Harcel Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 Started talking to this guy on Tinder a week ago, we chatted all week and on Sunday he asked if I would go out with him this Thursday. I agreed to Thursday but no plans were set. Since Sunday I haven’t heard from him. Now I know it’s only Tuesday, and he did tell me he was away working Mon-Thurs this week however I have just been down the road of dating a man who was already in a realationship so I am cautious of men going on ‘business trips’ and well I don’t think working away means you can’t use your phone. As no plans were set and he hasn’t made contact since Sunday am I right to not go ahead with the date if he contacts me Thursday? I realise I am being premature but there’s just a feeling that this is what is going to happen as I have seen it soooo many times with app dating already.
Tamfana Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 No, it's not ridiculous. He is out of town and you two have plans for Thursday, in my opinion. I'd text him Thursday at about noon to follow up on when and where. But you guys have plans- general, loose plans- as of now.
Iris The Butterfly Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I wouldn't count on the date happening. Today is Wednesday and you haven't heard or made plans? A guy who wants to see you will nail down a time and place with specifics. A guy who doesn't really care won't make a set plan. Been there, done that. So common on dating apps, it's so fickle. He's probably telling a bunch of other girls the same thing. If he contacts you tomorrow, maybe a different story. My bet is he doesn't because the lack of communication and planning shows lack of interest. My personal experience when I was on dating apps. My advice: don't contact him. He is aware that he asked you out. If he wanted to see you he would make sure that date was set in stone.
smackie9 Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I agree if you want this to happen, send him a text to confirm. IMO if he has made no real set plans I wouldn't hold my breath.
Author Harcel Posted March 20, 2019 Author Posted March 20, 2019 I wouldn't count on the date happening. Today is Wednesday and you haven't heard or made plans? A guy who wants to see you will nail down a time and place with specifics. A guy who doesn't really care won't make a set plan. Been there, done that. So common on dating apps, it's so fickle. He's probably telling a bunch of other girls the same thing. If he contacts you tomorrow, maybe a different story. My bet is he doesn't because the lack of communication and planning shows lack of interest. My personal experience when I was on dating apps. My advice: don't contact him. He is aware that he asked you out. If he wanted to see you he would make sure that date was set in stone. For SURE I will NOT contact him! He hasn’t contacted me but he has not been active on WhatsApp either last active was Monday, strange. I’m aware that it’s common it’s happened to me before, either they disappear altogether or they make contact at the last moment on the day. 1
Iris The Butterfly Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I let things like this go since this was so common for me when I was still on the apps. If he sees that you haven't reached out by today and he's eager to nail down the time and place, he'll contact you. Seeing that you haven't even met yet, I wouldn't give him the time of day by reaching out to confirm. I'll give you an idea what it's supposed to look like (and I think you already know this): You talk for a week or so with a guy who asks to meet you. He keeps in touch daily if not every other day or so in the meantime. He sets a clear date, time, and place for you to meet because he's excited to meet you, and wants to be sure you don't make other plans, and he doesn't want to leave any room for doubt. NEXT!
Author Harcel Posted March 20, 2019 Author Posted March 20, 2019 I let things like this go since this was so common for me when I was still on the apps. If he sees that you haven't reached out by today and he's eager to nail down the time and place, he'll contact you. Seeing that you haven't even met yet, I wouldn't give him the time of day by reaching out to confirm. I'll give you an idea what it's supposed to look like (and I think you already know this): You talk for a week or so with a guy who asks to meet you. He keeps in touch daily if not every other day or so in the meantime. He sets a clear date, time, and place for you to meet because he's excited to meet you, and wants to be sure you don't make other plans, and he doesn't want to leave any room for doubt. NEXT! I try not to let it bother me but its bloody annoying when it happens repeatedly!
kendahke Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 Now I know it’s only Tuesday, and he did tell me he was away working Mon-Thurs this week however I have just been down the road of dating a man who was already in a realationship so I am cautious of men going on ‘business trips’ and well I don’t think working away means you can’t use your phone. That is when I break things off--whenever I meet someone and they immediately talk about having to go out of town, I call things off because in my experience, there is something suspicious going on. Just wait until you get back from your trip before hitting me up. I never understand the whole chat someone up, go out of town then wax distant upon return. As no plans were set and he hasn’t made contact since Sunday am I right to not go ahead with the date if he contacts me Thursday? I realise I am being premature but there’s just a feeling that this is what is going to happen as I have seen it soooo many times with app dating already. I say follow your gut--if it's telling you to bail, bail.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 I learned when I dating, if no plans are made, more then likely you won't meet up.
Author Harcel Posted March 21, 2019 Author Posted March 21, 2019 I learned when I dating' date=' if no plans are made, more then likely you won't meet up.[/quote'] Same. Either I never heard from them again, they cancelled on the morning or they contacted late that day and I turned them down. And actually a few of them we actually had a plan! Nothing out of this one still. I’m getting fed up of this game now.
MaleIntuition Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 The easiest solution would be to text him today: “Where are we meeting tonight?”. Being passive aggressive isn’t very productive. 1
stillafool Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 I agree. Today is Thursday and why not shoot him a text asking if it's still on or wait to see if he contacts you by 1:00 PM to confirm. Otherwise make your other plans and just let this roll off your back since you've invested nothing. If you find guys flaking on you to be a pattern the next time one asked you out confirm the date and time when they first ask.
Author Harcel Posted March 21, 2019 Author Posted March 21, 2019 The easiest solution would be to text him today: “Where are we meeting tonight?”. Being passive aggressive isn’t very productive. He hasn’t messaged me all week, I think most women would agree they wouldn’t do that. Had I at least heard from him once and/or there was a time and place to meet i’d MAYBE text to confirm but in this case I see that as chasing and a little desperate.
MaleIntuition Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 You are afraid of being seen as desperate by someone whom you even never met for something that’s not even remotely desperate..? 1
LauraXX Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 Same situation here. A guy I met on Tinder asked me if wanted to go out with him next Saturday. He last texted me on Monday (I replied but never heard back from him even though he was very chatty before and texted every day). I'd usually just let this go and make other plans .... it's just so rude. But he's one of the few guys on there who's really attractive AND my age, he's a single dad which would be perfect, lives just around the corner (unlike 80% of the other Tinder guys here.... disadvantage of living in a touristy city). So I decided to go against my gut feeling and ask him if we're still on. That was 30 minutes ago, so we'll see what happens
Author Harcel Posted March 21, 2019 Author Posted March 21, 2019 You are afraid of being seen as desperate by someone whom you even never met for something that’s not even remotely desperate..? I’m not putting myself into a position for him to tell me (or show me by ignoring me) something I already know. Just like littlebridge said, it looks very different when a man is interested in you and wants to lock you down for the date. And if he’s too passive to do that and needs a woman to do the work for him I’m not interested in that type of guy.
Author Harcel Posted March 21, 2019 Author Posted March 21, 2019 Same situation here. A guy I met on Tinder asked me if wanted to go out with him next Saturday. He last texted me on Monday (I replied but never heard back from him even though he was very chatty before and texted every day). I'd usually just let this go and make other plans .... it's just so rude. But he's one of the few guys on there who's really attractive AND my age, he's a single dad which would be perfect, lives just around the corner (unlike 80% of the other Tinder guys here.... disadvantage of living in a touristy city). So I decided to go against my gut feeling and ask him if we're still on. That was 30 minutes ago, so we'll see what happens Good Luck Sweetie...almost sounds like the same guy lol (i know it’s highly unlikely but same description good looking, my age, has a kid and doesn’t live too far from me)
Tamfana Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 He hasn’t messaged me all week, I think most women would agree they wouldn’t do that. Had I at least heard from him once and/or there was a time and place to meet i’d MAYBE text to confirm but in this case I see that as chasing and a little desperate. To be fair, when he asked you to go out Thursday you could have discussed specifics then and there. But, that isn't really the problem it seems. The problem is his not contacting you and you're already annoyed by him so it probably won't work out in the long run. I personally wouldn't consider this a failure on his part, but you do so there's no point in moving forward.
Author Harcel Posted March 21, 2019 Author Posted March 21, 2019 To be fair, when he asked you to go out Thursday you could have discussed specifics then and there. But, that isn't really the problem it seems. The problem is his not contacting you and you're already annoyed by him so it probably won't work out in the long run. I personally wouldn't consider this a failure on his part, but you do so there's no point in moving forward. He also could have discussed specifics but he didn’t. I didn’t expect to not hear from him again after he’d been messaging all week so I figured there would be time to discuss later.
Tamfana Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 He also could have discussed specifics but he didn’t. I didn’t expect to not hear from him again after he’d been messaging all week so I figured there would be time to discuss later. Okay. Has he not been responding to texts from you?
Author Harcel Posted March 21, 2019 Author Posted March 21, 2019 Okay. Has he not been responding to texts from you? I haven’t been sending him texts. I know what you’re trying to get at here; I haven’t messaged him/he hasn’t messaged me. EVERYONE knows if a guy is interested he’s texting you. He doesn’t just drop off the face of the earth after asking you out. I could argue with you until I’m blue in the face on that but as a woman I know that nothing good ever came of initiating anything with a man.
MaleIntuition Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 I’m not putting myself into a position for him to tell me (or show me by ignoring me) something I already know. Just like littlebridge said, it looks very different when a man is interested in you and wants to lock you down for the date. And if he’s too passive to do that and needs a woman to do the work for him I’m not interested in that type of guy. Silly reason. If you think that all men behave the same - think again. Maybe he lost interest, maybe he didn’t. The biggest mystery is why you even bothered to create a thread if you aren’t interest in him... 2
Author Harcel Posted March 21, 2019 Author Posted March 21, 2019 Silly reason. If you think that all men behave the same - think again. Maybe he lost interest, maybe he didn’t. The biggest mystery is why you even bothered to create a thread if you aren’t interest in him... I didn’t say I am not interested in him, of course I am. I said I am not interested in that type of man. If he’s that type of man I don’t know because perhaps he has just lost interest.
Tamfana Posted March 21, 2019 Posted March 21, 2019 I haven’t been sending him texts. I know what you’re trying to get at here; I haven’t messaged him/he hasn’t messaged me. EVERYONE knows if a guy is interested he’s texting you. He doesn’t just drop off the face of the earth after asking you out. I could argue with you until I’m blue in the face on that but as a woman I know that nothing good ever came of initiating anything with a man. Well, I'm pretty old so I don't know that. But okay. He didn't contact you and you didn't contact him but you want the man to contact and lead, which is fine. But not everyone does. I just wouldn't fault him for it. But you get to have your standards. 1
Recommended Posts