Normm Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 I was taught that women asked for exclusivity and men asked for the engagement How often has a woman asked you to be exclusive in your dating career?
alphamale Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 Be the man, take control, she'll respect you for it. But I want to delay exclusivity
Normm Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 But I want to delay exclusivity Well that's completely different from what you said a few posts up. Have you ever met a girl you wanted to be exclusive with but didn't ask her because that's what your mom taught you? To wait for her? Then what happened?
preraph Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 It's too soon, and you know he's dating around or trying to, so no point in having that conversation. It's good he seems to like you, but that doesn't mean he's not into variety sex. If I were you, I'd date other people as well as him and just keep your options open and not do it online but just out socializing. Go out with girlfriends and have fun and don't focus on him. As long as he's under no obligation and has you sitting there waiting on him, what motivation does he have to ask you to be exclusive? He's got it just like he wants it right now. It's too soon anyway, so just date around or go out a lot with your friends and don't assume anything about this guy. If you push him into saying you're exclusive, he'll just sneak around.
mightybop Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 I was seeing 3 different women over the past month but then decided I wanted to focus on just one. I have always been a relationship kind of guy I guess and juggling various women wasn't the norm for me. So I assumed exclusivity with this girl right away even though we never explicitly had the DTR talk and I had only been on a couple dates with her. Sad, I know. Unfortunately it didn't work out and we recently "broke up". The sad part is she was super boring and depressed all the time so I don't even know what I was thinking. I had this image in my head of who I thought she was. And it was not matching up to reality. I wasted a bunch of time with this girl when I could have been having actual fun with other girls instead. Anyways, in your situation, since he is probably still seeing other people then you should as well. And wait for him to bring up the talk. Or you can. I think like someone above said it's more of an organic feeling you will get when you both know you want exclusivity with each other. Otherwise it might feel like one person wants it more than the other. 1
Ronni_W Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 But exclusivity is hardly a "commitment" surely? Not a lifetime commitment, no, but the commitment to stop dating other people...until one or the other doesn't want that anymore. I've never asked a woman for exclusivity, it is her job so I wait for her to bring it up . alpha, sometimes you just crack me up! Thanks for bringing some much-needed levity.
preraph Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 (edited) Unfortunately it didn't work out and we recently "broke up". The sad part is she was super boring and depressed all the time so I don't even know what I was thinking. I had this image in my head of who I thought she was. And it was not matching up to reality. I wasted a bunch of time with this girl when I could have been having actual fun with other girls instead. There's a thing a lot of people do where they have this ideal person in their head and if at all possible, if there is no reason to NOT think a new date is their ideal woman, they project that ideal person onto her -- and then as they get to know her, they realize she's not that person, and that's because that person doesn't exist. Always better to keep your eyes wide open and just date and find out who the person really is, and that takes quite a while since most people are on their best fake behavior at first! Edited March 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote edited
Lotsgoingon Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 My view is ... if you bring up exclusivity "too soon," that's no crime ... because that simply shows that the two people are out of sync. One is feeling more than another ... One might have a different goal for the relationship than the other. So I don't see the need to be so strategic in deciding when to discuss exclusivity. Times when the exclusivity talk went sideways (either they weren't interested or I wasn't) ... there was a basic disconnect in the relationship. The timing of the talk was hardly the issue. If you're too afraid to have the exclusivity talk, then you can have the "What are we doing?" talk. Which is a way to find out what each other's feelings are ... 1
alphamale Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 If you're too afraid to have the exclusivity talk, then you can have the "What are we doing?" talk. Which is a way to find out what each other's feelings are ... Like I said I’ve never had to bring it up first...the girl always did, sooner or later
greymatter Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 I'm a woman (not a girl since I'm over 18) and I've never been the one to bring it up, including in my current relationship.
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 I'm a woman (not a girl since I'm over 18) and I've never been the one to bring it up, including in my current relationship. maybe it's the guys you are picking greymatter?
greymatter Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 maybe it's the guys you are picking greymatter? Not sure what you're getting at Alpha. The guys I've been in relationships with have been intelligent, confident, successful (in life and in dating), etc. 1
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Not sure what you're getting at Alpha. The guys I've been in relationships with have been intelligent, confident, successful (in life and in dating), etc. no, i'm just saying that I personally would never grovel at a woman to ask her to be mine forever and ever blah ablah blah
greymatter Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 no, i'm just saying that I personally would never grovel at a woman to ask her to be mine forever and ever blah ablah blah Got it, I understand now what you meant. For me, I don't think asking for exclusivity equals asking to be together forever, just agreeing to be with each other and only each other "now". I won't ever get married again so agreeing to exclusivity (for me) is not necessarily a lifelong commitment. I don't see it as groveling (or weak or being a wimp on the part of the guy, but maybe that isn't what you meant, Alpha) to ask a women for a long term commitment, but I know this is different for different people.
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Got it, I understand now what you meant. For me, I don't think asking for exclusivity equals asking to be together forever, just agreeing to be with each other and only each other "now". I won't ever get married again so agreeing to exclusivity (for me) is not necessarily a lifelong commitment. I don't see it as groveling (or weak or being a wimp on the part of the guy, but maybe that isn't what you meant, Alpha) to ask a women for a long term commitment, but I know this is different for different people. for what its worth greymatter, I did ask my ex-wife to marry me and I gave her a diamond ring to boot. that is the ULTIMATE exclusivity request 2
greymatter Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 for what its worth greymatter, I did ask my ex-wife to marry me and I gave her a diamond ring to boot. that is the ULTIMATE exclusivity request Alpha, that is very nice to hear. I'm sure it meant a lot to her! At least I hope that it did.
newyorker11356 Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 (edited) Let him bring up exclusivity but have a timeline that your willing to wait for him to come to that decision. Personally I think 2-3 months is reasonable for a guy to decide if he wants that with me. If he don't ask for exclusivity assume he doesn't want it and date other men. Men that a) want a relationship AND b) want a relationship with you will make it known that they want to be exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend. Period. Lol, what? Anyone can bring it up Edited March 10, 2019 by newyorker11356
Lotsgoingon Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Initiating an exclusivity conversation is hardly groveling. It's getting basic information and protecting yourself--making sure your expectations aren't out of line with the other person's expectations.
Normm Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 I did ask my ex-wife to marry me and I gave her a diamond ring to boot. that is the ULTIMATE exclusivity request Nah, marriages are vacated by divorce over half the time, it's a meaningless outdated concept and doesn't signify any sort of commitment given that vows are broken at the drop of a hat in many cases. Having a child and moving in with someone is a far greater commitment.
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Lol, what? Anyone can bring it up True. Anyone CAN. But Women don't have to. If a man want to be in a relationship with a woman he will say so. If he is not asking for exclusivity by month two max three he don't want it or at the very least he is totally fine with the way things are. You could say something by that timeline or whatever timeline if you really want this guy. But women should really have the mindset that they don't have to push guys to get them to commit...really. Dating becomes much more easier and less stressful when they finally realize that sh*t
Ruby Slippers Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 I've always let the man bring it up. They always make it clear they wanna lock it down in a reasonable period of time. I imagine if they didn't I'd lose interest and move on. 1
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