What are "normal" emotions a few months after divorce when LT (20+ years) marriage

[chillii]

It could be quite normal . anything could be normal believe me, there's unfortunately many different feelings , scenarios and situations in divorce.

But you know what , it is ranked the biggest most stressful and emotional thing many will ever ever go through in life, ever , above all else, and if there's kids involved it can be ongoing for years and years.

So yep you bet his normal is his normal. He's obviously not ready for anything else yet , it could be a good few years yet, some never, some yesterday but he won't be one of those that's for sure.

[elaine567]

The danger is that you are assuming this is temporary and there's no way to know that. Perhaps this is the "new" him, or an old him you never really got to see?

 

True.

 

Ladybug.

His wife maybe had to "control" him because he was always a depressed, unstable mess. Without her he is now falling apart at the seams. Marriages are complicated...

 

You seem determined to "save" him but you risk getting very hurt here.

He will likely suck you emotionally dry and once he is feeling better and back on his feet, with confidence restored due to your love and care, he will leave you in the dust when he goes off to pursue better options or he goes back to his wife...

It is an old story.

Stay away from fixer uppers.

They benefit greatly, you not so much...

[BaileyB]

His wife maybe had to "control" him because he was always a depressed, unstable mess. Without her he is now falling apart at the seams. Marriages are complicated...

 

The thing sim, you were not in the marriage. You don’t actually know what happened in their marriage OP. That’s not for anyone to know, but the two of them.

 

Perhaps, she was too controlling? Or perhaps, he was a hot mess and she held things together. You just don’t know. All you have are his words, and he is one side of the story... and emotional, depressed, not coping with life right now “side of the story...”

 

Elaine is right, best to stay away from fixer uppers. For all you know, his wife has tried for years and finally given up. Take what you are seeing now as a big warning and remember, only fools rush in...

[FMW]

I was married for 23 years, with him a year and a half before that.

 

He was repeatedly unfaithful to me for the last 10 years and we (thankfully for my health) were not intimate sexually or otherwise during those final years.

 

Even given all of that, and the fact that I chose to divorce, the official end of the marriage, the decree of dissolution, I was sad and felt unsettled and unsure of what came next. During the divorce process there are a lot of decisions and anxieties about things going as agreed upon, the emotions and adrenaline serve as a distraction. Once things are final, reality sets in.

 

After so many years together there is a lot to come to terms with and often that requires withdrawing from people close to you to figure things out and be ready to move forward.

[norudder]

^^what they said.

 

I initiated and filed the divorce. Unfortunately, although it wasn't"for" my AP, I was in a state of limerence still which made an already emotionally complex time all the more complicated.

 

My reasons for divorce were and still are solid apart from those feelings at the time. It was still very sad and even though I had these feelings for someone else I still had to come to terms with a new identity for myself and figure out what I wanted going forward. Not a good place to start a relationship from in any scenario. Let him be. It's best for you any way you look at it.

 

Sticking around because you're afraid of "losing" him, is just insecure. You don't really even "have" him right now because he's not available. Let him become"haveable". You'll be on his mind and he'll probably reach out later. Don't settle for someone not ready for the same things you want.

[loversquarrel]

It’s as much their business as he chooses to make it. If his kids don’t like his girlfriend that might make a difference to him. It’s somsthing that complicates this relationship if they think he cheated with her.

 

That fits right into my point.

[Oak]

I was married 18 years and filed for divorce due to my (now ex) wife's cheating. I was not at all "THRILLED. EXCITED" when my divorce was final. I was merely relieved that the legal process was finally over.