preraph Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 You don't have much invested in this. What I recommend is you stop thinking about him and go have fun with friends or date other people and do not text him unless he contacts you first. Like we mostly all do, you're trying to make sense of something that could be nothing more than he's not into texting rather than he's not at all into you. But again, there's no investment here. Just keep moving and if he reaches out, he reaches out. 1
Author Lagoon1212 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 I mean if your after a fling stay with him if you want something serious end it keep your options open how much do you like him? Again, I liked him a lot at the beginning. I saw myself being in a relationship with him. Him being pushy for sex made me feel disappointed. I even told him to go ahead and date someone else. But he stuck around, told me he wanted to get to know me and that we might work out. He even got frustrated when I mentioned he wanted sex only and said "you know, that is not all I want, and you will see for yourself... now stop it." Anyway, telling me one thing, but constantly trying to get into my pants, made me feel totally worthless and I gave up any hope with him. Even that statement at the beginning "we might work out or we might not" doesnt sound promising. While it totally makes sense, I dont think that a guy who really likes a girl, and sees her as a potential gf would ever say something like that.
Tacticalegg Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 If he is making you feel worthless leave him and don't look back 1
Author Lagoon1212 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 If he is making you feel worthless leave him and don't look back He was making me feel like I was only good to have sex with but nothing else (like a fun date, instead the one that would provide opportunity to have sex). All that made me feel empty inside, and having sex with no feelings involved was relatively easy. Unfortunately, when feelings were gone, sexual chemistry was gone as well (at least for me). If he just ghosted it would be ok, but if he texted just because he felt bad for me... that makes me mad.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 Tip: guys will do or say anything to get laid. I second this....
frus69 Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 (edited) No, he was pretty good (sometimes it does take him few hours to respond but again, he is busy at work). When it comes to dates he was pretty good about it, showing on time, communicating well. The only thing that irked me from the beginning was him stirring ALL our dates towards sex (a bar close to my house, a proposal to come over and bring a bottle of wine, meeting me at a bar, then telling me his knee hurts and if I had ice at home, asking me to come to his place at the end of our date). I turned down all of these, but I also became slightly depressed about the whole situation and less enthusiastic when replying to his texts. Then he pulled away (texting me once in few days), and then I decided this was not going to lead to something serious. I remember telling you in your first thread that he was just trying hard for sex because you always turned him down. So the communication and showing up on dates was just him trying to get laid, not him being genuinely interested. Then after a few attempts he stopped trying because he wasnt getting any. Then you started talking to him again, so he just put in minimum effort to try to get laid again and looks like you had sex with him this time. So yeah it still doesnt change the fact that he only wanted sex and not too interested beyond that. Id say when he first stopping trying he already lost most of the interest. Had you not texted him he wouldnt have contacted you again. But you texted so he was like "yeah why not nothing else going on" but he was just lukewarm. So yeah he definitely only wants sex. Edited February 28, 2019 by frus69 2
Versacehottie Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Ok, I knew that. It is not like I believed him, I looked more at his actions rather than words. My question is about ignoring my text. He reached out, asked me a question. I replied and asked one in return and now it is a radiosilence You know how you said: "whatever happens happens", well this is the other whatever that might have happened. That whatever you were expecting is not what he did. It seems like it has disappointed you. If you truly meant whatever happens happens, you should have no expectations other than going over to his house for that night. Period. It could be the end of story, it could be the beginning of EVERYTHING, it could be anything in between. That's truly whatever happens happens. note: my guess is that he is not changing the pace that you have been talking lately because he doesn't want to overcommit or have you increasing your expectations.
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 1, 2019 Author Posted March 1, 2019 You know how you said: "whatever happens happens", well this is the other whatever that might have happened. That whatever you were expecting is not what he did. It seems like it has disappointed you. If you truly meant whatever happens happens, you should have no expectations other than going over to his house for that night. Period. It could be the end of story, it could be the beginning of EVERYTHING, it could be anything in between. That's truly whatever happens happens. note: my guess is that he is not changing the pace that you have been talking lately because he doesn't want to overcommit or have you increasing your expectations. I am not sure what he wants but he just texted me: "sorry I forgot to reply." I replied: "if you wanted to reply you would" Him: " I forgot but also, I am trying not to rush into anything. If that is not what you are looking for i would understand." Me: At this point I dont care or know. Actually, I am looking for a relationship just not sure if we are a good fit Regarding the text, you asked me a question then when I replied you ignored me. I think it is disrespectful. I guess I am pretty straightforward and honest and expect people to be the same way."
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 1, 2019 Author Posted March 1, 2019 if he wants to take it slow that is ok (personally I think it is a bs and a code for I am not that into you) but ignoring my reply to send me a message... come on... like really
Versacehottie Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 note: my guess is that he is not changing the pace that you have been talking lately because he doesn't want to overcommit or have you increasing your expectations. ^^^ so his reasoning is exactly what i said. Next step you need to admit to yourself that you DO actually have expectations. Ones he doesn't at this time feel like living up to. Idk, telling him off for not texting you back in a timely manner is so NOT "what happens happens". Not being harsh on you for wanting respect and dating life but trying to make you see if this is how you are going to go about it, you are choosing the wrong person. Also what YOU are saying and what you are DOING are two different things. Not quite fair to the other person or to yourself--kinda wasting your own time with this one at this point. Idk, if telling him off when supposedly neither of you wants a relationship (which i don't believe but ok) is exactly showing him that what he was worried about relationship-wise or getting involved with you is exactly what is coming true. Just saying. 2
frus69 Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 (edited) I am not sure what he wants but he just texted me: "sorry I forgot to reply." I replied: "if you wanted to reply you would" Him: " I forgot but also, I am trying not to rush into anything. If that is not what you are looking for i would understand." Me: At this point I dont care or know. Actually, I am looking for a relationship just not sure if we are a good fit Regarding the text, you asked me a question then when I replied you ignored me. I think it is disrespectful. I guess I am pretty straightforward and honest and expect people to be the same way." This guy is a Beta f*ck boy. Alpha men will be straightforward (and most of the time that means "rude") and show/tell you clearly what he wants. If you are hurt then you are hurt, but he will show clearly he doesnt give a damn. The bright side? no mixed signals. Beta f*ck boy is the "nice "guy but still a f*ck boy. He initiates he listens he engages he makes you think something real is going on. Whenever he disappoints he will say something that makes you feel" oh that actually makes sense. Im being dramatic then" (In your case, he made you believe he just wants to take thing slow) But in the end you will realize he is still a f*ck boy and you are wasting your time. You can stay with him for a year and things will still be the same. I think if you dont want your ego to get hurt this is where you stop..dont reply to him anymore. Dump him. Otherwise you will eventually be dumped and be the one getting ignored again if this drags on. Edited March 1, 2019 by frus69
frus69 Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Also I think there is a difference between "I just want you as a FWB" and "I want a relationship but you cant give it so I settle for your FWB" Now he might very well think you are the second, that's not good. Cut him off for your ego's sake.
chillii Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 (edited) Not more of this beta smeta alpha bs n labels, WTF you don't even know the guy. 7 billion people out there all different , males and females . or they should be if they aren't l feel sorry for them. Op's guy is doing what 100's of others are doing all through posts and 100's of women too , seeing someone they just aren't quite sure about and here seems like they've both been 50 50 for awhile now but 50 50 can come back again and this stuff is hard to find, they're both in the same place , making their mind up. Edited March 1, 2019 by chillii 4
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 1, 2019 Author Posted March 1, 2019 Yuo want to say that he is seriously not sure about me.... Idk, maybe my behaviour scared him away and he is now not sure about me.... but for me... he is really saying "I can keep seeing you, but you are not the one I will commit too = i am dont want to rush into anything." Also, was I rude in my texts to him? For telling him we might not be a good fit. 1
Mrs._December Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Ok, I knew that. It is not like I believed him, I looked more at his actions rather than words. My question is about ignoring my text. He reached out, asked me a question. I replied and asked one in return and now it is a radiosilence Because he doesn't REALLY care how your day went and he doesn't really have the desire to fill you in on his day. If you're such an afterthought that he 'forgot' to reply to you, then that pretty much tells you exactly where you stand with this guy. He was just reaching out - doing the bare minimum - to keep the door open with you since he knows you'll have sex with him with hardly any effort from his end at all. 1
Versacehottie Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Yuo want to say that he is seriously not sure about me.... Idk, maybe my behaviour scared him away and he is now not sure about me.... but for me... he is really saying "I can keep seeing you, but you are not the one I will commit too = i am dont want to rush into anything." Also, was I rude in my texts to him? For telling him we might not be a good fit. I think you've got it above^^^ this is what is likely going on. (i wouldn't make it more complicated than it has to be with beta f-boy business which never heard of and really doesn't make too much sense anyway, sorry frus). I don't think you were "rude". It was something that would be ok to state if you two were dating and had some level of real commitment though it was a bit angry and would put a person on the defense. For two people that aren't dating and have no level of commitment & all this is because he didn't reply in a timely manner and when he finally texted you in general, you did fly off the handle though. It was an overreaction due to your situation being "whatever". I don't think you should apologize. IMO, both the flying off the handle and any attempt to reach out in order to apologize deep down are attempts to get him to "be" what you want him to be: more serious and committed to you than he has shown you so far.
stillafool Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Yuo want to say that he is seriously not sure about me.... Idk, maybe my behaviour scared him away and he is now not sure about me.... but for me... he is really saying "I can keep seeing you, but you are not the one I will commit too = i am dont want to rush into anything." Also, was I rude in my texts to him? For telling him we might not be a good fit. Why are you second guessing yourself? You said what you meant didn't you? He is just not interested in anything more than sex with you. It's obvious. The point is what are you going to do?
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 1, 2019 Author Posted March 1, 2019 Well, I am not interested in a relationship with him either and when I told him “we are not a good fit” I meant I am looking for a relationship but not with him because the way he has been treating me is not what I want in a bf. So, yes, my feelings/chemistry for him is not as strong as it used to be. I am starting to believe that he actually really wanted to get to know me at the beginning (when he texted everyday and stayed in touch while on vacation or suggested we see each other more often). Because once I went cold, he started pulling away (even though we had a date set up at his house that week-meaning guaranteed sex). But maybe I am just being delusional.
edgygirl Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Yes you are being delusional and overthinking and to be honest it doesn’t matter what his intentions initially were. The fact is your ego is bruised so you’re trying to hang on to excuses for him to feel less used and/or not desired. ALL men will SEEM mega interested in the beginning BEFORE they bed you. It’s just the way it goes. It means nothing. Although they might be ultimately looking for a relationship, what matters is how they behave AFTER they do not get sex early on from you, or AFTER they do get sex. His behavior shows clearly he’s not interested in a relationship with you. Do you want a fwb? Or to be a second choice when he’s lonely? I bet you don’t. Stop trying to fit a round peg in a square hole and indirectly “demand” a relationship from him through angry needy texts. It will go nowhere and you will feel pathetic in a few days. Let this guy go. This is going nowhere. Sorry to be blunt but not sure why you’re overthinking this guy. I am starting to believe that he actually really wanted to get to know me at the beginning (when he texted everyday and stayed in touch while on vacation or suggested we see each other more often). Because once I went cold, he started pulling away (even though we had a date set up at his house that week-meaning guaranteed sex). But maybe I am just being delusional.
Tacticalegg Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Tip: guys will do or say anything to get laid. This just isn't true we aren't all monsters there are guys that do this but there aren't really that many of them 2
MaleIntuition Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Hm... in order to balance this thread somewhat, how about entertaining the idea that he is telling the truth? Believe it or or not, some people are absent minded... Another possibility is that he is overdoing his dating-games. It’s also perfectly possible that he is uncertain about his own interest level, which is expected in the early stages of dating, is it not? At this point, it doesn’t sound like you trust him; so perhaps it’s better to move on. For the future though; realise that wanting sex and a relationship aren’t mutual exclusive. 1
MaleIntuition Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 I am starting to believe that he actually really wanted to get to know me at the beginning (when he texted everyday and stayed in touch while on vacation or suggested we see each other more often). Because once I went cold, he started pulling away (even though we had a date set up at his house that week-meaning guaranteed sex). But maybe I am just being delusional. Wait, what? You went cold and act surprised that he was pulling back?
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 1, 2019 Author Posted March 1, 2019 Wait, what? You went cold and act surprised that he was pulling back? Not cold, but he sent me the entire “i had fun, looking forward to checking out that restaurant this week, have a good night” I replied yeah, good night. The next day he texted once, the day after none
preraph Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Again, he doesn't want a relationship or any obligations. He just wants sex and only that if you're not wanting more, but you are, so it's not on. I am not sure what he wants but he just texted me: "sorry I forgot to reply." I replied: "if you wanted to reply you would" Him: " I forgot but also, I am trying not to rush into anything. If that is not what you are looking for i would understand." Me: At this point I dont care or know. Actually, I am looking for a relationship just not sure if we are a good fit Regarding the text, you asked me a question then when I replied you ignored me. I think it is disrespectful. I guess I am pretty straightforward and honest and expect people to be the same way."
Author Lagoon1212 Posted March 1, 2019 Author Posted March 1, 2019 Again, he doesn't want a relationship or any obligations. He just wants sex and only that if you're not wanting more, but you are, so it's not on. I dont want more from him. He is not someone who I would want to be my bf considering the way he treated me. And no, I didnt invest myself...
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