Jmemchn Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 So i started speaking to this girl (matched on tinder), we found we have literally everything in common, both sending long messages she's busy at work 6 days a week but still replied to all messages with interest (asking Qs etc) sporadically throughout the day. After a couple of weeks of this type of messaging we arrange to meet up for a drink and i believe it went well, chatted lots, had some laughs and afterwards she said of course to meeting up again. That was two weeks ago today and the past week or so, messages have become shorter and it now takes her 24 hours or longer to reply despite being active on messenger off and on throughout the day. When she does reply it is detailed and she shows interest, but one message every other day now isn't ideal (i last sent her a message on Wednesday evening, she has been online all throughout the past two days and hasn't even opened it) I jokingly brought it up recently how I thought I was being ignored and to say if she doesnt want to speak anymore and she replied saying that she does she's just awful at replying (she wasn't in the first month of chatting so why the change?) I mentioned about taking her out to a zoo one day she's free and she said that it sounded great she'll let me know when she next has a free day.. that was about a week ago and hasn't mentioned it since Is she trying to give me a hint that she's not into me? What can I do to ask her or find out? Awkward situation as i dont want to sound desperate or clingy by pulling her up on it again, would just kinda just like to know what she's thinking and if im making wasted effort!
Kelliousme Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 Yeah, if she takes 24 hours to respond now and it didn't happen before I highly doubt she's interested. It can be that she's stringing you along as a second resort OR she just lost interest completely since that date and she just doesn't want to come off as a mean person/doesn't want to hurt you. At this point I would just stop contacting her.
MaleIntuition Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 You are probably good on paper and she is struggling to figure out why she doesn’t feel it. You’ve already asked her out. After a week or so you can try to ask her out again (pretend like nothing), as a “last effort”. The constant chatting is pointless. Especially early on. Your story is not unknown; the chatting sets up a false sense of familiarity and might build expectations which are hard to live up to.
40somethingGuy Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 Your excessive messaging is turning her off since you are clearly needy. There are ways to show interest but not constantly be all over her expecting her to drop what she's doing to message you back. You are not taking it easy and 2 weeks is too early in the game to constantly be all over her. You are not a challenge to her so you are boring. Women's heads are wired differently than ours and you need to back off. If she comes to you she does. 2
kendahke Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 I mentioned about taking her out to a zoo one day she's free and she said that it sounded great she'll let me know when she next has a free day.. that was about a week ago and hasn't mentioned it since Is she trying to give me a hint that she's not into me? What can I do to ask her or find out? Awkward situation as i dont want to sound desperate or clingy by pulling her up on it again, would just kinda just like to know what she's thinking and if im making wasted effort! You yourself said: she's busy at work 6 days a week Meaning she has one day off to take care of her life and you're not that high on that priority list in this short amount of time. Talk to other women and don't tie yourself down with someone you barely know who isn't making time for you, job or no job. 1
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 She's giving you the hint she is no longer interested.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 Is she trying to give me a hint that she's not into me? Yes. You already know that she's not terrible about replying when she wants to. While I get that it's not possible or realistic carry on endless chats throughout the day, she also has not followed up in the idea of going out again. Taking 2 days to reply is generally not what an interested woman would do, either. Sorry, OP. I would let this one go. 1
SunnyWeather Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 a relationship is not built over text. next time OP, leave the texting to setting up dates and perhaps, a quick 'hello, how's it going' type, and get to know the person in person. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 These situation suck. I've been in that kind of situation. The best advice I can give is be super wary of women who come on too strong. What lights so quickly will fizzle even quicker. Coming of that kind of dating situation is brutal. Do not contact her again and try to forget about her.
manfrombelow2 Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 1. Next time, ask her out for real dates in real life. Chatting is number 01 mood-killer so don't do it. So i started speaking to this girl (matched on tinder), we found we have literally everything in common, both sending long messages 2. You "believed" it went well, but it obviously did not. and i believe it went well, chatted lots, had some laughs and afterwards she said of course to meeting up again.[ 3. This clearly shows a big decrease in interest from her side. The way you showed up and interacted with her in the date (that you "believed" went well) obviously had many things to do with this. Remember: people are never "too busy" to reply your texts. They are just not interested in you enough to bother doing it. messages have become shorter and it now takes her 24 hours or longer to reply despite being active on messenger off and on throughout the day. 4. When you see someone trying to get rid of you politely, you let them do it by ceasing all contact with them, instead of "bringing it up jokingly" -> This is beta, weak, needy and attention seeking behaviour. Again, it doesn't matter how she replied to you, what matters is the fact that she is clearly trying to avoid you like a plague. That is what matters. I jokingly brought it up recently how I thought I was being ignored and to say if she doesnt want to speak anymore and she replied saying that she does she's just awful at replying (she wasn't in the first month of chatting so why the change?) 5. When a woman says she "will let you know," you let her do it. From that point forward, there's nothing you can do but letting her reach you ON HER WILL. If, for whatever reasons, she still does not contact you, it is your job to safely assume that she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore and you must leave her alone from that point forward. You do not chase someone who does not want to be chased by you. That's just common sense. I mentioned about taking her out to a zoo one day she's free and she said that it sounded great she'll let me know when she next has a free day.. that was about a week ago and hasn't mentioned it since 6. YES. YES. YES. Is she trying to give me a hint that she's not into me? 7. You can't. All you can do, is leave her alone. What can I do to ask her or find out? 8. It doesn't matter what she "thinks". What matters is the fact that she is trying to avoid you like a plague. would just kinda just like to know what she's thinking and if im making wasted effort!
manfrombelow2 Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 One more thing about OP's title: "Was she ever really interested in me or just playing?" She is not playing with you. All that happened was she lost interest in you and that's it.
alphamale Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 you should have set up a date for drinks a few days after the start of communicating also, she is trying to let you down easy
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