to know each other or to hit on me. I already dated someone from Linkedin also many years before, he was a really nice guy but i couldnt click with him and he was pressuring me for a relationship too soon. But he was not a creep, so I dont know.
frus69 Posted March 26, 2019 Posted March 26, 2019 S. Because he admitted later that he wanted to take my number because I am "cute", but we didn't start a conversation to know each other or to hit on me. Yeah he thought you were cute and he just likes to talk professional topic with cute girls. Sure, thats why he started the conversation, to just talk business with cute girls.
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted April 2, 2019 Author Posted April 2, 2019 (edited) So this guy traveled for a while to London, he sent me a voice note on his way to the airport telling me that he is traveling soon, wished him a safe flight. The next day, he sent me two selfies while heading to some important meetings, i wished him luck. Then 2 days after, he did not talk to me, I assumed he is very busy. His job requires a lot of focus since he works by himself as an entrepreneur. Few days later, i texted him a pretty selfie of mine and told him you are not talking to this ( that was on Friday ). He replied immediately that he is so sorry and he was very sick and came back from UK and he is very tired and in bed. We chatted the whole Saturday but we the conversation stopped when he stopped responding. On Sunday, he didn't text me at all, so on Monday, i informed him that its okay if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore and that I understand. He called me but i couldn't pick the phone since i was in a meeting so he sent a 2 minutes voice note explaining that he is very busy working on a 150 million dollars deal, that he is still very interested and that to chill and not to overthink and let my insecurities kick in. He said that all women have insecurities and understands that because he has his flaws too, and then send a flying kiss. I told him that i tend to always want things white or black and I do not want to waste my time if he doesn't want anything to progress. He said that organically is the key word here and to relax. So the question here is, am i insecure ? Since we haven't met yet in person, i should not expect him to talk to me everyday, and especially that his work is entrepreneurship and as he told me when he works he goes into a bubble for days and when we meet i will understand what he means, that he is a very simple and easy going guy... Edited April 2, 2019 by toomanyquestions123
Sunlight72 Posted April 2, 2019 Posted April 2, 2019 I don't know if you are insecure, but you are getting very attached to someone you haven't actually met, and won't meet for at least 2 more months. I would agree that you should relax - a lot - and get more involved in your real world life and friends. If you stay this excited about this guy, it will give you a false imaginary picture of who he is, and make it difficult to get to know him if or when he does actually come to visit. At that point you may see him as a perfect guy because you've been dreaming of him all day for months, and you may not see the real guy that he actually is. Breathe more - and do more things without a screen for the next few weeks 1
SunShineAngels Posted April 2, 2019 Posted April 2, 2019 Hello OP! Thanks for your comments on my question. It's my turn to answer yours. -Does he have a brilliant profile on LikedIn? Like own his own business seems successful making loads of money? -Did he mention to come to see you? I think if he is really interested he will come to see you or at least talk about it. This will tell. And when you saw him please ask him questions. What made him divorced in two months and why he overlooked red flags? I think you are little bit too attached to him, you haven't seen him yet, this makes me doubt if he has a brilliant profile on likedIn, and he is funny. He needs wo make more invenstments on you if he is really' very interested'. I think you can just date around with other guys and see how it goes with him. 1
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