jackorsomething Posted March 18, 2019 Posted March 18, 2019 (edited) Hey... I'm new around here and just had a question. So I was best mates with this guy and we were basically inseperable. I've never had a friendship as close before and never seen mates as close as we were. About mid-way through last year he told me he was joining the army and would be away for 14 weeks, at first this was hard, but I got used to the idea. He left for the army in February (of this year). In January of this year we had a small falling out and in the heat of the moment I sent a massive paragraph to his old Snapchat account (as I presumed he wouldn't check it) but a few days later (by chance) he did. Just before he left, we had another (massive) falling out. Not being biased, but he was completely over-reacting to everything I had been saying for around a month beforehand and I guess it just spilled over. We completely blocked all contact from each other and have made no strides towards making contact. The day after this argument, I sent a brief message about respecting people to his old account, again. The message was left unread. I checked every couple of weeks (he left 6 weeks ago) and it was unopened every time I checked, until today, when I saw it had been read. What do you think it means that he logged into his old account (where he knew I sent messages in the past) and opened the message while in the middle of army basic training, which is a very time consuming and tiring process? Is he trying to say something? Is he missing me as much as I am evidently missing him? Edited March 18, 2019 by jackorsomething
Foxhall Posted March 18, 2019 Posted March 18, 2019 Hey, Unfortunately the answer to your question I would imagine is No. In joining the army he has made a decision to move his life in a different direction and explore new horizons. I would come back at you with a different question. Why did it upset you so much that he would be away for 14 weeks? It is not as if that is a very long period of time. time apart in friendships can be a good thing as space is good and it gives the people the opportunity to develop new pursuits and so on. From my own experiences, my advice would be too back off somewhat on this for the time being, give your mate space and refrain from any contact for a couple of months, perhaps with the passing of time you could try to initiate contact again at a later stage. I get the sense that it may also be quite important for you to find other friends, so get out there join some clubs or something or find a new hobby/interest to take up your time.
Watercolors Posted March 18, 2019 Posted March 18, 2019 What was your big argument about with regards to the friendship? Do you have other close friends, or is he the only close friend you have? If he hasn't responded to your most recent attempt to reach out to try to clear the air, then that is his response, in a sense. I would give that friendship space right now, and stop thinking about it. Try to focus on any other friendships that you have, that you could nurture instead. It's hard when friendships shift b/c the person's life trajectory takes them away from us geographically, temporary or not. But it happens. For now, give it space. For both of your sake. If this friendship can be salvaged, it needs some distance.
Author jackorsomething Posted March 24, 2019 Author Posted March 24, 2019 What was your big argument about with regards to the friendship? Do you have other close friends, or is he the only close friend you have? If he hasn't responded to your most recent attempt to reach out to try to clear the air, then that is his response, in a sense. I would give that friendship space right now, and stop thinking about it. Try to focus on any other friendships that you have, that you could nurture instead. It's hard when friendships shift b/c the person's life trajectory takes them away from us geographically, temporary or not. But it happens. For now, give it space. For both of your sake. If this friendship can be salvaged, it needs some distance. Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it. The problem is that I have absolutely no idea why he snapped at me. Like at all.... This is the confusing part about all of this. I do have other close friends, and I've actually found that I'm closer to them now than I was before, so I guess that's a positive. The thing is, I actually sent that message like 7 weeks ago. I haven't tried to contact him since. Giving him (and me) that space. I just think its very weird that someone that wanted to move on would take the time to log into an old account during an incredibly time, physically and mentally consuming time in thier life, 4 weeks after we stopped talking. That's what the intention of the post was - to get a second opinion on what this might mean. Thanks for your time again. Hey, Unfortunately the answer to your question I would imagine is No. In joining the army he has made a decision to move his life in a different direction and explore new horizons. I would come back at you with a different question. Why did it upset you so much that he would be away for 14 weeks? It is not as if that is a very long period of time. time apart in friendships can be a good thing as space is good and it gives the people the opportunity to develop new pursuits and so on. From my own experiences, my advice would be too back off somewhat on this for the time being, give your mate space and refrain from any contact for a couple of months, perhaps with the passing of time you could try to initiate contact again at a later stage. I get the sense that it may also be quite important for you to find other friends, so get out there join some clubs or something or find a new hobby/interest to take up your time. Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post, I appreciate it. Trust me I respect and fully back his decision to join the Army and I don't really mind the fact he is away for 14 weeks, I kinda just mentioned it to give background to the post. I actually agree and think the time away is a good thing - he might develop emotionally and understand what he did... However, I'm just curious about why he would take the time out of an incredibly busy time in his life to log into another account and see if there was a message from me - just seems odd for someone that wanted to move on not so long ago... Thanks for your time again.
MetallicHue Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 If you feel like you’re that attached some space may be good. I accidentally had someone blocked on my phone for 8 weeks and didn’t talk to them. I used to talk to them practically everyday. But in some ways it may have worked out for the better so having space kind of made things a little less codependent. I’m not saying that’s the case with you but just my experience. I think you are way overthinking the message situation. Sounds like you need to distance yourself a bit and try not to think as much about it. Good luck less than 2 months to go.
Author jackorsomething Posted April 19, 2019 Author Posted April 19, 2019 Just thought I'd let you know that he messaged me a week or so ago. Nothing changed, he is still as immature and frankly toxic as ever. I was doing better without him.
Tagalz Posted April 20, 2019 Posted April 20, 2019 What do you think it means that he logged into his old account (where he knew I sent messages in the past) and opened the message while in the middle of army basic training, which is a very time consuming and tiring process? Is he trying to say something? Is he missing me as much as I am evidently missing him? From my point of view, you should never do what you did because you were inseperable. You have known each other for a long time and the worst thing to do is to end all contact just because someone are going to be away for a long time. He logged into his old account because he might think of you even in the military, which is a sweet thing. Or he could maybe get a notifications from other friends that still don't know if he's using the new account. I would say try calling him every now and then to check if he picks ups even if the army is time consuming. If he picks up then talk about how wrong you were and make things good. If he don't then wait until he comes back to talk to him. Best of luck!
Nnam Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 Hey... I'm new around here and just had a question. So I was best mates with this guy and we were basically inseperable. I've never had a friendship as close before and never seen mates as close as we were. About mid-way through last year he told me he was joining the army and would be away for 14 weeks, at first this was hard, but I got used to the idea. He left for the army in February (of this year). In January of this year we had a small falling out and in the heat of the moment I sent a massive paragraph to his old Snapchat account (as I presumed he wouldn't check it) but a few days later (by chance) he did. Just before he left, we had another (massive) falling out. Not being biased, but he was completely over-reacting to everything I had been saying for around a month beforehand and I guess it just spilled over. We completely blocked all contact from each other and have made no strides towards making contact. The day after this argument, I sent a brief message about respecting people to his old account, again. The message was left unread. I checked every couple of weeks (he left 6 weeks ago) and it was unopened every time I checked, until today, when I saw it had been read. What do you think it means that he logged into his old account (where he knew I sent messages in the past) and opened the message while in the middle of army basic training, which is a very time consuming and tiring process? Is he trying to say something? Is he missing me as much as I am evidently missing him? Conversation is key. Ask him what is up and get things along.
Foxhall Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 (edited) I would advise on this do not fall out any worse now at this point, this friendship may have a chance yet long term but do not let the current tension escalate, play it cool, do not get too upset either way about what your friend does or does not do, my first post on this forum was about a broken friendship and the real problem there was that a tense situation or minor disagreement was blown out of proportion initially, and never become abusive towards your friend be it directly or through other mutual friends. Edited April 24, 2019 by Foxhall
Author jackorsomething Posted April 25, 2019 Author Posted April 25, 2019 From my point of view, you should never do what you did because you were inseperable. You have known each other for a long time and the worst thing to do is to end all contact just because someone are going to be away for a long time. He logged into his old account because he might think of you even in the military, which is a sweet thing. Or he could maybe get a notifications from other friends that still don't know if he's using the new account. I would say try calling him every now and then to check if he picks ups even if the army is time consuming. If he picks up then talk about how wrong you were and make things good. If he don't then wait until he comes back to talk to him. Best of luck! Thanks for your reply. I would agree with you however he is the person who orginally cut contact, not me. He did it for no reason - I don't think I'm in the wrong here. That's why I won't be contacting him. In my view, its his job to fix what he broke if that is what he wants. Conversation is key. Ask him what is up and get things along. I wish he was the sort of person you could actually have a rational, mature conversation with....... Thanks for your reply. I would advise on this do not fall out any worse now at this point, this friendship may have a chance yet long term but do not let the current tension escalate, play it cool, do not get too upset either way about what your friend does or does not do, my first post on this forum was about a broken friendship and the real problem there was that a tense situation or minor disagreement was blown out of proportion initially, and never become abusive towards your friend be it directly or through other mutual friends. Thanks for replying. I won't be abusive. Not worth the time. If he wants to be friends in the long term he can reach out. Not me.
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