Aethelwulf Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 Hello everyone! I'm new here and I want to share something with you, something that has been bothering me since I entered the "dating game". I'll try to be brief. Straight to the point: I'm a man, 31 years old and I never had a girlfriend, nor sex. I recently started using dating apps to hookup with women, and, in the past few months, I dated some girls, all with the same result: Nothing happens after a few dates. In fact, two of them didn't contact me after the first date. Maybe they didn’t like me? Maybe I was too slow and they got bored? Maybe they got disappointed? I really don’t know. It’s very tiresome chatting all the time, and most of the girls never reply back (those who I have, at least, some physical interest). The thing is, I don’t want to be app-dependant. They should be an extra tool for getting more dates. I’d like to meet a woman in person, flirt with her and ask her out. The problem is that I don’t know how to flirt!, a man my age should know very well what to do… and they EXPECT me to act accordingly. It's something I never did in my life. When I go on a date I start thinking all the f*ucking time a lot of things: do I like her? when I should go for the kiss? Now? On the second date? Is she waiting for me to go physical? Am I funny enough? I should flirt with her... where do I even start?. I get overwhelmed, and end up doing nothing at all. And when I arrive home, I regret that. I constantly think what I should’ve done or the opportunities I missed. As for myself, I’m actually very busy all the time. I work in IT, study, go to the gym and play volleyball (not professionally though, I just like it). My best friends are already married and have their own life. Yes we go out sometimes, but only for dinner or having drinks at bars. Physically, I’m tall, blond, green eyes and have an athletic body. I know what you are thinking, but I learnt that in the end it’s the personality what really matters. Confidence, for instance. Sorry for the wall of text, I’ll answer any question and try to explain more. Too many things to put on just one post
Garcon1986 Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 I think the most helpful first step is to work on your social skills like you have never before worked on anything in your life - devote yourself to it like a religion. Most men who don't practice dating since they were 13 have some degree of what you are troubled with. Then, go through the 6 step Garcon process: 1. Step one - portray yourself at all times in the most well dressed, fashionable man you can be. Ask your salon's advice on what is the most physically attractive haircut that will go with your head. Use gel if needed. Physical attraction cuts both ways. You may be able to attract a hot girl, but you must accept that certain hot girls will never date you no matter what redeeming qualities you have because you are NOT THEIR TYPE. 2. Step two - portray yourself socially amongst women as a relaxed and easygoing man, who is willing to have a fun conversation. You must beat the stereotype that you are shy, and can only have certain kinds of conversation, regardless of the fact that women unfairly apply the stereotype through no fault of yours. 3. Step three - surround yourself with hobbies that you enjoy, which women simultaneously enjoy. 4. Step four - spend at least 1 month of solidly talking to a different woman every day, and get over the "stagefright" of approaching a woman you like. You should also spend time getting friendly with women, solely for the friendship, without worrying about fighting the friendzone. The idea behind doing this is to be comfortable in your own skin around attractive women. Failing to do this step proficiently will result in you losing your opportunity once a spectacular woman comes your way, because you will be rejected for being weird. If you are a consumer of porn, it needs to stop right now. It will be like trying to come off heroin - but if you choose to continue porn, a real relationship will be like trying to taste Italian spice after eating tacos with spicy red hot sauce - like an effing candle compared to a blowtorch. You will have such distorted views of women that dating will be meaningless. Why chase sex if you can masturbate and get your brain sex hit at home? No point in dating if you masturbate. At this point, you stop and pause for a moment - you are about to jump into dating. If you were not totally comfortable in stage 4, you need to spend an additional month doing it until you are comfortable. Secondly - women will operate in the dating scene based upon what feels right - not based upon what logically is correct or what a man's internal rubric says they should do. Women will do irrational things to you based upon what feels right or wrong at the time, it's a fact of life. 5. Step five - take notes on women around you who show you indicators of interest (playing with their hair around you, a sustained smile, sustained eye contact, asking to be with you, etc etc). Focus initially on the women who like you, and now ask a few of them out on a date. If that particular woman likes you a lot, go ahead, be a man, and kiss her on the way home. Focus on the difference between an interview, a date, normal conversation, and flirting conversation. Focus on the fact that you are getting experience. Don't go for your favorite spectacular woman just yet. Take a step back, smell the roses, and congratulate yourself on some good dating experiences at this point. If you have sex, wonderful. Mentally step back and take in the experience. 6. Step six - now go ask out your favorite woman and see how it goes. If it fails, rinse, repeat, try again. Never fail in your determination, and try not to get too depressed from rejection. It happens to everybody - keep your head up and use Loveshack as a sounding board. Everyone gets rejected, it's a part of life. The winners are people who are willing to try just a little harder than the losers. That's the summary of thousands of dating coaches advice. That's really all there is to it. Hot guys have it easier because women's defenses are lowered, they have lots of charm, and less hoops need to be jumped. But for everybody else - we follow steps 1-6. 2
Author Aethelwulf Posted March 19, 2019 Author Posted March 19, 2019 1. Step one - portray yourself at all times in the most well dressed, fashionable man you can be. Ask your salon's advice on what is the most physically attractive haircut that will go with your head. Use gel if needed. Physical attraction cuts both ways. You may be able to attract a hot girl, but you must accept that certain hot girls will never date you no matter what redeeming qualities you have because you are NOT THEIR TYPE. I think I have that covered. Though I should expand my wardrobe. 2. Step two - portray yourself socially amongst women as a relaxed and easygoing man, who is willing to have a fun conversation. You must beat the stereotype that you are shy, and can only have certain kinds of conversation, regardless of the fact that women unfairly apply the stereotype through no fault of yours. Nice advice! Honestly, I'm not THAT relaxed around women, specially the ones I like. It's like I'm thinking every movement I make and every word that comes out from my mouth. 3. Step three - surround yourself with hobbies that you enjoy, which women simultaneously enjoy. I know, whereas I go to the gym (there are girls, but not that many, plus I'm busy working on my routine) and do volleyball (I'm in a all man team, so.. no girls)... I really want to do something else, but I don't know what. Don't have that precious free time either. 4. Step four - spend at least 1 month of solidly talking to a different woman every day, and get over the "stagefright" of approaching a woman you like. You should also spend time getting friendly with women, solely for the friendship, without worrying about fighting the friendzone. The idea behind doing this is to be comfortable in your own skin around attractive women. Failing to do this step proficiently will result in you losing your opportunity once a spectacular woman comes your way, because you will be rejected for being weird. If you are a consumer of porn, it needs to stop right now. It will be like trying to come off heroin - but if you choose to continue porn, a real relationship will be like trying to taste Italian spice after eating tacos with spicy red hot sauce - like an effing candle compared to a blowtorch. You will have such distorted views of women that dating will be meaningless. Why chase sex if you can masturbate and get your brain sex hit at home? No point in dating if you masturbate. I watch porn, but not that much. Same with the masturbation... I can spend a week without touching my stick . The problem is, I do not meet that many women. Except if I follow "step 3" and try other things. In which case I should stop playing volleyball or going to the gym in order to do something else. At this point, you stop and pause for a moment - you are about to jump into dating. If you were not totally comfortable in stage 4, you need to spend an additional month doing it until you are comfortable. Secondly - women will operate in the dating scene based upon what feels right - not based upon what logically is correct or what a man's internal rubric says they should do. Women will do irrational things to you based upon what feels right or wrong at the time, it's a fact of life. Thanks for that, really helpful! 5. Step five - take notes on women around you who show you indicators of interest (playing with their hair around you, a sustained smile, sustained eye contact, asking to be with you, etc etc). Focus initially on the women who like you, and now ask a few of them out on a date. If that particular woman likes you a lot, go ahead, be a man, and kiss her on the way home. Focus on the difference between an interview, a date, normal conversation, and flirting conversation. Focus on the fact that you are getting experience. Don't go for your favorite spectacular woman just yet. Take a step back, smell the roses, and congratulate yourself on some good dating experiences at this point. If you have sex, wonderful. Mentally step back and take in the experience. I'm not gonna lie. I get some looks often, but I never tried to look back and smile at her. I simply do nothing!. I don't know if the girl is "just looking" or really looking at me, in an interested way. It's like something is paralyzing me (maybe myself?) 6. Step six - now go ask out your favorite woman and see how it goes. If it fails, rinse, repeat, try again. Never fail in your determination, and try not to get too depressed from rejection. It happens to everybody - keep your head up and use Loveshack as a sounding board. Everyone gets rejected, it's a part of life. The winners are people who are willing to try just a little harder than the losers. I'm not afraid of rejection, I know it happens and I can do nothing about it. I'm afraid of not knowing what to do and how to act. It's like a part of myself is missing or never developed. Maybe because I had REALLY low self esteem when I was a teenager and I never did anything about it... until now. But, being honest, it's SO hard to start from zero at age 31.
Garcon1986 Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 In the name of your dating success, you have to take the first step to try and see if women are interested in you. Women will only drop subtle hints because the majority believe in a concept called “slut-shaming”, which means they don’t want to be the first to initiate a relationship or initiate sex because they don’t want to Be known as the easy woman amongst their friends. It is on the same degree of humiliation as if a man walked to work poopfaced drunk and vomited on the floor. It is therefore of crucial importance to talk to lots of women so that when a superb one comes along, you can really shine. It starts with things as simple as talking to the janitor or grandma at work. Don’t tie yourself to one single outcome.
basil67 Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 I'm not gonna lie. I get some looks often, but I never tried to look back and smile at her. I simply do nothing!. I don't know if the girl is "just looking" or really looking at me, in an interested way. It's like something is paralyzing me (maybe myself?) It doesn't matter if she's looking at you casually or with interest. A friendly smile never goes astray.
preraph Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 And just remember there are a lot of subtler touches before you get to full on kissing on a date that you can use to show your interest and gauge hers. Like when being seated, putting your hand flat on her back or on her elbow to guide her into a row or steady her if she's on heels. Reaching out while you're talking to emphasize a point and just tapping her on the forearm with your finger. Any little form of touch like that frees the other person up to warm up, but if they don't, then it's probably not on.
Foxhall Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 I would not consider myself to be an expert on this ( far from it!), but to begin with, I would say to Aethelwulf, just get comfortable holding a conversation with a girl, If you were to meet someone/casual coffee date, would you feel comfortable to keep a conversation going for an hour or two, you can even get help on this googling conversation starters! Once you feel more comfortable at this, you can move on to some of the ideas suggested by Garcon listen to a woman's advice very closely, what Pre Raph is saying!! I know any of my female friends would always say be a gentleman, hold the door, be considerate. I am not great if I am honest at the flirting side,(hopefully improving slowly though!) but I know I can meet a girl and hold a conversation with her for a couple of hours and that is a good starting point!
Garcon1986 Posted March 19, 2019 Posted March 19, 2019 Speak to women all the time. If you exercise, switch your exercise to something that you can still accomplish your goals with , where there are lots of ladies. Devote yourself to this like a religion. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 If you can ... talk about this with some women friends of yours. Somehow, a lot of shy guys find it helpful to just say to a woman friend, "I need some dating advice." Lots of women love to give this advice ... and they can be quite encouraging. It can helpful to hear a woman say (as opposed to a guy say) ... yes, go up to a woman and say hi. Introduce yourself. Some guys just need to hear this advice from a woman before they can apply it. Key point ... I'm involved in public speaking and this same point applies ... don't worry about being nervous ... People cannot tell how nervous you are ... I've been public speaking classes in which at the end of a talk, the teacher asks the speaker, how nervous are you on a scale of 1-10? ... The speaker will say 8 or 9. The audience inevitably laughs ... The audience was thinking 3 or 4. Second, nervousness is good ... nervousness shows you care ... and people edit out nervousness when they meet someone. There is a huge different between someone shady coming up to you ... and someone sincere who is really nervous. People actually don't process the nervousness as a problem. There's some really advanced brain and social processing going on ... Also nervousness ... brings on politeness ... and some charm ... So quit worrying about being nervous ... Think next step ... instead of ten steps down the road. You want to just go say hello to somehow ... at a party ... "who do you know here?" ... "what brings you here? Hi I'm X." You'll be shocked at how easy it is to drop into a conversation ... not always ... but then that may because the person is just distant ... not rejecting you. You approach people a few times ... get into a few conversations ... and you'll be amazed ... you'll become addicted to it ... the nervousness will almost be a high ... and the satisfaction of creating a connection ... of talking to someone is really great. Finally think less of how to impress and charm ... and think more of listening to the other person and sharing your genuine interests and passions. If you talk about your interests and passions, you will be talking about your strengths ... but if you focus on trying to be cool and all of that, you can get easily distracted.
Sharpshooter Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 Do you think people are rejecting you specifically because of your inexperience? Do you tell people your lack of experience, or the fact you're a virgin? Just to let you know I'm in the same bpat and I'm 32.
CantGetEnuff Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 Garcon gives good advice. And I double down on the whole "practice talking to women thing." I mean, that is 80% of it, IMHO. Women are EVERYWHERE. You can't throw a stick without hitting one. (I do not throw sticks at women, for the record. I don't even own a stick) And don't just say Hey or smile at the hot ones. Aim for the 5s and 6s, and DONT think about sex or trying to ask them out. Just get used to talking women. As Garcon said, join interest groups that attract women. And try to project as much confidence as you can. I can't tell you the number of times I (normally suited up) have strolled up to a woman, said something flirty, got a smile from her, and then just kept on strolling. 1
Wallysbears Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 This is a common issue for guys in IT and engineering. So you are not alone! Make friends with someone from marketing or sales...they’ll help with more social skills.
clia Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I agree with Garcon's advice that you need to practice talking to women. Every day make it a point to talk to at least one woman you encounter. I don't care if she's old, young, ugly, pretty, your type or not, etc. It can be the cashier at the store, your waitress, the barista, a woman sitting next to you on the bus or at the bar, etc. Anyone. Just try to have a brief interaction/conversation about any topic. Practice, practice, practice. I think the more comfortable you get talking to women, the more that will naturally move into flirting with women. (And if you say something dumb to the clerk at the store, who cares, no big deal.) I know, whereas I go to the gym (there are girls, but not that many, plus I'm busy working on my routine) and do volleyball (I'm in a all man team, so.. no girls)... I really want to do something else, but I don't know what. Don't have that precious free time either. I watch porn, but not that much. Same with the masturbation... I can spend a week without touching my stick . The problem is, I do not meet that many women. Except if I follow "step 3" and try other things. In which case I should stop playing volleyball or going to the gym in order to do something else. Why don't you join a coed volleyball team? Or are there coed classes you can attend at the gym? Cycling or something? Why would you have to stop volleyball or gym entirely to do something else? Can't you just find time to do something else one day out of the week? At the end of the day if you want to meet women in person, you need to be where women are.
Author Aethelwulf Posted March 22, 2019 Author Posted March 22, 2019 And just remember there are a lot of subtler touches before you get to full on kissing on a date that you can use to show your interest and gauge hers. Like when being seated, putting your hand flat on her back or on her elbow to guide her into a row or steady her if she's on heels. Reaching out while you're talking to emphasize a point and just tapping her on the forearm with your finger. Any little form of touch like that frees the other person up to warm up, but if they don't, then it's probably not on. Yep. But in my case, those are things that don't come naturally to me. Like I said, I have to think every movement I make towards the girl. Maybe with more and more practice I can overcome this? I would not consider myself to be an expert on this ( far from it!), but to begin with, I would say to Aethelwulf, just get comfortable holding a conversation with a girl, If you were to meet someone/casual coffee date, would you feel comfortable to keep a conversation going for an hour or two, you can even get help on this googling conversation starters! Once you feel more comfortable at this, you can move on to some of the ideas suggested by Garcon listen to a woman's advice very closely, what Pre Raph is saying!! I know any of my female friends would always say be a gentleman, hold the door, be considerate. I am not great if I am honest at the flirting side,(hopefully improving slowly though!) but I know I can meet a girl and hold a conversation with her for a couple of hours and that is a good starting point! I don't have that much trouble talking with women I already know (like the ones at my work). I have issues with: - Starting a conversation with those I DO NOT know. I always keep wondering what I should talk about after I say "Hi" to her, and I end up doing nothing. I tend to overthink things. - Getting physical once I'm on a date. For example, the last girl I dated. We texted each other for a few days, things were going smoothly. She seemed eager to meet me, as she gave me her phone number without me asking her for it. When we finally met in person, we had some beers and talked for 2... almost 3 hours. And that's it, I never tried to kiss her. I'm really bad at reading possible signs. It's like i'm waiting for that opportunity and never comes! After she left, we texted a bit more. A few days later I said that I had a good time and she says she had it too, I invite her to a second date and she said "Yes" but after she's done with "some things" (maybe banging another guy?). Never heard from her after that. I planned to kiss her on the second date, but never happened Speak to women all the time. If you exercise, switch your exercise to something that you can still accomplish your goals with , where there are lots of ladies. Devote yourself to this like a religion. I'll try my friend. I really want to change things the way the are right now. But it seems so tiresome... it's really hard to start from zero at this age. I should've done it when I was youger. If you can ... talk about this with some women friends of yours. Somehow, a lot of shy guys find it helpful to just say to a woman friend, "I need some dating advice." Lots of women love to give this advice ... and they can be quite encouraging. It can helpful to hear a woman say (as opposed to a guy say) ... yes, go up to a woman and say hi. Introduce yourself. Some guys just need to hear this advice from a woman before they can apply it. The problem is... I don't have female friends . Thanks for the other advices though. Do you think people are rejecting you specifically because of your inexperience? Do you tell people your lack of experience, or the fact you're a virgin? Just to let you know I'm in the same bpat and I'm 32. Honestly, they will NEVER assume I'm a virgin and they never ask neither. Same with women I dated. We talked about many things, but sex never was a topic. Also, I don't think I get rejected because of my inexperience, I don't get rejected because I do not even try to get to that point. And try to project as much confidence as you can. I can't tell you the number of times I (normally suited up) have strolled up to a woman, said something flirty, got a smile from her, and then just kept on strolling. I need to work on that. I go to the gym, try to dress well, but for some reason I still can't be that confident man I want to be. In fact, I had been told many times that I'm a good looking guy, but a shy one.
Garcon1986 Posted March 22, 2019 Posted March 22, 2019 Lots of women expect men to make most of the moves in the dating relationship, or else be judged as "shy" or "not much of a man". Women then expect in return, to be allowed to set the pace. - To get less scared of thinking about what you are doing, talk to women more frequently. The better control you have of your stage fright, the better the experience will be. - To win the game, try to play your casino slots somewhere that you have better odds. Meaning - go to an extracurricular activity that you personally enjoy and chat up the women. You have a head start in that conversation because you automatically have one thing in common. - As for physical escalation, you can hold her hand, and then see if she holds it back. The strength of the holding will tell you how enthusiastic she is. If you give her a hug, feel how hard she hugs you back. If you look at her lips, watch if she looks at yours. A woman will never make it as easy as "come kiss me" at least in the beginning stages. If you are thinking of kissing her - you go in close, keep on going in, and if she doesn't look away, then the answer is yes, please kiss me. Hence - it is all about you going forward and allowing her to set the speed at which she is comfortable. People tell you read the signs - these are the exact signs you are looking for.
Author Aethelwulf Posted March 23, 2019 Author Posted March 23, 2019 Lots of women expect men to make most of the moves in the dating relationship, or else be judged as "shy" or "not much of a man". Women then expect in return, to be allowed to set the pace. - To get less scared of thinking about what you are doing, talk to women more frequently. The better control you have of your stage fright, the better the experience will be. - To win the game, try to play your casino slots somewhere that you have better odds. Meaning - go to an extracurricular activity that you personally enjoy and chat up the women. You have a head start in that conversation because you automatically have one thing in common. - As for physical escalation, you can hold her hand, and then see if she holds it back. The strength of the holding will tell you how enthusiastic she is. If you give her a hug, feel how hard she hugs you back. If you look at her lips, watch if she looks at yours. A woman will never make it as easy as "come kiss me" at least in the beginning stages. If you are thinking of kissing her - you go in close, keep on going in, and if she doesn't look away, then the answer is yes, please kiss me. Hence - it is all about you going forward and allowing her to set the speed at which she is comfortable. People tell you read the signs - these are the exact signs you are looking for. Thanks the tips! Specially for the physical escalation, I'm so bad a it. And about being a V, I want to hear your thoughts. As I'm already 31 years old, what would you do in my place?. Just lose it with a hooker.. or wait till I definitely earn it thanks to my work IMHO, It's not a "problem" being a virgin, not by itself at least. But the other things that made me that way. But maybe I can get a boost in my confidence? I don't know..
Garcon1986 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 Being a virgin is only a societal and religious label. I only started properly dating at 25 and I am a cardiologist. Had proper sex only at 30. So you really aren’t that far behind haha. There’s a lot more to dating than the sex anyway. You only run the risk of having porno associated erectile dysfunction, but you can decrease the risk by seeking out physical pleasures only through relationships and discipline yourself. Its really no big deal if you don’t know how to have fancy sex unless you get worried.
Garcon1986 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 I started out as totally socially incompetent around women. I was so bad, at asking women out, that I was formally kicked out of my dance club for making the women feel uncomfortable, and heard the devastating clear as day words - "It would be in your best interest to never come back here again". What could I do? I couldn't deny that I enjoyed being around women, but I didn't have the social skills to get anything more than an awkward first date and get kicked out of my beloved dance club. I've since had multiple dates and three wonderful relationships thanks to taking my own advice. So - never too late. It is true that your life is made more difficult if you are not socially smooth but hear me out - even an awkward lanky Asian lad made it through the gauntlet. If you are any bit more handsome than I am, you've got a foot in the door.
Foxhall Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 Garcon, well done you had the determination to turn things around, shows we can make our lives better perhaps if we try hard enough, Aethelwulf, Just on your situation, perhaps a few drinks to loosen up would help a lot, do you try the bar and clubs scene, from your description, your initial priority perhaps to lose your virginity, this may be sorted quickest from getting drunk, losing your inhibitions and it will surely happen for you some night, at the end of the day , look you are in your prime and you want to get out there and experience the joy of sex and so on. keep your eyes on the prize!! I was never much good at chatting to ladies socially, yet in my 20s anyway, I had the few sexual encounters and relationships along the way, it was mainly due to being out with the guys, getting drunk and it would fall into place pretty quickly with the ladies. My situation is somewhat different nowadays, I am 38, I do not have the social mates than I had previously and am rarely out drinking, that has made me turn to the online scene and as I mentioned on another thread have had some success but limited really. funnily enough , I can probably hold a conversation for longer now meeting a girl but possibly am falling down in the self confidence area. sex by itself is not especially important to me now, I am looking actually for that soulmate, person to settle down with, have a few female friends now whom I get along quite well with, but hoping that can find the special one too
snowboy91 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 Second, nervousness is good ... nervousness shows you care ... and people edit out nervousness when they meet someone. There is a huge different between someone shady coming up to you ... and someone sincere who is really nervous. People actually don't process the nervousness as a problem. There's some really advanced brain and social processing going on ... Also nervousness ... brings on politeness ... and some charm ... So quit worrying about being nervous ... May I second this? I've never heard anyone say that they rejected someone because they were nervous. Creepy, definitely, but nervous? Certainly not. If someone approached me and was nervous, I'd do their best to make them not feel nervous. I don't like being thought of as scary, so I want them to feel comfortable. And I bet most people would think the same way.
Author Aethelwulf Posted March 25, 2019 Author Posted March 25, 2019 I started out as totally socially incompetent around women. I was so bad, at asking women out, that I was formally kicked out of my dance club for making the women feel uncomfortable, and heard the devastating clear as day words - "It would be in your best interest to never come back here again". What could I do? I couldn't deny that I enjoyed being around women, but I didn't have the social skills to get anything more than an awkward first date and get kicked out of my beloved dance club. I've since had multiple dates and three wonderful relationships thanks to taking my own advice. So - never too late. It is true that your life is made more difficult if you are not socially smooth but hear me out - even an awkward lanky Asian lad made it through the gauntlet. If you are any bit more handsome than I am, you've got a foot in the door. Thank you for your words! I'll try my best, no matter how difficult it is, specially at the starting point. My I ask how do you even started? You just started talking to girls on every opportunity it came up?. Besides the dance club you joined something else? Sorry I'm asking these questions, its just your story is pretty similar to mine (never got kicked out from a place though ) Garcon, well done you had the determination to turn things around, shows we can make our lives better perhaps if we try hard enough, Aethelwulf, Just on your situation, perhaps a few drinks to loosen up would help a lot, do you try the bar and clubs scene, from your description, your initial priority perhaps to lose your virginity, this may be sorted quickest from getting drunk, losing your inhibitions and it will surely happen for you some night, at the end of the day , look you are in your prime and you want to get out there and experience the joy of sex and so on. keep your eyes on the prize!! I was never much good at chatting to ladies socially, yet in my 20s anyway, I had the few sexual encounters and relationships along the way, it was mainly due to being out with the guys, getting drunk and it would fall into place pretty quickly with the ladies. My situation is somewhat different nowadays, I am 38, I do not have the social mates than I had previously and am rarely out drinking, that has made me turn to the online scene and as I mentioned on another thread have had some success but limited really. funnily enough , I can probably hold a conversation for longer now meeting a girl but possibly am falling down in the self confidence area. sex by itself is not especially important to me now, I am looking actually for that soulmate, person to settle down with, have a few female friends now whom I get along quite well with, but hoping that can find the special one too Sadly, I don't go out that much. I do have some friends but: a) Some of them are already married b) Others, don't like bars/clubs/drinking I love them, but I really really need to meet new people. Maybe befriend some of them, specially women.
Garcon1986 Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 I decided that it would be my religious duty to talk to as many women as physically possible as a living breathing man. Family is where I feel the most belonging - everybody’s time is limited - so it is my duty to work hard for the holy privilege of having a caring woman in my life other than my mum. Nobody is going to give this to me easy so I will work hard for it.
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