guy45 Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 So I met this really great woman and we've been dating for a few weeks now. I think we have really great chemistry together. Anyways, I've noticed that as time went on I started to pay more and more attention to the little negative things regarding appearance. For example if I take a picture with her and she looks bad in it, I'll be constantly thinking of that picture, even though she'll look good 99% of the time. I realize we can't all look great in all our pictures at all times but it still bugs me for some reason. This makes me feel anxious to even look at our pictures together for the fear of me finding another picture I won't like. Why does this bother me so much? Is there something wrong with me? I really do like her and I'm physically attracted to her. Any advice is appreciated.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 I really do like her and I'm physically attracted to her. Are ya sure??
Author guy45 Posted March 6, 2019 Author Posted March 6, 2019 Are ya sure?? Most of the time yes. I've dated women I wasn't really physically attracted to and strangely I never cared about their appearance. But whenever I meet someone I really like these sort of issues come up.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Hmmm.... does what other people thing factor at all into your thinking? Is there something about her character or personality you don't like so you find slight imperfections in her appearance unappealing?
preraph Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Are you an insecure person with poor self-worth? Do you like to prop yourself up by dating a woman you feel will elevate you to others? It's just a shot in the dark. But if so, you need to take time out for therapy to stop. Because it's too hard to let go when they take your self-esteem with them when they leave; and hence, one of the biggest reasons for murder/suicides. Another thing to consider is are you a perfectionist in other areas, OCD about your house, etc.? 3
Author guy45 Posted March 6, 2019 Author Posted March 6, 2019 Hmmm.... does what other people thing factor at all into your thinking? Is there something about her character or personality you don't like so you find slight imperfections in her appearance unappealing? It might, my parents don't really like her for starters. Also I get pretty anxious around her, since I don't want to mess up the relationship. Her personality isn't the best either, it makes me anxious as well since I'm not sure how serious she is about me.
Author guy45 Posted March 6, 2019 Author Posted March 6, 2019 Are you an insecure person with poor self-worth? Do you like to prop yourself up by dating a woman you feel will elevate you to others? It's just a shot in the dark. But if so, you need to take time out for therapy to stop. Because it's too hard to let go when they take your self-esteem with them when they leave; and hence, one of the biggest reasons for murder/suicides. Another thing to consider is are you a perfectionist in other areas, OCD about your house, etc.? I think I've had OCD all my life, I always find something to worry about, it's very frustrating. 1
basil67 Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Her personality isn't the best? Then why are you dating her and why do you want her to be serious about you?
Author guy45 Posted March 6, 2019 Author Posted March 6, 2019 Her personality isn't the best? Then why are you dating her and why do you want her to be serious about you? Because she looks good, as funny as it sounds lol
BaileyB Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 I think I've had OCD all my life, I always find something to worry about, it's very frustrating. Have you had treatment for your anxiety and OCD tendencies?
BaileyB Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 It might, my parents don't really like her for starters. Her personality isn't the best either, it makes me anxious as well since I'm not sure how serious she is about me. Is that really her “personality?” What is it specifically that isn’t the best? How long have you been dating this woman? And, why do your parents not like her?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Because she looks good, as funny as it sounds lol So you are with her just because of what she looks like? Does she know this? 1
Lotsgoingon Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Forget overthinking, forget OCD. Your problem is that you are dating a person you don't really like. If you really liked her (along with her looks) you'd find a way to ignore the photos. Why are you dating her if you admit this early that her personality isn't all that great? 1
BaileyB Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Dude, there is rarely a photo of myself that I look at and say, “darn, I look good!” Photos are the worst, and that’s all I will say about that. You have a big lesson to learn here, true beauty is more than skin deep. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Exactly, Bailey! Agree with all of that. I hate pics of myself. 1
Author guy45 Posted March 7, 2019 Author Posted March 7, 2019 Well the thing I don't like about her personality is her asking me if I'd rather be dating someone else. Not sure why someone would ask that. Maybe I don't like her, up until a few days ago I was sure I did but I guess I can't change what I think. I'm a little disappointed in myself that I change my mind so quickly over the dumbest things such as a photo. My first relationship was the same. I thought maybe OCD would be a reason for overthinking.
BaileyB Posted March 7, 2019 Posted March 7, 2019 Well the thing I don't like about her personality is her asking me if I'd rather be dating someone else. Not sure why someone would ask that. That’s not her personality. That is a behavior. Perhaps, she can sense that you are not interested/not attracted to her. Given your comments in this discussion, her insecurity about your interest seems rather insightful and very reasonable... 3
Trail Blazer Posted March 7, 2019 Posted March 7, 2019 I wonder if she looks at said pictures and wonders why you don't look good in all of them, either? Or maybe, if she actually likes you then she'll not have an issue with any photo you are in? Even the most attractive people will sometimes not look their best.
Interstellar Posted March 7, 2019 Posted March 7, 2019 Well the thing I don't like about her personality is her asking me if I'd rather be dating someone else. Not sure why someone would ask that. What’s her age? it sounds like she’s indirectly telling you that you should date someone else. Anytime you’re baffled or confuse by what a woman says you should clarify and probe deeper. In what context did she ask this?
preraph Posted March 7, 2019 Posted March 7, 2019 I think I've had OCD all my life, I always find something to worry about, it's very frustrating. Have you ever gotten therapy for it to see if it can be managed better?
Author guy45 Posted March 7, 2019 Author Posted March 7, 2019 What’s her age? it sounds like she’s indirectly telling you that you should date someone else. Anytime you’re baffled or confuse by what a woman says you should clarify and probe deeper. In what context did she ask this? Yup it's an age thing shes older than me
Author guy45 Posted March 7, 2019 Author Posted March 7, 2019 Have you ever gotten therapy for it to see if it can be managed better? I went to a psychologist once, with similar issues but I feel it didn't really help. They just listen and that's it for the most part. Maybe there are better ones out there I don't know.
Lotsgoingon Posted March 7, 2019 Posted March 7, 2019 I went to a psychologist once, with similar issues but I feel it didn't really help. They just listen and that's it for the most part. Maybe there are better ones out there I don't know. Saying you went to a psychologist once ... or even to one psychologist ... is the equivalent of saying you've been on one date ... and then drawing conclusions based on one date. Of course there are better ones out there! ... Just like there are better and worse lawyers, doctors, teachers, cops, crossing guards and so on ... If you have OCD, and the person was mainly just listening, you went to an incompetent psychologist who was totally over their heads ... OCD absolutely requires a highly engaged therapist and a very interactive, directed form of therapy. Seriously to say you went to one therapist and didn't get much out of it ... is like saying I had a bad car once and thus I decided to go back to riding horses. Visit multiple people and research and find someone good ... Your issues aren't going away on their own.
basil67 Posted March 7, 2019 Posted March 7, 2019 Well the thing I don't like about her personality is her asking me if I'd rather be dating someone else. Not sure why someone would ask that. Someone would ask that if they thought you had doubts about them. Sounds like she's actually rather insightful. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 7, 2019 Posted March 7, 2019 I think on some level your instincts are screaming that this relationship is not for you, and it's triggering your ocd/anxiety. You said you are more drawn to her appearance, so it would make sense that you would start to question your feelings about her if you see evidence of her not looking "perfect". If she is already questioning whether you want to be with someone else, she probably senses how you are feeling. It doesn't sound like the right relationship for either of you to be honest.
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