relationship with a soon to be massage therapist, thoughts?

[Newbee2]

What would you think about your spouse working as masseuse in a tourist zone?

 

Where to start.. I'm a male mid 30's. Together with a very jealous woman. been together one yr. She cannot accept I talk to old female freind that is happely married her dear husband is my friend too. I talked to one of her freinds one night we go out, while smoking habbi in a bar, and she 'gf' walked out without saying nothing, angry as f**k. I cannot go for a health massage alone without her going very mad.

 

now this sweetheart start working as a massage lady in a turist zone next week and I explained we have to have more trust than normal people, and a strong relationship to do a job like this but she don't care? I told her I dont accept double standards.

 

 

sorry my writing I'm not englisk us

[doyathinkso]

Tell her that she Will Not have any male clients. Forbidden!!!

 

 

Oh, and if she happens to be bisexual then she may not have any female clients either.

[Newbee2]

Tell her that she Will Not have any male clients. Forbidden!!!

 

 

Oh, and if she happens to be bisexual then she may not have any female clients either.

 

It's 90% h***y turist males..

[Mr. Lucky]

It's 90% h***y turist males..

 

If you're in a country or locale where those customers would have expectations of sex, wouldn't work for me. And I'd guess would be fairly dangerous for her...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Newbee2]

Spain, yes this city in the night resembles pattaya.. I been there one day on the way to Ko laarn, so I know. Drunk turist > money. Pay to play

 

I feel disgusted by thinking about this. And she would explode if I massage a other female. WW3 minimum

 

Quote;

She can hang out with a lot of guys but he can’t do the same with girls. This is one of those major double standards in relationships that’s just not fair. Girls can have tons of guy friends and spend all the time they want with them but when their boyfriend wants to grab lunch with a couple of his girlfriends, it’s like the end of the world.

[elaine567]

Women can easily separate friendship from sex, men not so much.

Women know that.

[Newbee2]

Thank you elaine. Good to have a female opinion too..

 

Maybe. But hypergamy is real, and too many offers comes with this job. Divorce statistics is the third higest, after bartender and casino.. it's a real bad combo for happy ever after

 

But how does this justify double standards? Where is equality in this? She set rules I have to follow to the point. Aka no interaction with other females, unless she approved them, and is there the same time. I cannot get a health massage without her present in the same room. She is blaintanly unfair and controlling.

[doyathinkso]

Well I think her plan to work as a, let's face it ... a sex trade worker, is and should be a relationship killer.

 

 

There is NO justification for her double standards.

 

 

Surely you can do better than her?

[d0nnivain]

The double standard alone would have me walking out the door.

 

Massage therapy as a medical offshoot is one thing. This seems more unsavory.

[Newbee2]

It's only a massage shop. They don't sell extra

 

Yeah I'm not going accept double standards

 

I will hire a easy woman and pay her to give her a massage while my gf waits outside. The only difference will be, she gets paid, I pay... and she can feel what it like in the really. It's the most fair I can think off. And it is going to make her insanely jealous and break up with me. Equality above all

 

Suggestions are welcome

[d0nnivain]

If you are uncomfortable with her choices, tell her that & talk about it. Your plan to let her get this job, then you book a massage at a competing business for the purposes of upsetting your GF to the point where she breaks up with you is utter nonsense. Be a mature adult & address the situation head on. Don't play stupid games.

[central]

Since there is a double standard, she is very unreasonable about you having female friends, and you are uncomfortable with her work, it would be best to break up with her. There is really no way to fix this, and I would say this even if she finds a different job.

[Newbee2]

I tried to talk with her, but she don't care.. I kindly asked to get a normal job that doesen't involve inapropiate things like hungry nude men. She can not be persuaded.. normal talk won't help when she is like this. She is very bad at seeing things from others perspective.

[Mr. Lucky]

She can not be persuaded.. normal talk won't help when she is like this. She is very bad at seeing things from others perspective.

 

Newbee2, if the above is true, her profession really doesn't matter. You do realize a relationship is supposed to add good things to your life, right? Our time on Earth too short for this kind of daily drama...

 

Mr. Lucky

[amaysngrace]

Why are you complaining and not getting a massage from her right now?

[d0nnivain]

I tried to talk with her, but she don't care.. I kindly asked to get a normal job that doesen't involve inapropiate things like hungry nude men. She can not be persuaded.. normal talk won't help when she is like this. She is very bad at seeing things from others perspective.

 

So break up with her. Why do you need to play games by getting a massage causing her to break up with you? I don't understand the indirect passive aggressive approach. You have boundaries: you don't want to date a woman massaging nude men for a living. So enforce them. There is no reason for you to play games & get her to break up with you.

[Newbee2]

I don't want to complain.. I want to fix a problem so I can feel good too. I don't like this situation, and I don't know what to do?

 

I'm very greatful for being able to talk with you guys and girls about this

 

There is no good solution for this problem.. I think

[amaysngrace]

Accept that she wants to do that for money. I think the more you fight her on it the more determined she’ll become. So be totally okay with it and have her give you a massage to feel better.

 

Tell her you thought it over and changed your mind. Tell her you think it’s a great idea if that’s what she wants to do. Tell her you support her decisions no matter what because you’re a team.

 

After she gives you your massage also throw in there that you’d like to go to her workplace sometimes and get a massage from other girls now and then.

 

Chances are she’ll be the one with the problems after that.

[preraph]

If it's only a massage shop and no extras and you're certain of that, it's just her work. But yeah, if she's a masseuse, what do you need to see other masseuses for. Tell her, Fine, but I get a masseuse from you every week, and if the job turns smarmy (like new management or there's happy endings), she promises to quit.

 

it's not FUN to massage some strange man or lady. Very rarely is this going to be someone who looks like an underwear model. It's hard work. But you should still make her do it to you since she won't let you go to one -- and I can't help but think she DOES know what goes on in those places, or she wouldn't care if you went for a massage, so err, err....

[Newbee2]

That was an option too..

 

but tonight she been off the rails all night. I put her in a prison and control her. So happy day, no happy ending:)

 

Without a real lady the inner gentleman dies and so does chivalry.

[chillii]

The last line should be some kind of gospel.

[Logo]

Quote;

She can hang out with a lot of guys but he can’t do the same with girls. This is one of those major double standards in relationships that’s just not fair. Girls can have tons of guy friends and spend all the time they want with them but when their boyfriend wants to grab lunch with a couple of his girlfriends, it’s like the end of the world.

 

Yeah, but she gets to set those arbitrary standards and you have to follow them. If you break the rules, there will be a price to pay. She'll complain and manipulate you into thinking you're the one at fault.

 

Either she works on her trust and you two communicate about boundaries or you leave her.

 

Do you see any other options?

Edited March 23, 2019 by Logo

[chillii]

Yep, just BS that crap.

[Newbee2]

I asked her today, to find a solution that is fair for me and her..

 

No double standards. Problem she is very jealous:)