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Back with my Ex Girlfriend we have 5 years history, she is pregnant by me.

Shivzo

By Shivzo
in General Relationship Discussion

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Shivzo Member

Shivzo

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My Ex Girlfriend and I are trying things out for one last time, before we got back together I told her things I've lyed about. From things like, people I kissed, slept with during our break ups from being on and off for 5 years. Even though she slept with 2 people in December for the first time since being loyal to me from 2013, I've slept with more people but when I found out she slept with people that was when I knew she properly moved on. I had so much guilt built up thinking on the way I treated her by making her confused, not showing her appreciation and love like the way she showed me, stupid name calling when I lost my temper. I told everything I never told her before and she damn right got mad, totally understandable. After a few weeks we got casually chatting again but quite awkward/dry chats, I had realised what I had and lost, I was the one who was chasing her this time from all these years past. She didn't know where her heart was for me, I don't blame her. All I wanted was her back, we had sex a few times during our meet ups as we only know how please each other sexually. She ended up falling Pregnant by me. Totally unplanned (though we've had talks about babies in the past) I wish we gotten back properly by going out on dates, drinking together and through social gatherings to mend things again to rekindle that long lost spark for each other. But it's hard because now she is pregnant, part of me feels like we're doing it just for our future baby, I know I caused trust issues with lies and being unfaithful. She wants us to naturally be and just see how things go but I find it hard at times because I haven't fully forgiven myself yet, I feel that we did this backwards instead of working out things first then maybe have this unexpected baby. What should I do? I'm trying my best to improve myself various ways, I'm trying to be patient but I find it hard because we're both so busy with work and saving our money.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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It sounds like she is planning to have the baby. Once you are sure that you are the baby's father, do be involved with your child & pay child support. Whether you can make a relationship work with her remains to be seen.

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Shivzo Member

Shivzo

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Yeah I'm totally aware that I should support her through everything. It's just this time going back with her, it's difficult. She has her guard up because of the things I've lyed to her about, I don't blame her tbh. She's stronger than ever before, I guess I need to be patient with her. We both planned not to have no contact for 6 months, we had agreed to meet up/call each other the odd time but we always gravitate back together even if said boundaries were set. I wish I had more time to work on myself rather than a month after our initial breakup then finding out she is pregnant. I've alot going on myself, as I quit my job due in January. Currently pending on my current new job, and have 2 jobs on the side atm.

bradt93 Established Member

bradt93

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Yeah I'm totally aware that I should support her through everything. It's just this time going back with her, it's difficult. She has her guard up because of the things I've lyed to her about, I don't blame her tbh. She's stronger than ever before, I guess I need to be patient with her. We both planned not to have no contact for 6 months, we had agreed to meet up/call each other the odd time but we always gravitate back together even if said boundaries were set. I wish I had more time to work on myself rather than a month after our initial breakup then finding out she is pregnant. I've alot going on myself, as I quit my job due in January. Currently pending on my current new job, and have 2 jobs on the side atm.
Not to be personal, but did she say she was on birth control since you all didn't plan on having a kid? I hope she didn't lie to you.
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Shivzo Member

Shivzo

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She's been on birth control for 5 years with me, she was off them in last December when we broke up on my terms due to me ending up seeing someone else properly for the first time vice versa for her. I've been clean off drugs and alcohol last 3 months now, I drink occasionally socially. She took the morning after pill after we had sex but we believe that the baby was conceived maybe before then. I find it hard because we have such a history together and it has tooken me 5 years to realise what she really means to me, I fear that how easy it was for me to disconnect my feelings for her, that she could easily disconnect her feelings for me. The ball is on her side this time. I guess the only thing I can do is be patient and be ready for any outcome between us.

bradt93 Established Member

bradt93

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Posted
She's been on birth control for 5 years with me, she was off them in last December when we broke up on my terms due to me ending up seeing someone else properly for the first time vice versa for her. I've been clean off drugs and alcohol last 3 months now, I drink occasionally socially. She took the morning after pill after we had sex but we believe that the baby was conceived maybe before then. I find it hard because we have such a history together and it has tooken me 5 years to realise what she really means to me, I fear that how easy it was for me to disconnect my feelings for her, that she could easily disconnect her feelings for me. The ball is on her side this time. I guess the only thing I can do is be patient and be ready for any outcome between us.
Well can you afford the child and are you prepared for the responsibilities. Those are the questions you should ask yourself. I'm not saying do the A word, but adoption is also an option for you two. If you all think you can raise the kid though, then I wish you luck.
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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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On again-off again relationships are typically very unhealthy relationships.

 

There is obviously too much water under this bridge. It’s highly doubtful that you will stay together. If I was you, I would begin to consider what life as a parent will be like (ie. do you want shared custody, how much will you owe in child support). Prepare yourself.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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She took the morning after pill after we had sex but we believe that the baby was conceived maybe before then.

 

Get a paternity test. This baby may not be yours...

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Shivzo Member

Shivzo

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The baby is definitely mine, she had sex with 2 guys in December protected. She sworn to that I've been the only person in her life having unprotected sex with for 5 years. I 100% trust her, she wouldn't lie to me even after I told her about all the people I've been with and came truthful about my lies I've told her. That what shakes me (response to other reply) that I've took her for granted all these years, she always had a open heart for me and my rotten attitude. The only reason I told her about my past because I thought we would never get back together and that it was for the best for her to see my true colours. I am still going through guilt, she was/is my strength, my lover and my true best friend. I am trying to atone for my mistakes and learn from them but I wish I had more time to fix myself before we started casually seeing each other again, but with this unplanned baby (both are happy that it was with each other) my head is away at times, I'm thinking more about us than this future child of us. I'm trying my hardest to not go back to my selfish ways and rush into things, we did label ourselves as bf/gf but I spoke to her and said we should figure out what we are first before we have this child, she took it bad at first saying we were fine but I think she realised that I made a more of a mature approach to this relationship. Btw thanks for your replies guys I've never imagined myself posting on a forum. My family have been supportive, my friends have but they've never experienced this and they're partly to blame for always encouraging me to end things with her in the past, though I am accountable for everything by listening to them instead of listening what my heart says.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)
The baby is definitely mine, she had sex with 2 guys in December protected. She sworn to that I've been the only person in her life having unprotected sex with for 5 years. I 100% trust her, she wouldn't lie to me.

 

With respect, I would still ask for a paternity test. There are three potential fathers in this situation... and her word would mean nothing to me. You are thinking emotionally, not reasonably. Be sure.

Edited by BaileyB
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Shivzo Member

Shivzo

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Everytime I've mentioned this to a friend they've said the same thing "Is it yours?" We had a preternal scan today, she is 7 weeks through (8 weeks counting from her last period" the dates do match. On the 18th of December, I had a this crazy dream. In the dream, I casually came home after work, sisters were all downstairs in living room looked worried and distressed, they said to go upstairs to my room, so I did. As I approach my bedroom door, my mum walked out and said "I've spoken to her" as I walked in my room my Partner was on her knees crying her eyes out saying she was pregnant but she had f***ked up repeatedly. That dream sure did shook me, I know it's a dream but wow. I'm trying to get that thought out of my head that it could someone else's, but my faith in her is immense. I know that she would never in her life would lie to me or be confused that it wasn't mine. But thanks for your concern and honesty guys.

Edited by Shivzo
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
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If you two want a real relationship and to have a family unit as one then go to couples counseling and fix things! Forget the past and what happened with whom when you two were broken up. What matters is the NOW and the future.

 

Can you both work together to accomplish a stable relationship and possibly a home together for the sake of your soon to be born baby?

 

Stop throwing the past in each others faces...It doesn't matter anymore.

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ray27 New Member

ray27

Posted
Posted
My Ex Girlfriend and I are trying things out for one last time, before we got back together I told her things I've lyed about. From things like, people I kissed, slept with during our break ups from being on and off for 5 years. Even though she slept with 2 people in December for the first time since being loyal to me from 2013, I've slept with more people but when I found out she slept with people that was when I knew she properly moved on. I had so much guilt built up thinking on the way I treated her by making her confused, not showing her appreciation and love like the way she showed me, stupid name calling when I lost my temper. I told everything I never told her before and she damn right got mad, totally understandable. After a few weeks we got casually chatting again but quite awkward/dry chats, I had realised what I had and lost, I was the one who was chasing her this time from all these years past. She didn't know where her heart was for me, I don't blame her. All I wanted was her back, we had sex a few times during our meet ups as we only know how please each other sexually. She ended up falling Pregnant by me. Totally unplanned (though we've had talks about babies in the past) I wish we gotten back properly by going out on dates, drinking together and through social gatherings to mend things again to rekindle that long lost spark for each other. But it's hard because now she is pregnant, part of me feels like we're doing it just for our future baby, I know I caused trust issues with lies and being unfaithful. She wants us to naturally be and just see how things go but I find it hard at times because I haven't fully forgiven myself yet, I feel that we did this backwards instead of working out things first then maybe have this unexpected baby. What should I do? I'm trying my best to improve myself various ways, I'm trying to be patient but I find it hard because we're both so busy with work and saving our money.

dude i broke up with my ex we were away for 2 weeks she comes back to me and say she is pregnant i was shocked and since we had sex before we broke up i thought it was mine so i prepared myself to be a dad after like 7 months being under a lot of stress she finally got her self tested and i found out during our 2 weeks break up she got back with her ex before me and had sex and he is the father and not me. just saying dude get a paternity test before anything.

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