Financial issue in relationship causing possible breakup. Help!

[FreeMe]

Here's a brief history. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We live together (my house). He pays me half the expenses and we split food costs. When we go out (we don't go out a lot) he pays for dinner or whatever. We spend every weekend at my parents beach house in the summer (free). I had some credit debt that I have gotten just about rid of by myself. He never offered to help. In fact, when he found out how much debt I had early on he almost moved out. (Then he ended up having the same amount of debt from a credit card his ex-wife ran up behind his back.) He was making over twice the money I made. Then I got a better job a few months ago but he's still making over $30,000 more per year than I am and has saved more than enough for a down payment on a house.

 

Here's the current situation. We decided to go on a long weekend vacation out to CA. with my brother and sister-in-law. They have time share so we're not paying for a place to stay. When we first talked about going, he was possibly getting laid off from work so I would pay half my airfare. Then he ended up staying with the company and keeping the same pay. I thought since then that he was going to pay for the vacation. I'm still trying to pay my bills off and he's got more money in his checking account than I've got at all. I thought he said he was paying for the tickets.

 

Last night I found out that he's still expecting us to split the airfare AND the rental car - I never knew I was supposed to do that. He said if he'd known he would have to pay for the whole thing he wouldn't have agreed to go. The "whole thing" is only a few hundred dollars difference - nothing to him. He'd still be able to put his thousands away into savings that month.

 

I'm really hurt and embarrassed that he thinks I should pay and it's caused a huge fight. If my family or friends knew what he was making, what he's got saved, and that I'm still trying to pay my bills and all, I think they'd find it unbelievable that he sees no reason why he should pay for the trip. I wouldn't tell them because I'm too embarrassed. I feel like I'm a doormat, being taken advantage of. Am I wrong?

[Art_Critic]

What an f-ing tight wad..

 

What an As*..

 

I'm sorry but this is what your future will hold for you if you marry this cheap pric*.

 

Maybe you need to start charging him for pus8y in order to even things up a bit..

 

You have every reason to be hurt.. I would if I was in your shoes..

[Lil Honey]

Yep, I think he's cheap, too, but he's probably thinking to split everything down the middle, regardless of who makes how much.

 

I'm not sure that you can change any of the financial arrangements for the trip now. (Unless your family [fictitiously] "suddenly charged" a grand for the timeshare and you keep the money.)

 

I would be very hesistant to continue a relationship with him. I would also use this as a learning experience to get everything in writing and avoid verbal contracts. (You may even want to get your current living arrangements in writing.)

 

Thank God you have your own house . . .

[Shana]

Speaking of shoes...

 

You sound like my relationship but without the cheap ass skate part.

 

I had debt, then squashed it, thankfully and all on my own. My b/f makes triple what I do but I do seem to be the one who pays for the food, a few mics. bills, some trips in full.. and I can never compare to his bank roll!! And I just make it some weeks with my salary which is good but cannot compare to his. I do have a nice savings .. but that is to save, not to spend! Does it piss me off??? YES!! I know how you feel.. If you are at the comfy stage then bust it out to him and say, listen.. you live with me, I am struggling here, could you please flip the bill for this trip? Afterall, the housing is free,, and on YOUR family!!

 

Does he pay you rent? How long have you been together? My family member told me recently, You (meaning me) are the type of person who likes nice things, buy when I want to, go when I want to... remember that before you settle down with this person .. (is that your plans hopefully too?) Basically keep all your going through with him in your "storage place" for the future.

 

I love my guy like whoa (like you do?) but still, I feel you on this! Good luck! Let me know how it goes.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I have a different take on this one.

 

I don't think it's your boyfriend's responsibility to pick up the larger share of the financial burden just because he's the guy or happens to make more money than you. I might feel differently if the two of you were married and were sharing joint bank accounts.

 

Just as you were not responsible for the personal debt he acquired, it is not his job to compensate for yours. As long as you are both paying your fair share of the expenses you acquire together (groceries, bills, etc.) then you've got a pretty square deal. To expect him to supplement your lower income and fund your extra curricular activities isn't at all fair to him. Particularly since this trip to visit your family (I'm assuming) was your idea.

 

Reverse the situation and try to imagine how you might feel if your boyfriend planned a trip to visit relatives then expected you to flip his entire bill.

 

Sure, it would have been chivalrous of him if he offered to cover your expenses for this trip and/or family visit up front, but I can certainly understand why he might be a bit miffed if he wasn't asked or given all the facts concerning his out-of-pocket expenses before you had already made plans to go.

[Art_Critic]

I don't think it's your boyfriend's responsibility to pick up the larger share of the financial burden just because he's the guy or happens to make more money than you.

 

Happens to make more... He does..

That sets up the criteria for what is FAIR.

 

He still makes 30,000 more than she does... If she was unemployed do you think she should still pay her half ????

 

He lives in HER house ... That in itself is unequal.. He should be offsetting the fact that she had to pay for the house initially as well as he should contributing to any upkeep to the house.

I'm sure he doesn't because he is cheap and doesn't think the relationship has staying power.

[FreeMe]

Thanks for the support Art Critic, Lil Honey, and Enigma.

 

Enigma, I understand what you're saying and I don't ask him to help me out or supplement me in any way. I've never asked for, nor would I accept, a free ride. In fact, when he first moved in and had no money and couldn't even pay anything, I compensated for that and I didn't ask for a cent. He started paying when he could and that was all I expected and I still wasn't asking him to pay half. He only recently started that and I was made to feel like I was being greedy for wanting half, and it's not like he pays for maintenance on the house or anything.

 

We're not married but we're involved enough and been together long enough that I think it's not unreasonable for him to cut me a break. I've done it for him and would do it again if I had to. I've never asked him for help or had to borrow money from him.

 

We were both in on the plans and decision to go with my bro and sis so it's not like I just made the plans and then expected him to foot the bill. I thought he said he'd pay for the airfare. When we realized there was a misunderstanding I thought he'd offer to pay it knowing that I'm finally just getting to the point where I have a little extra money. It hurt my feelings that he didn't.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Art Critic Asks:

 

He still makes 30,000 more than she does... If she was unemployed do you think she should still pay her half ????

 

No. I think she should postpone the trip until a time when she can afford it. It's called being financially responsible.

 

Yes, he lives in HER house. But it isn't "unequal" because he's also helping her to afford that house by sharing her expenses. And since it is in her name alone, he shares no portion of the equity and therefore benefits nothing. Not only that, if their squabbling over money, trips, and who-should-pay-for-what results in him leaving, then she may find herself in even more dept having to pay for everything on her own. The "trip" will then seem like a mute point.

 

Remember: Our poster already said her boyfriend has saved up enough money for a down payment on his own house. So who really needs who more???

 

Freeme: In fact, when he first moved in and had no money and couldn't even pay anything, I compensated for that and I didn't ask for a cent. He started paying when he could and that was all I expected and I still wasn't asking him to pay half.

 

But it was your decision to move him in and not ask for a cent. Hopefully, you had enough forethought to make some kind of an agreement and/or arrangement (set some kind of time limit) for him to start contributing equally. Remember --- the house, the property and everything on it is YOURS. You have the unfair advantage in this living arrangement since you could choose to toss him out at any time…or sell the house right out from under him and he'd have absolutely no say in the matter or any legal recourse.

 

Freeme: He only recently started that and I was made to feel like I was being greedy for wanting half, and it's not like he pays for maintenance on the house or anything.

 

You didn't say he got uppity when you requested that he pay half of the living expenses. Your original post stated that he was paying half the bills as well as picking up the ticket when the two of you went out on the town "for dinner or whatever." Perhaps it's just me, but I would feel grateful for these frequent displays of generosity rather than taking it for granted or becoming so accustom to it that it would become an silent expectation.

 

As far as the maintenance on your house, it's your responsibility since you are the only one gaining by the investment. It would be different if he were co-owner and would profit in the event of its sale or even be able to claim it as a tax deduction. In essence, he is merely paying you "rent". As the landlord, upkeep and maintenance is solely (and legally) your responsibility. After all, you'd have to do it anyway with or without a live-in tenant.

 

I think it's also important to remember that this guy was probably financially burned during his divorce. It's to be expected that he would feel overly cautious and even "skittish" when it came to women and his money. He's probably imagining "gold-diggers" around every corner. Which is why it's even more important that you prove to him that you are a responsible adult who knows how to take care of her own. After all, isn't that the lady he first met and fell in love with???

 

When we realized there was a misunderstanding I thought he'd offer to pay it knowing that I'm finally just getting to the point where I have a little extra money. It hurt my feelings that he didn't.

 

Of course it hurt your feelings. Sometimes we expect that others will behave the same as we would in a similar situation. But it seldom happens that way. Which is why we should never do favors for people or over extend ourselves if we are secretly expecting (or hoping) to get something back in return. Unless you give selflessly, you will end up disappointed every time. Particularly when it comes to friendships and/or relationships.

 

Good luck, and I hope the two of you eventually work things out.

[FreeMe]

Enigma,

 

Part of the reason he's been able to save as much money as he has is because he's paying a lot less with me than he would on his own. And I've never asked for money towards the maintenance of the house, however, if he bought a house and I was living in it (which is something we've discussed), I wouldn't have a problem with chipping in for things. I offered more than once to put him on the deed and refinance so he'd also own the house and he didn't want to - partly because of what Art Critic said about him not believing the relationship had staying power. But I have asked.

 

Believe me, I have never shown dependence on him financially. He can leave anytime he wants. I took care of myself and him early on. I managed to pay my debt, which was the same as what his ex stuck him with in the same timeframe, making less than half the money. And incidentally, he really didn't get screwed financially despite that debt, thanks to ME who found him a good lawyer. In fact, he didn't even have to pay that debt. The lawyer told him not to and that REALLY pissed me off. He paid hers but balked at even paying half the living expenses, and certainly wouldn't have offered me an extra dime to help out.

 

And I didn't mention about how he had a fit about having to pay half because that was months ago and now he does pay half. But it was an argument that almost broke us up at the time. Since then there haven't been any financial disagreements at all until this last night.

[Art_Critic]

They are supposed to be in a commited relationship not a roommate scenario.

and they have been together 3 years not 3 months.

 

Where is his commitment ?? He is saving for HIS house.. That says it all.. He is selfish.'

No commited relationship is 50/50 all the time.. She gave him a break.. Where is hers ??

 

I take it EnigmaXOXO is either in or has been in relationship where they asked their SO to split everything in a commited relationship.. That is why EnigmaXOXO thinks it is fair.....

 

I think that you need to look at whether or not this relationship is worth it.. It seems to me that other things will be showing their ugly head as well..

and not just this money issue.. There is the issue of HIS house on the horizon.

 

Since my very early 20's I have alway's owned a house and throughout the years I have had a few women live with me and I have NEVER asked that they split bills 50/50 .. Sure chip in if they want to but I never make it a requirement and I never keep a tally sheet and never will .. That is what love is all about.. sharing

[EnigmaXOXO]

Okay…then we can conclude that you agree with the majority that your boyfriend is a tight-wad and not very thoughtful. Perhaps even doubtful of the relationship's long-term success.

 

Now that you have discovered you are not alone in your negative feelings regarding this relationship, what's your plan?

 

As landlord and sole owner of the house, will you kick your lazy tenant out? Are you financially independent enough that you can afford to do that? If so, then what else is stopping you?

 

I think if you allow your accumulated resentments against your boyfriend to fester unchecked, the relationship will eventually die a slow, miserable death anyway. Perhaps its time to sit down and renegotiate your relationship terms. (If there were any terms set to begin with.) Tell him up front what exactly you expect from him now both emotionally and financially…increase his rent if you must to cover your expenses…then try to come to some kind of mutual agreement that you both can live with.

 

It doesn't seem as if the two of you are really talking. Unfortunately, people aren't mind-readers, and sometimes it's all too easy to miss those sublime signals. If he doesn't know in no uncertain terms that your relationship expectations have changed, then it's silly to expect that he'll be intuitive enough to make a lucky guess.

 

If your boyfriend gets bent out of shape when you ask him to contribute more, and decides it's more beneficial to move out and get his own place, then perhaps it will be a welcome blessing for you. (???) At least there'll be no more arguments or worrying yourself sick over money. Right?

 

And I didn't mention about how he had a fit about having to pay half because that was months ago and now he does pay half. But it was an argument that almost broke us up at the time. Since then there haven't been any financial disagreements at all until this last night.

 

It sounds like money is a touch-button subject for both of you. You're not alone…it is for many couples. And it's likely it will keep rearing its ugly head for so long if it goes unresolved. Even the tiniest of issues will become a major crisis unless you find the courage to either work it out or walk away. It'll never go away on its own. It will only get bigger.

 

I'm also guessing that these squabbles over money are not the cause of your relationship woes, rather the symptom of even deeper problems. Perhaps "trust" issues and/or lingering "insecurities" regarding his commitment and/or devotion to you and your relationship.

 

Are you somehow worried that you may be losing him?

[Art_Critic]

Good post EnigmaXOXO

[Lil Honey]

I still say, "Get everything in writing."

 

It's apparent that the two of you aren't working as a couple, as a team. Both of you are living independently together. (I'm not saying that's a "bad" thing - for people who aren't committed . . . )

 

So, get it in writing so we aren't seeing you on Judge Judy.

[bigAL]

enigma, I'm with you on this one. I think its fair that he paya half the expenses and does these "extras" which she thinks are now entitlements. She is sthe one getting the equity from the house which he will not get if the relationship is dissolved. I for one just got screwed over in a LDR where i traveled often and spent a lot of time and money rebuilding my EX's old house that she bought. Now that is gone and its no ones fault but my own, and i only "lived" there 2 weekends a month at most.

 

A committed relationship doesnt mean squat as far as finances go. sign the papers and get married if you want to assume responsibility for each other. this guy has been burned once by his Ex for the run up of the credit card; so he is gunshy about stepping into this again.

 

She needs to ask for more rent or whatever, if she needs it. just expect less in other areas that she now takes for granted.

 

art critic is incorrect in thinkiing that the GUY should pay equal, just because he is making more. half is half, regardless of the income. he also thinks that her putting a piece of p...sy in once in a while should be charged for...well, maybe he should charge for the tube steak too. they are both getting the advantage of each other.

 

he is not responsible for her debt, nor her for his. but i for one might be upset if i just got screwed over by my Ex and then find out my GF has run up her card.....might be a precursor to the future. why cant art critic put the same standard on her, as to not asking for rent in a committed relationship, like he does? i guess its the gender difference. according to him, he wouldnt charge his GF anything even if she was making a mil/year. He doesnt keep a tally sheet, but this girl seems to. So I guess under his definition, this must not be "love". she just needs to charge this guy rent, and treat him like a renter, and he can charge for any service that he provides. But i bet that his contributions are more than she is letting on, or else she would take enigma's suggestion and throw the bum out.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Art Critic: Where is his commitment ?? He is saving for HIS house.. That says it all.. He is selfish.'

 

Nowhere in Freeme's posts did I see it mentioned that the boyfriend was saving up for, or intending to buy his own house. If that were the case, then I'd say our poster should be saving her money instead planning costly trips in very likely event that she would be on her own again …very soon.

 

If I missed that quote somewhere, then I apologize for not reading more carefully.

 

I take it EnigmaXOXO is either in or has been in relationship where they asked their SO to split everything in a commited relationship.. That is why EnigmaXOXO thinks it is fair.....

 

Yes. For going on six years. And because we've had a "fair" arrangement ever since my boyfriend moved into MY home…there has never been one argument over money. And just like Freeme's situation…his income is DOUBLE that of mine. After paying our share of the expenses, whatever we have left over at the end of the week to pocket is our money to do with as we like. It saves a lot of grief when you have the freedom to spend your extra money on whatever you want without having to get the "okay" from someone else. There's also a lot of pride and self-satisfaction knowing you can handle your own finances without having to rely on a loved one to step in and bail you out.

 

Nostalgia and romance are certainly sweet and fluffy notions, but sadly you'll discover that those antiquated ideals aren't the only thing relationships are based upon. Co-habitation, whether legally married or not, is very much a business arrangement and should be addressed as such … sooner than later. Otherwise you end up in the same predicament as Freeme and her partner are in. Or the same financial mess thousands of other divorced (or broken up) couples are now in.

 

Maybe my partner and I are the exception to the rule. Maybe we're weird…but we don't "ask" each other for things nor expect or demand them. Rather we "give" each other things. As a matter of fact, I've sprung a surprise trip for my boyfriend at the end of the month, and since it's my date, I'm flipping the bill even though he's offered to help pay. Not because I "asked" or simply expected it of him … but rather because I didn't ask or require it from him up front. And this isn't the first time I've whisked him off to have fun on "my" dime. He's also done it for me.

 

Incidentally, Freeme, I have since made my partner co-owner of my house. Now we both benefit from whatever money we invest in the property. Before that, I would never expect that he pay more than what it cost him to live there. Utilities and food (since they double when you add an extra person) was what seemed "fair" to me. But to expect that he pay my mortgage, property taxes, and credit card dept without benefiting from one cent of his investment was not something I expected from someone "I asked" to move in … especially from someone I wanted here with me because "I love him." Nor did (or would) my partner ever ask me to shoulder his financial depts or pay for something he couldn't afford.

 

Well…except for Christmas and Birthdays.

 

Being financially "independent" (in the true sense of the word) means being responsible for yourself; by yourself…without ever having to be financially co-dependant on someone else. Having someone share your expenses should be benefit and not a necessity. Otherwise, you set yourself up for chapter eleven if the person you are depending too heavily upon decides to leave you high and dry.

 

Especially if you're not married!!

 

By the way AC, I think you have been VERY generous to share your home with the women you loved without ever asking for a dime in return. I think your kindness is a virtue that I hope remains unchanged. But so far, you have been lucky to keep the roof over your head when these relationships ended. Simply because you were the sole owner of the home and didn't allow your liquidated assets to be split 50/50. It's actually VERY smart! But I'd check out the common-wife laws for your state if you haven't already. Otherwise, you might find that sharing your home with someone for over two years entitles them to a portion of your equity… regardless of whether or not you have a marriage license.

 

Were you already aware of that?

[FreeMe]

Art Critic - I'm somewhere between you and Enigma on this issue. This was one issue - In other situations he's ok, such as never letting my parents pay for anything when we go out or order take out. Yes, we stay down at my parents house every weekend, but he also has helped my father with a lot of things so he doesn't need to pay for everything. But when it comes to me, he seems to have a problem sometimes. When I asked him to start paying half back when I did, I didn't think it would be a problem, but he almost moved out. It was ridiculous. I said you'd rather move out and pay several hundred dollars more every month to some stranger then to pay me less than $100 more a month? I found that insulting.

 

Enigma - I'm not sure where you're getting that I need him there to help me with the bills, or pay my debt or any of that. I said just the opposite. But when someone has no bills and makes double what you're making, if they're paying less than half the expenses, then you're being taken advantage of.

 

It sounds more like you and your partner are living like roommates and not in a committed relationship. That's how I've arranged things in roommate situations but as Art Critic pointed out, this isn't one of those.

 

Anyway, we worked this out. He's paying the airfare and I'm picking up the car rental. That was my original intent to offer to pay for the car rental. Other than eating, this trip has no other expenses.

[Art_Critic]

we worked this out. He's paying the airfare and I'm picking up the car rental. That was my original intent to offer to pay for the car rental. Other than eating, this trip has no other expenses.

 

Way to go .. In the end if it was worth the battle then what you did was force a comprimise.. Which is okay .. That is what a relationship is all about.

 

Good Luck

[daverave2005]

i agree with Enigma, if my other half said to me that i have to pay the whole flights ect.. i would be piss*d off. i think you 2 need to sit down and talk about this situation. just because he gets paid more you still have to pay your share or offer to 50/50. remember that his ex used his credit card behind his back. maybe he's abit worried that u will do the same. im not saying that theres a trust issue just pointing out that you have both had experience with debt, so when it comes to big expenses you got to compromise.

 

Quote:

He still makes 30,000 more than she does... If she was unemployed do you think she should still pay her half ????

 

yes to that answer, it would be her responsibility to get a job especially if she was living in a flat/house. you can;t expect him to pay it all.

 

the thing as we alll know people can be stubbrn when it comes to money who isn't, i can admit to being stubborn but i have learn from my mistakes. if you 2 realy love each other from the heart you will both come to a good agreement.

[Outcast]

I'm totally with Enigma on this. Plus, it was your misunderstanding that he would pay for the trip and not his fault. I think you're lucky that in the end he's agreed to pay the airfare but I completely agree that he didn't have to do it. Nor are Enigma and her fellow 'living like roommates'. They are very intelligent people who have worked out a fiscal arrangement which suits both perfectly. I know a very happily married couple who has always arranged their finances exactly the same way.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Enigma - I'm not sure where you're getting that I need him there to help me with the bills, or pay my debt or any of that. I said just the opposite. But when someone has no bills and makes double what you're making, if they're paying less than half the expenses, then you're being taken advantage of.

 

 

I think it's because you keep reiterating the fact that your boyfriend has been able to save more money than you because it's less expensive living with you than on his own. For me, I can't understand why there is 'seemingly' some resentment on your part over this. After all, hasn't it also been less expensive for you since he's started helping out with the bills? To me, the relationship seems mutually beneficial.

 

As far as "being taken advantage of" --- you extended the offer for him to move into your home free of charge. If you offer to do someone a favor, and they accept, then you can't call it "being taken advantage of" later on when you start second-guessing that decision.

 

From reading back over your previous posts, your boyfriend wanted to get his own place but you were the one who felt uncomfortable with that idea because you thought it would put too much distance between you.

 

You stated: "I feel like it's taking a step backwards in the relationship. It's less of a commitment."

 

Having read back through your posts, I can now understand why you made the initial offer to let him move in free of charge. The advantage of this arrangement for you in the beginning was to make sure you ended up with the guy. By helping him out financially (even securing him a lawyer) you were able to help expedite his divorce from his wife…that other woman you were so worried about.

 

So now, after the dust has settled, you're rethinking your initial arrangement. You want more. Suddenly, the cost outweighs the benefit. Just so you know --- I don't think it was unfair of you to request that he start chipping in his half now that he was back on his financial feet. But where I think we part ways on this "commitment" issue is the idea that whoever makes more money should feel obligated to pay more money. That proving your "commitment" to someone means becoming financially responsible for them. This for me only flies in marital situations where there is an agreement that one should stay home and raise a family (children), and where there is joint property ownership and shared dept. NOT in boyfriend/girlfriend situations where there are no children and both adults are gainfully employed. Particularly in your situation when most of the property assets belong solely to you.

 

Remember this from one of your previous posts…

 

He also came out of a marriage where he had absolutely no emotional demands on him. He was basically like a roommate and a paycheck in his marriage.

 

Again, I think it was absolutely justified to ask your boyfriend to start chipping in half of his living expenses. To start paying some rent now that he could afford to. But I worry that if you make too much of an issue about him paying for everything else just because he has more money saved up, then he may get the idea that you, too, are treating him like a roommate and "paycheck."

 

It sounds more like you and your partner are living like roommates and not in a committed relationship. That's how I've arranged things in roommate situations but as Art Critic pointed out, this isn't one of those.

 

Again, it depends on the individual's interpretation of a "committed relationship." Some people still hold to the belief that the man should be the financial provider. That's perfectly fine if your partner shares those ideals and is willing to marry and support you. But for us, "commitment" is more of about matters of the heart. It's about LOVE. Emotional support. Faithfulness. Devotion to one another as equal members of a "team" who share common goals and dreams. Two people who contribute equally, and benefit equally, in each and every aspect of that relationship.

 

Never had a "roommate." Had a husband and rather dysfunctional marriage for fifteen years, though. But if the joy my partner and I have shared in the past years is considered a non-committed "roommate" situation … then DAMN … wish I had put an ad in the paper for a proper "roomy" twenty years ago! Sure would have saved us both a lot of grief.

 

Glad the two of you finally worked the situation out. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed hoping the matter has finally been resolved for good.

[FreeMe]

Argh! I had a whole reply typed and lost it somehow. So briefly, let me shed a little more light on this.

 

When he moved in, his not paying expenses was only supposed to be temporary, and it was. Then we agreed upon an amount based on the fact that he had some financial burdens and was getting a break and he paid it. Then after he no longer had any financial burdens, I asked for half. As everyone says - he shouldn't be supporting me, so by the same logic, why should I be supporting him? He was making more than enough money - there's no reason why he needed a "break" anymore from someone making less than half. And I calculated down to the dollar what half was so he didn't think I was trying to cheat him. Not that he thought that or had any reason to. I've never so much as borrowed $10 from him.

 

As far as me thinking he should or was going to give me extra financial help - that came from HIM. In the beginning, he wanted to give me more financial support. He was going to get a part time job just to help me pay my debt. I had to talk him out of it!! So, imagine my surprise when he balked at paying just half the expenses and considered moving out to someplace where he would pay a stranger more money, rather than to just pay me half. Sorry, but there is something wrong with that.

 

Also, Enigma, there was another time he was going to move out that had nothing to do with finances and I think that's when I posted. That was less of a committment and had nothing to do with the finances. He wanted to move out until the divorce was final and I found out later he still wasn't sure he didn't want to go back to his wife.

 

And finally, since we've been together, we've gone away a few times - always his idea - and I told him up front that if he wanted us to go somewhere that was fine but that I couldn't contribute much financially to it. He didn't have a problem with that and wouldn't even take the amount I offered. So how did I know this time was any different? I didn't. (And by the way, I was very appreciative of those times and told him so repeatedly.)

 

Thanks for all your input. I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. It was very helpful to hear from everyone.