BJP1991 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Hey Everyone, Had a second date a couple nights ago (movie/dinner date). At the end when I went to drop her off, we mentioned it was still early, and she proceeded to invite me into her house. We watched a few episodes of a show we like together on the couch, some kissing involved and touching as well. As I talked about leaving, we started making out heavily, which turned into sex. After, she mentioned that she "doesn't do this often" - which I always take with a grain of salt. I put on my jeans and she said I could stay overnight if I wanted. I asked her if she wanted me to, and she said "Yes", so I happily agreed to do so. Slept over, cuddling most the night. Next morning, I asked her if she was free the coming weekend, as we had already discussed a potential third date at my apartment the night before. She said she was, but I left it at that and did not make plans on the spot as the subject sort of naturally changed. As I left, she thanked me for staying over, and I thanked her for joining me for the movie and dinner and said I would talk to her sometime this week. Around 2pm the day after our date, I texted her saying I had a great time and mentioned a brief tidbit about the show we watched. She did not respond and it's been over a day now since the text. Wondering if I turned her off by trying to be nice and assuring her that I didnt just want to "hit it and quit it" as some might say...Plus I genuinely want more than that with her anyways, so initially I though it was smart, but now I am questioning it. Naturally, the text I sent does not necessitate a response and was not a question at all, but still a little bummed about not getting any response at all. Wondering if it is smart to contact her this week (say, thursday) to try to setup the third date for the coming weekend, or if I should just wait indefinitely for her to respond or initiate? Thoughts? Suggestions? Advice? Thanks
ExpatInItaly Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Wondering if I turned her off by trying to be nice and assuring her that I didnt just want to "hit it and quit it" as some might say...Plus I genuinely want more than that with her anyways, so initially I though it was smart, but now I am questioning it. Eh? You're really overthinking that. If we like a guy, we're generally not going to be turned off by his respectful behaviour. Quite the opposite. I'm not sure why you're even worried about that. There could be plenty of reasons why she hasn't responded to you yet. I very much doubt it's for the reason you are fretting about here. If you hear nothing in a few days, you could try reaching out and suggesting a third date - her response to that will tell you what you need to know.
smackie9 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Some people cheat on their SO or have other options, so they ghost on you to keep the affair quick and simple. Get in and then get out. So if you never get a response, don't take it personally....she had other intentions that were not yours.
PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 I would say you should text her again in a few days. She may have seen the text you sent and got busy and forgot about it. This happens to some people and its nothing personal. Just shoot her a quick text, but if she doesnt respond to that one I would move on because at that point its pretty obvious she isnt interested anymore.
Andy_K Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. If you don't hear back from her, send another message in a day or two asking her out to do something at the weekend. She'll reply if interested, or ignore/decline if she's not. No point stressing or over-analysing anything. 1
Author BJP1991 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 Some people cheat on their SO or have other options, so they ghost on you to keep the affair quick and simple. Get in and then get out. So if you never get a response, don't take it personally....she had other intentions that were not yours. I know people do that, but given the context, do you think that is actually possible here? I mean, if someone just wanted a quick romp, I would think they would behave differently one the date...I know it is never possible to know, but I don't see any indication that she is that type of woman.
Author BJP1991 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 Doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. If you don't hear back from her, send another message in a day or two asking her out to do something at the weekend. She'll reply if interested, or ignore/decline if she's not. No point stressing or over-analysing anything. Understood - just feels a bit weird not getting any sort of reply whatsoever...By the time I planned to follow up, it will have been 4 days since the morning I left her house. Is that a decent timeline to allow enough time to go by, but not come on too eagerly?
olivetree Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 If she is no longer interested, it has nothing to do with the fact that you indicated you wanted to see her again.
TheFinalWord Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 The only thing she said that is questionable is "I don't do this often", which means she cares about your opinion about her and the speed of things. She doesn't wait long to have sex and knows what she is doing, so she does do this often. But I think you know that lol I am with you in that I don't generally like to double text, but I think it's okay here since you tentatively talked about plans already. Maybe say something like, "About this weekend, I was thinking doing..." and go from there. Make the text more of a continuation of the earlier text, rather than a brand new thought. 2
Author BJP1991 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 The only thing she said that is questionable is "I don't do this often", which means she cares about your opinion about her and the speed of things. She doesn't wait long to have sex and knows what she is doing, so she does do this often. But I think you know that lol I am with you in that I don't generally like to double text, but I think it's okay here since you tentatively talked about plans already. Maybe say something like, "About this weekend, I was thinking doing..." and go from there. Make the text more of a continuation of the earlier text, rather than a brand new thought. Yeah - when a girl says that I honestly think it is a 50-50 chance. Either they genuinely never do that kind of thing (having sex with people early on), or they are just saying it to say it. As far as her no longer being interested, it has always puzzled me how a woman can sleep next to you, cuddle you all night and kiss you goodbye in the morning, only to suddenly have lost interest? I know everyone is different, but it isn't like I would have said or done anything drastic to cause this to happen. Does not happen a lot in general, to me, but when it does I am always left so confused...
Author BJP1991 Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 If she is no longer interested, it has nothing to do with the fact that you indicated you wanted to see her again. Completely understand this concept. As far as proceeding, would waiting 4ish days be decent? When I do, should I go straight to asking her about her availability or aomething like asking how the week has been?
Grey40 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 I’ve had this happen to me numerous times, and I’ve also done this to women multiple times. It’s a lot more common than you think. Many reasons why a women (and men) will ghost you following this: 1) Basically you get wrapped up in the moment, are very attracted and just have sex. But then the next day you realize you aren’t really that into the person enough to do it again, and it was just a spur of the moment kind of thing. 2) they are currently dating someone else, maybe are unhappy at the moment or want out—chested with you and felt bad about it. 3) just wanted a fun night of sex never with intentions of taking it further (women do this too) 4) felt guilty about giving themselves up too easily and now think you’ll view them differently so they avoid the situation. 5) have other options they want to explore and have no interest in just being with one person, want to test the waters because they’re fresh out of a relationship. It’s also possible she just though she replied to your text and forgot. Just ask her out again like nothing happened and see if you get a response. If you don’t, then you know it’s done. No need to set rules “im gonna wait 4 days” just ask her out a few days in advance of when you want.
crispytoast Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 L + Down, R + C-Right, R + C-Up, L + Right, L + C-Down, R + C-Up, L + Right, R + Down, L + Left, L + R + C-Left If you did it right you should be invincible. Oh, right... As far as her no longer being interested, it has always puzzled me how a woman can sleep next to you, cuddle you all night and kiss you goodbye in the morning, only to suddenly have lost interest? I know everyone is different, but it isn't like I would have said or done anything drastic to cause this to happen. Does not happen a lot in general, to me, but when it does I am always left so confused... It's easy. She wanted the connection and closeness for the night and now that the need is satisfied, she doesnt need it any more. Either that or she is busy and has life to deal with. Message her closer to the weekend and see if she responds. Or call her and get your answer instantly.
smackie9 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 It might be true that she's "never done this before"...it might be her first time stepping out of her relationship, her first time hitting it and quitting it, or whatever. If you are getting radio silence, it's over.
d0nnivain Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 I think you did everything right. If she doesn't respond, that is on her, not you.
Lotsgoingon Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Two things ... get all that "nice" guy worry out of your head. Two ... if a woman tells you "I don't do this often"--and you do NOT believe her--then leave. You don't trust the woman. You think she's a liar. You think she lacks the confidence to own up to wanting sex. Any combination of the above is a non-starter, a reg flag. Get out. That ain't the woman for you.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Understood - just feels a bit weird not getting any sort of reply whatsoever...By the time I planned to follow up, it will have been 4 days since the morning I left her house. Is that a decent timeline to allow enough time to go by, but not come on too eagerly? Maybe she was looking for a one night fling, but lead on you on so that she got sex. 4 days is a long time not to respond, that shows low interest. I learned in dating that there is no such thing as being too "busy". Plus texts take all of couple seconds to send. Do not text again, see what happens.
TheFinalWord Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 (edited) Yeah - when a girl says that I honestly think it is a 50-50 chance. Either they genuinely never do that kind of thing (having sex with people early on), or they are just saying it to say it. As far as her no longer being interested, it has always puzzled me how a woman can sleep next to you, cuddle you all night and kiss you goodbye in the morning, only to suddenly have lost interest? I know everyone is different, but it isn't like I would have said or done anything drastic to cause this to happen. Does not happen a lot in general, to me, but when it does I am always left so confused... They've done it before. In addition to the list that Grey40 provided, another one that I have personally experienced is coming on too strong afterwards. You have to act just as uncertain and indifferent as she does. Especially since it's only been two dates. Reciprocate her level of uncertainty about whether you want anything more. If you know you want more with her, you can't show that too early. If she truly doesn't do this often, it will take time for her to process her emotions. If you push too fast she will feel smothered and ghost (for men our emotions are like a light switch, for women it's like a volume knob). By two dates, she will feel she doesn't know you, even with the sex, and will be unsure if she sees a relationship in the future. If you act like you want her to be your GF too early, sex or not, she will bolt. In this case, OP already tentatively made plans so I think it's okay to try. Nothing to lose. If she doesn't respond, then he knows. I would only try one more time though. Edited March 5, 2019 by TheFinalWord
frus69 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Gender reversed if I texted a guy and received no reply..would not text again lol one text is enough. Never have I ever had any guy truly"too busy and forget to text". It's always because they arent interested. But I am curious if OP texts her again, will she reply..
Rocker71 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 I would not have thanked her for going out with me. She may have thought you were thanking her for the sex too.
Author BJP1991 Posted March 5, 2019 Author Posted March 5, 2019 Thank you all for the insightful feedback. She got back to me while I was in a pretty long work meeting the day after I messaged - reciprocating what I said in my text (and went way further about how she enjoyed the date and sex). Then followed up with a second text an hour later asking me out for the weekend...
CantGetEnuff Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 I see more sex in your future, OP. Well done, good sir. See, waiting a day is no big deal.
Recommended Posts