She out of my life

[N2deep]

My girlfriends of 1.5 years broke up with me at the end of May this year for reason that I don't completely understand. Now this wasn't an ordinary relationship. We met each other on a forum just like this one, although it was a fan forum not a love forum. We are 7 years apart in age. She's 17 and I'm 24. And she lives in London and I'm here in the U.S. We never met each other in person but had been planning to meet this Christmas, which makes the break up even more painful. Other than the obvious obstacles in the relationship, she suffers from depression and is very self-centered and needy. I always tried to support her though and was there for her, but one day she decided that she was changing and didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. I figured that since she was so young and we'd been together for over a year that she was just confused but she would come around and we'd get back together.

 

After we broke up we were still close friends and I called her everyday and we still planned on meeting this Christmas. We still hung out on the forum together. All the members there are pretty much like family. We are very close club. But what really made this break up bad was that a couple weeks after we broke up I found out that there was this guy on the forum that she had been talking to, and since he was also from London was planning to go out on a date with. When I asked her what was going on with him she lied at first and said they were good friends but I found out that that was a lie and it really upset me.

 

Then a couple weeks after that she told me on the phone that she was starting to like ANOTHER guy on the forum, which blew me away. And then she started big time flirting with another guys on the forum especially one in particular and talking all lovey dovey to him and she told me she had no feeling for him, which made no sense at all. And this really hurt me because even though we weren't together she knew that still really loved her just as much as I ever did and to see the acting like this with these boys hurt. I told her it did but she just kept right on doing what she was doing. I was just shocked because ever since the day we met she was so caring towards me and it was shocking to hear her say that she couldn't change what she was doing just so I wouldn't get hurt.

 

So I stopped going to that particular forum and at her request I stopped calling her because she wanted a break form me. So I didn’t really visit the forum but I heard from other member’s I talked to that she would make threads saying she was gonna kill herself and about how depressed she was almost every other day.

 

We did speak a few times during the break, but it was just because I was in a car accident and then I called her because she made a thread on the forum saying that she was depressed and was begging for help. And we sort of worked things out and started speaking online a limited basis. She did convince me to go back to our forum and when I went back things were a little better. She wasn't nearly as flirty with the other guys there and she responded to me more. (I thought she stopped the flirting so I would come back, but I later found out it was because she told a certain guy she was in love with him but he didn’t feel the same so she stopped the love talk with him.)

 

One day out of the blue she was feeling very depressed and called me for the first time in weeks. And this started about a week of communication on the phone. I felt so relieved that we could talk again without it feeling awkward and I was very happy. Things were going really well between us Until I new member joined our forum. Some 13-year-old kid came along and he was already annoying as it is, but I noticed that he and my ex gf had sparked up a little friendship. They were quite chummy with each other, which annoyed me. Then a week later I find out that he's in love with her and to top it all off she is in love with him. Talk about a kick in the balls.

 

Well me and her had a looong convo about this and I told her how upset the whole thing made me and tried to explain to her why it did because she really didn't understand. She told me she was looking for someone to love her and she found this kid. This pissed me off because I never stopped loving her and I was always there for her. But she wanted us to try and be friends. I agreed that I'd try because I still loved her and she was the best friend that I'd ever had. I was working for about a day, until she started blowing me off so she could talk to her new little bf. Then on day she sent me an IM and I was happy because I thought she really wanted to talk to me. Turns out that the 13-year-old went on a week’s vacation and she just wanted me there for support. I foolish was there for her whenever she came calling and we were talking spending a lot of time with her other joking around and it was great. But as soon as the little weenie came back home it was back to blowing me off and barely saying a word to me when she saw me online. I really hurt because she just used me as someone to lean on and discarded me like I was nothing.

 

I still did call her but one day I at 5:15am of the morning of my first day of my new job she left a message on my phone for me to call her. So when I got up I called her back and asked her what was wrong. She said it was nothing and said she'd talk to me when I got home. So when I got home I called her and asked what was going on. She told me that her internet connection wasn't working and she wanted me to help her fix. To me that really selfish and inconsiderate. But I didn't say that to her. I just tried to carry on a conversation with her and talk to her about my first day at work but she was typing and wasn't paying me any attention because she was IMing her new boy toy. She asked if I could go on AIM because she couldn't talk and type at the same time. So reluctantly I did and after waiting for her to IM me I sent her one and she told me it wasn't a good time. When I kept pressing her to tell me what was wrong she finally told me that she was trying to sort something out with her boy toy and it was none of my business. And later on the phone she basically made it clear that she was with someone else and that was the last time we spoke one the phone.

 

Later that week she sent me a private message on the forum and I waited a while to read it. It didn't say much just a 'hi how are' type thing. I told her that I was ok and told her to take care of herself and didn't really say much. On Labor Day I was board so I went to our old forum just to see what was going on and I accidentally ran into some mushy talk between her and her boy toy and it turned my stomach. Since that day I don't visit any forums she goes to and I no longer sign on to AIM. I stopped calling her. Since then I haven't heard anything from her at all. It's been 3 weeks since we last spoke on the phone and 2 weeks since we spoke online. Has been long but it feels like it since we used to talk ever single day. It's been hard but I don't know what to say to her now that she's with someone else, especially a kid. And I feel stupid spending money to call her all the way in London when she never called me but will spend money to call this kid who live in the U.S.

 

She used to love me so much and always want to talk to now she won't give me the time of day. I've made myself completely unavailable to her but she knows my number. She can always get in touch with me, but I just won't be waiting around for her. It will be her 18th next month and I still don't know if I should send her a present.

 

She's very emotional, very needy and had so many personal problems that this kid will never be able to help her with and I know that this relationship between the two of them can't possibly last, but it still hurts me. Someday I'm not sure what to do, but I think that not chasing after her is the best thing. She has to miss. We were for a year and a half and best friends for two. I can't imagine life without and I told her that I wanted to stay friends but I just can't do it.

 

WOW! I went on a bit, but it feels good to get that off my chest.

[N2deep]

Well, earlier this week I sent her a "thinking of you" card. I figure she should get it tomorrow and I'm actually nervous about it. But I just want her to know that I haven't forgotten her.