YeahItsMilo Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 Hi. So, long story short I’m a single dad with full custody of my two daughters (aged 4 and 3). I was divorced from their mother about a year ago now, and it has been a pretty rough time, but I’m finally getting back to the point where I am thinking about the possibility of meeting someone or dating again. I feel like a complete fish out of water. I’ve never used dating apps and not sure if they would be a good place to start. I’m 26 and I feel like most women my age would not be interested in a single dad (from my experience at least), and I’m wondering if I’d be better trying to meet a single mum or perhaps an older woman? I was with my ex since I was 19 and for a long time I imagined I’d be with her and never date again, so I’m having a bit of a hard time readjusting to this situation really. I know this might sound a bit strange but any advice from both guys and women would be really appreciated. Thanks a lot.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 My advice would be single moms, but don't rule out childless women. Some may be OK with it. I don't think an older woman would be best because there's a high probability she's already raised kids and doesn't want to essentially start over. Good luck!
Author YeahItsMilo Posted March 19, 2019 Author Posted March 19, 2019 My advice would be single moms, but don't rule out childless women. Some may be OK with it. I don't think an older woman would be best because there's a high probability she's already raised kids and doesn't want to essentially start over. Good luck! Hey thanks, that makes a lot of sense. I've been on two dates in the last month that my sister set my up on - I actually didn't want to go on them really but she insisted. They were both roughly my age and childless and to be honest neither of them went past the first date. I'm not saying the fact I am a single dad is the only reason they didn't work, but I can completely understand why a childless woman my age would be put off by that.
smackie9 Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 I think you are getting waaaaaay ahead of yourself. Just go out on dates and meet different women. I think looking for "the one" at this point is putting way too much pressure on yourself, and expectations too high. Just relax and take your time, date casually.
Author YeahItsMilo Posted March 19, 2019 Author Posted March 19, 2019 I think you are getting waaaaaay ahead of yourself. Just go out on dates and meet different women. I think looking for "the one" at this point is putting way too much pressure on yourself, and expectations too high. Just relax and take your time, date casually. Thanks. I think I have been guilty of overthinking a lot of things really. I totally get what you mean, but at the same time I don't have a lot of free time between work and the girls, so I don't want to spend too much time on dates that are obviously not going to go anywhere if that makes sense? But then again maybe that is part of the whole process, like I said this all feels very new to me if I'm honest.
Cersei Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I am with a guy who is a full time Dad. I have no kids and I am older than him. It has been great. But do be clear that you are the full time Dad. Be upfront about it. Don't try to hide this fact. It can definitely work. Good luck.
JuneL Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 Either date casually or find a single mom. Just curious...why is the mother not sharing custody with you?
Wallysbears Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I think you will need to be clear that you are a custodial, full time Dad. That speaks volumes to your character because most Dad's wind up with partial custody when they divorce. But good Dad's are sexy! I don't think women are turned off by men with kids as much as men are turned off by women with kids. The one thing that can be a hindrance is if there is ex-drama. Ongoing court/custody issues. So try to avoid that if at all possible. Good luck! 1
kendahke Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 Keep your expectations on a tight leash. Do you have any interaction with your childrens' mother? Is it a parenting partnership or is it an acrimonious war you're not emotionally done with? Live in the now, not in the future or in the past. Don't engage in "dream building" with any woman you're dating if you're not convinced she is capable of going the distance with you and all you bring to a relationship. Be explicitly clear in what you want/don't want, even if it means you end up with no relationship--because not standing in your truth about what you need will cost you more in the long run than saying what you need and them bolting out the door. Be aware that some (not all, but some) young women resent an already made family, especially if you are not making time for them/use your children as an excuse for why you don't want to give more, emotionally or if you're not of the mind to create more children, because they want to have that initial experience with you. I've read enough posts on here through the years to know that this is a thing.
HankTheTank Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I can definitely relate. I'm also a divorced dad with 2 young kids (50/50 split on custody & placement). I got divorced in August 2015 and didn't start dating again until February 2018. I felt that time was crucial to make sure I had my head together and making sure I was the best dad I could be was top priority. I agree with everyone who has said to take it slow. Just get your out there. Try a dating app (or two). Don't worry about finding the perfect match right now. It can be tough dating when you have kids. I think just be up front about it and let whoever you're dating know what your life is like. They might be okay with it, but they might now. They might be okay with at first, but down the road that might change as it gets more real. It's hard to say, but it's also not something that should hold you back. Good luck!
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