Calmandfocused Posted March 29, 2019 Posted March 29, 2019 Personally I think your response sounds like a rejection. You should have said “yes, we should, when were you thinking?” Or something to that effect. If I received that, I’d think the person couldn’t care less, therefore i wouldn’t pursue.
amaysngrace Posted March 29, 2019 Posted March 29, 2019 Why did you respond at all? I’d have been over this guy last week. You’re being way too eager. He reaches out, leaves you hanging and you keep anticipating what you’ll say the next time he contacts you again, making it seem like how he’s being is acceptable to you. A tone is being set here, and it’s not working in your favor. Don’t you think you deserve to be treated better than this?
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 29, 2019 Author Posted March 29, 2019 Why did you respond at all? I’d have been over this guy last week. You’re being way too eager. He reaches out, leaves you hanging and you keep anticipating what you’ll say the next time he contacts you again, making it seem like how he’s being is acceptable to you. A tone is being set here, and it’s not working in your favor. Don’t you think you deserve to be treated better than this? Well, first of all, I dont care that much. He is the one who was “dancing” around me when he met me. He is the one who reached out to our mutual friends and ask for a phone number. At this point he is just a guy on the OLD, he doesnt owe me anything. And yes, his texting pattern changed once he realized who I was... but still, you have been too harsh to him since I made this tread. The first time it took him six hours to respond, itturned out he was reaching out to our (his) mutual friend to confirm it was me and talk to him. But even then you called him a rude loser. I am defending him, I absolutely have zero investment in him at this point (as a matter of fact I have a date with someone else tonight). He might not be as interested, he might be hidong something, he might be procrastinating on purpose.... but he DOESNT owe me anything.
amaysngrace Posted March 29, 2019 Posted March 29, 2019 Um, common courtesy would be nice. Not mind games of I know you-I don’t know you, wait three days to get back to you or however many and then blow you off some more but whatever. If you think that’s normal then I hope it works out for you.
preraph Posted March 29, 2019 Posted March 29, 2019 One slight possibility is he actually likes your friend and that's why he wanted to know how well you knew her, and maybe he's orbiting her even while she's dating his friends (because that's what orbiters will do -- they're vultures). But he did say he found you attractive and you do not know what all else he has going on in his life. Just because he's not married anymore doesn't mean there's not still involvement there. I think that's the key to why there is hesitaiton. Maybe he's looking less for a lasting relationship and more of a distraction here so soon after his breakup. I wouldn't write him off. He may not want to just "use" you like a rebound if he doesn't feel he's ready to jump back into a relationship, since you have mutual friends. Or since your friend apparently has seen his ex-wife, he may not want ANY gossip getting back to her and so maybe hesitates for that reason.
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 29, 2019 Author Posted March 29, 2019 (edited) One slight possibility is he actually likes your friend and that's why he wanted to know how well you knew her, and maybe he's orbiting her even while she's dating his friends (because that's what orbiters will do -- they're vultures). But he did say he found you attractive and you do not know what all else he has going on in his life. Just because he's not married anymore doesn't mean there's not still involvement there. I think that's the key to why there is hesitaiton. Maybe he's looking less for a lasting relationship and more of a distraction here so soon after his breakup. I wouldn't write him off. He may not want to just "use" you like a rebound if he doesn't feel he's ready to jump back into a relationship, since you have mutual friends. Or since your friend apparently has seen his ex-wife, he may not want ANY gossip getting back to her and so maybe hesitates for that reason. I am honestly leaning towrads the fact that he got divorced, maybe 1-2 years ago and that there is still involvement (like they put their house on the market but it hasnt been sold yet) and plus there might still be emotional involvement and he might be looking for just hook ups and distraction. Since mutual friends are involved... he might be hesitant “to use” me as his distraction. That would also explain why my friend said something like “you know, he might not call you rght away, it might be in the next few months.” But who knows... As for liking my friend... probably not. She told me that the day they were moving jnto a new apartment she was working so hard, and no one of the guys offered any help. The second I showed up, this guy didnt let me lift my finger. His interest was soooo obvious, and he told my friend’s roomate (his friend) that he found me attractive. Also, the only reason my friend met his wife is because again, my friend’s roommate and this guy are friends... so he brought his wife to their apartment once. Edited March 29, 2019 by Lagoon1212
preraph Posted March 29, 2019 Posted March 29, 2019 ^ It kind of makes sense. There's ALWAYs emotional involvement, kind of forever. Usually one more than the other. Hanging onto that house is weird. So yeah, he might just be online looking for sex and no strings at all, and so it threw him and it might well be making him feel pressured because he's not ready for an actual relationship. But if he's been unconsciously hanging on and put himself in limbo, this might snap him out of it. He might realize he has a chance here, but still, that could throw you into the middle of something that's not resolved yet and be rough on you. You never know. I would say if you go out, it will be dicey even talking around the subject of what he wants because he himself may not know. I would say don't bring up the subject of relationship or commitment early on so to relieve some pressure and also because you don't know what he wants to hear, that you are a relationship person or whether he'd rather hear you are okay with casual and both continuing to date others. I'd avoid the subject long enough if it happens to just see if you can get to know him and get a sense of his overall ethics, how he treats friends, whether he makes excuses to get out of work, etc. because that will carry down to his relationships too. But then if he brings it up, you be honest. Until then, keep dating and don't hang all your hopes on him.
bathtub-row Posted March 29, 2019 Posted March 29, 2019 I think your response was fine. I’m not nuts about the way he went about asking you, but whatever. I think the guy lacks a lot of relationship skills and you’ll probably figure that out down the road.
preraph Posted March 29, 2019 Posted March 29, 2019 Glad we can eliminate liking the friend. Yes, not helping her lift but helping you is a sure sign.
bathtub-row Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 As for liking my friend... probably not. She told me that the day they were moving jnto a new apartment she was working so hard, and no one of the guys offered any help. The second I showed up, this guy didnt let me lift my finger. His interest was soooo obvious, and he told my friend’s roomate (his friend) that he found me attractive. Also, the only reason my friend met his wife is because again, my friend’s roommate and this guy are friends... so he brought his wife to their apartment once. Him only helping someone he’s attracted to isn’t a good sign in terms of his personality and manners. There’s a whole lot of selfishness intermingled in that - with him and those other guys standing around doing nothing. Not much of a gentleman, if you ask me. As the saying goes, it’s not what people do when others are around, it’s what they do when no one is watching. In this case, he was helpful to you because he had a motive, and you were watching, so to speak. When he gets tired of putting on an act in front of you, his real colors will shine through. So far, this guy has nothing even remotely impressive.
AshViper Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 (edited) So, after my last failed date, I got active on online site again and matched with this guy who liked my picture and I liked his profile back. Why on earth did you mention how you first met? Why? Why? Why? You have a chap here who met you back in 2018 who asked for your number and never got it. He asked a few times apparently. And you're confused why he's suddenly signed off? Why? He rather likely didn't recognize you - half a day while busy moving furniture isn't anywhere near enough time to remember you in any given photo unless you look distinctive - and now you've gone and embarrassed the chap by saying hey remember me I'm that girl you wanted the number of but never got. If he's not embarrassed he may just think you're playing a game with him. Edited March 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 30, 2019 Author Posted March 30, 2019 Him only helping someone he’s attracted to isn’t a good sign in terms of his personality and manners. There’s a whole lot of selfishness intermingled in that - with him and those other guys standing around doing nothing. Not much of a gentleman, if you ask me. As the saying goes, it’s not what people do when others are around, it’s what they do when no one is watching. In this case, he was helpful to you because he had a motive, and you were watching, so to speak. When he gets tired of putting on an act in front of you, his real colors will shine through. So far, this guy has nothing even remotely impressive. This one I have to disagree. It is not like thee two guys let my friend struggle. It is just when I got there, he was super attentiveve to me.
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 30, 2019 Author Posted March 30, 2019 Why on earth did you mention how you first met? Why? Why? Why? You have a chap here who met you back in 2018 who asked for your number and never got it. He asked a few times apparently. And you're confused why he's suddenly signed off? Why? He rather likely didn't recognize you - half a day while busy moving furniture isn't anywhere near enough time to remember you in any given photo unless you look distinctive - and now you've gone and embarrassed the chap by saying hey remember me I'm that girl you wanted the number of but never got. If he's not embarrassed he may just think you're playing a game with him. I didnt think it would embarrass him. I also told him that his friend never told me anything (that he finds me attrractive, blah, blah) which is partially true, because his friend never really mentioned anything (my friend did). So, I guess I played dumb and also thought “ok now you dont need my number to ask me out”
bathtub-row Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 This one I have to disagree. It is not like thee two guys let my friend struggle. It is just when I got there, he was super attentiveve to me. What?? Didn’t you write this: “As for liking my friend... probably not. She told me that the day they were moving jnto a new apartment she was working so hard, and no one of the guys offered any help. The second I showed up, this guy didnt let me lift my finger. His interest was soooo obvious, and he told my friend’s roomate (his friend) that he found me attractive.”
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 30, 2019 Author Posted March 30, 2019 What?? Didn’t you write this: “As for liking my friend... probably not. She told me that the day they were moving jnto a new apartment she was working so hard, and no one of the guys offered any help. The second I showed up, this guy didnt let me lift my finger. His interest was soooo obvious, and he told my friend’s roomate (his friend) that he found me attractive.” Yes, but she said that jokingly... plus she is dating a guy who was also there (the guy she lives with, her roommate is gay), so she was just “complaining” in general about all three of them, and my guy being super attentive to me probably prompted her complain. But again, she was more or less joking (I am sure she lifted only as she could, and the guys did the heavy lifting)
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