Turning point Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 Hi wife wants him in her life too. I think your friendship is an offer that lacks honesty and safety. 1
BaileyB Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 Hi wife wants him in her life too. I think your friendship is an offer that lacks honesty and safety. I would say that it lacks honesty and sincerity. A good point was raised earlier - if you intend to be “friends,” are you prepared to make your friendship known to his wife? Because, if you are not willing to do something in with his wife’s knowledge, then you are carrying on a secret emotional affair... and that a rather cruel thing to do to another woman and her children.
basil67 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 Being friends with him is no better than being his lover. Completely disrespectful to his wife
LIRR88 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 I am very doubtful about the “let’s just be friends” thing. If you have a lot of self control then maybe, but seems you are very much still into him. Over a month ago my MM told me we’d always be friends, basically broke up with me. A few days later I got the “I still love you” text along with some other inappropriate behavior in his car, then the next day he went cold on me again. All of that made things worse and confused me. So it’s very difficult, I know it sucks but I would go NC on him. You are young and single, have fun and date around. The love of your life is out there, you won’t find him if you’re hung up on an unavailable man. Good luck! 1
jah526 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 I tried this once, had a fairly lengthy talk with him and asked him if we could just be friends. He agreed and said it would never happen again. Well, guess what... two days later he got me into his car under the pretext of going to the gym, gave me a little gift (cheap jewelry), and then said he had condoms. Sad to say, I caved, but that was actually the last time. Just saying, once you open that Pandora’s box, you can’t really close it again. He is always going to see you as someone he can easily have sex with, unfortunately.
georgia girl Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 The question is: are you lying to yourself? It’s okay to lie to us and to MM (well, not completely), but’s it’s always destructive to lie to yourself. So if you are saying “just friends” but in your heart of hearts, you want it to be so much more - full on in love partners - then no, it won’t work. Why? To be brutally honest: you are in love (or infatuated) with the fantasy of who you think this man is. He’s not that man - never was/never will be. But the fantasy itself is addictive. It’s all of your dreams come true. And in being “just friends” with him, you will feed the fantasy and the obsessive thoughts. Meanwhile, back in the real world, life will go on and you will be missing out. Available single men will come and go and you won’t even notice them because you are hung up on fantasy man. Available opportunities will arise, but they will interfere with his calls or texts and they will seem dull and boring to you, so you will stay by yourself, phone tightly gripped in your hand, daydreaming about the next time you see him. Annette, this isn’t about if HE will be your friend. It’s about YOU and if your powerful emotions have distorted reality. They have and so, non, it will not work. If you didn’t have feelings, it could work. I am certainly friendly with some of my exes. The difference is that I am over them, madly in love with my husband and if I happen to see them, it’s nice to catch up. If I don’t see them, genuinely, they just don’t cross my mind. Finally, you are not a bad or weak person for having had romanticized this guy into a fantasy. We all do it - especially when we have been lonely too long. But it really is very much in your best interest to begin moving on with life. And I am giving you the advice I got when my commitment phobe ex-fiancé walked out on me and I wanted to wallow and wait for him. My amazing sister basically told me what I just said to you. Shortly after, I met my husband. Move on, my dear. Life is too short to ever fantasize over a man. Move on and find true love when it comes to you. 3
Author Anette Posted March 24, 2019 Author Posted March 24, 2019 That's so kind.. Thank you for taking the time to write this
Turning point Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 (edited) OP, You're asking for support and advice on how to subvert another woman's marriage and the welfare of her children. Do you have any idea how sinister that is? Shame on anyone who supports this. More than this man you need some self-respect. You're MM is a methodical cold dark shadow of a human being. Are you aware of the other women in his fold he has instructed to remain "unattached?" (That's a premeditated script that takes foresight and intention - a clue that you will be used and discarded.) You are more fortunate than most who post here with having only waded in the shallow end for a short time. Get out off the beach now because a tsunami of pain and self destruction is heading straight for you. I know you don't want to hear any of this, but I have enough respect for myself to offer you only my most sincere and honest advice. No matter how cold it may sound - it's rooted in compassion of one human being for the well being of another. I don't even know you - yet I care enough to not condone this self-destructive path. Edited March 24, 2019 by Turning point 1
Turning point Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 Consider this post form someone 7 years into an affair with a MM and only now coming to terms with the need for no contact: What there is to look forward too.
Savannah2 Posted March 24, 2019 Posted March 24, 2019 Yep. That is my post above and the aftermath of what is left after 7 years of push/pull. He has decided I am only good for an occasional video to get him off. Because anything else would cause him way too much guilt and bad karma. I seriously could not roll my eyes any harder. Don’t be me.
Turning point Posted March 25, 2019 Posted March 25, 2019 (edited) Don’t be me. You're not a done deal - you've simply taken a bad detour. TURN - LEARN - and MOVE FORWARD. A better you is around the corner if you want it. I swear, OW are no different then men who get lost but won't stop and ask for directions. Edited March 25, 2019 by Turning point
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