JS17 Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Is it possible to never recover from a broken heart? Is it possible to have been burned enough times that you never want to be in a relationship again?
d'Arthez Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Yes, it is possible never to recover. But it is not normal, and I think it is more or less pathological. Yes, that is also possible. Especially if people feel that they finally had found their great love, who turned out to be the great deception. Most often the lack of desire for a relationship is a temporary stage (after a painful breakup).
Inthedark Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 I think you can recover, but I had a friend who went off on the deep end. He use to be a real jerk, but when he said he met this girl, he wanted to change for the better because he just knew she was the one. He had some issues but he really didnt understand them until later. But then when he broke up with this girl, it was too hard to take. She shunned him everyway possible. He thought everything he had done to change never really worked. So something got into his head that he was not as good a person as he was portraying. Apperantly, he wanted to believe his ex so much but realized that he was crazy. That everytime he was on the computer, he heard voices telling him he was liar. He thought people were trying to get into his things, his phone. Everyone didnt believe it so he went into a hospital. Lost his mind
AndrewJ Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Is it possible to never recover from a broken heart? Is it possible to have been burned enough times that you never want to be in a relationship again? I hope not two both questions:D
Inthedarke Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 It was weird because he was hoping that she would give him any chance later down the road after he got his stuff together, but she said that was never a chance. He said that she just talked to him as if he was some bumb off the street. I think he never thought a friend would want to turn their back on what they had and realized that it was eventually going to end up in dead air between the two while he was waiting for her to talk to him personally. He wanted her to listen to her heart but I guess she had other reasons to do so. He always knew that he understood what may happen, but he believed in her heart. When he found that she was wrong, he was demoralized. He just couldn't believe that was ever in his heart. But he found out he was so wrong that he couldn't take it. He want looking in black magic and the shaman told him right about everything. But he learned that it is not the heart that thinks and sometimes others think for you. He just fell into lethargy because he said that he no longer wanted a heart. So he started to use his mind to get over her, but began to think that everything he was doing did not make sense. Everywhere he went, it seemed like there was some other answer. But he knew he had the answer. I felt humuliated because he just couldn't get them to spread all the bad things about him. He found a way to cope and he was just beginning to get better. I saw that everything was better. Later, I found out he snapped because he said that he found the truth. But the truth was distorted and so was he because he started "seeing" things. He said whenever he would read journals about people's experience, he say how he was and felt so guilty. But he did not know that was happening. Then he said he read journals that were so false from his own experience. He got caught up in the motions, and started to hear the people talking to him. Telling him he was doing things the wrong way or that the things he was doing were just to get "something" and what not. He thought that he was a good person. So he said the journals talked to him incessantly, but he couldn't bring them out of the stories. He knew that there were other stories that held true. I later tried to search for the people who wrote them, but they said that the stories were "made up" in his head. I didn't want to believe that they intentionally would want to tell some story for sh&t and giggles. So he kept reading things trying to find the people. He said that the journals were trying to ruin him. It ended up that he thought there were people spying on him all the time. He thought he could find the spies in the journals, like they were a code. But he couldn't decipher the codes. He was usually smart enough, but his mind already was lost. He just kept reading and reading. Then, he would look to his computer and and look for other stories. However, he started to look for the spies in everything he did. He was consumed with looking for them. He would change passwords all the time. He was looking on the internet and trying to catch them. He would check the security watch for any signs. He would check any accounts he had constantly looking. Then, it later went to his phone. He thought people were listening and sending him texts with "bugs" to spy on him. No one believed it though. When he tried to explain it to his boss, they thought that he was making things up. They saw that his work was not very productive and told him that he shouldnt have any expectations in the near future. But it didn't matter because he wanted to find the spies. I couldn't get it out of his head and he became delusional and fell into a pyschosis. He tried to get help, but he couldn't live with himself that he was telling his ex the truth. He wanted them to stop spying on him when he knew there was no one. In the end, he kinda just believed everyone that he was crazy. He accepted the fact that he was crazy. He had to get help, but that meant he couldn't work. But it didnt matter because he wanted the spies to stop. He couldn't work anyways because he was scared of his computer. He didnt want to talk to anyone because no one believed him. He caused him to really detroy him, and he had to rush to the doctors. They told him that his heart was broken but all the environmental stresses was causing his heart to beat so quickly because he under enormous pressure within himself. The doctor said that because his heart has not rested for the past 6 months, he is in danger. The doctor was worried that while a test was taken, it only took 1 minute for it to jump up 60 beats per minute, highly unusual. So they looked at his monitor for a day and noticed it didnt even lower during sleep. They have to find special equipment to do more work. They originally thought it was minor but now it has become something very rare and they are worried. Because of all the stress he it affected everything in his body. So his heart is working extra but that causes other problems like high blood pressure. Because of the changes, his body was not producing chemicals normally. This caused other imbalances. One thing led to another and he is so weak. I found out he lost his hope in her and just couldn't believe that she would crack. So the found out later because of all the changes, it brought on the changes in his head. We visited him during his delusional state, he just kept thinking that everything he did was a lie. He didn't believe himself anymore and started to feel that nothing ever did happen. That everything he experienced was just in his head. He lost sight of what was actually real or fake anymore. We saw him asking himself questions all the time. "Was that real?" Then, I realized that maybe she wasn't really there in the first place. He just made her up, because he was the only one that ever admitted about her. He knew there was a reason that he always heard denials about her. He finally just couldn't take it that everything was just in his mind. He finally cracked and we never saw from him again. Nobody knows what happened, because I guess everyone he knew was made up and never existed. I wish I knew what happened to him but thats how life sometimes go when you lose everything.
Author JS17 Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 Yes' date=' that is also possible. Especially if people feel that they finally had found their great love, who turned out to be the great deception. Most often the lack of desire for a relationship is a temporary stage (after a painful breakup).[/quote'] Thanks d'Arthez. I'm worried that what I'm going through isn't temporary anymore. While I was trying to recover from a terrible breakup where I got burned from my first deep relationship in years, I ended up getting burned by 2 men. I haven't been interested in dating since. I'm worried it will never go away. How do you know if it's temporary or if recovery isn't possible? I don't want to be doomed to spend the rest of my life alone but I also have no desire to ever get out there dating again.
AndrewJ Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Time will tell js. Things are prob dificult emotionally atm. You will look back in a yeras time and think shizer life is a rollercoaster;)
dgiirl Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 JS, it can happen if you let it. You are the only one in charge of your actions and emotions. I'm going through a breakup myself, and I know the pain you've probably experienced. But risking your heart is part of falling in love. You just have to trust yourself enough to handle the situation if it falls apart. You have to build yourself up, get your self esteem back, and trust that you can live again and love again.
Author JS17 Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 JS, it can happen if you let it. You are the only one in charge of your actions and emotions. I'm going through a breakup myself, and I know the pain you've probably experienced. But risking your heart is part of falling in love. You just have to trust yourself enough to handle the situation if it falls apart. You have to build yourself up, get your self esteem back, and trust that you can live again and love again. excellent advice dgiirl, unfortunately, easier said than done.
sanne Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 well you know what they say, you can't expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself. from your posts i gather your a very smart, sophisticated, girl with a good head on her shoulders. life has a funny way of working out, when you least expect it good things can happen. just keep living your life and stop putting so much focus on finding the right guy, it will happen.
Author JS17 Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 well you know what they say, you can't expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself. from your posts i gather your a very smart, sophisticated, girl with a good head on her shoulders. life has a funny way of working out, when you least expect it good things can happen. just keep living your life and stop putting so much focus on finding the right guy, it will happen. I'm not necessarily looking to find "the right guy" right now, but I am trying too hard to find a way to undo the damage that has been done by the relationships in my recent past. It kills me that I gave him the power, and am still giving him the power, to steal the fun, cool, smart girl that I used to be and replaced her with an emotional basketcase. Then I let whatever trust I had left in the opposite sex be stolen by two more men that I trusted, knew what I had been through and promised they wouldn't hurt me. I haven't handled any of these breakups well and I no longer trust myself to be in or more to the point be able to get out of a relationship as dgiirl suggested. "You just have to trust yourself enough to handle the situation if it falls apart" is so important and I just don't have it anymore. I'm doing the best that I can to focus on my life but I just keep getting pulled back down by these feelings.
Art_Critic Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 I haven't handled any of these breakups well Js.. You need to start cutting yourself some slack. Nobody handles breakup well and if they do they are just void of any emotional attachment or even just void of emotion. Taking a breakup hard can be good for you..You learn alot about yourself and fix things that normally wouldn't have been changed and in the end you come out a better person , Ready to give yourself to someone else. Chin up Girl.. I am alot like you so I know where you are coming from.
alphamale Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Is it possible to never recover from a broken heart? No Is it possible to have been burned enough times that you never want to be in a relationship again? Maybe, but highly unlikely.
Author JS17 Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 Thanks AndrewJ Js.. You need to start cutting yourself some slack. Nobody handles breakup well and if they do they are just void of any emotional attachment or even just void of emotion. Taking a breakup hard can be good for you..You learn alot about yourself and fix things that normally wouldn't have been changed and in the end you come out a better person , Ready to give yourself to someone else. Chin up Girl.. I am alot like you so I know where you are coming from. Overachievers anonymous? After my breakup I had a guy friend tell me something similar about how having your heart really broken changes you and makes you a better person. I know he was so right. I even knew the next guy would never work out because nobody had ever broken up with him. It's incredible how much growth comes out of so much pain. I'm trying to hang in there but I've been having a lot of bad days lately and questioning my ability to overcome this. I guess I just have to keep trying
alphamale Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 It's incredible how much growth comes out of so much pain. The best and most valuable lessons in life arise from great adversity and anguish...
In Sync Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 JS 17, I think the thing you're feeling and I'm wondering the same question myself, is a lost of innocence. Everyone has it at every age regarding love. When we are with someone we feel we are in love with its a wonderful light feeling, but when it starts to slip away or leaves us...we can't see that experience anymore as pure as it was, especially if there were episodes of fights and abuse (verbal and physical), etc. Its like our view of love has been tainted, so we wonder how to recover or can we ever get that feeling we had before again with another. We have been robbed of that innocence that went with being so in love. Right now I can't imagine giving myself over to that kind of love because I know I will have that linger thought that I can't trust it..it can go sour. Until I can feel safe with my emotions and I suppose I need alot of time and distance to heal..before allowing my feelings to go there again without being on guard. So time will probably give us the answer to whether we can recover completely.
Author JS17 Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 especially if there were episodes of fights and abuse (verbal and physical), etc. I don't know if my ex was verbally abusive but he was one mean mo fo and I am overly sensitive, bad combination. He beat it into my head that I was a horrible person to be around, that I was annoying and rude and embarassing. He also beat it into my head that I am not capable of being in a relationship because I've never had a long term relationship, not by choice of course, and he has. We have been robbed of that innocence that went with being so in love. Right now I can't imagine giving myself over to that kind of love because I know I will have that linger thought that I can't trust it..it can go sour. Love has become a 4 letter word to me. I don't trust anyone or anything anymore.
alphamale Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Love has become a 4 letter word to me. I don't trust anyone or anything anymore. ahhh....you're just going thru a phase JS17.
Author JS17 Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 ahhh....you're just going thru a phase JS17. A phase?!?! We broke up in January! It has never taken me this long to get over someone and I didn't even like him. I loved him but I didn't like him.
ReluctantRomeo Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Love has become a 4 letter word to me. I don't trust anyone or anything anymore. Awww honey There have been some pretty good comments. I particularly liked what Art_Critic said - no-one handles breakup well. 2 painful breaks on the trot have been hard on my heart too and the recovery surprisingly slow. Since I know you're an overachiever, the trick is to let recovery take its own pace. You can't control it, you can only create the right environment and let nature take its course. One good tip is to spend time platonically with guy friends that are the opposite of what scares you from your exes. I guess those that are kind, complimentary, reliable and build your self-confidence.
Author JS17 Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 Since I know you're an overachiever, the trick is to let recovery take its own pace. You can't control it, you can only create the right environment and let nature take its course. I know. Again, easier said than done I do have lots of guy friends, a lot of my "surface interests" like music, etc lend me to spend time with them often. I wish that did the trick. The advice given on this thread is the best I've received yet. Thanks everyone.
AndrewJ Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 in the words of stevie wonder "Jam on!":)
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 ... so we wonder how to recover or can we ever get that feeling we had before again with another. We have been robbed of that innocence that went with being so in love. Right now I can't imagine giving myself over to that kind of love because I know I will have that linger thought that I can't trust it..it can go sour. Until I can feel safe with my emotions and I suppose I need alot of time and distance to heal..before allowing my feelings to go there again without being on guard. So time will probably give us the answer to whether we can recover completely. Very well put, In Sync...that's very much how I feel, and what I'm going through. I actually think that the innocence was the love, and vice-versa. And that kind of loss feels extremely painful. JS, I identify with you a lot, I know how it is to feel completely "hollowed out" and empty. I miss the girl I was before. All the courage and grit I'd mustered in facing difficult times, all the humour I'd used to deal with most of it, and almost all my purpose of being - it was all knocked out of me. I know someday I will regain this, and be a much better version of myself, but I don't know how long that will take. I don't know how many months more, maybe a year - two years? You know, it becomes all the more difficult when you're the selective type. It takes a lot for me to begin a relationship, and very seldom do I even feel that "connection". And when that one very rare connection does happen, you can imagine how strongly attached a person would be. And when the other person is more or less as selective as you are, and you two know that there was an extraordinary match in your "frequencies", it's incomprehensible why the other person would turn away deliberately from something so promising. Or how could he just erase you from his thoughts and feelings in one day. Oh-oh....I've been rambling here... guess I need to let off steam now and then!! But yes, I am waiting and hoping for the time when these memories would be less painful, when I wouldn't feel so terribly hurt, when I would be able to think "I couldn't care less". Not easy....but I'll wait it out.
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