How do you know the right decision?

[21117]

My bf is really in love with me for the last 6 years and I love him. He can sometimes be a bit possessive but for me the real issue is that he wants to marry me soon. I’m hesitant. Not sure why and the reason may be the key to me moving forward or not.

 

In my mind here are the possibilities of why I’m hesistent:

 

I lost my husband 7 years ago to cancer and I thought I’d never survive the aftermath. I had a nervous breakdown and still suffer from ptsd. If I marry again this may happen once more.

 

My boyfriend works and collects social security but has almost nothing saved for retirement. This alone makes me very anxious. I have enough for a comfortable retirement. This may mean I can’t enjoy my retirement the way I would like.

 

Notwithstanding the above he is the kindest man I know and loves my kids and family. We have a very good sex life and it seems all he wants to do is make me happy.

 

Do I give up on him? If so will I regret it? How do I decide?

[preraph]

Are you working? You can save for your own retirement. Lots of people can't save anything because they don't make enough, at least 33 percent of people in the U.S., but when there's two of you contributing, you stand a better chance unless one of you likes to waste money on every new electronic that comes out or on games or something else frivolous.

[21117]

I’m working and saved a good deal. He can save a small amount each month but he is 66 however in good health and pays for long term care insurance like me.

[smackie9]

Who said you had to get married? You don't need to at your age. Like my 82 year old mother says: it's better to have a gentleman friend or friends so you still can have your savings intact, and will not have much to worry about when kicking them to the curb when that time comes.

 

 

have seen it way too many times, but when married they think they own you, and try to control everything. If you think it's a possibility don't let the sex cloud your better judgement. You can always have a prenup to protect your assets.

Edited March 6, 2019 by smackie9

[preraph]

I’m working and saved a good deal. He can save a small amount each month but he is 66 however in good health and pays for long term care insurance like me.

 

At 66, it's pretty much too late to save. At that point, you're using it all on doctors, or if you're not, you soon will be. I believe you've posted about this before. If you don't want to tie yourself to this man financially and are better off financially on your own, then just tell him that. Tell him you don't want to marry but want to be with him but not comingle funds. Listen, this is a very common decision for many older people. There is no way most of them would ever marry again. It's too complicated and the children usually hate it and assume the other person is spending all their money and threatening their own livelihood. Just tell him you don't ever want to marry and get it over with and don't comingle funds ever.

[d0nnivain]

It's a combination of factors: love plus logic & finances. It sounds like you love him a lot but you don't want to get embroiled in carrying him financially which is understandable. In that case suggest something less than marriage like living together but require there to be a joint household account that he must contribute to in order for you to stick around. Make sure your living situation is in your name only & that you can easily get him out. If you have to talk to an elder care attorney about Medcaid planning for you both; that person will tell your guy that he may be better off financially not attached to you.

[kendahke]

No one can tell you if you will regret anything--we don't know you. Only you know if you will regret cutting him loose.

 

Is there any reason why you two can't keep things in the unmarried column and keep your finances and assets separate? There is no reason to marry him or let him live with you.

 

I'd also make sure all of my assets were airtight and he can't get to them. I've got two friends: one who is with her second husband and the other with a boyfriend and both of them are being pressured to put their names on financial documents by these old coots. I'm in their ear always telling them to not let those guys anywhere near their assets because they will spend them into poverty and dump them for someone else they can extract resources out of.

[chillii]

Seen this one before 2 or 3 times dunno if it's the same person reads the same,

But anyway , if your happy growing old cuddling your money then go for it,

Personally l prefer companionship, love and a nice warm body.

[smackie9]

Seen this one before 2 or 3 times dunno if it's the same person reads the same,

But anyway , if your happy growing old cuddling your money then go for it,

Personally l prefer companionship, love and a nice warm body.

You can have both.