Why Do Girls Lead This Guy On?

[dallastonez4]

I know this guy who is a bit on the naive side. He is 29 and I've known him as an acquaintance for about a year. I keep my distance. He is very immature, loudmouthed, uncouth and generally unpleasant to be around. But he's a friend of a friend of an acquaintance, so I see him around often enough.

 

He's very low self esteem and very low confidence at the same time. He calls himself ugly and frets about his weight problem. However, he is super sarcastic, teasing, and generally annoying and immature to be around.

 

Around girls however, he does a complete 180 and tries to act like the perfect gentleman. One female friend of his was using him to save hundreds of dollars a month on uber; he was chauffering her around everywhere to parties, bars and other social events. She refused to date him and openly insulted him.

 

Now, it's happening again with a second girl. He spends hours talking with her, but again, it's not leading to a date and he definitely wants to date her.

 

Both gals are moderately attractive; brown hair.

 

What's strange to me is that these girls will spend hours talking with him and socializing with him even though they have zero intention of dating him. These girls know he wants to date them, he's made his intentions clear.

 

It's a waste of his time, sure, and he shows no signs of figuring things out. He really believes that playing mr. nice guy will win him a girl. What confuses me is why these women would spend time with him if there is no romantic interest. It seems like a waste of their time as well. It seems counter-productive for the woman.

 

And it seems cruel almost sadistic towards the woman leading him to believe he has a chance when he doesn't. I can't see anything else here besides a lose-lose scenario. It makes sense for the woman to politely tell him they are not interested in dating. It makes sense for the guy to be smarter and more realistic and realize these girls are leading him on.

 

What are the motives of these females?

[Larry56]

The thinking is that he is a simp to them.

 

What is quite hard for people to wrap their brains around is that males and females use people on a day-to-day basis but for different reasons.

 

Women use men for their time, energy and resources. Men use women for sex, energy and sometimes money (but mostly sex).

 

Those types of women will cover it by saying 'that's what a friends supposed to do!' yet we all know that's just nonsense.

 

In short. Man makes himself available to all women thinking that if he does so will get him some pussy one day. Women find him annoying and probably his personality unattractive (if you say he is like he is) but since they value attention they find their way to put him to good use.

[Grey40]

 

Around girls however, he does a complete 180 and tries to act like the perfect gentleman. One female friend of his was using him to save hundreds of dollars a month on uber; he was chauffering her around everywhere to parties, bars and other social events.?

 

You answered your question right there above—-free stuff, free rides, makes her feel good that someone wants her. Boosts her ego and her self-esteem and the guy is doing it willingly knowing nothing is going to happen, so she doesn’t feel bad, she’s justified it in her mind by putting him in friend zone.

[ExpatInItaly]

One female friend of his was using him to save hundreds of dollars a month on uber; he was chauffering her around everywhere to parties, bars and other social events. She refused to date him and openly insulted him.

 

Well, this certainly explains why at least one of these women kept him around. Your answer is right there.

 

The other one, who knows. It could be that she likes his attention and interacts with him when she's bored. Or, perhaps she genuinely likes him as a friend and has no problem maintaining the friendship.

 

The bigger problem seems to be your friend. He doesn't cut and bail when women treat him poorly. Unless and until he fixes his picker and gets wiser about not wasting his time, this will continue to happen. We teach people how to treat us. The wrong ones will take advantage.

 

I am curious, how do you know all of this about him and his lack of a love life if he's just an acquaintance?

[dallastonez4]

The first girl, yes, he was her personal chauffeur service. He was actually providing this service for several women. He actually bugged and pestered them to be their driver. My guess is they didn't even want these rides at first but he was so persistent they relented, then they began to enjoy the convenience and cost savings.

 

The second girl doesn't get rides. However, he does provide a service as a fawning subordinate I suppose. But couldn't she get the same attention from a more attractive man?

 

Perhaps she feels like she might get emotionally invested in a good-looking man and therefore might get hurt, whereas it would be impossible in this case?

 

Honestly, I don't understand what she gets out of this. It seems like a waste of time on her part, at least in the second case.

[dallastonez4]

You answered your question right there above—-free stuff, free rides, makes her feel good that someone wants her. Boosts her ego and her self-esteem and the guy is doing it willingly knowing nothing is going to happen, so she doesn’t feel bad, she’s justified it in her mind by putting him in friend zone.

 

I can understand this as a possibility. It seems like a powerplay to humiliate him. It's certainly plausible, but I guess I'm so "bluepilled" I don't even want to believe it myself.

[dallastonez4]

I would find it almost impossible to lead a girl on if I wasn't attracted to her. I would certainly be polite and would have no problem chatting briefly with her. But I would not give her any indication that I had any romantic interest in her.

 

That's why it's so difficult to understand the second girl's behavior. It's completely baffling.

 

The only "logical" explanation is that these women take pleasure in leading him on and crushing his dreams of romance. Here's the definition from urban dictionary. It fits him to a t. 100%.

 

Haha, question answered.

Edited March 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[ExpatInItaly]

Has he ever actually asked out the second woman?

 

Wondering why you're so invested in this acquaintance's dating life, OP. You seem quite resentful and bitter toward the women you mentioned in this thread.

[dallastonez4]

Yeah, the SIMP defiinition definitely fits him to a t.

 

The 2nd girl looks bored however. He sits next to her talking her ear off, but she's ignoring him looking at her phone instead. If she is trying to crush him like a gnat, and from what I can tell, she already has, what's in it for her?

 

I think she gave him her number, so he waits for her to show up, walks to the parking lot, "escorts" her in, monopolizes her time trying to talk her ear off while she ignores him the entire time, then "escorts" her out, trying to look like the perfect gentleman despite this leading to nothing but blue balls.

 

Dude walks back in looking like he's about to cry, walks back out alone, no one even says goodbye to him.

 

How is this anything besides crazy. Even if she does take sadistic pleasure in all of this, is it really worth the crushing boredom for her? This is time she could've used to date someone more interesting, talk to a female friend, or even just read a good book.

 

This is pure insanity from what I can tell. This girl is blocking time off in her week simply to grind up, chew and spit out a desperate SIMP because she has nothing better to do?