BeeT Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 (edited) So I was bold, and took the initiative and asked a guy I had a crush on to go for a drink sometime. He seemed keen (suggested a time and place), and we met yesterday. We had a great time, the date lasted 3 hours and I felt was had a lot in common. He was a gentleman and paid for me (I was fully prepared to offer to pay since I was the one who had asked him out), asked me about myself, was present, suggested getting a second drink once we finished, and then walked me home. We also had some physical contact on the date (feet touching, hands brushing, and we walked very close together on the way home. It felt natural). Surely a guy wouldn't do these things if he were at least interested/attracted to some degree? At the end of the night he said it was lovely to see me, and I agreed and said hopefully see him again sometime soon, to which he said yes. We hugged and then I was going to kiss him but he turned his cheek (which was a bit awkward ngl), but after that he then did pull me in and we shared a brief kiss on the lips. So it's been nearly 24 hours since the date and I've not heard from him. I'm having a hard time working out how into it he was- several signs are good, but after the kiss I'm not sure (although I do get the impression he is quite old fashioned/gentleman-ly). I was wondering how long I should wait for him to follow up before moving on? I'd definitely like to see him again and get to know him better. I'm not so keen to be the one to reach out first this time, seeing that I was the one who initiated first. Thanks for reading. Edited March 5, 2019 by BeeT
stillafool Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 If he didn't mention anything about getting together again after the 1st date and 24 hours I would keep it moving. Maybe he will get back to you at another time but it only takes seconds to shoot a text if he's interested. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 If you are unwilling to initiate all you can do is wait & hope. 1
Mrs._December Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 You already initiated once - his turn. I've heard some guys have a '3-day rule' where they wait 3 days before calling you so they don't look over eager. He could just be doing that. 1
CantGetEnuff Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 24 hours seems like a long time these days. When I started dating, I would wait a full day or longer to follow up (to make them nervous, if they were into me) but these days people seem to expect a quicker response. OP, I would guess you're not going to hear from him. Sorry. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 You already initiated once - his turn. I've heard some guys have a '3-day rule' where they wait 3 days before calling you so they don't look over eager. He could just be doing that. I really don't think there is a 3 day "rule". If someone is interested, they will text you. Guys that were interested in me never waited 3 days to text me. 1
BJP1991 Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Text him later in the week, ask how his week is going/ask what he’s up to this weekend. A guy will get in touch with you if he wants to see you again. For every guy, it’s different. He could be dating other women, too (a very realistic possibility). But if it goes more than one week without him initiating, then he’s flat out not interested. Best of luck - either text him later this week, or play the waiting game. Whoever is least invested, has the most “power” so to say, in the dynamic. It was just one date - you need two to three to really know if you want to be with someone.
Author BeeT Posted March 6, 2019 Author Posted March 6, 2019 Thanks for your replies everyone. So it's wednesday morning (the date was monday night) now. Basically I think I'll just wait til tomorrow or so and if nothing either by then (or I may wait til the weekend), i'll just send him a text and say I had a good time, maybe ask a question about his week and see where things go from there. There isn't really much I can do. He did say whilst we were on the date that he was "happy I'd proposed this idea." He's foreign as well so I'd think he'd be less likely to be kind for the sake of my feelings.
Mrs._December Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 I really don't think there is a 3 day "rule". If someone is interested' date=' they will text you. Guys that were interested in me never waited 3 days to text me.[/quote'] I never experienced that either. But I've heard guys talk about a 3-day 'rule,' so it does exist somewhere.
stillafool Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 I've never had a guy wait 3 days after a date to contact me for another one. I swear if they played a 3 day rule I wouldn't be around to respond.
hippychick3 Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 You already initiated the first date. Even if you decide to reach out and say hi (which I would not do), don’t suggest another date. If he’s interested, he will contact you. He may be a nice guy who had a nice time but just isn’t open to dating or having a relationship.
stillafool Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 I agree. You asked him for the first date so if he's interested he should make the next move or you should move on to other prospects.
smackie9 Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Too late to say you had a good time...should have shot that over when you got home from the date. Give it til tomorrow. If you don't hear from him then, abandon ship.
preraph Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 He may not text until he has something to say, like asking you on a date if he's going to. Not everyone chit chats on text or wants to get that started since it's such a time waster. You'll just have to wait. If he's interested, he'll get in touch. If he's not, he won't. Don't wait longer than week. If by then you've not heard a peep, he's not interested.
olivetree Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 I would not send a text. You initiated the date, you initiated the kiss, you told him you want to see him again. You are in the pursuer position here. If he's a gentleman/old-fashioned as you say, then he probably wants to feel like he is pursuing.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 7, 2019 Posted March 7, 2019 I would not send a text. You initiated the date, you initiated the kiss, you told him you want to see him again. You are in the pursuer position here. If he's a gentleman/old-fashioned as you say, then he probably wants to feel like he is pursuing. More so then letting enjoy pursuing is finding out his level of interest.
Author BeeT Posted March 7, 2019 Author Posted March 7, 2019 Hey guys, thanks for all the replies. We'll it's been 2 full days no, and unfortunately no contact from him. Of course there could be a number of reasons I haven't heard from him- but at this point I think I'm forced to chalk it up to the most likely: he just wasn't that into me. And that's okay! It happens. I've decided not to get in touch with him. There's a chance I may bump into him again (we go to the same uni and live close by) and if I do then of course I'll be friendly and nice, but I agree that it's his turn to step up now. Will update this thread if I hear anything... 1
MaleIntuition Posted March 7, 2019 Posted March 7, 2019 I had the impression that you were a bit older. Why not shot him a text if you don’t hear from him in two days or so? Nothing to lose really...
Author BeeT Posted March 7, 2019 Author Posted March 7, 2019 I had the impression that you were a bit older. Why not shot him a text if you don’t hear from him in two days or so? Nothing to lose really... What gave you that impression, haha? I don't know, I may well do. But for now I'm not pinning my hopes on anything.
Author BeeT Posted March 9, 2019 Author Posted March 9, 2019 Ahem so he texted me this evening saying he had a lovely time etc. but wasn't looking for anything right now due to work. To tell the truth I wasn't looking for anything serious myself but would've been quite happy sleeping with him a bit...what do I reply? Just say thanks, let's be friends or admit I wasn't looking for anything serious? I feel a bit like he just presumed I was looking for a relationship! It was one date! lol
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 Given that he took so long to get back to you, I'd text back: "No worries" & let him stew about what that means. On your end if he makes the effort & does anything to maintain a connection AND you are still open to NSA sex, go for it but don't you just put it out there at this point. He has to do some work for pete's sake. 1
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