alexmicah Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I've got my 3rd date scheduled this weekend with a girl I really like. I recommended going to the movies. She said she's cool with a movie, but she'd rather we stay in and stream something from her house. All of my friends are telling me she's basically saying she's ready to hook it up, but I just feel like it's too soon. I don't mean to sound like a prude,but I see a future with this girl and dont want to ruin things by having sex too early. Isn't is possible she wants to just watch a movie? We haven't done anything beyond making out yet, so I can't see us jumping to intercourse in one date. I figured maybe some oral this time, but no actual sex. My friends swear up and down (guys,and girls) sex on date 3 is pretty normal but I wanna,take things fairly slow. How do I tell her this without bruising her ego? Because that's the last thing I wanna do.
Ladiixmk Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 There's a quote that my father used to always tell me growing up.... "Never ASSUME, because when you ASSUME, you make an A$$ of U and ME" Your friends don't know this girl. You kinda know her, but not in depth. What if she actually really wanted to just watch a movie? Since she's at her home, is there a high possibility that she'll lead you on - of course. THEN I would say you should tell her that you don't want to advance with sex because you see something special about her and want to wait. And if you don't feel comfortable going to her place due to the possibilities, then just ask if there's something else you guys can do. 1
emeraldgreen Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I see a future with this girl and dont want to ruin things by having sex too early. Don't worry about tomorrow's problems today. You can't strategise your way into a long term relationship. Do the netflix thing and if you want to hook up - and she does too - then do that. No girl ever said, "if only he'd made a move on the 4th date instead of the 3rd, we'd still be together". 1
basil67 Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 Sex on date three certainly isn't uncommon and it does sound like she's keen for it, but you don't have to have sex if you don't want to. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 There are a few aspects of conventional wisdom at play here: 1. Some people do apply the 3rd date rule, as in sex is expected on the 3rd date. 2. Netflix & chill is generally code for let's have sex. Just because some folks behave like that doesn't mean you have to. Do go to her house. Bring something with you, like a bottle of wine or snacks to share. Cuddle & possibly make out . . .do physically show affection but if you are not ready for sex, don't have sex. That also means you will need to be sober enough to go home. No sharing her bed if you are not DTF. 3
Harcel Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 It sounds like you would determine her not a good fit for something in the long term if she was to go all the way on the 3rd date so if I were you I would definitely hold off on having sex with her.
introverted1 Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I figured maybe some oral this time, but no actual sex. In my book, oral IS "actual sex." If anything, it's more intimate since couples typically use protection for "actual sex" but not for oral. 2
smackie9 Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 Having sex "too soon" doesn't ruin anything. If she is just into hooking up, holding off on sex will not change that. 2
thepeopleschampion Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 Dude, don't take it to slow .. she will friend zone you quick - Be a man! time to get it in!! ahaha 3
Author alexmicah Posted March 21, 2019 Author Posted March 21, 2019 It sounds like you would determine her not a good fit for something in the long term if she was to go all the way on the 3rd date so if I were you I would definitely hold off on having sex with her. Harcel, that is not the case at all. I have very strong feelings for this girl which is exactly why I don't want to screw it up. I've never felt this way about anyone before. And I don't think badly of a girl that has sex on the first,second or third date. But in this particular instance, I just want the timing to be right.
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 The timing is right is when she wants it...now! 2
basil67 Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 Sounds like the timing is right for her....so what does good timing look like for you? 3
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 You are just making excuses because you are nervous......shake it off. 3
Romantic_Antics Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 Harcel, that is not the case at all. I have very strong feelings for this girl which is exactly why I don't want to screw it up. I've never felt this way about anyone before. And I don't think badly of a girl that has sex on the first,second or third date. But in this particular instance, I just want the timing to be right. If you have such strong feelings for her then why do you think that having sex with her would screw things up? Are you inexperienced? Not confident? She's giving you the green light so go to her place and close the deal.
Author alexmicah Posted March 21, 2019 Author Posted March 21, 2019 You are just making excuses because you are nervous......shake it off. I really am smackie9. I just like her so much I'm over thinking everything. 2
fred123 Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 The timing is right is when she wants it...now! why do men not get a say when the timing is right? 1
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 why do men not get a say when the timing is right? Just the way it is.
spiderowl Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 She may just want private time with you, to relax, sit and cuddle while watching a film. If cuddling leads naturally to more intimacy, then that's only likely to happen if you want it too. Cuddling and kissing is a great way to spend an evening. I would not worry too much about the timing being right. The right time is when you both feel it is. If you feel she is expecting more and seems disappointed that you are not taking things further, then say how much you like her and say how you want it to be special. I doubt she would be put off by that. I think you should trust your instincts. If you feel comfortable with her and ready to move forward, then just be yourself. Just thinking about it, I think if a guy said to me that he wanted to make it special and the time had to be right, I would feel a little worried. Not about him not having sex but that he might be a bit controlling or that he might be getting too involved too quickly. Unless I am feeling the same way, I'd feel a bit pressured by that and want to avoid getting too involved in case I didn't get as attached as him and ended up inadvertently breaking his heart.
kendahke Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 you're not going to know anything until you're in her house with her. For me, I don't invite a guy into my home unless I want to end up having sex with him... better make your mind up fast about how important taking the glacial pace is for you because if she makes a move and you balk, you're going into the friendzone.
fred123 Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 Just the way it is. thats double standards again. society needs to stand up for equality for men
introverted1 Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 why do men not get a say when the timing is right? In a healthy partnership, they do. 1
Foxhall Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 yes well I know most times the guy is likely to jump at this chance, but yes I agree though if you feel there is a good emotional connection there it can be wise to be more cautious shall we say, this can be quite a big moment in the relationship actually- your first sexual encounter together, if your heart is not really in it and you don't impress your lady, well she may not be inviting you back again or meeting you again! It may all just click naturally for you anyway, but I would not be going there with negative thoughts, go with an open mind and let things flow, a word of caution just from my own experiences, a girl we were on our third date I think, and having gone really well on our first two, it just did not happen for us in the bedroom, (well it happened but we were just glad to get it over with!!) I guess there can be an element similar to meeting someone on a date, you will not click with everyone sexually either (that's my experience) so look as you seem to like this girl, this first sexual liaison is a big deal so you need to be in your best frame of mind. 1
Author alexmicah Posted March 22, 2019 Author Posted March 22, 2019 Thanks for all the feedback. I'm heading over there right now. so we'll see how it goes. I'm just gonna go with the flow and try to. relax. I've got a bottle of wine, french pastries, and of course condoms. So I'm ready for whatever the night brings. Wish me luck! 1
Author alexmicah Posted March 24, 2019 Author Posted March 24, 2019 Things went great last night. She told me as soon as I got there she wasn't insinuating sex when she suggested a movie at home, she just thought it would be a more comfortable setting. She said my brother (who she's friends with) had told her I wasn't the type of guy who would expect that, but she wanted to make it clear. She did however also clarify that she does want to have sex with me at some point, but wasn't going to put a certain date on it. I told her I felt exactly the same, but if I was being totally honest, I wanted to have sex with her the moment I saw her, which made her lol. So we did actually cuddle and watch a movie but after that things got hot and heavy and we ended up going down on each other to orgasm. So far, our sexual chemistry is totally in sync. I'm taking her to a concert this Friday and then the following weekend she's asked me to go away with her to her family's cabin in the mountains. That's a signal I have no trouble reading. So essentially in about 2 weeks, it's going to be on like donkey kong and I'm totally okay with that:)
basil67 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 Well that sounds like a win. Keep up the good work. 1
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