smackie9 Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 Now that this thread has gone onto the pubic opinion pole (probably started from my post), lets ask the OP how are they doing in this matter? Looking for an update now it's been a few days.
mortensorchid Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 It's hard not to be clingy in many situations. But find other things to do with your time (work out, go for a walk, play video games, etc.) You will be okay. Keep a healthy distance between you and others for a variety of reasons.
Ronni_W Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 , is pushing love and caring away, and demanding "space" any less dysfunctional? I couldn't very well list ALL the dysfunctional ways that we try to have happy, mutually supportive and rewarding relationships, while also being able to stay authentic and have inner peace. . But, I don't think that needing 'space' for personal interests, growth-work, self-introspection, meeting needs for the company of others, etc., is necessarily 'dysfunctional' - - for me, it depends on what's driving it. People who are introverted need more 'alone time'; to me, not 'dysfunctional' in and of itself, but it can certainly morph into or get expressed dysfunctionally or in non-constructive ways. For me, 'clinginess' means being overly emotionally dependent (instead of inter-dependent), and, thus, also not being emotionally capable enough to able to provide proper emotional support to others; that's how I've been using the term. 1
Simple Logic Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 (edited) I texted her back and said I’m sorry, hope you feel better and if you change your mind later about seeing let me know. Otherwise it’s no problem. What you should have texted was, “I’m sorry, hope you feel better. If there is anything I can do to help you, let me know”. Edited March 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator edited quote 2
Versacehottie Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 what simple logic said ^^^^ is what you should have said. I do detect some clinginess and anxiety type stuff in your messages with her and the way you are describing the relationship. I also think she has you walking on eggshells. I kind of think both of you are to "blame", which isn't the right word. I think basically that things might be damaged enough at this point where it's point of no return. I think there is probably someone out there better suited for you. I think the way she is dismissive of you and for whatever reason, you are tiptoeing around like worried to send one text if she is your gf, means this is an incompatible situation at this point. Whenever a girl i know complained about a guy being too clingy, it was the beginning of the end. I don't know that you ACTUALLY ARE clingy, but she views you as such due to who she is and that's not good. In the future don't tip-toe around stuff. Majority of girls like the masculine energy of "ok, feel better", no puppy dog stuff. Especially when someone pushes you away. Good luck. 1
preraph Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 being clingy is perspective. i had a girl call me clingy when i only texted her once a week. its all to do whether the girl is into you or not. its that simple. only a girl that isnt into a guy will say she needs space from him. iv seen it and experienced it all before. no one here wants to say the truth amd blame the girl for not being into him. if she was rrally into him she would love the fact her bf wants to see her while she is ill That's not true. I liked this guy and we were dating and never had an argument and sex was fun and all, but I regretted ever letting him start hanging out at my house because if I got up to go get a glass of water, he was hot on my heels. It was like having a toddler holding onto my blouse. He wasn't overly touchy or I'd have broken up even sooner. Wasn't one of those that can't stop touching when you're just sitting around. But man, he just followed me to the bathroom one too many times. I would say, You don't have to follow me, I'm just going to the kitchen and will be right back," but he didn't stop.
preraph Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 On the other hand, is pushing love and caring away, and demanding "space" any less dysfunctional? Emotional unavailability, evasiveness, fear of closeness and commitmentphobic tendencies, self sabotage, poor social skills, etc. "Everyone" seems to side with the opinion that "clinginess" is undesirable but is rejecting love and attention from a romantic partner and labelling them "clingy", any more "normal"? As usual, it's important to maintain balance.
preraph Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 (edited) People who are introverted need more 'alone time'; to me, not 'dysfunctional' in and of itself, but it can certainly morph into or get expressed dysfunctionally or in non-constructive ways. For me, 'clinginess' means being overly emotionally dependent (instead of inter-dependent), and, thus, also not being emotionally capable enough to able to provide proper emotional support to others; that's how I've been using the term. I agree. I'm a very sociable person, but I am also someone who must have more alone time than not. I'm just not relaxed if someone is always around. Edited March 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote edited
Tagalz Posted March 2, 2019 Posted March 2, 2019 But we just talked 2 days ago about how much better I’ve been lately and now I screwed up today. What did you do to screw it up today? I have not been in this situation myself but If I would be myself I would just either leave her alone and DON'T text her at all. Wait 1-2 weeks and see if she replies. If she don't then move on. Other option is to talk to her. Send her a text message and don't think about her replying because she will sure read it. You just have to let her know how you feel about her taking distance. Don't entirely unfriend her but just write "Text me when you feel better I'm off doing my thing" You also have to consider that she is really feeling ill.
Versacehottie Posted March 3, 2019 Posted March 3, 2019 Yeah the fact that the OP considers and perhaps his gf considers an extra text a "screw up" is sad. This is not the way to live or be with your partner. It's not your fault, OP--maybe you are too hard on yourself, overly anxious and possibly some truth to the clinginess but also her reaction to it not healthy or conducive and causes you more anxiety, feeling like you need to be perfect and not an equal to her. It's a vicious circle. I highly doubt it's fixable with the mix of how each of you are. The fact that you are making excuses for her that relate back to her upbringing is sad. She is treating you like sh*t probably for no other real reason than you guys are not right for each other but are together at the moment. Sometimes she enjoys being with you and sometimes she sees you as a nuisance. That's lame. You should break up BEFORE she does it to you and it hurts your confidence even more. This is not how things should be. Good luck
sandylee1 Posted March 3, 2019 Posted March 3, 2019 This relationship isn't going to last. I don't think you guys are compatible in the long run. 1
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