Girlfriend stayed with her family while I was sick

[TheFinalWord]

Yes, you're overreacting. You're acting like a woman. All emotional and setting up indirect crap tests that she is supposed to read your mind to solve. Toughen up OP.

[js_77]

By the way Saturday when I went home to rest and she asked me if I wanted her to come over I said no because I was with my mom and my grandparents, forgot to tell you about that in the post.

[doyathinkso]

Well now, seeing as you already had people there watching over you I now take back my previous comment.

[Mrs._December]

I talked to my therapist and she said I was overreacting.

You felt you needed to talk to a therapist for something this petty, and basically all brought about due to you escalating it to a level it should have never gone in the first place? Yikes.

 

Why did you take a caffeine pill in the first place? That's basically like taking a shot of adrenaline so why would you even do that? And yup, much like the older forms of Novocaine which had a form of adrenaline in it and patients were reacting with racing hearts, while a bit scary and unpleasant, it's not life-threatening. Why on earth you were 'sick' enough the next day to necessitate a visit to the ER doesn't make sense - I mean, it was plain old caffeine, right? It's not like you ate rat poison or something.

 

I'm getting the distinct impression that you look for drama where it just doesn't need to be. Like the "**** test" you tried on your girlfriend, and which you feel she 'failed.' You feel because she didn't put her entire life on hold the second she heard you weren't feeling well, and because she didn't come racing to your "deathbed" in the back of an ambulance dressed like Florence Nightingale with sirens blaring and lights flashing - all because you took a little caffeine pill - that she's not worthy to be your girlfriend.

 

I'm going to say this kindly. If you keep making drama where none is needed or wanted and you keep borrowing trouble and angst along with it - and dumping it all UNDESERVEDLY on your girlfriend's doorstep, she's going to leave you. So is the next one after her and the one after that and the one after that and so on and so on.

 

The problem isn't your girlfriend, OP. It's you. You need to take the drama level down a few notches.

Edited March 8, 2019 by Mrs._December

[Versacehottie]

By the way Saturday when I went home to rest and she asked me if I wanted her to come over I said no because I was with my mom and my grandparents, forgot to tell you about that in the post.

 

Are you saying this added info like it makes it better? Because it doesn't.

[DKT3]

Read some of his other threads.

 

Oh, yeah forget about what I posted here.

[bathtub-row]

You specifically told her not come over. What is she - a mind-reader? I think you’re not only overreacting but are also acting very immature. Don’t ever tell someone not to do something and then expect them to do it. How silly is that?

[preraph]

Mrs. December is right. Print out her post and keep it by your bedside and read it before you make another bid for attention. I'm so glad you're in therapy though. Hopefully, you'll have a breakthrough and accept responsibility one of these days. It's not always easy to see how we're creating a problem if we grew up having to deploy certain behavior to survive in our family.

[bathtub-row]

I totally get wanting someone to be with you and being caring when you’re sick. If I were in that same scenario, I would however feel uncomfortable about dragging my bf away from a family event. I would’ve asked him to come over afterwards though. I think you can see the flaw in how you handled this.

 

I don’t know if you’re a drama king or not - only you know. Btw, it’s possible that you had an adverse reaction to whatever you took. I wouldn’t recommend taking it again.

[guest569]

Over reaction, but not much.

 

Truth is if she really cared she would not have ask she would have just come. I wouldn't call it a red flag just yet. However my bet is this will happen again.

 

I can see this side as well.. it’s hard to ask people to be there for you and drag them away from other things as we don’t want to be a burden.

 

Although we now know that he wasn’t home alone with this sickness and had family there.

 

It is also one of these stupid social things where people don’t say what they mean but others are expected to read between the lines.

 

“Oh no, I wouldn’t want to be a burden”

“Don’t be silly.. i insist”

 

Versus

 

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to drag you from your family..”

“Cool, bye!”

 

My mother does this a lot, dropping hints or saying stuff like this and I’m slowly realising when she is doing it. It’s actually really annoying and it’s difficult for me because I figure out later what she really meant.

 

With OP, did you tell her what you meant by “sick”? Maybe she thought it wasn’t serious enough to really come over and miss the family gathering. She might have even thought you were faking cause you didn’t want to go. Also, how long have you been together?

 

I agree with others.. you have to say what you mean.

[Blanco]

Were your mom and grandmother there because of how you were feeling? If so, how many more people did you really need around you?

 

I'm envisioning a scenario where OP is upset that he wasn't lying in a bed, surrounded by three farm hands, Auntie Em, and Uncle Henry.

[smackie9]

Yes, you're overreacting. You're acting like a woman. All emotional and setting up indirect crap tests that she is supposed to read your mind to solve. Toughen up OP.

Whoa I find that offensive.

[healing light]

Your behavior in this scenario is TEXTBOOK passive aggressiveness. Start talking to your therapist about tools to cope with this, because until you do, you will have a very difficult time navigating relationships. Passive aggressiveness is a way of dodging responsibility for your feelings. Learn how to express your preferences directly and you will spare everyone a lot of drama, energy, mind reading, and games.

 

Ditch the caffeine pills, as well. Many people don't realize how the wrong supplements can adversely impact their mood, anxiety levels, etc. Even energy drinks with ginseng can have negative consequences for people who aren't the right constitution.

 

This was your girlfriend's father's birthday. That's a significant family event, so I agree with the other poster who said you need to look at this from her perspective. She offered to stay by your side, you rebuffed her (now her responsibility to you ends with honoring your request), you had caretakers with you already, and there's a major family event.

 

What were you hoping to accomplish in your mind by her ignoring your request and staying by your side? Does it reaffirm to you that she loves you more than anyone else? A person who truly loves you and is healthy will honor what you ask of them, which she did. You need to figure out the motivation behind your anger and take this as a lesson to development healthier communication skills and coping mechanisms to elevate the quality of all of your relationships.

 

A good step would be to start with apologizing to your girlfriend, especially since you have now likely tarnished her family experience and guilted her for doing nothing wrong.

[Lorenza]

From what I understand you weren't even alone, so what's all this drama about? As someone prone to heart palpitations out of literally nowhere, I don't really understand what kind of intensive care do you need after one. You're usually just exhausted and a bit on the edge mentally, not really a live or die situation. There's not much others can do for you as you need to just take some rest and sleep.

It's amazing how an adult can victimize himself just to make it all about himself and justify passive agressive behavior. How about her dad - a person who raised her up, it's his special day, is he not important? Should she just ditch him to be there while you lay down and relax after a little non life threatening heart palpitation you caused youself? It's coming off very self-centered...

[Lorenza]

And for those who say that "if you really care, you will drop everything and be there for your SO" - no. You need to realistically evaluate the situation and what (or who) are you actually dropping and if it's worth dropping it. If my bf got into a car accident or had a major health thing sending him to the hospital then yes, I'd leave the family gathering and go there immediately to be by his side. My boyfriend not feeling so well and needing to lay down and rest - no way I'm ditching my mom or dad for that. How would that make them feel? Maybe I'd leave a coffee meetup with a friend or try to get off work earlier, but not a family gathering. SO doesn't automatically become the most important person in your life, there are others who matter just as much.

[guest569]

SO doesn't automatically become the most important person in your life, there are others who matter just as much.

 

They do to me *shrugs*

[Blanco]

Whoa I find that offensive.

 

Yeah, sorry FinalWord, but dropping phrases like that is part of why some people think that RedPill stuff is a lot of anti-women rubbish.

[bathtub-row]

Yeah, sorry FinalWord, but dropping phrases like that is part of why some people think that RedPill stuff is a lot of anti-women rubbish.

 

In his/her defense, I have to admit that that was the first thought that came to my mind when I read this post - that OP’s behavior was more like something a woman would do. I don’t think it’s offensive to mention that. The truth is, that’s exactly the type of head games women play with men all the time. I don’t do it and Snackie probably doesn’t but there are plenty of other women out there who pull that kind of stuff all the time. Let’s just call white white, and black black.

[emeraldgreen]

Yeah, I admit to thinking this was some role reversal **** or OP is actually a girl. ****-testing and "you should have known what I was thinking" is more like a BPD girl's M.O. than a man's.

[smackie9]

No it's offensive/insulting because it's not a game women play, it's a game that insecure people play. I experienced this same behavior with an abusive ex BF. It started out with testing before it evolved slowly to worse things.

[Timshel]

JS 77 has made two posts.

 

 

OP seems quite manipulative. OP presents as a male, upset with his gf for not being at his leisure after ingesting caffeine tablets and feeling sick...when his gf was attending an important family gathering.

 

 

Agree with Smackie, this is not a gender thing, not close.

Edited March 9, 2019 by Timshel

[preraph]

No it's offensive/insulting because it's not a game women play, it's a game that insecure people play. I experienced this same behavior with an abusive ex BF. It started out with testing before it evolved slowly to worse things.

 

And attention hogs play.

[Normm]

JS 77 has made two posts

 

Check again.

[Timshel]

I just knew I should add 'in this thread.'

[preraph]

All his past threads have "Jealous" in the title. But I'm just glad he's seeing a therapist.