Going out

[RedHead5]

You guys better turn the ship around before you crash. Sounds like you are already getting resentful and spiteful to each other.

 

If you want him to communicate when he goes out you can't be all pissed about him going out. Why would I text someone who is going to yell at me? Sounds like he has toned down his lifestyle alot to be with you and you are trying to take away the last two days out of a month that he has left to do what he likes that you don't.

 

3am is reasonable if he is staying till last call. You should expect it if that's what he normally does and be pleasantly surprised if he is early.

 

Personally, I go out with my bf most of the time but if he goes out without me he will usually text me and tell me he is going out and where and with who. And we dont even live together and I don't request this from him. He has always just felt compelled to do it. But I dont bug him or give him a hard time about it. It's his life and I don't suspect him of cheating so why does it matter?

 

He is not going to take you out till 3am drinking with him if you don't drink. If my bf and I aren't drinking we aren't usually out till 3am either lol. It kinda goes hand in hand.

 

And don't get freaked out about the cruise and the "paid women" that is some of the craziest stuff I have heard and literally LOLed. That poster must have been on some swinger cruises or something. Doubt that $75 ticket included an all you can f**k buffett. :lmao:

 

Sounds like at this point y'all are both doing stuff to piss the other off. He is maybe dumbly telling you about girls hitting on him in a misguided attempt at wanting you to think he is desirable but yet loyal. You called a dude to spite him, so you are playing games too.

 

And don't take the fact that someone was cheated on and hurt as gospel they won't cheat on you. I thought the same about my ex. He cheated on me. It's a logical fallacy.

[Mochalatte8]

I appreciate everyone's thoughtful responses so far which favors for and against the relationship. You are right: there is a deeper issue here than just "going out with the boys on the weekends."

 

Most of the time, he is behaving like he is in a serious live in relationship. During the week, he comes straight home from work. We split the bills. He has introduced me to his family, coworkers and some of his friends. They all like me and say I'm the best thing that has happened to him and they see the changes in him. But I get mad whenever Friday nights roll around because it's just "convenient/a coincidence" that he wants to go hang out with the guys until 3 AM. And he's so hung over that we can't do anything on Saturday afternoon. But maybe I need to change the way I see things because he usually does take me out for date night on Saturday night, usually to a nice dinner. So I should just accept that every Friday is guys night and Saturday night is for us. I need to work on not getting jealous so easily. Any tips?

 

I think deep down I know he won't physically cheat on me. I think I get nervous and panick when I hear about his past: his excessive party lifestyle everyday, girls flirting with him at the bars, he used to text girls (probably flirtatiously because he mentioned his ex gf would go nuts about this). But he has made a lot of changes. I don't want to say it was because of me because you can't change someone. I think he made a conscious decision to change before he met me and that's when he decided to be with me. Since he's been with me, he only goes on out those Friday nights, doesn't post as much of "party" pictures on social media, hardly texts girls. Since living together, I have never heard him talk to a girl on the phone. I mean some cynics may argue that he can call/text other girls behind my back i.e. At work. But I think deep down, I know he doesn't. But I still panick when I think that old habits die hard.

 

We have had quite a few major near breakup arguments in the recent months. Partly because of my insecurities and my unemployment and the stress/resentment it has been causing. The old him would have walked away and broken up for good. He's a very impatient person. But each time, no matter how ugly the argument, when we talk after we calmed down, we somehow still want to make it work. I know some people will say this is toxic. But each time, this opens my eyes to what I still need to work on.

 

He said he was initially attracted to me because I was confident and how I worked so hard to get to where I am for my job. But after I lost my job, I lost my confidence and that's when we started to have a lot of problems. Whenever his phone goes off with a text, I still worry if it's a girl texting or if he goes out with the guys, if he is eyeing other girls or reciprocating their flirting. But I know I need to work on myself and that when my confidence comes through, that will make me more attractive. I think I forget that my perseverance and my intelligence make me attractive to him, at least initially. I got lost in the hype of social media that I have to be this "hot" girl especially since he's around them when he goes out partying.

 

Sorry this is so long. I think I needed to write this more for myself to think through my situation. Thank you to all those who are "listening".

[Juha]

It sounds like there are some red flag/deal breakers in the relationship.

 

It seems like your bf does some things that are not what you are on board, like from your bf.

 

You either put up with it or move on.

 

Life is far to short to waste time and be unhappy in a relationship.

 

Who you choose to be with in a relationship also means if you will have a good and happy life. So it is wise to choose carefully when it comes to serious relationships.

 

Just because you have time invested does not mean to stay in the relationship if you are not happy or it is not what you want...

 

Best to cut your losses and find someone that is aligned with you in how things should be, trying to change someone into what you want never works.

 

I hope you think long and hard about this..

 

I wish you luck