Dating a Virgin

[Robert3]

Would you date a virgin? Why or why not? If the person you were considering dating is a virgin would you want to know that upfront before going out with them?

[d0nnivain]

I'm over 50 so no, I would not date a virgin.

 

In my 20s & younger, it was fine; I was one too.

[Wallysbears]

Depends SO much on the individual situation and age.

[BaileyB]

I was once a virgin. I’d like to think that somebody would never chose not to date me because of my inexperience...

 

For the right person, I don’t think it matters.

[Blanco]

In the immortal words of George Costanza, "They always remember their first. I want to be forgotten."

[chillii]

Wouldn't worry me at all and it didn't.Anyone with half a brain will realize a virgin could be letting a very very very , nice beast out of it's cage , sounds pretty good to me.

[emeraldgreen]

I wouldn't date something who thought virginity was some special prize, the breaking of which was some award to given to "the one". I'd much rather date someone with experience and let virgins date virgins.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'll be 40 in a couple years. No, I would not. I prefer someone with experience. And yes, I would prefer him to be upfront if he'd never had sex.

 

In my younger years, sure, I could have dated a virgin.

[basil67]

Not if he was over the age of 25

[todreaminblue]

i dont think someone should be judged on how many people they have slept with or not slept with when considering dating them.......i feel judging someone on sexual history...isnt progressive to finding out if a person is right for you.... or who a person is....people commonly lie about numbers anyway..

 

i do feel a man or woman for that matter should be honest about sexual history...but its not a defining point in my opinion...deb

[5x5]

At 47 years of age, if I knew they were a virgin no I wouldn't date them at all.

 

Likewise if I were younger and they were a virgin over the age of 25, I wouldn't date them if I knew they were.

 

As to why I wouldn't date a virgin over the age of 25. I would consider their virginity, an indication of either sexual dysfunction and or evidence of an inability to relate healthily to others sexually.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why would a guy tell you beforehand that he’s never had sex? You have given him more incentive to not tell or even lie about it.

 

That wasn't the question OP asked.

 

The question was this: "If the person you were considering dating is a virgin would you want to know that upfront before going out with them?"

 

That is what I responded to. And really, it would probably be obvious fairly quickly he had little or no experience once you hit the sheets anyway.

 

I am not single anyway, but if I were, I am honest that I would not want to be a man's first at this age.

[basil67]

If a guy is a virgin at that age he’d be stupid to tell because that would insure he remains a virgin.

 

If a guy was a virgin at that age, i expect it would be blindingly obvious.

[d0nnivain]

Older virgin doesn’t tell woman that he’s a virgin.

 

They date, have a good relationship, have sex, everything is going well.

 

Older virgin tells woman she was his first.

 

She explodes in anger. Today’s modern woman.

 

She most likely would not explode in anger. She would also probably know before they got into the bedroom.

 

My 1st OLD date was with a 50+ year old virgin. He was socially awkward. Everything he did on the date made me uncomfortable. He failed to maintain a proper social distance, invading my personal space when I clearly didn't want him there. I kept backing up. He talked about other women in an effort to make himself more attractive; it was a vulgar brag about some woman who had been sitting on his lap, grinding on him & making out. I could not figure out why a grown man was so thrilled about such a juvenile encounter or more importantly why he thought it was a good idea to tell me about it or his 300 1st dates. I wasn't about to crawl into his lap. As our date ended & I was telling him I did not want a 2nd date & to lose my number, he was explaining to me that he thought I was The One & he was looking forward to consummating his marriage, impregnating his new wife and losing his virginity all in the same act. Until he confessed, I didn't actually know he was a virgin but I was acutely aware that the man had poor social skills & was highly unsuccessful with women. The only reason I agreed to the date was it was my 1st OLD experience & we had the same profession. He had told me if we didn't make a love match we could discuss business which I found comforting.

 

I didn't get angry at him until he started to stalk me. By that point I had told him at least 5 times in 3 different mediums: in person, on the phone & through e-mail that I wasn't interested but he wouldn't go away. I finally had to send him certified mail threating him with a restraining order.

[newyorker11356]

That wasn't the question OP asked.

 

The question was this: "If the person you were considering dating is a virgin would you want to know that upfront before going out with them?"

 

That is what I responded to. And really, it would probably be obvious fairly quickly he had little or no experience once you hit the sheets anyway.

 

I am not single anyway, but if I were, I am honest that I would not want to be a man's first at this age.

 

If a guy was a virgin at that age, i expect it would be blindingly obvious.

 

Some guys that are virgins don't always make it obvious, though.

 

I'm 28, and lost my virginity to my current girlfriend last July (when I was 27). When I had told her a couple of months after we did it that I was actually a virgin before her, she couldn't believe it and literally thought I was lying (still doesn't haha). She told me that I definitely did not act or seem like I was a virgin and that I definitely knew what I was doing (especially with oral sex and also not finishing very fast with intercourse).

 

Maybe I'm an exception in my case, but you'd be surprised at what a guy that's a virgin could actually do

 

Every woman has their preference, but I think they're missing out by automatically ruling out a guy that's a virgin.

Edited March 10, 2019 by newyorker11356

[littleblackheart]

I don't particularly care, nor do I need to know upfront.

 

That alone would not be a 'deal breaker' in any event.

 

However combined with other issues like lack of confidence or insecurities or 'retroactive jealousy' or any expectations on my past (not particularly wild, but still may raise a conservative man's eyebrows in a couple of instances), then that would be a problem.

[newyorker11356]

She most likely would not explode in anger. She would also probably know before they got into the bedroom.

 

My 1st OLD date was with a 50+ year old virgin. He was socially awkward. Everything he did on the date made me uncomfortable. He failed to maintain a proper social distance, invading my personal space when I clearly didn't want him there. I kept backing up. He talked about other women in an effort to make himself more attractive; it was a vulgar brag about some woman who had been sitting on his lap, grinding on him & making out. I could not figure out why a grown man was so thrilled about such a juvenile encounter or more importantly why he thought it was a good idea to tell me about it or his 300 1st dates. I wasn't about to crawl into his lap. As our date ended & I was telling him I did not want a 2nd date & to lose my number, he was explaining to me that he thought I was The One & he was looking forward to consummating his marriage, impregnating his new wife and losing his virginity all in the same act. Until he confessed, I didn't actually know he was a virgin but I was acutely aware that the man had poor social skills & was highly unsuccessful with women. The only reason I agreed to the date was it was my 1st OLD experience & we had the same profession. He had told me if we didn't make a love match we could discuss business which I found comforting.

 

I didn't get angry at him until he started to stalk me. By that point I had told him at least 5 times in 3 different mediums: in person, on the phone & through e-mail that I wasn't interested but he wouldn't go away. I finally had to send him certified mail threating him with a restraining order.

 

Not necessarily true that every woman would know before they get to the bedroom.

 

Also, in your case with that guy, he had issues in general that had nothing to do with being a virgin.

Edited March 10, 2019 by newyorker11356

[smackie9]

A woman wouldn't think "Hmm the guy must be a virgin." No she would think "Hmmm this guy lacks experience...next!"

I think it's an age factor. Early 20's, no big deal, middle age it's a problem because we are too old to be teaching someone how to have sex or anything else. And like D0nnivian had pointed out in her story, the guy had issues that prevented him from having a normal sexual relationship, hence being a virgin. So when a middle age guy is a virgin or even a woman, there are usually underlying issues there, and that's why people in general will shy away from that.

[newyorker11356]

A woman wouldn't think "Hmm the guy must be a virgin." No she would think "Hmmm this guy lacks experience...next!"

I think it's an age factor. Early 20's, no big deal, middle age it's a problem because we are too old to be teaching someone how to have sex or anything else. And like D0nnivian had pointed out in her story, the guy had issues that prevented him from having a normal sexual relationship, hence being a virgin. So when a middle age guy is a virgin or even a woman, there are usually underlying issues there, and that's why people in general will shy away from that.

 

That depends on the person. Some virgins can actually be pretty damn good in bed their first time. Though, as I said, maybe I was an exception in my case.

 

And with D0nnivian's date, some people just have issues that prevent them from having a normal sexual relationship, virgin or not.

[ExpatInItaly]

By my age, if a man had had no prior sexual experience, I would assume there is something more going on that has prevented him from being able to connect with women - sexually or otherwise.

 

In my 20s, I would get that he is probably a late bloomer but it's not entirely unusual to encounter virgins at that age.

 

Pushing 40, though? We cannot deny that there is probably more to it than simply not having found a woman to have sex with. There are very likely to be other factors present which are indeed affecting his lack of sexual experience.

[smackie9]

That depends on the person. Some virgins can actually be pretty damn good in bed their first time. Though, as I said, maybe I was an exception in my case.

 

And with D0nnivian's date, some people just have issues that prevent them from having a normal sexual relationship, virgin or not.

Hah not from my experience.

[littleblackheart]

Experience does mean quality. I don't know where this myth comes from. Some people are actually experienced at being selfish, and will have kept their bad habits along the years (I know that from experience...).

 

A confident, secure man with no hang-ups is best (for me), regardless of experience.

[newyorker11356]

By my age, if a man had had no prior sexual experience, I would assume there is something more going on that has prevented him from being able to connect with women - sexually or otherwise.

 

In my 20s, I would get that he is probably a late bloomer but it's not entirely unusual to encounter virgins at that age.

 

Pushing 40, though? We cannot deny that there is probably more to it than simply not having found a woman to have sex with. There are very likely to be other factors present which are indeed affecting his lack of sexual experience.

 

I look at it as it takes two to tango. Both people have to want each other. It's also not as easy for other people. Besides, just because someone isn't a virgin, doesn't mean they don't have issues of their own going on.

 

I guess I'm more sympathetic because I was a virgin myself until last July

[smackie9]

Everyone has different perspectives. I didn't want to be in that catagory and tossed my card at 15. Waiting for the right time or the right person wasn't on my agenda. I just wanted the experience. No regrets, I stand by my choice and reasoning.

Now if I was cougaring, I would have np deflowering a 20 something year old.