Robert01 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 A second date is really early to decide if you want a commitment. Also, did the OP communicate an intention to commit? 2nd date is kind of early for sex too and too early for buying gifts. A 2nd date is too early for any kind of boyfriend benefits. Sex is usually a benefit enjoyed in a committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Same with buying gifts. 1
frus69 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 I am wondering why guys bail right after sex because if they just want sex, wouldnt it be easiler for them to stay for more sex (like a fwb) than putting in all the effort to chase a new girl for sex?
Robert01 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Some guys bail because they intuitively know she wants a commitment and they are not ready for that. 1
RecentChange Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Note: I tell people this all the time, sex is not currency to buy you a relationship. If sex happens just simply enjoy it and be glad you got some. This!!!! Based on my personal experiences, I don’t subscribe to the “early sex = low value” equation, but maybe that has to do with the type of men I choose to date. OP, if he can’t be bothered to text you - just cut your losses, no pining, no reaching out, he just isn’t into you. As far as getting used for sex. Well personally I really like sex - someone can’t really give me something I enjoy and be “using” me for it at the same time. Like smack or says, sex isn’t a currency. If you want to have it, and are enjoying him, I say enjoy it - but do not confuse it as meaning something more, or that it will lead to something else. My longest relationships started with “early sex”. Having sex on the second date didn’t make my now husband think I was low value - it just showed him how incredibly compatible we are, and he perused harder. Meanwhile I have had other relationships where sex was slowly built up to, and yet they fizzled out. Others that started passionately and burnt out quickly. But here - save your dignity, don’t go cashing him. 1
frus69 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Some guys bail because they intuitively know she wants a commitment and they are not ready for that. How can guys tell after one date though..maybe she only wants sex too lol 1
Robert01 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 How can guys tell after one date though..maybe she only wants sex too lol Maybe but he does not know that unless she tellls him. Always a good idea for 2 people to communicate before having sex.
rightondude Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 He said he had an accident and was dealing with it and then he proceeds with saying that everything was awesome between us but he felt that his "thing" was not good enough for me. He said he didn't feel he was making me happy in bed. He proceeds to say he is ashamed of himself and someone else can make me happier. WOW! That's a new one from the "it's not you, it's me" excuse book. My "thing" isn't good enough for you!!! Move on 1
frus69 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Getting sex from some women requires very little effort. Texting? Almost zero effort. A guy can text a dozen women at the same time. If he can get sex really easily from someone new, why should he keep hooking up with the same girl? Lol is getting sex that easy for men now, sounds almost easier than women trying to get laid
Author Love2015 Posted March 5, 2019 Author Posted March 5, 2019 Thank you everyone for your comments. I want to provide some clarification... I do not believe sex is a transaction to. Make a man or woman stay in a relationship. Sex is one more thing to people share. It is important just all the other aspects that make a relationship one. I was talking this guy for three months prior to our two dates. I don't regret sleeping with them even if it is leading no where although I wished he would have wanted to explore more. This is what I don't like. Men behaving like a woman who has sex early on is not relationship material. That is BS. In this case, my conclusion is he is not able to just say that he only wanted sex and once he got it ..he is out. He did say he wanted long term from the get go. But what is worse is to tell me he is letting go because I was not happy in bed. Can you believe it? Like man up. Say you wanted either just sex or sex with me sucked but not that he letting you go because he believes I didn't enjoy? I did and he was having issues with his size...apparently in the past some gal said it was small to me. Well I am not that gal and I had enjoyed. I assured him I did so at this point I believe this is just a lame excuse. And that is what makes me angry. My initial post had to do with not texting me as a human being after sex. Come on...I am not saying let's get married ..in fact I didn't even say let's be gf bf....all it was is have the dignity of not attempting to ghost! Well...I didn't get ghost but I got being told I am being dumped because he believes I didn't enjoy? Are you f* joking or what? A woman sleeps with you because she feels secure and confident ...early or not don't slut shame her....or put her down! Guess what ...who was sleeping with me so early...him! Why still the double standards? 2
stillafool Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Bit of a dick move really. The whole point of the initial part of dating is to get to know the person and see if there is a connection. It either works or it doesn't, and that's regardless of whether you have sex or not. Having sex early doesn't guarantee things will progress... nor does it guarantee that things won't progress. Also agree with the point about the gender roles. You've done your bit and said how you felt. He hasn't responded similarly, so I'd let this one go. Why is this a "dick move"? Is it because he didn't verbally tell her he's no longer interested after the sex? Wouldn't that hurt her feelings? What would be the proper way to show someone you are no longer interested in them after sex?
stillafool Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 He's projecting OP. He was the one who didn't enjoy the sex and that is why he's ghosting.
kendahke Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 I am wondering why guys bail right after sex because if they just want sex, wouldnt it be easiler for them to stay for more sex (like a fwb) than putting in all the effort to chase a new girl for sex? Not if the sex wasn't good to them or something about her turned them off. 1
BC1980 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Like man up. Say you wanted either just sex or sex with me sucked but not that he letting you go because he believes I didn't enjoy? I did and he was having issues with his size...apparently in the past some gal said it was small to me. Well I am not that gal and I had enjoyed. I assured him I did so at this point I believe this is just a lame excuse. And that is what makes me angry. He tried to convey to you that he wasn't interested when he came up with excuses not to see you again. He was trying to do it in a nice way and hope you'd get the hint. You wanted an answer, and he gave you one. It's a stupid answer, but it's a lot nicer than some other answers he could have given you. What did you want him to say? Did you want him to say that he used you for sex? Would you prefer for him to ghost you? This is the problem with having sex this early. You had sex with a guy that you really didn't know, and now you are mad that he doesn't want to see you again. The vast majority of women cannot handle casual sex the way that men can. Until you understand this, you will always be frustrated with dating. Not all guys want casual sex, but almost all of the people that want casual sex are guys. 3
thefooloftheyear Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 This is what I don't like. Men behaving like a woman who has sex early on is not relationship material. That is BS. In this case, my conclusion is he is not able to just say that he only wanted sex and once he got it ..he is out. He did say he wanted long term from the get go. But what is worse is to tell me he is letting go because I was not happy in bed. Can you believe it? Like man up. Say you wanted either just sex or sex with me sucked but not that he letting you go because he believes I didn't enjoy? I did and he was having issues with his size...apparently in the past some gal said it was small to me. Well I am not that gal and I had enjoyed. I assured him I did so at this point I believe this is just a lame excuse. And that is what makes me angry. A woman sleeps with you because she feels secure and confident ...early or not don't slut shame her....or put her down! Guess what ...who was sleeping with me so early...him! Why still the double standards? No guy will be that crass(or most won't anyway), so to expect that is kinda crazy...Just like no guy will tell you that you looked horrible naked, or whatever...They won't do it... Women who complain that they feel like they got used(that is my guess anyway), need to just take a different approach...If you choose to have sex early on, just realize that some guys will see it as a negative and that's that...Enjoy the sex and consider it a life experience... I really don't understand why women who feel negatively when this happens dont just hold out in the future...Ive said it before and Ill say it again...The whole "3 date rule" is complete nonsense as far as the vast majority of guys out there are concerned...If the guy is into you, he will wait....Forever? no of course not, but certainly more than 3 dates or a month.. TFY 2
stillafool Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 We can tell women to wait to have sex but the truth is women are horny too and that is why they have sex early. They need to lower their expectations of what is going to happen after sex. They expect a lot of communication even though the man has made it clear he wants it casual. Women lie to themselves and say they don't want anything serious when in fact they do. They want to be pursued for a relationship. I say ladies if you have sex early with a man enjoy it and then forget about it unless he is pursuing you for more. Also for some reason people are afraid to open their mouth and say what they want and people aren't mind readers. 2
kendahke Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 I was talking this guy for three months prior to our two dates. That's why spending months talking/emailing/texting and not meeting in person is not wise because you are investing in an artificial construct of who you want him to be, not who he actually is. All of this was going on on a cell phone, not in person. You both built each other up to be something that neither you two actually were. 2
kendahke Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Women lie to themselves and say they don't want anything serious when in fact they do. They want to be pursued for a relationship. Exactly. Instead of saying what you think that guy wants to hear in order to keep him around while smothering your own voice and wants, own your voice, speak up and if it scares him off, boy bye. You don't need that energy in your life--it won't serve you well at all.
thatgirl10000 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Hmmm, maybe the guy is actually insecure about his, uh, “thing?” Seems to me that it’s a strange excuse to give when he could come up with other excuses that don’t have anything to do with his package.
stillafool Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 A woman sleeps with you because she feels secure and confident ...early or not don't slut shame her....or put her down! How did he slut shame you?
Highndry Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 A woman sleeps with you because she feels secure and confident ...early or not don't slut shame her....or put her down! Guess what ...who was sleeping with me so early...him! Why still the double standards? Because it's reality. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you will be able to land a man who's interested in more than sex. The truth is that men want a woman who they're not only attracted to, but who they trust won't be banging another guy at the drop of a hat. A woman who gets naked and bangs a guy on the first or second date does not scream quality to men who are looking for something lasting. Accept it or don't, but you're not going to change it. 2
some_username1 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Because it's reality. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you will be able to land a man who's interested in more than sex. The truth is that men want a woman who they're not only attracted to, but who they trust won't be banging another guy at the drop of a hat. A woman who gets naked and bangs a guy on the first or second date does not scream quality to men who are looking for something lasting. Accept it or don't, but you're not going to change it. Yep, there are lots of double standards in dating- if I don't buy a woman a meal I'm cheap. Is that fair? No! Does society enough to challenge such judgement? No! It's the same with women who have sex early doors. You will never over come the judgement because it simply makes a lot of sense, when given the choice, for a man to put greater emphasis on a woman who appears selective about who she sleeps with. 'Appears' is the key word because of course that is not to say that a woman who has sex early is not selective on other occasions etc. But you have to see it from a man's point of view- we get told 'I don't usually do this' all the time. Are you all telling the truth? Most likely not. Are even 50% of you? The only way we can make an educated guess at a woman's propriety (if we value propriety of course) is by how much effort it took to have sex with us. The appropriate response for women is to not care what people think and if you want to have sex have it and embrace your choices without resorting to lines like "I don't usually do this". Same as if I don't want to pay for a meal I won't and women can call me what they like- it won't bother me because I own my choices. There is no right or wrong here, it certainly isn't wrong for a man to choose not to date a woman for having sex early. It's a compatibility choice just as women filter for height, resources etc. Yes it's not fair but then dating itself is not fair. All of us will get judged on something about us. That's just the way it is, unfortunately. 2
spiderowl Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Alas I think he's a double standard guy. Since you had early sex with him, he has now concluded that you have low virtue. Yes, some guys do have double standards though would probably never admit to it. I think you should not find time for him if he does get in touch. Do not contact him at all. If he thinks you are going to take the initiative, he won't bother. Be much too busy for him and get on with your life. If he comes back and tries to chat, limit him - after all, he limited you! Let him miss you and if he doesn't miss you, why would you want to bother with him? He's not worth it.
Author Love2015 Posted March 6, 2019 Author Posted March 6, 2019 Hmmm, maybe the guy is actually insecure about his, uh, “thing?” Seems to me that it’s a strange excuse to give when he could come up with other excuses that don’t have anything to do with his package. I understand and I agree but I have assured him I enjoyed it and that we can learn more what each likes yet he now has proceeded to not respond. I wished him well and told him not cool. Can anyone give pointers on how to overcome dissapointment? Well sleeping on second date or 10th ..if he is not into me ...he is not.
kendahke Posted March 6, 2019 Posted March 6, 2019 Can anyone give pointers on how to overcome dissapointment? Well sleeping on second date or 10th ..if he is not into me ...he is not. Time will sand down the disappointment--don't rush that. It's a learning experience. Just like you can't step out and walk on a freshly broken leg, you've got some healing you need to do and that's why the disappointment is there--to teach you what you can expect by keeping to this path. Keep your expectations in check in the early stages. Live in the now, not in the future. Don't talk or make plans about the future--keep everything in the present.
manfrombelow2 Posted March 9, 2019 Posted March 9, 2019 Beautifully said, Smackie9. Note: I tell people this all the time, sex is not currency to buy you a relationship. If sex happens just simply enjoy it and be glad you got some. 1
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