She says she still loves me, Give Up or wait for her? Please help me.

[athletictommyj]

Hello All,

I have a serious problem on my hands and I need your help. My girlfriend broke up with me about 5 days ago, she is 20 and I am 24, I am in the Army and she is going to college. We were seeing each other for about 13 months and things were going great but for the last 1-2 months we were always fighting and I would always make her mad by the littlest thing. I still love her so much and she says that she loves me, but she says she is not in-love with me. The reasons she gave me were that she is only 20 and that she doesn’t know if being with me is what she wants (we talked about getting married when I got back and we even had a ring picked out), she said I was smothering her, she said that she could not get over the fact that I was married before (which I cant change), and she said that since I was leaving to go to Iraq that she did not want to be alone for a year. I get so mad about the last 2. She said she wants to be friends and when I talk to her I feel great but when I am not I don’t, I miss her so much. Should we be friends or should I just let go. I guess I am holding onto some type of hope that we will get back together. She said she needed space and time apart. So she broke up with me. It felt like I wasn’t supposed to love her when she was not trying back. What do I do? I also have a couch and a couple of other things of mine still at her place? Should I just forget about them or go get them. I kind of fell badly because she would not have a couch that matched her stuff and I don’t want to be mean. Part of me says be mean and get my stuff, even though it will be in storage for a year and the other part says get it when I get back, I don’t know. She also said I was not social and I said we never really went out. I don’t know what to do. Please help. I hate this feeling.

[the_dude007]

I'm three weeks into a "break" situation, and I tell you man it's hard to give space. But if this is what she asked for, truly take the advice of most people on here and give it. The reason being - if she is truly the one you love, then you want her to be happy - and this makes her happy right now.

 

It's better for you, and her both. That's the best part. You may even decide that she isn't as lovely as you thought. It's amazing what a little space will do for clarity and perspective on these things.

 

That's my two cents. I gave my girl a lot through the relationship, and she chose to overanalyze it and now risks losing a good thing. She told me she doesn't love me but doesn't want me out of her life. So I have given her some space and we'll see what happens here....

[jomaxfury]

That sounded exactly like my ex.

It's my forth week on NC. In fact the age is almost similar I'm 24 and she's 20.

We talked about the same things, marrige and all that stuff. She broke up with me like three times in our two year relationship over nothing, until I just couldn't take no it more. Well I suggest for now give her space. Trust me after a few weeks you really start realizing what kind of person they really are. Thats all you can do, one really important thing to know don't expect that your ex going to call back. It really feels bad when you expect them to call you and they never do. Just go on your way, do your thang man!

 

One last thing thanks for protecting our country, God bless you!

[athletictommyj]

Thanks so much for all the advice. I will try the no contact. But the only thing is that she does still call me. What should I do ignore the phone calls? I have a feeling that she will tak that as I dont love her anymore? Maybe that is what I need to do in order for her to see what is gone from her life now. What do you think? Thanks again

 

Also it is an honor to be serving true and honest people like yourself.

[the_dude007]

my ex and I are exchanging txt and has chatted aol a few times. but those are times when I instigated, she's only responding to my messages

 

so I don't know if she wants to talk or is just being nice cause of what we had....can't decide. the only thing I know is I need to continue to give space until she decides she wants to talk. when she does, she can call me and we can then discuss - as long as I've had enough time. then from there we can see what happens.

 

as far as you are concerned, you hold the cards. Just take the odd call and see what she has to say. Just don't be too forward or aggressive on reconciliation - theres time for that.

 

Just my two cents...anyone else have thoughts?

[georgiagirl76]

My boyfriend and I separated 11 days ago- we are older but he is also in the military and I just finished law school. He asked for space/broke up with me but told me he was sure we would see each other again and possibly get back together. I haven't heard from him since. He has a loveseat here and some other stuff but nothing major. He also has my key. I have not contacted him in any medium (text, ims, phonecalls, emails). I love him very much and we broke up mainly because of the stress his is experiencing in his career and the fact that our careers may not be compatible. However, I told him that since I love him I will give him what he needs- which is space.

 

It is hard when you love someone and what they want is in direct conflict with what your heart wants. I would give her the space and not respond to her phone calls. Listen to her messages and judge when it is a good call to return and when it was just a "hey how are you?" If she really thinks she doesn't want to be with you she won't really know what it is like to be without you unless you give her that space.

 

A good rule of thumb I think with contact is if you wouldn't feel comfortable saying something to their face- then don't call or im or text. We are in a new age of technology where we can hide behind our computers and pour our hearts out to the person and end up doing damage.

Hang in there. Not having closure sucks. Sorry

[athletictommyj]

She still wants to be friends and she still calls, should I just not answer them or text her back when she texts me? I am so confused. What does "space" mean anyway? I dont want to lose her for good but I also want to be more than friends, please help.

[the_dude007]

txt her back, call, but only when you are ready. and don't call back right away. Jst read the situation - we are a bunch of hearborken pleebs here on LS -so take what we have to offer realzing we are just in the sam eboat you are.

 

Strcit NC, etc is crazy - unless you broke up with her. Just try to undertand the situation, and try to figure out why it's over......

 

Space, if asked for = SPACE. No calls. No txt. No e/m. Trust me - if that wahat she wants GIVE it to her.

 

It's all you got for cards dude.

[athletictommyj]

thanks for the advice. it helps

[pippen_2k]

Dont buy into this 'Space' Bullcrap guys! Both of you are falling victim ot this lame ass comment.

 

Shrug off this comment if you like, but like dude man said, the 'space' is what she wants and it makes her happy... that means no you.

 

Wait around if you want, but it will cause you alot of pain.

[athletictommyj]

she had too much too drink last night and came over, nothing happened and she said she was not coming over for something to happen, why did she come over? Did she feel lonley? I layed next to her and wanted to kiss her so much. She went to the club and some guy asked for er number and she said she did not give it to him because she thought of me, is that good, should I still do the NC, or just tell her that if she wants to see me it will because she wants me back?

[athletictommyj]

please any advice would be great

[Baz]

Contact your ex and say that you respect her decision to end the relationship but go on and and say that because of this you would prefer it if she didn't contact you again unless it is to resolve your differences and build a new relationship. Then go NC. Do not respond to anything until she is at your door trying to kick it down.

 

The relationship is over and you must now pull away. By doing this you will be showing her just how valuable you are. If she doesn't come back then im afraid there is nothing you can do.

 

In the meantime find your pride and disapear from her life. You now "need time" not her so use it in order to rediscover the value of you.