mgth Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 (edited) Hi All, So I met this girl a while back, and about 5 months ago we started to re connect although she lives in a different country. We ended up becoming very close and talking everyday, getting to know each other, and it was very natural. I told her that I found her to be so nice and I really liked here, but that I understand the distance and its too far...and she agreed as that is not what she wanted but that I am really perfect. After talking for so much she said that maybe it was better we talked less and I said no problem, but that ended up not changing as we still ended up messaging almost everyday still anyways. She invited me to come visit her so I went and had no expectations. She said she would visit me too after The weekend was great, we had lots of fun, and we ended up kissing one night but she stopped it and said we cant. I told her what I think of her, and she opened up to me about some personal things. She said she just does not have the same feelings as I do and I said thats ok for me we can still be friends. I said sure no problem I am ok with still being friends. When I left she said she needed some distance, and I said that is okay but I hope we can still be friends and nothings changed-she agreed. Fast forward a couple days when im back home, and I could tell she was just not the same anymore and just didnt want to talk at all. So i asked her upfront whats bothering her. Long story short she told me: we can't be normal friends in the same way anymore because she feels uncomfortable talking to me because we kissed. She said she just can't forget that and doesn't kiss her friends. I said Okay i am OK with being friends if thats what she wants, and it was a mistake then. She continued saying she doesn't regret it but its just not the same anymore. SO we agreed not to talk for a while and let time sort things out. Really Im more sad losing such a good friend, than someone I liked in terms of a relationship-because that was never my priority. SO what I don't get and maybe some of you can give clarity on: if im OK with being friends, and she has no feelings towards me anyways...then whats the problem with that? If she did than that would be different, but she said she doesn't which is cool with me too. But why did she kiss me in the first place? A little confused here Edited March 1, 2019 by mgth
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 She kissed you because she wanted to & she liked it. If you were closer, she probably would date you. She is trying to be logical & not fall for you because she doesn't' want an international LDR. Rationally she recognizes that overcoming the various immigration hurdles make a relationship nearly impossibly & she's trying to avoid getting even more attached to you which will only result in heartbreak. Because you kissed it's also awkward for her. She's being squirrelly because it feels weird to her. Dial it back. Reach out in about a week & just be chatty, but stop with the daily communication. Meanwhile go date a local girl.
kendahke Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 (edited) From what you've written, she's been dialing you back for some time--probably wishing you'd get the hint, when she should have just said before you went to spend time with her that she really wasn't as into this as you were. But why did she kiss me in the first place? Most likely because she was curious as to how you kissed. Edited March 1, 2019 by kendahke
preraph Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 I mean, come on, face reality. This can't go anywhere. And I honestly think she may have thought she'd be romantically into you but isn't. No one knows. We're all just guessing what's in her mind. I think once it got to the point of kissing, she was like, No, this isn't the guy, and we're long distance, so what's the point, and doesn't want to lead you on. Plus, I mean, you're long distance. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache by only dating local. Because it takes too long and too much investment long distance to find out once you meet that no, the chemistry is NOT there. It's a huge waste of time and emotions. No amount of communication can make up for meeting in person and seeing if it works back and forth.
lurker74 Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Really Im more sad losing such a good friend, than someone I liked in terms of a relationship-because that was never my priority. This is what is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. Obviously she was into you enough to kiss you. But your attitude - that it was never a priority and that you're cool with being a friend - caused you to be friendzoned. When she kissed you, she realized that you had gone too deep into the friendzone to come back out and now she'd just assume move on. If you want to be friends with someone, be friends. If you want to be more than friends with a woman, make sure she knows. Everyone - and most women in general - want to be pursued and view men that are willing to just be friends as weaker. Honestly, you'd probably be better off telling her that you're not interested in being her friend. That you think she's hot and that you get along so well with her that the idea of "just" being friends is no longer interesting to you. That you intend to pursue her unless she says otherwise. That MIGHT give you a small chance. But most likely you are friendzoned for good in which case her feelings of awkwardness will make even that bit of real estate untenable.
Author mgth Posted March 5, 2019 Author Posted March 5, 2019 I mean, come on, face reality. This can't go anywhere. And I honestly think she may have thought she'd be romantically into you but isn't. No one knows. We're all just guessing what's in her mind. I think once it got to the point of kissing, she was like, No, this isn't the guy, and we're long distance, so what's the point, and doesn't want to lead you on. Plus, I mean, you're long distance. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache by only dating local. Because it takes too long and too much investment long distance to find out once you meet that no, the chemistry is NOT there. It's a huge waste of time and emotions. No amount of communication can make up for meeting in person and seeing if it works back and forth. Yes, thats a really good point. Thank you. We agreed that we will talk in the future, but for right now to let time do its thing. Do you think I should wait for her to contact me? -and not contact her if/when that day comes?
smackie9 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 Please date other women. No amount of waiting is going to make anything change.
Gretchen12 Posted March 5, 2019 Posted March 5, 2019 When you said you met 5 months ago, was that meeting in person or online? Did you "meet" on a dating site? Was that weekend the first time you met in person? It's easy to get carried away with feelings when you text/talk everyday long distance. It gives the illusion of being in a relationship because that person greets you everyday. You think about the other person and you dream. Then you meet and it's reality. Attraction to words and photos don't always turn into compatibility in person. You will get over this faster than you think.
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