Curiousroxy86 Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 If you can't cope/accept You could call him out and then break up if he keeps doing it but if you know this is a flaw that's just simply him and is not going to change well all you can do is accept but accept in a way that you also could clap back with it and build confidence at the same time and stand up to his bs. Show full acceptance and confidence in your quirks even if you don't feel it Say to him with a smile "if you don't like it get the f*ck on" or "sounds like a personal problem" or "I love me so don't annoy me with your issues with me" or "your complaints are a turn off" or "your b*tching is not sexy" "your tongue is unattractive right now" or "keep talking or get replaced" Don't give a damn about how he will take these statements either! If your going to keep this a**hole around a little longer then he better be able to take the heat!
Tamfana Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 You’re not going to be able to change the way he thinks and speaks. If his style is to tease or joke in the form of putdowns and that’s not your style, it’s just not going to work. Expect more put downs when you end it. I dated two guys like that in the past, the little digs and insults for fun. In retrospect they might have had Napoleon Complex but it didn’t occur to me at the time to tease them about it.
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 OP You sound like me. My husband has that kind of humor, and the only way to stop it is to address it the second it happens and I mean every single time, don't let it slide. In no time they learn. If it doesn't work then find a new BF. Try it for a couple of months, then report back.
Author Msday91 Posted March 16, 2019 Author Posted March 16, 2019 Every argument with my bf of seven months has to be honest been picked by me. Once I made him block his ex because she kept messaging to ask for him back, then I was annoyed by how he ‘ jokingly ‘ laughs at me I.e says I’m like a child or something silly like that, but the most current one is that fact I feel like he doesn’t sexually desire me. I know he plans a future with me etc and I can’t help feel like my constant nagging at him is going to push him away. Do you think I get annoyed too easily and should let some things slide?
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2019 Posted March 16, 2019 The examples you gave indicate that you have boundaries. An EX who is still begging for reconciliation has to be blocked. You are not required to accept somebody calling you names & belittling you. As for why you have concluded that your BF doesn't find you sexually attractive I need more info. If you do pick on him for every little thing, learn to hold your tongue. Nagging is not good. In contrast, sticking up for yourself & being authentic about the respect you command is perfectly legitimate.
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 16, 2019 Posted March 16, 2019 It is important to state your boundaries but if you a) have to repeat it over and over again or b) keep getting on his case about multiple things then it means your trying to hold on to a boyfriend you don't accept as is and is trying to change and also means he don't take your talks seriously and don't respect you. Your not wrong for feeling what you feel but it does mean he is not right for you Few things to consider in my opinion 1) pick your battles. No one likes to be criticized. No one likes confrontation. No one likes to be told they are not great or they are f*cking up. So if it's something you can accept then accept it. Dont fuss just to be fussing. This does not mean hold your tongue and suffer in silence on things that is truly important to you mind you! 2) If you can't accept something he is doing that is not okay to you then you should speak your boundaries but only tell him once. Anything past that is nagging. If he doesn't respond favorably as in saying no, acting like he don't care, arguing back, or telling you he will do what you ask but go back to doing what your complaining about then you take that as he don't want to do what your asking. That means you have a choice. You accept that he doesn't want to and stay or You cant accept and breakup. What You don't do is keep talking about it over and over. All that does is get you disrespect and not being taken seriously and more than likely pull away because your being his mother not his lover. 3) if there are a lot of things that bother you about him and your trying to fix it all like he is your little project then you need to let him go. You wouldn't want to be with a boyfriend who doesn't accept you as you are and think your enough do you? You wouldn't be attractive to a boyfriend who is always on your case. Yes he is going to pull away if you keep on but honestly it means you need to let him go if you have a problem with a lot of things and trying to change him. Find someone who is not such a problem to do the things that's important to you. 4) a guy who is right for you is a guy you get along with most of the time and the little time you don't agree one or both is okay with not being right or agree to disagree and y'all can resolve conflict successfully. That's compatibility instead of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole just because you really want to hold on to that particular peg. How to know if a guy is right he naturally does the things you shouldn't have to nag about and even if you talk to him about it he is willing to atleast listen the first time and y'all can come up with a solution together and most of the time willing to make you happy (you should do the same for him by the way) Now you know more than we do on what type of relationship you have but if I was a betting woman based on your post I would say your with someone who just isn't the right guy hun 1
BaileyB Posted March 16, 2019 Posted March 16, 2019 Having read your previous posts, I will ask sincerely - how long are you planning to hang onto this relationship that is not meeting your needs? Seriously, relationships are supposed to bring you joy. They are supposed to lift you up. Not all the time, but most of the time. Relationships are not supposed to be this hard... 3
Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 16, 2019 Posted March 16, 2019 You aren't happy and you are trying to tell him. The problem is men generally don't understand words, they only understand actions. He needs to value you more. A decent man would see it upset you and do something about it. Men don't respond to commands however. You have to tell them directly. I would say calmly what you want and then if he doesn't respond I would dump him or detach and distance yourself immediately from him. You need him to appreciate you mean business. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted March 16, 2019 Posted March 16, 2019 (edited) Those are three deal-breakers right there in a very short post. 1. He kept up contact with his ex ... and you had to insist that he block her. 2. That he belittles you ... doesn't matter if you feel "sensitive" or not ... if you feel belittled, this ain't the guy for you ... 3. You don't feel sexually desired ... you aren't imagining this one ... guys are not exactly known for being sexually restrained when they want to sleep with someone ... Nagging is a sign that you aren't taking a full stance ... You want to set your boundaries as others have said ... meaning, hey, I don't like this... and I need you to stop doing this ... if he doesn't respond ... then you don't nag ... you leave ... you pull away ... some people will nuclear-strike back at him ... Time to dump this guy ... This isn't going to work ... Use this as a learning experience ... you'll want a guy who is different on all three issues next time ... BTW: feeling like YOU are at fault .. means you want to work on trusting YOUR judgement. Are you going to let a mugger rob you and feel like that was your fault as well? Edited March 16, 2019 by Lotsgoingon 1
preraph Posted March 16, 2019 Posted March 16, 2019 You just need to leave him. He's getting off on his ex still being after him and chances are pretty good he's still sleeping with her when it suits him. He's trying to make you feel bad for not thinking all this is ok. Just leave him and find someone who is reasonable and cares. 1
Tamfana Posted March 16, 2019 Posted March 16, 2019 Every argument with my bf of seven months has to be honest been picked by me. Once I made him block his ex because she kept messaging to ask for him back, then I was annoyed by how he ‘ jokingly ‘ laughs at me I.e says I’m like a child or something silly like that, but the most current one is that fact I feel like he doesn’t sexually desire me. I know he plans a future with me etc and I can’t help feel like my constant nagging at him is going to push him away. Do you think I get annoyed too easily and should let some things slide? Don't nag. Observe as objectively as possible. Then decide whether you want to live with that behavior for the rest of your life. I was with a guy like that once- irresponsible, joking at my expense and never his expense, blamey. He was actually a very fragile guy. I was too passive and accommodating in trying to sort out what was going on, believing I could fix it. But we can't "fix" people or raise or train adults. They are what they are. Ultimately the question is whether you want to deal with that behavior for a lifetime. 3
Gretchen12 Posted March 17, 2019 Posted March 17, 2019 Every argument with my bf of seven months has to be honest been picked by me. Once I made him block his ex because she kept messaging to ask for him back, then I was annoyed by how he ‘ jokingly ‘ laughs at me I.e says I’m like a child or something silly like that, but the most current one is that fact I feel like he doesn’t sexually desire me. You need to understand how these incidences turned into arguments. You can totally tell someone your feelings without turning it into an argument. Did you intend to fight? No one knows how you approached him. And even if you were right to be angry, you can expect him to defend when your attack is highly charged. If you are calm and he snapped first then yes you know whose fault it is.
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