athletictommyj Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Hello All, I have a serious problem on my hands and I need your help. My girlfriend broke up with me about 5 days ago, she is 20 and I am 24, I am in the Army and she is going to college. We were seeing each other for about 13 months and things were going great but for the last 1-2 months we were always fighting and I would always make her mad by the littlest thing. I still love her so much and she says that she loves me, but she says she is not in-love with me. The reasons she gave me were that she is only 20 and that she doesn’t know if being with me is what she wants (we talked about getting married when I got back and we even had a ring picked out), she said I was smothering her, she said that she could not get over the fact that I was married before (which I cant change), and she said that since I was leaving to go to Iraq that she did not want to be alone for a year. I get so mad about the last 2. She said she wants to be friends and when I talk to her I feel great but when I am not I don’t, I miss her so much. Should we be friends or should I just let go. I guess I am holding onto some type of hope that we will get back together. She said she needed space and time apart. So she broke up with me. It felt like I wasn’t supposed to love her when she was not trying back. What do I do? I also have a couch and a couple of other things of mine still at her place? Should I just forget about them or go get them. I kind of fell badly because she would not have a couch that matched her stuff and I don’t want to be mean. Part of me says be mean and get my stuff, even though it will be in storage for a year and the other part says get it when I get back, I don’t know. She also said I was not social and I said we never really went out. I don’t know what to do. Please help. I hate this feeling.
dprelz Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 If she asked for space, give her space. She won't realize how much she is going to miss you if you are still in her life contacting her. I suggest No contact, leave the couch there and when/IF she wants you back you will know. This work with both ways, it will be easier to get her back and it will make you get over her. The trick now is to really analyze what happend in that relationship and try to see what you did to cause the breakup. As for being friends, it is impossible right after - because at least one of you still has those feelings for them. If you wait some months, you could give it a shot!
Author athletictommyj Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 Dprelz, Thanks for the feedback. The only thing is that what if she finds another guy, she is at college. Also no contact at all? I have to get some of my clothes tomorrow and then after that tell her that I need some space and can't talk to her right now? That is going to be so hard, I also dont want to hurt her feelings. Thanks
dprelz Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 It is kind of a touch and feel situation, depending on her reaction. All NC does is just fast-forward the process of her missing you. Just dont' force anything. If she is going to come back she will realize it on her own. Don't over analyze anything, you will KNOW if she wants you back. If she gets another guy there is nothing you can do. I know you miss her and don't want to hurt her. But, do you know bad it will be for you if you are still talking to her and you KNOW she is seeing another guy? Will you be able to handle that? Sometimes not knowing is a blessing.
Author athletictommyj Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 How do I tell her that NC is what I need and how do I get over her? Go out and try to forget until she comes around, maybe?
Author athletictommyj Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 What if she still wants to talk, just not answer? I don't want to push her away more.
Author athletictommyj Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 she says that she is not looking for another boyfriend. She kept all the cards and little notes that I gave her, Is that a good sign that she might want to get back together?
crazy_grl Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 athletictommyj, you may want to read this thread. It's pretty long, but mostly pretty accurate. Guide to NC: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t70200/
Author athletictommyj Posted September 23, 2005 Author Posted September 23, 2005 she had too much too drink last night and came over, nothing happened and she said she was not coming over for something to happen, why did she come over? Did she feel lonley? I layed next to her and wanted to kiss her so much. She went to the club and some guy asked for her number and she said she did not give it to him because she thought of me, is that good, should I still do the NC, or just tell her that if she wants to see me it will because she wants me back?
georgiagirl76 Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 I don't think anyone can answer why she came over especially since she had been drinking. She may not even be aware of her motivations. It sounds to me that she finds comfort in you and has the perception that you will always be there for her- thus she goes out and sees if there is anything else better- if not she has you to fall back on. I think strict no contact is a good way to force the person to figure out if they really want to live a life without you. It also allows you to begin to heal and not have fresh wounds and questions of "why did she say that" or "does her phone call mean . . ." The worst thing that can happen is that you heal and get over her and move on- and while that may sound bad now in the long run it is good. Don't allow yourself to be controlled by your desire to have her back. You should want to be with someone that WANTS you. I know it is tough- I am on day 13 of NC but it is getting easier. I posted on second chances a request for success stories but I inadvertantly stated that my ex and I were dating for 6 weeks instead of months- hopefully someone will post some success story soon and you can see what I am talking about. Hang in there
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