Seeking about marine relationship

[butterfly57]

In December, I was out with my girlfriends and we met two guys who were really nice (same age as us, 25). His friend expressed interested in me and asked for my number (I was actually more interested in his friend). We all end up going to another bar together and I end up having a very "deep" conversation with his friend (talk about friends, family, values - no small talk - also tells me he is going into the marines in a month). I ask him for his number, which he gives to me. It was getting late and I decided to go home with my girlfriends. I say goodbye to the two guys, as I'm heading out the door - the guy runs out to the sidewalk and we end up kissing before I get into the cab.

 

A couple of weeks later - we end up going out. And then two more times after that - I end up going back to his place etc etc because he is going off to the marine boot camp in a couple of days. We definitely had a connection - I know he felt it too, but we decided to have a clean break.

 

Since going to marine bootcamp - he's called me almost every week he has gotten his phone to "check in". Finally I asked him - do you miss me? He said, "well I don't really know you very well" - I responded by saying, "then why do you keep calling me?" and hung up. I texted him later in the night saying, "please don't call again, I didn't like what you said to me". He ended up calling like 3 times until I picked up, and said "I'm sorry, I try to be a tough guy/have a tough exterior, but that's not really working - yes, I miss you and I want to see you - I was thinking that you could come down to -- to visit". I responded by saying, "I miss you too, and I'd love to come visit".

 

He calls me again this weekend - he is about to graduate from marine bootcamp and go into marine officer training, but he "gets more freedom" - as he puts it. We didn't talk about any future plans. I texted him after - It was nice to hear from you. He said "yes - you too. we will cross paths real soon". I responded "Can we make an actual plan, or is that too difficult?" (in a playful way/but also serious haha). He responded saying "we can".

 

I know he probably has a lot going on right now - I'm a busy working person as well (but obviously not in marine bootcamp). 1. From your perspective, what do you think his intentions are? 2. How do I follow up and make actual plans without seeming like too eager? 3. should i go visit him?

[smackie9]

You are temporary to him and I can't see why not when you two barely know each other, and not much s invested.

[preraph]

I can't believe you caused drama about him not 'missing you.' How childish. You don't even know each other. You're trying to play house with a guy who's across the world working harder to serve the country than he'll hopefully ever have to work again, and you're playing teenage games with him.

 

Service men are often lonely, but he's going to mature a lot where he's at, and when he comes out, I would not expect him to put up with drama from you, just saying. Because he'll come out a man.

[d0nnivain]

I am married to a Marine veteran. Marine bootcamp is ROUGH. Just because he's graduating doesn't mean he will be accepted into corps on active duty; they no longer take everybody anymore. Some people get sent into the reserves even if that is not where they want to be. Part of it depends on how well he scored on something called an ASVAB test.

 

That said, given how difficult & demoralizing bootcamp can be, he needed a connection back home, somebody to remind him what he was fighting for. Given the life & death nature of their jobs Marines bond quickly & solidly. If you have their back, they will have yours. But they don't communicate & rarely have the words. Trying to pull an emotion out of my husband, I might as well try to pull a tank. Most of my husband's Marine brothers are still happily married to the women they dated while they were in the Corps.

 

My husband was already out of the Corps when we met. I'm not sure I have the emotional wherewithal to have been able to date an active duty Marine, who spent most of his time in danger on the other side of the world.

 

I can't promise this Marine candidate won't cheat on you or that you two will make it. I do know that right now he wants you to be his connection to civilian life & the real world. He's not using you in a bad sense. If you are not ready to be his lifeline & be the woman keeping the home fires burning, let him down gently.

[Garcon1986]

Marine training is one of the most physically exerting things on the planet - if you want to experience the training yourself, consider watching a youtube video or reading the book 30 days to SEALFit - and this only scratches the surface. Men will be pushed to their physical limit, being so tired they can't stand up, lose so much sleep that they hallucinate, and will have drill sergeants pushing them higher and higher each time. These men are roughing it for the toughest job in the country, and many of them will not have the romantic skills to create the lovely romantic relationship that people strive for in a movie such as "The Notebook". Why don't they have the skills? In military boot camp, and especially Marine boot camp, you just don't have the time. This is where he is coming from. It's OK to be attracted to the hottest guys on the planet, but remember you might have to put up with lots of time of him being away at his job or being on missions. Right now, his focus is his school - at boot camp. Ask yourself if it sits right with you to be waiting for him. There's no wrong answer here, it's just what feels right to you. Don't play games to try and manipulate him into showing you the love that you expect. You'll have to teach him how and see if he is willing to listen.

[Wallysbears]

If you’re concerned about things like “I miss you” don’t date men in the military. It takes a really strong and confident partner to be with a military person.

[preraph]

^ Well, on the plus side (for her) she doesn't even really know him, so she can't actually really miss him, nor he her. So not that much of an investment until and unless they have more time face to face down the road.

[basil67]

What Wallys said. To be able to date someone who has long absences and has been trained to keep a lid on emotions, you need to be super strong and confident in your own right. Being needy or dramatic will lead to failure.

 

Also, please remember that you barely know this guy. Don't expect much of this connection.