PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Hello everyone, I am new to the forum, but I wanted to ask some questions before I put myself out there and risk making things awkward at work. I figured out a way to feel out a girl at work that I think may like me so here is the story. On valentines day, my coworker randomly comes over to me and asks me if I am single or have a valentine to which I replied, No I am single. Then she tells me that she is single as well. Im not sure if she was hinting at me that she likes me because as far as I can tell (not at the time unfortunately) girls dont normally ask a guy if he is single and then tell the guy she is single for no reason. I then proceed to tell her that I am happy being single and that relationships make things far to complicated. (I think I essentially rejected her if in fact she does like me and was hinting at me) After that conversation she doesnt show me any hints that she likes me or atleast not any that I am picking up on when I work with her and she isnt asking me questions about my life outside of work. The texts we share and the conversations after words have all been strictly work related. She does atleast somewhat seem to care about me though because she is trying to help get me ahead in the company. Anyways, I mainly said what I said because I was scared of being rejected and/or fired. So my questions are, does a girl telling you she is single mean she likes you? I would figure if anything they would want you to think they are taken so you dont hit on them if they dont like you in that way. My other question is, if she does in fact like me, is there any way to fix this if I am right and I rejected her? I know what I want and I defintly want her and not just for a fling. I am at the age that I really want to take things slow and get to know her. I just dont want to screw myself and set myself back on my career goals. This job is just temporary until I get my degree so its really just a job to pay the bills in the meantime and get through school. I would really appreciate some female opinions on the subject. Thanks guys!
smackie9 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 (edited) You blew it. She totally put it out there and you rejected her pretty harshly. Even if you try to smooth things over, she will never trust your intentions. I say that because that is exactly how I would feel if I got a response like that. Next time this happens...have some confidence and ask them to go out for a drink...ON THE SPOT. Edited March 4, 2019 by smackie9
Interstellar Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 What’s your phone number? that’s what you should’ve said. 1
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 She is my new boss. I figured I would bring up the fact that I found out 2 co-workers I am constantly covering for are dating and I thought company policy forbid co-workers from dating. Then ask her the company policy which is actually that managers like she is are forbidden to date coworkers they manage. I figured if she says coworkers can date I would keep going. That's why I put a front on that I'm not interested in anyone at work and don't flirt back but have my eyes on someone (hinting at her). If she's curious and asks who I would come clean and ask her out. If she doesn't care then move on. Like I said, she is trying to promote me to a much better position. Something in me says to drop this and let things happen natural over the next few months just having casual conversation but I would really like to know if I'm wasting my time and should just act platonic with her and move on. Honestly I would have quit this job 2 weeks ago but I'm really in to her and feel I have no chance if I quit.
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 What’s your phone number? that’s what you should’ve said. I have her number already because she's the store manager and gave it to all of us. I text her but only about work related stuff.
Tommy85 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Don't ask her out until your last day of work there. That way if she rejects you it doesn't matter since you won't see her again anyway.
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 She is the new store manager. I know for a fact she must know the company dating policy because its in the employee handbook, but I figured I could play stupid and try and see if she likes me. She seems impressed with how I work and wants to promote me. I have been covering shifts at our store and even went to a different store to cover a shift. Anyways, I figured I would say something like, "So I figured out why I am covering so many shifts for the 2 other cashiers, they are dating. I could have sworn I read somewhere that company policy prohibited coworkers from dating." If she says no, coworkers can date I would keep going. If she states the actual policy which is that management like her cant date cashiers like me because they manage them I would drop it. So if she simply says coworkers can date, explain that I thought all coworkers were prohibited from dating due to sexual harassment claims and that is why I put up a front like I am not interested in dating anybody and do not flirt back, but I do have my eyes on someone. If she is curious enough to ask me who it is, I would tell her its her and ask her out. This was my plan atleast until you guys are saying I blew it. Now I am thinking I should stay platonic and just ask her questions about her life outside of work like what her goals are, does she have kids, what does she do on her free time, ect and get to know her and see where it goes from there. What do you guys think?
Grey40 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 She is the new store manager. I know for a fact she must know the company dating policy because its in the employee handbook, but I figured I could play stupid and try and see if she likes me. She seems impressed with how I work and wants to promote me. I have been covering shifts at our store and even went to a different store to cover a shift. Anyways, I figured I would say something like, "So I figured out why I am covering so many shifts for the 2 other cashiers, they are dating. I could have sworn I read somewhere that company policy prohibited coworkers from dating." If she says no, coworkers can date I would keep going. If she states the actual policy which is that management like her cant date cashiers like me because they manage them I would drop it. So if she simply says coworkers can date, explain that I thought all coworkers were prohibited from dating due to sexual harassment claims and that is why I put up a front like I am not interested in dating anybody and do not flirt back, but I do have my eyes on someone. If she is curious enough to ask me who it is, I would tell her its her and ask her out. This was my plan atleast until you guys are saying I blew it. Now I am thinking I should stay platonic and just ask her questions about her life outside of work like what her goals are, does she have kids, what does she do on her free time, ect and get to know her and see where it goes from there. What do you guys think? I think that's stupid. It's a company policy and therefore unless you want to get fired, don't bother. Dating your boss sounds like one of the worst ideas ever, and I doubt that it ever works out very often. You shouldn't have a crazy elaborate plan hashed out--way too much analyzing and thought. If it's def against company policy don't bother. If it's not against the policy, just ask her out, no need to do anything else.
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 (edited) I think that's stupid. It's a company policy and therefore unless you want to get fired, don't bother. Dating your boss sounds like one of the worst ideas ever, and I doubt that it ever works out very often. You shouldn't have a crazy elaborate plan hashed out--way too much analyzing and thought. If it's def against company policy don't bother. If it's not against the policy, just ask her out, no need to do anything else. I just feel like if I explain myself to her maybe she might give me a 2nd chance if I am right and I really did in fact reject her. I really wasn't trying to reject her. I was simply trying to show her that I am confident in myself and was trying to be a challenge for her. I thought women wanted the guy they cant have more than the guy that will jump out of the gate flirting and being manipulated easily by them. I haven't dated in so long I really have no clue what I am doing or even what cues to look out for from a girl that likes me. Besides, even if I got fired I could get another job tomorrow. I guess you would still say to leave it alone because I am essentially playing with fire. However, if she knows what the company policy is and was willing to risk it by putting herself out there to me I am not so sure I would be the one that got fired. She is the one that should have known better. I mainly just want to know if I am wasting my time, in which case I can quit whenever I want or if she likes me I can stick around and let it progress slowly over time. I actually hate the job with a passion, but I am trying to show her I am a hard worker and such. Edited March 4, 2019 by PsXtreme
Grey40 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 I just feel like if I explain myself to her maybe she might give me a 2nd chance if I am right and I really did in fact reject her. I really wasn't trying to reject her. I was simply trying to show her that I am confident in myself. I haven't dated in so long I really have no clue what I am doing or even what cues to look out for from a girl that likes me. Besides, even if I got fired I could get another job tomorrow. I guess you would still say to leave it alone because I am essentially playing with fire. However, if she knows what the company policy is and was willing to risk it by putting herself out there to me I am not so sure I would be the one that got fired. She is the one that should have known better. I mainly just want to know if I am wasting my time, in which case I can quit whenever I want or if she likes me I can stick around and let it progress slowly over time. I actually hate the job with a passion, but I am trying to show her I am a hard worker and such. Women unfortunately don't give second chances very often unless you've connected with them emotionally for a while (like dated them seriously for months or years). IN your case, she's already made up her mind and moved on and that's it. Telling her that is only going to make it worse. Let me break it down for you: "Then she tells me that she is single as well. Im not sure if she was hinting at me that she likes me because as far as I can tell" ------This is one of the biggest hints/clues a woman could ever give you to show that she's interested. She's literally telling you "I'm single and available" to your face. "I then proceed to tell her that I am happy being single and that relationships make things far to complicated. (I think I essentially rejected her if in fact she does like me and was hinting at me"-------Why did you do that? She wasn't asking to be in a serious relationship with you or that you two should get married...she's literally seeing if you're interested as well. Saying "I'm happy being single" is basically saying "Screw you, I'm not interested" to her. Next time don't jump ahead of yourself. If you're interested just be more direct and show it.
smackie9 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Asking someone if they are single in a work situation can just mean nothing, like it's a regular conversation. I ask things like that just to get to know about someone. It was probably something random and no hint of anything was intended.
Grey40 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Asking someone if they are single in a work situation can just mean nothing, like it's a regular conversation. I ask things like that just to get to know about someone. It was probably something random and no hint of anything was intended. Do you really? I doubt it. The way he explained it wasn't like it was a general friendly comment. It was on Valentines Day..she asked " Are you single, do you have a valentine?" he said, "No I'm single"..she said "Oh, I'm single too." I just don't see that as a platonic type of thing. No girl has ever asked me that in my life and weren't interested. Doesn't mean she would act on it or agree to a date...but she was fishing because she's at some level attracted and wants to know if she has a shot.
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 Ok, I got the message. I still feel like I should explain myself to her though. Except after I tell her about the 2 coworkers dating and that I thought the policy was no co-workers can date and I get her to explain the policy to me I could be like, Well ****, atleast I know this now. Then just simply leave it alone and if she tries again I will know to ask her out. If she never does then she never does, but honestly with work policies being the way they are with sexual harassment and the metoo movement, you cant blame a guy from being scared to date a co-worker or any female in general. Guys can literally lose everything in a flash. I have plenty of time to make up my mind on what I want to do because we doing actually work together until next week. Hell, I may end up saying **** it and just quit since you've kinda shattered my hope of getting a 2nd chance. Its ashame too because shes got a great personality.
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 Honestly, all of the single girls that have worked with me have asked me if I am single. I even had one that kept finding excuses to hang around my register, but I defiantly wasn't interested in her because I felt like that was clingy behavior. She would neglect her job just to be around me and that was a huge turn off to me. This store manager actually gives a **** about her job and will go do it while I do mine.
Grey40 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Ok, I got the message. I still feel like I should explain myself to her though. Except after I tell her about the 2 coworkers dating and that I thought the policy was no co-workers can date and I get her to explain the policy to me I could be like, Well ****, atleast I know this now. Then just simply leave it alone and if she tries again I will know to ask her out. If she never does then she never does, but honestly with work policies being the way they are with sexual harassment and the metoo movement, you cant blame a guy from being scared to date a co-worker or any female in general. Guys can literally lose everything in a flash. I have plenty of time to make up my mind on what I want to do because we doing actually work together until next week. Hell, I may end up saying **** it and just quit since you've kinda shattered my hope of getting a 2nd chance. Its ashame too because shes got a great personality. I don't mean to shatter your hope, but it's just hard to get the girl interested again when you totally straight up rejected her to her face. Your "plan" is basically to beat around the bush and bring up some other couple going against the rules hoping that it can create a moment for you to tell her that you messed up. Not only is it messed up to rat out fellow employees, but it's also just being weak. There's no need to make an excuse and try to make amends it's going to come off really awkward. Plus, she might not even remember or be thinking about you like that at all. Here's what I would do in your situation. Just ask her out. Don't bring up the past or the previous conversation, don't bring up the policy, the rules, other people or anything. Just say, "hey, what are you up to after work tonight? Want to grab some drinks at X".
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 To be clear, I am not ratting out the other employee's. Neither are management so its ok for them to date and pretty much everyone knew except me it seems like. I was just going to use it as a way to explain myself to her. This way she will think I was "rejecting" her due to company policy, didnt want to get into trouble, and actually do want to date. This way maybe some day she will open up to me again and show interest me me beyond work stuff. I figure if its meant to be it will be. If not, I dont need to use her as an excuse anymore to keep that ****ty job. I am really freaked out to just bluntly ask her out because next thing I know I could get accused of sexual harrassment so I really need to see some beyond obvious signs before I ask anyone out. Thats why I am trying to "beat around the bush" as you say.
Grey40 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 To be clear, I am not ratting out the other employee's. Neither are management so its ok for them to date and pretty much everyone knew except me it seems like. I was just going to use it as a way to explain myself to her. This way she will think I was "rejecting" her due to company policy, didnt want to get into trouble, and actually do want to date. This way maybe some day she will open up to me again and show interest me me beyond work stuff. I figure if its meant to be it will be. If not, I dont need to use her as an excuse anymore to keep that ****ty job. I am really freaked out to just bluntly ask her out because next thing I know I could get accused of sexual harrassment so I really need to see some beyond obvious signs before I ask anyone out. Thats why I am trying to "beat around the bush" as you say. I know what you're trying to do, but it's really silly. She's not going to realize "OH, that's why he didn't want to date!" she's not going to think that at all, you're probably just going to confuse the hell out of her and weird her out because you're not being direct and honest. Women can sense when you're not being forthcoming. You can't get accused of sexual harrassment by asking a girl out. There's nothing wrong with that. It's only harrassment if you keep trying after she says no, or try to touch her or make unwanted sexual advances. There's nothing wrong with being blunt and just throwing it out there that you want to go out. There's 100% nothing illegal about it. (unless it's against company policy, which in that case she'll tell you that right on the spot).
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 Good to know, but also what if she rejects me? I think it would be awkward to work with a manager I asked out and got rejected by. She may treat me completely different like not give me the promotion she promised me and funny thing, she asked me if I wanted the promotion after we closed the store on valentines day and I had "rejected" her.
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 Now I am starting to think maybe that was a test to see if I would be like every other guy that probably constantly hits on her on a daily basis and when I basically said I wasn't interested I passed the test and she asked me if I wanted the higher position. Had I hit on her maybe she would have never asked me if I wanted the other position.
Grey40 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Good to know, but also what if she rejects me? I think it would be awkward to work with a manager I asked out and got rejected by. She may treat me completely different like not give me the promotion she promised me and funny thing, she asked me if I wanted the promotion after we closed the store on valentines day and I had "rejected" her. Well this is why I suggested to not bother trying to date people you work with, it's very difficult and can be awkward when things don't work out. That's the risk you take. However, I don't think it'll be awkward man, nor do I think she'll start treating you differently. Just be cool and casual about it, and if she says she can't and comes up with an excuse or something just say, "alright no problem, have a good night" and then move on. It'll be fine. She's not going to say "I don't want to date you." her rejection will be something like, "Oh, I can't tonight I have to feed my cats and stuff" or some BS excuse like that.
desperatelyseeking Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 She is my new boss. I figured I would bring up the fact that I found out 2 co-workers I am constantly covering for are dating and I thought company policy forbid co-workers from dating. Then ask her the company policy which is actually that managers like she is are forbidden to date coworkers they manage. I figured if she says coworkers can date I would keep going. That's why I put a front on that I'm not interested in anyone at work and don't flirt back but have my eyes on someone (hinting at her). If she's curious and asks who I would come clean and ask her out. If she doesn't care then move on. Like I said, she is trying to promote me to a much better position. Something in me says to drop this and let things happen natural over the next few months just having casual conversation but I would really like to know if I'm wasting my time and should just act platonic with her and move on. Honestly I would have quit this job 2 weeks ago but I'm really in to her and feel I have no chance if I quit. Hi, I literally was in the position of the girl you asked out in work. I asked my co worker out for a drink I would place money on the fact that he fancied me due to his smile, secretive one to ones in the canteen and then chilled when someone walks in...anyway Why on Earth did you reply the way you did?? Obviously she was asking you out!lol
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 Yeah, it would be nice if I could get some more opinions, but I think thats what I will do. I'll just be casual after I get the promotion and ask her out for drinks or maybe a bite to eat and if she says no, just be like ok its cool and move on. Atleast if I ask her out she will know I am interested and the ball will be in her court at that point.
Marc878 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 If you are affraid of rejection then you'll never date. It's part of the process. Think nothing of it because no one else will and all you're doing is holding yourself back.
Grey40 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Yeah, it would be nice if I could get some more opinions, but I think thats what I will do. I'll just be casual after I get the promotion and ask her out for drinks or maybe a bite to eat and if she says no, just be like ok its cool and move on. Atleast if I ask her out she will know I am interested and the ball will be in her court at that point. Bingo. Exactly man. Now you're thinking with the right attitude. Some girls actually initially reject you on purpose and then end up chasing after you when you just let it go, because they're used to guys trying really hard. So either way it works in your favor.
Author PsXtreme Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 In the meantime until I get promoted, what would you guys suggest I do to convey that I like the girl. I dont want her to lose interest in me and then when I ask her out she politely says no because she is no longer interested. In a way, I think she may have already lost interest in me because like I said in my original post, she isnt showing me any signs she likes me and she isnt asking me about my life outside of work. I was thinking about maybe making small talk with her when we work together where I ask her about her life outside of work so I can get to know her a bit more but I dont want to come on too strong.
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