rolarola Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 My fiance and I had a horrible fight yesterday. Here are the basics. Please, serious help please. He's 53 and im in my early 40s. He lives near my parents and I live away from my family. They don’t approve of our relationship and I basically have no communication with them because of this. there were problems before but this just sealed the deal. Yesterday I went and drove 3 hours each way to pick up his car that was in repair. It broke down on the side of the road and he had to get a loaner. He was working and I basically cancelled her workday to go there. I was working remotely and could have easily don’t most things from the car but i had to cance a couple of zoom meetings due to being in the car. Anyway, I told him I was doing this to help because he was working and he couldn’t leave the region. When I returned it was around 5:30 and I asked to meet for dinner. He told me he had another appointment but would hurry. I said he would meet me there. We always go to same place and sit at the bar. I continued to text with him but it was now 6:45. I was mad. I ordered for him too and he told me there was no way he would make it. He felt I was being very unreasonable. I said I was leaving. He called me and we argued on the phone. I was mad that I drove all day and felt he “stood me up” for dinner. I said she was holding a place at the bar the whole time and ordered him food and I was pissed that he wasn’t there. He TOLD ME it was going to be awhile. The argument was ugly but I kept saying I didn’t want to fight. Hung up and got into bed where I typically work on my laptop. I do it because if I sit on the couch the dog jumps on me. He stopped at the grocery and got himself premade food and when he arrived I asked for him to sit next to me.. but he said I had this horrible face. I said no. He said he needed to work and if I wanted to be near him I could come to the living room. He told me this isn’t what a man wants to come home to. So I slammed my computer down and left. I said I was done. As I was leaving and packing — he gave me the finger and told me to FUC* off. I said that was the last time he would ever say that to me again. I turned off location sharing. He asked me to come back and I said no and that I wanted an apology. He asked FOR WHAT? Anyway at 11pm I finally tell him that I left and went to my old apartment 3 hours away. I am waiting for lease to expire there. I asked for “commitment, a date to be married, and love and to be “spoiled” “emotionally”. I said i felt that it was a slap in the face that I did all that for him and that is what happened. He told me he won’t be controlled by me. I called and called. He told me since I left — I should stay gone. He had to work early in the morning. I said i would come back because I love him but I needs these things. He said that since I left — and drove 3 hours i'm history. I will never be trusted by him again. He told me he had called his parents and informed them already that we were DONE and that…. this was it. I kept calling and calling. He blocked my calls for a bit. he told me he was driving around looking for me and was mad that i was 3 hours awy. Finally he forwarded me a receipt of the 450 dollar gift I got her because he says he felt bad I went to get his car. It was a painting I loved. I replied that it would be returned to sender because I couldn’t believe that he broke my heart and didn’t want more reminders. I then told me that I has been in serious financial concern because I got scammed in my business and I never told him because I was scared I would tell me I was stupid. (He constantly tells me I have no business sense and my brain isn’t all there (during fights). He iimmediately called her and asked what happened. I opened up to him and said that I felt he ignored me and that life is all about him. He told me it has to be in his profession but he would do my best. But he was mad I didn’t tellhim about the scam. I lost 20 thousand dollars for my business. I said I didn’t want to hear that I was “stupid”. AGAIN. So I drove back this morning and now I'm mad…because after he reconnected me to the secuirty cameras he cut me from last night... I noticed that much of what he told me about when I left was a lie. He told me that he didn’t tell his parents until the very end, but in reality an hour after I left and was texting with him ...he called them and I heard him on the phone trashing me to them. He told me he was driving around looking for me, but he really wasn’t much. I drove back 3 hours because I love him but now I don’t know if “he” is really invested in us. he t told me he called his parents sobbing. Again he's 51 years old. But he wasn't really crying. He did cry when he spoke to me from bed. But he wasn’t crying to his parents from the cameras at all. He was saying bad things about me. But I heard the conversation where he called them and was saying bad things about me and how he is really done. They told him to leave him too.]] He told me this morning that he will undo this and talk to them.... and tell tehm I was just stressed about being scammed. But I haven't told him yet that I know ALL the **** he was saying about me to them. And they are supposed to come for lunch tomorrow? I'm so livid. He is back and work and I'm in shock. He TRASHED ME....and now I'm supposed to pretend that did not happen? Should I tell him I heard him on the cameras and that I don't want to see his family tomorrow? It is heartbreaking to see up until much later when he called me -- he didn't shed a darn tear. He was on the phone trashing me to his parents instead. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 What do I do? Confusing the way you switch from I to her to she. Are "they" all the same person? Ragrdless, what you do is dropkick this selfish, inconsiderate back-stabbing jerk to the curb and find someone who appreciates you. Life's too short to waste another second with this kind of person. You also don't do yourself any favors with your consistent I'm gone/I'm back waffling... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 I’m sorry, but this relationship needs to end. Grown up people don’t behave this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Sounds like by the pronouns that are mixed up, 'her,' 'she,' and 'me" that you are trying to write something as if you are her but that you are him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Or what happens when I try to translate another language using Babelfish Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 I was thinking the same preraph, have never used babelfish. At any rate, if things all happened the way you said, it seems to me that you guys are toxic together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Way too much drama. This sounds like the kind of relationship people have as young adults who are barely breaking 20. But he's in his 50s.... He sounds inconsiderate, immature, and verbally abusive. You want a man who will always have your back, not someone you have to beg for attention after driving all over hell for them. I suggest you move on from this man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Relationships should enhance your life. You two are just in conflict too much. No reason to stay in something that just makes you miserable. You know no one is going to change at your ages. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Your parents were right, weren't they? Leave him and call your Mom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 (edited) I’m really curious as to why he couldn’t just call a wrecker to tow his car and get the loaner. Way too much drama for grown adults. You were silly to drop business things for such a minor problem that, frankly, could’ve been addressed in so many different ways and wasn’t at all urgent. If he’s so dang close to his parents (or your parents, not sure) that he’ll immediately call them when the two of you break up, why couldn’t he have called them when his car broke down? This whole situation got blown out of proportion and the argument was extremely immature on both sides. And, no, I wouldn’t tell him about the cameras, just decline to have lunch with him and inform him that the break up is still on. But I know you won’t do that because “I love him” makes all this silly, childish drama worth it all to you. Edited March 17, 2019 by bathtub-row Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 I’m sorry, but this relationship needs to end. Grown up people don’t behave this way. I agree completely with Bailey. This is quite immature and ridiculous 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Sounds like both of you are addicted to drama and dysfunction. The obvious answer is that you and he need to break up but you probably won't. Link to post Share on other sites
royalpoplar Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 Sounds like OP is in a textbook power struggle. Get out and leave imo. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 OP, he seems to have some real issues. This last fight seemed to be the cherry on the sundae. I would bet you two have had some blow out fights prior to this. I with the rest here, you can do better....you will not be able to change a narcissist this late in the game. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 What channel is this on? I can hardly wait for Season Two! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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