He's my fiance, but does he want to marry?

[asilem]

My boyfriend proposed to me just before having to return to graduate school.

He gave me a necklace, saying a ring would come later.

We told our parents and everyone has been congratulating us...my mom asked about a date and he seemed to feel pressured by that so, I just left it, thinking that once he settled into grad school we'd talk about it.

 

Our phone conversations were really positive...he even suggested a Fall wedding -- which I though was great, it came from him, unsolicitated.

 

Now, a few weeks later, I called him after visiting a few wedding venues for the first time. We discussed cost and stuff... and I sensed he was getting agitated. I know as a grad student he doesn't have much $$. That could have why he was getting agitated.

But overall he said things would work out...and he seemed positive.

 

Later that day he called me back, saying he wants to wait two years before the wedding. For financial reasons. I could ask his folks for help but hasn't, not even to purchase a modest ring.

 

Now, here I am, I don't have a ring, he's not here...and I am getting upset.

I feel he is souring the engagement. Maybe even sabbatoging the whole thing

 

He is so over sensitive --- he thinks because I went out to the venues I am just plowing ahead without consideration to him. I thought when he said how about a wedding in the Fall, I thought that was great. I assumed he meant next year -- now he's saying two. I am completely frustrated. Ug!!

 

How should I handle this? Any suggestions

[bridezilla]

YOU'RE the bride. i thought the bride's family , ie; father, is supposed to pay this?? SO, you just call him back, tell him that you will handle all the finances on this wedding, and to concentrate on his studies so that he can graduate and get a good job for your future.

 

Or, you can grate on him while he is under pressure from school, pressure him on finances on a ceremony that is usually over priced and results in a lot of brides maids in goofy dresses, and a lot of relatives that you dont know geting drunk on your dime. and he will gradually resent you.

 

I dont know if you have ever been in graduate school, but i have, and i will tell you thats it is VERY competitve, and is a very jealous mistress in that it requires the vast majority of your time. so you have to deal with this and understand, or alienate him by pressing for your Cosmo wedding and impress the realtives. why not wait till after grad school?

 

Or suggests a St. Lucie wedding in the islands? plain, simple, not as expensive, and you dont have to put up with a lot of relatives. you can still send out invitations and get your toasters though, if you want them.

[The Man]

Maybe you could just wait to marry? I mean your relationship isn't getting sowwer anywhere else is it? Most college students are pretty poor, I know that from experience as I am one. But anyway I would just wait until you both are in a financially strong relationship. But asking your parents or his parents could lead to later problems, I suppose. My prospective on your problem would be to let it ride.