Author dprelz Posted September 23, 2005 Author Share Posted September 23, 2005 i just saw a poem on there of how she loves him and they had sex i swear to god this is the worst feeling anybody could ever have i seriously feel like taking a car and driving to some country and dying i cant believe this is happening Link to post Share on other sites
Hotdiggitydammit Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 Hang in there man. I know how it feels but soon I will be gone too and be a distant memory. Im glad she was able to leave bc there is no dispair. I only have to look forward and I will keep traveling with grace. Link to post Share on other sites
emotionsmessmeup Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 let it go.. its very painful.. i know.... i have had nervous breakdowns.... he would verbally abuse me by telling me how amazing her body is and that i am fat.... but u know what...he is blind in love...and then someone on LS once told me...forgive him...for love doesnt see any reasons.... years down the road you will look back and laugh..i promise... u will tell yourself..omg what was i thinking going crazy abt this woman... time heals the deepest wounds Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted September 24, 2005 Share Posted September 24, 2005 dprelz, that must have really hurt to read that. Please don't let it get you down. Nothing she's doing now discounts anything that happened between the two of you in the past and none of it says anything about you as a person. Please don't read her online journals and things anymore. I know it's hard not to, but I don't want you to have to feel this way. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author dprelz Posted October 2, 2005 Author Share Posted October 2, 2005 well here is kind of an update of sorts.. since my last post I have started to talk to her daily and became her friend again.. she left that guy and he was a stalker of sorts and kept contacting her and she was scared, it turns out he really liked her and thought they were going to have a serious relationship. so in essence she has managed to hurt two people in the process of leaving me I guess the reason i stopped NC is because I thought I could be the bigger person by continuing to salvage a friendship and for the slim chance we would reconcile. she has made it very clear to me about how she feels and i know the chances of her coming back are slim to none at this time. ive found out a lot of answers i didn't before about the real reasons she left (even though i figured most of them out myself). it seems like she is searching for something more.. something that is possibly not even out there(that she claims is out there) and that she doesn't want her decision to be a multiple choice decision from her current options, but rather like a fill in the blank to find what she really wants in life. she basically said that her love faded for the latter part of our relationship and the spark was gone. My response was simply that there were times where I wanted to give up, and 3 years is a long time. In long term relationships you have to work through the problems and kind of have some blind-faith that eventually you will be happy.. there are rough patches. I still love her to death and miss her daily, and she knows that.. I guess I just want some opinions from girls to understand where she is coming from. My view on it is that there is no true happiness and no true love and the only thing you should ask for in a relationship is someone who you can truly trust and who understands you, that will do anything for you and sacrifice themselves at times to make you happy. Is it right for her to be waiting for something that possibly doesn't exist? Is it wrong for me to continue to be friends with her, even when I know she is not coming back? How the hell can I move onto another relationship if I’m always going to feel like i deserve a second chance at this one! Link to post Share on other sites
Rocko Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 You gotta learn to have a little faith in fate. The only guarantee is that in the end, you will be happy. With who, only time will tell. Don't be her friend until you are completely over what you had. The past is the past, it is dead. Man up and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 2, 2005 Share Posted October 2, 2005 You don't deserve anything you don't already have. Treat her nice all you want... doesn't mean you'll get her back. You resumed contact for all the wrong reasons. Until you know for sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she does indeed want you back, stay away. Right now you're just hurting yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Zetter Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 Dprelz, your situation is almost identical to mine, except that I'm actually married. She moved out and moved on within days of leaving the apartment. She was honest with me and told me that she wanted to move out months before, and I always managed to stop her. The last time I gave in. She began hanging out with our mutual friend and became involved with this douche, and was honest in telling me when she did. She doesn't consider it cheating since we are separated, even though we are still married. We won't see eye to eye on this one. Now she's moving down the street from him. Imagine the pain I'm feeling. Friday she sent me a message that let me know it wasn't totally my fault that we were getting a divorce (gee, thanks), and that she believes the pill was making her react irrationally and angrily towards the littlest things I did. I read that as "oh, she wants to give it another chance possibly and understands that what we had wasn't that bad but maybe problems were magnified by her mental state." So I did the thing any desperate husband would do, i called her. She let me konw that she was confused, etc. and that maybe too much has happened to get back together. I sent her an email then telling her to remind me to tell her about my night last night. the next sentence said that I didn't want to tell her, but I needed to. And then I wrote that I loved her. The last two sentences were supposed to go together, and she thought the first two (in other words, she thought I was with another woman, even though she's essentially sleeping with someone else). She freaks out, calls me all night, and when I talk to her I explain that I just meant to tell her I had a dream about her, and that I loved her. She calmed down. We agreed to watch football together on Sunday, hang out, etc. I'm thinking we are on the road to getting back together. Sunday comes, I write her an email tellng her everything I'm feeling, and ask her to come over. She calls and tells me that I misunderstood - she still wants a divorce and has too much to do. But we could talk later in the week if I wanted to. I was friggin' duped. I think she wanted to keep me on the line, just to be there for her, but turns to the OM for whatever she needs. I'm done with this. We are filing in 3 weeks, and I'm moving on. It sucks every day. I'm lonely, can't sleep, can't eat, depressed, not quite suicidal, but not stable either. I can't stop crying, etc. But I know this too shall pass. I'm in the same boat as you...how can a woman after three years of marriage turn to someone else after a couple of days (and tell you that it's your fault, you pushed her away?) I too feel like I'm a really good person, tried very hard to give her everything I thought she needed. I don't deserve this ****. And neither do you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dprelz Posted October 3, 2005 Author Share Posted October 3, 2005 man honestly i don't know, i don't think we will ever be able to fully understand either because women just think differently. I haven't had a decent sleep in 2 months and I still think about her constantly. I would trade in my entire life's possessions for another chance with her.. To me it isnt fair, I would do absolutely anything for this girl and somehow that isn't good enough, she wants something more.. something she can't explain.. something that may not even exist. I understand it takes time, and I understand I am not the only guy in history to ever love a girl and have her leave. But for some reason I find it so hard to just let go and accept it. It seems like no matter what words she tells me or how her actions speak, I will always think she is coming back. It's just not fair, I feel so robbed and cheated out of happines. All I see when i go out are these couples with children and they are happy and they do all the things I did with her and It absolutely ****ing kills me. I literally feel like I am slowly dying, every day. I've heard all the advice, all the lines and talked about for hours and hours with anybody who would listen. I don't know what to do anymore:( Link to post Share on other sites
jomaxfury Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 dprelz, The ex left me after a two year relationship, for someone else. After reading some of her journals online it f%$ken felt like, she shot me in the stomach at point blank. Thats why I been having such a bad time during this past week. After going strong for almost two months with NC. It kind of set me back. So I did kind of break the NC by looking at her online journals, eventhough I did not have any physical communication with her in anyway, but having acess to her stuff, it is breaking NC. Thats why I feel so hurt right now. Also my birthday is coming up in about two weeks, to tell you the truth I hope she doesn't call, and I don't expect her call anyways, knowing how stubborn she is, she won't call anyways. Keep the NC, is the only way to get through your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 I've heard all the advice, all the lines and talked about for hours and hours with anybody who would listen. I don't know what to do anymore:( How about getting on with your life? Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 How about getting on with your life? He's right. Don't be bitter or heartbroken, but move on. The first thing to understand is that your ex basically put a gun up to your heart and was willing to pull the trigger, aka russian roulette, by her actions after the breakup. That is a character flaw and she didn't care anymore if it hurt you or not. Even if she did care about you at one point, she doesn't anymore. Her actions are about making herself feel better by being a good person to be friends with you. Don't be confused. It's simple, if she wanted you back, she would show up at your door and want to have sex with you, to get you back. It's that clear to understand. Move on and don't talk with her again. Link to post Share on other sites
meltwithme Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 well here is kind of an update of sorts.. since my last post I have started to talk to her daily and became her friend again.. Did she call you or did you call her? I'm going through some of the same right now and am just trying to understand it all. Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 let it go.. its very painful.. time heals the deepest wounds Yes its painnful but time DOES NOT! heal all wounds especially a broken heart.If you break your arm you don't say time will heal all wounds so with a broken heart if you do not treat it like a physical wound you will still have issues deep down that went un-resolved.You need to go through the stages of grief and you need to look at your past and eventually forgive the person who caused all this pain plus you might have un-resolved issues from a past relationship that effects every relationship you will have and you won't know it.It really is worth researching because time will make you forget and feel better but it doesn't get rid of un-resolved issues it just bury's them deep down. Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 I am going through the same thing my wife left me out of ther blue while we were trying to have a baby.She started dating some guy 2 weeks after she ended things and treated me like absolute garbage a total stranger I still am wondering where my wife went and who this evil clone is that I had to deal with .Its been 1 month since I moved out and I feel at times I am going crazy and all the other stuff that goes with having someone rip your heart in a million peices.You just have to move on and deal with the issues and eventually forgive your ex, its hard now but it's the healthiest way to start a new relationship with somebody else.You need to eliminate all the emotional baggage that is festering inside you right now, like my earlier post says find out, but don't take the attitude time heals all wound because it just isn't true.A couple great books to understand this is "how to heal a broken heart" and "The grief recovery handbook"Worth checking out.Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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