kscholze Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 she told me she was done, and I just got a text msg after a week. I did the NC for about a month last time and then she got in touch with me. I was not going to contact her, but now I get this text. all it says is "smile like you mean it" What to do? Any help in a hurry is appreciated
RainyDayWoman Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 she told me she was done, and I just got a text msg after a week. I did the NC for about a month last time and then she got in touch with me. I was not going to contact her, but now I get this text. all it says is "smile like you mean it" What to do? Any help in a hurry is appreciated i would ignore it. she is looking for a reaction by sending a ridiculous message. she can grow up and call you if she wants to talk instead of hiding behind technology. at least, that's how i feel about it.
alphamale Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 i would ignore it. I agree. No response sends a huge message...
crazy_grl Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Yep, ignore it. It means nothing. If she wants to say something worth hearing, she'll call and say it to you, not send you some nonsense text. Keep up NC as though you didn't get a thing from her.
heartnsoul Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 i would ignore it. she is looking for a reaction by sending a ridiculous message. she can grow up and call you if she wants to talk instead of hiding behind technology. Ignore it.
Author kscholze Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 sounds like its unanimous but then I will be waiting for her to call. I shouldn't even send a simple you too.
heartnsoul Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 I shouldn't even send a simple you too. No. Replying at all will be giving in to her game.
Author kscholze Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 even if I told her to get in touch the last time I talked to her?
Author kscholze Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 and I still have feelings for her. sorry this is so hard guys
heartnsoul Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 she told me she was done Man how I hate games but let her stew. Remember who got their heart broken....put that person first!
heartnsoul Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Hun, I know it's hard But if she broke things off with you to begin with and you're allowing her to keep you at arms length...she'll never realize what it was that she lost. It's not easy but sometimes you have to truly set something free in order for that person to come to grips with whether they want you in their life or not. She's giving you just enough to hold on to that hope and you have to be the stronger one in this.
Author kscholze Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 thanks for the advice. I will try to follow it. It is actually easier not to reply, than to reply and wait for her to reply.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 even if I told her to get in touch the last time I talked to her? no, ignore it even though you told her to get in touch with you. she chose to "get in touch with you" by leaving a silly, ambiguous message. this is not called "getting in touch"---this is called "mind-*****ing." she is trying to see how you feel without committing to any feelings of her own. she said she was "done." so for all intents and purposes, she is done. even though she doesn't desire you, she most likely wants to know that you still desire her. don't fall for it. stop talking yourself into why you should reply. you know you should not. let her wonder what you're doing, and what you're thinking, and how you feel about her message. maybe it will even make her send another one---one that will let you know what exactly it is that she is trying to accomplish by contacting you in the first place. then you can decide how you want to react, if you want to react at all.
off2sea Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 I also agree with everyone- do not respond it will only make things worse. I just went through this and did respond- it sets you way back. My suggestion is to shut your phone off or put it out of reach AS SOON as the urge hits. It'll pass with some time.
Author kscholze Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 you are all right. I will not write back. She just misses me being there, and Its time for her to miss me and for her to wonder. I have gootten to a point where I cant be pushed around anymore. If she wants something or wants to talk she will say something more than "smile like you mean it" (btw, that is the name off a song her and I really liked)
crazy_grl Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 If she wants something or wants to talk she will say something more than "smile like you mean it" (btw, that is the name off a song her and I really liked) I knew it was a song, but the fact that the song is personal to the both of you is worse. She's very clearly testing to see what kind of reaction she will get. Keep doing what you're doing and don't respond until she says something less vague and confusing.
In Sync Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 I agree with everyone else. Having made the mistake of geting caught up in the headgame of contact with someone who dumped me, it absolutely made the heartache worse. PERIOD. Trust those who have been there. They think by being friendly you're ok with the crumbs of attention. Of course you'll think it means more because you are not over the relationship. Don't respond. It is better to deal with this way of NC than the humiliation of being hurt again once you do return her call.
Author kscholze Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 thank you all, I feel good about not responding. I will only respond if she calls or says something that has a bit of substance to it. The only thing is I feel like I am playing a game, and I dont want to do that. Am I playing a game, or am I trying to gaurd myself from more pain?
sanne Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 hey man take it from me, i was in your shoes, and fell for every single damn little mind-game she played with me. in the end, i got nothing out of it but more heartache and pain. i seriously suggest you ignore any contact from her unless it's something a little more substantial than a worthless song lyric, that to my eyes doesn't mean s***.
crazy_grl Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Am I playing a game, or am I trying to gaurd myself from more pain? You're not playing a game. You're guarding your heart and putting yourself first, which is completely acceptable since she broke up with you. Realistically, how are you supposed to respond to "smile like you mean it"? "Thanks", "You too", ":)"??? What's the point in that kind of contact? If she said something like, "Hi. How've you been? Been awhile since we talked." it'd be different. That would indicate she wants to have a real conversation, and it'd be a bit rude not to reply briefly and courteously. Sending what she sent is meaningless and confusing and seems like a game.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 thank you all, I feel good about not responding. I will only respond if she calls or says something that has a bit of substance to it. The only thing is I feel like I am playing a game, and I dont want to do that. Am I playing a game, or am I trying to gaurd myself from more pain? actually, you're not letting her play her game, because you are refusing to play. you smart thing, you. now that i know that message is a song, i think it's even worse. i would never text an ex-boyfriend and be like "remember how much you loved my hair...it's still beautiful." she's acting pathetic. this should help you get over it easier, maybe.
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