In Sync Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 After going through what was an emotional gut wrenching break-up, and facing the fact that I will never be with the guy I wanted cried over and ached for...I have started to see that maybe all this heartache may have been an extreme way of denying how much I would go through in order not to be ALONE. The fear of loneliness will make heartache ever more unbearable. That we think that we are fighting to keep the person we love when in fact we are terrified of simply going at it alone. Whereas some may cover that fear with drinking and drugs to dull the pain, maybe heartache and endless agonizing is a form of dulling the pain of loneliness that we'd rather spend hours hanging on and dissecting every comment an ex makes than to say to ourselves Guess what they have moved on from us... I read that the fear of loneliness is almost equal to death..and that can explain why when those who we put so much of our heart into leaves us, it leaves us feeling completely unbearable. So was I in love?...I think so, but at some point the agonizing endlessly was sort of covering up my pain of wanting desparately to avoid be on my own.
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