Insertname Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 Hi all, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years in July, we live together and we have two dogs. Lately I’ve been wondering if these feelings I keep feeling are just because we’ve been fighting of if it’s actually me thinking I should move on? We have a lot of trust issues that stem from the first year or so of our relationship, he would go out and drink a lot and do coke and I caught him messaging s girl on Instagram one late night. The person I thought I knew never would have done that so to say it rocked me to my core is an understatement. He definitely did a lot to re-prove himself after that up until now but once in a while he will go out and stay out late maybe twice a month. Is it normal to feel like this when you’re working through issues? Deep down I’ve wanted to marry him but when we argue about this stuff or he does it once in a while, I question it. Also should I lay off him if he’s been doing better? He jus did some questionable things a few weeks ago but compared to it being every weekend before, it has improved. Feeling unsure and lost
Garcon1986 Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 Welcome to LS! The messaging girls is questionable after 2 years of dating, but doing cocaine? That ranks amongst the most horrible things you can do to yourself. Why does he feel the need to do coke? Why do you put up with an illicit drug consumer in your household? You can get in big trouble if you are caught with his coke, like life ruining degree of trouble. Do you want to live with this risk?
ExpatInItaly Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 What questionable things did he do a few weeks ago?
basil67 Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 It's time to peel it right back to basics: Look at him as the man he is and decide if you can accept him. No nagging, no anger, no concerns about his previous history, accepting his current choices, no trying to change him. It's about accepting him for who he is. Can you do this and still be happy? Thing is, while the two of you are fighting because you can't accept him for who he is and what he does, then future predictions will be dire. 1
FMW Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 I think it's probably your instincts making you have doubts. I think you should always pay attention to your instincts. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 You ignored red flags in the beginning: substance abuse, going out all the time & contacting other women. You say he re-proved himself & now you live with him. But you are fighting & he's back to doing questionable things. You ask if that is normal. No it's not. Constant bickering & 1 person doing questionable things is not healthy. It doesn't matter that the latest bad stuff is less bad then the original bad stuff. It's still a problem. I lived with an EX for almost 10 years. I never felt particularly secure in part because he always said he "didn't believe in marriage." I often wondered if this was the year when he'd leave me. It chipped away at my soul. I have now been married for over 10 years. My husband is such a good guy. I have absolutely no doubt he'd take a bullet for me. We don't fight. Even when we disagree it's not something that even touches the core of our connection & commitment to each other. The trust is rock solid. If you are on edge something is telling you this relationship is not right. Listen to that voice. 4
BaileyB Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 (edited) Indeed, you most definitely ignored big red flags back in the beginning - substance abuse, drug use, and poor boundaries with other women... I would have ended it before it even began... Your intuition is screaming at you not to trust this man. Ignore the warning at your own peril. To answer your question - I don’t fight with my boyfriend. We have been together for three years, we never argue. Edited March 2, 2019 by BaileyB 2
Versacehottie Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 Don't think there is enough information here. But if i was to guess & read between the lines, i think you are settling for what you get from him now because it's not "as bad" as before (which also could just mean that he's hiding it better). And also because you view your time together (2 years), living together, 2 dogs as an investment that you want to pay off (marriage). Sometimes the HARDER thing is the RIGHT thing. What are the fights about and what are the questionable things? 2
preraph Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 Numero Uno, you should STOP thinking about wanting to marry the guy. You don't even know what he's up to or if you can live with it. Chances are he is still partying behind your back, yes. That's how people do. Your choice is give him another year and see if you feel he's settled in or if it just falls apart - and I believe it will do one or the other. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted March 3, 2019 Posted March 3, 2019 Doubts are normal in every relationship. This is my personal experience w/doubts and relationships. Although I cared for my ex, the same doubts would always creep up. They were stuck in my brain no matter how hard I tried to crush them. W/my new partner, there are doubts that come go. No nagging feeling of something being off though.
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